But why? Is it a new case or has he just decided its time for a woman? Either way he tells his lack-lustre oppo', doctor Whitsun, that he's off to give her a good seeing-to. Whitsun, for his turn, offers to shoot the woman.

The nancy-boy copper, Inspector Le Strange, is, as usual, unable to solve a number of mysterious deaths in London and asks Homes for help. Homes, as usual, solves the cases but not before stabbing a woman's 60DD bosom with a paperknife.

From there the plot gets extremely complex (for a 5 year-old) and takes in the acting profession and dastardly chemical experiments in Kent.

So, who is this mystery woman, what have vegetable alkaloids got to do with it and why do the characters smoke so much?

So, what did the press think?

Dave Jubblie, Literary Editor, Hitman (incorporating Old Lady's Garrotte), comments:

"What utter sh*t. What a total pillock. I really can't understand why the literary world puts up with this. JR has put writing back at least 200 - no, - 2000 years. The sooner someone sets fire to this prat's ball point pen the better. What a total git. How can it be that the world's nearly-greatest consultng detective puts up with his accomplice, Whitsun? Crap writing."