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How I get the best possible tasting honey by mixing all of the different tastes together

Where you can buy proper heated blended honey from. None of that namby-pamby unmixed stuff here.

Email address and telephone for availability of honey plus diary.

This is my personal collection of apiary porn, accrued over the years — hardcore hives, explicit extractions, and rapeseed you can only fantasize about.

My name is John Pollard. I have been a small-scale honey pusher for nearly 35 years.

Every beekeeper has a dream of the perfect beehive site: beautiful views; plenty of flowers for the bees; water to cool themselves in the heat of summer; and a couple of teenagers having a good snog because they mistakenly thought that they'd found somewhere off the beaten track where nobody goes.

They don't half get a surprise when a faceless beekeeper in full outfit — veil, suit, and dark green Wellington boots — comes clomping around the corner looking like a monster from a 1950s science fiction film.

That's the best part, for me.

A teenage couple busy working on steaming up the windows of their car. I'm waiting just across the bridge, in full beekeeper gear. In a minute, I'm going to loom up out of the undergrowth, knock on their windows like a deranged zombie from outer space, and pretend to suck their brains out of their ears with my smoker. You cannot buy this much fun.

This is a tree. Yes, it's a tree. A tree is what it is.

Now you know.