Jack's Classified Advertisements
(strictly for Wealdstone supporters only)
sponsored by the
Forestry Commission
Sex therapist
- helps you come to terms with your 70's sitcom obsessions
It could be you!
-
let me pick your lottery numbers, very reasonable rates, company car etc
Derelict housing
estate - seeks to attract new residents with a better understanding
of life
Fence or wall need
attention? - £500 flat fee for quality work
I put the ball in
the Borough net! - worth more than £500 I'd say!
I'd love the chance....
- top striker seeks games anywhere
I wish I'd been there
too.. - forgotten hero seeks club with supporters, ambition,
anything
Stressed out?
Smoke too much? - don't expect too much help from me
Earplugs available
- ideal for cutting out that endless drivel
Talk & spit at
the same time? - I can plug the gaps in your teeth
More earplugs
- say no more!
Exercise your tonsils
- Tailor made programs, with swear
words suitable for beginners or advanced users.
Functions
- I can arrange your functions, venues, top acts, prices start at a pint
of lager.
Top class abuse
-
without the swearing. We tell you how.
Elocution lessons
-
a professional to help you deliver that message. Can also teach goalkeeping.
More drivel
- are your attempts to speak interspersed with an unbearable whining noise?
Professional help available (not guaranteed to work at Worcester)
Whinge too much?
-
learn
how to laugh things off rather than argue the point
Problems standing
up? - all the latest solutions from an outstanding partnership
(note the semi hidden horror story)
Gentleman,
seeks similar for quiet chat and word of advice
Awaydays! -
come and join us for train outings. Carrier bag owners only.
Wealdstone weight
watchers - join now and look like me!
Want to argue?
Come
and see me.
Hair loss?
I can help you come to terms with it.
Religious sect
-
seeks new disciples dedicated to understanding the preachings of Attic
Man
Essex nancy
- seeks friendship with anyone, preferably dumb & blonde, but will
consider tall, dark & handsome
Voiceovers
-
a professional voice to promote your business and create just the image
you want!
Badges - a
limited edition badge is now available celebrating WFC's promotion in 3
years time
Heckle with style
-
let
me give you the benefit of years of experience
OAP -
needs
fag
Bad hair day?
- visit my salon for that 80's look
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