There once was an old man called Horton,
Who had one long leg and a short 'un.
He'd a lump on his tum',
A boil on his bum,
And a fart like a 650 Norton.
**********
"You're not pure." said the bridegroom complaining,
"No virgin could give such a draining.
"You're up and down thrust,
"Could be natural lust,
"But that side-to-side action takes training."
*********
Eee-by-gum,
Can your belly touch your bum?
Can your b*lls hang low?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do you get a funny feeling when you slap 'em on the ceiling?
Eee-by-crike,
Can your mother ride a bike?
With a finger up her r*ng?
With a trumpet up her a*se?
Playing 'God save the King'?
**********
As I awoke this morning,
When all good things were born,
I saw a robin on my sill,
To hail the happy morn.
So sweetly did he warble,
So sweetly did he sing,
My heart was filled with hapiness,
And thoughts ofcoming spring.
Adn so as not to disturb him,
I rising from my bed,
Gently lowered the sash,
And crushed its' f***ing head.
**********
Mary, had a little lamb,
It's a*se it did stink vile,
She got a pin,
And shoved it in,
To pop that f*cking pile.
**********
W*nking on a cycle path,
Left me feeling bad,
A cyclist didn't see me,
And squashed my left gonad.
**********
Georgy-Porgy pudding and pie,
Pulled out his dongler to swat a fly,
He missed, and feeling full of woe,
Tied his nob into a bow.
**********
One day in Dover I kid you not,
They cancelled all the ferries,
I screamed and then I had to stop,
To scratch my dangle-berries.
**********
There was an old woman from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
Within half an hour,
Her t*tis were a-flower,
And het f*nny was covered in weeds.
**********
|
My girlfriend had an accident,
And things were looking dire.
It seems she tried to light her farts,
But set her bum on fire.
The flames shot upwards with such force,
They scorched the bedroom ceiling.
And so she tried it once again,
Because she liked the feeling.
For three whole hours she lit her farts,
Until her "tank" was drained.
Then slumped onto the comfy bed,
With her sphincter strained.
She'd burned holes in her underclothes,
And in her trousers, too.
And in her sequinned party frock,
Before a fancy 'do'.
The upshot of this little rhyme,
If you're the 'Queen of Hearts',
Is not to 'tempt the ultimate,
By trying to light you're farts.
**********
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Her f*nny was minging,
It smelled just like poo,
She dipped it in petrol,
And gave it a kick,
And all she needs now is a twenty-inch wick.
**********
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Blowing out farts with ease,
Down came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And cried out, "Who's cut the cheese?"
**********
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Down came a spider and sat down beside her,
So she bashed it's f*cking head in with the spoon.
**********
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Down came a spider and sat down beside her,
So she turned to it and said, "F*ck me. This Stuff tastes f*ckin' horrid.
Lets f*ckin' go down the f*ckin' chippy."
**********
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Knickers all tattered and torn,
It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her,
But little Boy Blue with his horn.
**********
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How did you get those t*ts?
By ringing bells,
And making smells,
And slapping my beaver to bits.
**********
Jack Sprat was a hairy tw*t,
His wife was really mean,
He couldn't get a decent sh*g,
without some margarine.
**********
A butcher gave me liver,
To stop me feeling blue,
I warmed it by the fire,
And f*cked it like you do.
**********
It was such a smashing time,
The day I sh*gged your granny,
She sat in some hot bacon rind,
And cauterized her f*nny. |
SMUTTY RHYME