www.Giggle-Factory.co.uk

JOKES ABOUT MEN 

Woman 1: "Has your guy been circumcised?"

Woman 2: "No. He's a complete dick."

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Woman1: "Do you ever talk to your man during sex?"

Woman2: "Only if he phones me."

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What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?

Nothing. They both think they know everything.

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My husband added some spice to our marriage.

He's left home.

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Why do women really need men about the house?

Because they still haven't invented a vibrator that can do the dishes, cut the lawn, paint the house.........

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How can you tell if a man is lying?

You can see his lips moving.

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A woman goes out to buy a gun.

"It's for my husband." she explained to the shop owner.

"But, madam, guns are very personal. They need to be properly suited to their owner. Why not bring your husband along?"

"Because it would ruin the surprise: he doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him."

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Why do men like Guy Fawkes so much?

Because he had a limp fuse when it was time for the blow-job of a lifetime.

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Why don't men get piles?

Because they're perfect a***holes.

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What's a man's favourite four-letter word that ends in 'K' when it comes to sex?

Talk.

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Why are married women heavier than single women?

When single women come home they go to see what's in the fridge then go to bed. A married woman comes home, see what's in bed then go to the fridge.

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How many men does it take to wallpaper the dining room?

Four if you slice them thinly.
 

 


Why are all jokes about women one-liners?

So men can understand them.

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What's a man's  idea of honesty in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

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Why do men need sports action replays 30 seconds after the event?

Because they've forgotten what happened.

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What does it mean when a man is laying in bed calling a woman's name and gasping for breath?

She's hasn't held the pillow down long enough.

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Why did God create man first?

Because he needed a rough working model before creating the perfect specimen of the species.

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What do you give a man who has everything?

Answer 1)   Penicillin.
or
Answer 2)   A woman to show him how to work it.

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How many men does it take to screw-in a light bulb?

One. He just holds the bulb up to the light fitting and waits for the room to revolve around him.

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What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.

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Did you hear about the husband who bought a tube of lubricating jelly, saying he was really going to satisfy his wife?

He was right. She smeared it on the bedroom doorknob.

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Should wives put the photographs of their missing husbands on beer cans?

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When is the safest time for sex?

When your boyfriend's away on business.

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Why do men get married?

So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.

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Why are hurricanes usually named after women?

Because they're wet and wild when they come and they take your car and house when they leave. 
 

 

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