www.Giggle-Factory.co.uk

NEWS CLIPPINGS 
 

Some years ago, JR began collecting amusing clippings from various newspapers. Unfortunately, most of his file was lost. But a few pages have been found and we present them below.

They are all genuine, and have been copied as accurately as possible.
Where possible we quote the name of the newspaper and the date of the copy: these are accurate to the best of our knowledge.

What a gas! It's darts 
with f**ts.

Zany entertainer Mickey Methane has invented a new sport... playing darts with his backside.
    Mickey, 26, can fire a steel-tipped airgun dart five meters by breaking wind down a peashooter.
    The former train driver says the game has taken off since he demonstrated it on a Swedish TV show.
    "Sales of peashooters have rocketed," he said. Mickey-Real name Paul Oldfield of Macclesfield, Cheshire, tours the world with his routine.
 
Source unknown.

********

BLOW OFF STEAM

Breaking wind openly more than 15 times per day eases stress, Dutch doctors claim.
 
The Sun, 14.11.1994

Worker is blown out.

Undertakers assistant Angel Castro lost his job after breaking wind at the company chairman for refusing him a wage rise.
    He waited until the end of a funeral in Cartagenta, Spain, then bent over to voice his protest. One colleague said, "It was loud enough to wake the dead.
 
Source unknown.

********

In a recent survey about who they would like to f*** them, only one woman said she wanted to bed Barry Manilow. The poor old girl's never been the same since her dog died.
 
 
 

Daily Sport: Bernard Manning col, 6.9.1993
Scared stiffy

A BLOW-UP doll used as a scarecrow is being ravished by a randy rustic. The busty sex aid, dressed in skirt and jumper by farmer Bert Holbert has been found stripped and abused seven times in the past month.
    At his farm in remote Glock, Co. Mayo, Bert said, "Someone round here is pretty sick-or desparate. The things he's done to it are vile."

********
I'm having a hard time

SEX-MAD Wolfgang Bornfield who needs a w*nk six times a day to ease his permanent erectionis being given treatment in a Munich clinic.
    Wolfgang, 28, whose all-night bonking sessions wore out his girlfriends, has been diagnosed as a sex adict.
 
 
 
 
Both clips; Sunday Sport: 22.8.1993

**********

Here are three acounts taken from The News of the World: according to JR's scribblings they are all dated 12.9.1993:
 
In his column, "Flies on the wall exclusive", reporter, Tim Spanton, looked at rogue workmen and their prices and services. He cited the Carlton TV programme, London Tonight, which was covering repair rip-offs.

TV producer, Henrietta Purbrick, had hired a plumber to carry out some work. But what the plumber didn't know was that there was a spy camera in Ms Purbricks house, watching his every move. On two occasions during his work he was caught relieving himself into the sink. And it was all captured on film to be showed on TV that night. The News of the World showed a photograph - presumabely a still taken from the film - showing the plumber apparently unzipping his fly, with the caption, "FLASH PHOTO: The plumber is ready to burst."

When challenged the plumber tried to explain his actions by saying, as reported by Mr Spanton, "I wasn't sure where it (the toilet) was and I didn't want to disturb the customer."

 
 
Reporter, Nicola Dawson penned a short article entitled, "Work of art for one pee." She described the latest work of sculptor, Helen Chadwick, called, "Piss Flowers". It seems that Ms Chadwick went to the Rocky Mountains, Canada, where she had a tiddle in the snow. She then made plaster casts of the resulting holes. When back in the UK she used the moulds to make bronzes and they, in turn, were finished in white enamel. It seems she then exibited her work at Liverpool's Tate Gallery.

 
 
An exclusive by Steve Valentine entitled, "AIRFIX NEVER UESD TO BE LIKE THIS..." was on the paper's Official Laughter Page. He described a range of scantilly clad model women available in various guises - striper, naughty headmistress,vampire, redskin brave, etc, and yours for only £14.99 each.

The paper spoke to a West Midlands supplier who sold the model women. He said, "The girls sell by the hundred. The most popular is The Stripper in sexy stockings, suspenders and basque."

The main photo shows (presumabely) the headmistress with breasts out and holding a whip. She is supported by six other smaller photos of model women all dressed similarly.

**********







And here's three from The Sun:
 
 
 
"There he blows" announced the newspaper, 24. 4. 97. 

The Captain of Miami University research ship, Columbus Iselin, resigned his command after he allowed his £10million vessle to run onto a reef in the Florida Keys.

I transpired that the Captain broke wind and that, said The Sun, "...sent the crew fleeing from the bridge." . 

Whilst the Captain stood laughing his charge hit the reef.

 
 
 
 
"PONG ARM OF THE LAW" announced, Mike Sullivan of The Sun, 8th June 2000, "Blair guard lets off gun after friend breaks wind." One of Mr Blair's bodyguards, Mr Keith Hooper, fired a shot from his 9mm, semi-automatic pistol. The bullet narrowly missed two officers standing close by at the police armoury of the Diplomatic Protection Squad.

The reason given for this accident went along these lines. It seems that Mr Hooper had gone into a side room to unload his gun but, at that point, one of his colleagues loudly broke wind. Mr Hooper apparently claimed that he was overcome by the stench, and that he'd put his hand to his nose and accidently squeezed the gun's trigger at the same time. 

Hmm...!

 
 
In the 11.5.2000 issue, they said, "BEAN THERE DONE THAT." The paper was reporting on the 24 hour marathon wind breaking record in Madrin of one Enrico de Marconi.

Signor de Marconi, 28, hoped to break wind every five seconds and to sustain his effort will eat beans and curries.

TOP OF PAGE | BACK TO HOME PAGE
 

MEET THE FACTORY BOARD | ABOUT THIS SITE | YOUR HOROSCOPE | GRANNY'S PANTS | DEAR JASPER

JOKES ABOUT MEN | JOKES ABOUT WOMEN | GENERAL GAGS | RUDE STUFF INTRO

PROBLEM PAGE | MINISTRY LEAKS #1 | MINISTRY LEAKS #2

MINISTRY LEAKS #3 | MISCELLANEOUS STUFF | WE NEED YOU