"Good evening everyone, my name is Nick Dugard, vice chairman of Wealdstone Football Club.  What an evening we have for you tonight, but first, may I introduce my boss, the man whose future this club rests firmly with, from Northampton, the ever-smiling (?????), Mr Paul Rumens!!!!!"

"Hi everyone, I know I can appear to be a really miserable bastard sometimes, but behind the baggy eyes, the cigarette smoke cloud, and the depressive demeanour, yes I can smile!! Look!! See for yourselves!!!"

Having talked us through a potted history of the club, Paul, visibly overcome with emotion at being just yards away from his boyhood hero (and mine) George Duck, invited our fat local MP, Mr Tony McNulty to say a few words to the audience.  The editor of Jack's Page has decided that, although it is hoped that Mr McNulty will somehow be able to influence Stones 'Coming Home', his image is too ugly to publish on a family site.  We can, however, move onto the presentations section of the evening, with some altogether more acceptable images.............