There have been a number of religious wars in the Charnwood area which have not been reported to the world as a whole. There has been an active attempt by those within government agencies to suppress this Knowledge.

Please note that you have now been placed on the active surveillance list by all major security agencies due to you accessing this page. This is not a hoax, I repeat this is a now a hoax.

The holy fruit wars

A Discordian acolyte, known to his followers as Troll, formed the cult of banana worship in the early history of Charnwood ( Carbon dating of the few remaining relics estimate this to be the 1980-1990 ). This cult grew to a massive size with an estimated following of millions, a few of which where human. It advocated the liberation and worship of the sacred Fruit Bananas. Folklore of that region tells of daring raids on pagan sites, primarily of the Super Market Pantheon. In these the stories the followers of the Troll would chant in front of captive Bananas held by the Super Markets until forced to retreat by elite troops called Employees. Some even claimed that the Troll paid ransom for important political/religious Bananas held captive. There is no actual evidence to support this except for the disputed scroll held by the British Museum the Till Receipt. The cults name, The Banana Liberation Front ( B. L. F.) still causes fear amongst local greengrocers.

At the height of its power the cults activities generated a backlash in its home Province. The local population split into two camps as another cult sprang into being. This cult was the Anti Banana League (A. B. L.) who found all things Banana to be abhorrent. This set the stage for a bloody conflict that would last for years. The records of events in this era are sketchy at best although the following current research details some key points in the war.

The First Major Conflict

Recently unearthed documents tell of a plot by the A. B. L. to abduct a member of the B. L. F.'s priesthood. This involved an Individual code named Squid Who is mentioned in folklore as the bard who learnt his trade by staying in his bed for two years with his instrument. He was reputed to be one of the many wandering monks of the A. B. L. who was capable of causing much mirth.

The Squid and his cult members planned to capture the high priestess Cat and violate her by forcing her to consume the Banana. The documents state that they managed to abduct the high priestess but where unable to get her to eat the fruit of golden yellow. They where found in their sacred dwelling by the Troll and his closest allies. There was a horrific battle in which the first ever recorded use of Troll Slop. Biochemical analysis of Slop Stains indicates that it was composed of fish oil, water, green dye, flour and anthrax. Truly a weapon of fear which has led the current world governments to develop their own variants. The end of this battle resulted in the freeing of high priestess Cat and a route for the forces of the A. B. L. who where out gunned. Folklore of this era tells use that the sacred dwelling was not fit for habitation for a week due to the smell.

The aftermath of this battle saw the Troll planning to perform a sacred rite to placate the local people and crush the enemies of the B. L. F. in one move. The Squid and the A. B. L. went underground to avoid further loses whilst they regained their strength. The high priestess Cat named a successor as the trauma of the events left her fit only to act in an advisory position.

Events leading to the War of the Wedding

The Troll planned to unite the local population by wedding the successor of high priestess Cat to the leader of the Youth, called Nelson. The folklore of that era suggest that this individual was able to change his appearance at will with the aid of cosmetics. He was also renowned for his super human powers for imbibing ale.

Official records of the time report a number of foiled plots aimed at disrupting the wedding. One of the A. B. L. 's champions Paladin St Jon challenged Nelson to a drinking dual in order to discredit him with the local Youth. While This was taking place B. L. F. fanatics broke into the Paladin St Jon's sacred chambers and desecrated them by painting banana's on all the walls. When this was done the St Jon was informed by a gleeful Troll. St Jon was forced to concede the dual and return to his sanctum to ensure no further acts of desecration there. St Jon raged for weeks and vowed to stop the wedding in the most bloodiest mannor possible. He proceeded to hire a band of Mercinaries to assist in the war.

These Mercinaries where reputed to have links with a cult assassins based in the area. Many historians do not accept that this was the case and believe that the reported acts of espionage where performed by agents of the A. B. L.. One document of the time contains a passage which states " In exchange for Twenty Camel's (low tar), your soul and a Mars bar we will bring you the recipe." This was the accepted cost to contract the assassins from that era. It was also at this time A. B. L. developed Troll Slop. The leader of the Mercinaries infiltrated the B. L. F. by offering to sell them his services. During this time he spent many days with the Priestess Kat and her successor, Priestess Kitten........

to be continued.....eris?