cap19

kier Watson (Brand Manager)

Nickname	Fingers
Batting Music	Brian Auger - Tiger
Best Position	In the Pub / not in a catching area on the pitch
Hair Rating	7/10 - too much grey to get any higher
Which Auf Wiedersehen Pet Character?	---

Batting Stats.	Bowling Stats

Fingers is the last of the group known as the ‘true jedi’, having managed to secure a first XI place during the pioneering inaugural season of the Corinthians, during the summer of 2005. However, this was done rather by default; Watson turned up with a duck caller and a four pack, hoping to slate his future brothers from the safe confines of the ‘school end.’ However, he was drafted in after Darth Moore’s mum rang up Carribean Roy and said she couldn’t play as she had to finish building the front wall before the boys got home. Thus, the legend of Fingers commenced.

His opening contribution was one of pure Jedi intuition – he managed to let an unprecedented number of balls go both under and over him during his time at wide mid on; at one point the cry of ‘I’m not going near that f*ing ball in my flip flops,’ was heard by his fellow Watsonite, M&M. He then very gallantly allowed the Jedi to use his personal duck whistle for the first time, when he collected a memorable golden duck at the crease


	But what of the title ‘Fingers?’ Well, Fingers proved to be an unmitigated disaster zone in the field, so much so that he was brought in to what Captain Taz called a new ‘specialised position’ in the field; a position that no one before or since has been able to wrestle from him; quote Taz,



	circ 2005: Flip Flop Fingers, and his debutant shoes

“Kier. Can you stand next to the bowler and catch the ball when the wicket keeper throws it at you?”

“OK captain. What’s this position called?”

“er…it’s the bowler’s helper position. David Gower used to play there for England.”

“Oh great, was he a good fielder then?”

“Put it like this, you’re a better thrower than him.”

Watson revelled in this much vaunted position, little realising that this role doesn’t actually exist in normal cricketing circles. What has been most pertubing however, is the existence of a hole in the middle of each hand which seems to cutail any attempt at catching by Fingers. As can be seen from the x-ray results below, there is no biological reason why Fingers drops so many balls



An Xray of Fingers hands



	Another Xray taken during the session



		Fingers actual hands

But what glory he has seen in the role: a near shattered shin bone, which resulted in 5 mutley medals alone, and a catch during the Tetney agincourt victory. His only weakness seems to be his lack of catching ability.
Watson brings some other skills to the team. His recent 21 not out suggests a more menacing role as batsman for the coming season; however, his batting stats prior to this suggested that he had listened too intently to Darth Moroe’s pre-season boast that “ there really is only one way to play this game – try and hit it as hard as you can every time; always finish the stroke with bat over head; and always, always, make some kind of noise whilst batting.”
Finger’s true strength however, lies in his aptitude for technology. After years of stealth like porn surfing at work, and a healthy interest in digitally placing his business partner’s head on the bodies of pre teen Russians, sending said phots into russianteens.com, and writng the words “look at me – I’m a freak worth a peek” under all such postings, Fingers has took on the mantle of chief Internet Webmaster, a role held for one season by M&M Watson, his brother, who has since moved on to the more prestigious role of Statistician. Indeed, the Watsons have a distinguished pedigree in computers, having worked together not only on iLobot and iNano, but also collaberatively with Cartman and Darth on ‘Corinthian Jedi – The Movie’

Indeed, just as the Sepoy class traditionally fulfilled the role of soldier in the Anglo-Indian army during the days of the British Empire, so too is it that Watsons are traditionally linked with computer gadgets and micro chips within the Jedi republic.

His ultimate success then? His astonishing record not at the crease, but in the pub. He has notched up around 13 consequtive appearances in Mucky’s during the 2006 season, a record that some observers suggest might never be beaten.