ALAN AND ROY GO SHOPPING

	I always feel a bit sad when I shop in Tesco's, don't you Roy?
	Yes, I've been shopping here 345 times now in the last 6 years, compared with 1027 times when it was our Football ground,  although that of course only includes visits for competitive games (including Capital League, Premier Midweek Floodlit League and Mid Surrey Professional Floodlight League).
	Where shall we park?
	So much choice, there are over 950 parking spaces here, compared to 66 in the Lower Mead car park, although that figure excludes the cars that parked in the middle, and the adjacent car park that did not belong to WFC.   Let's park in that row over there, which will be only the 17th time we have parked in that row, that figure excluding the number of times we parked there in our previous car.
	Let's head for the delicatessen first
	Did you know that of our 345 visits here, we have entered through the revolving doors on just just 24 occasions, compared with the normal opening doors on the other 321 visits?
	That's interesting Roy
	The delicatessen is very sad, because it's located in the same spot as the former Elmslie goalmouth.  Interestingly, the floor by the delicatessen is very flat, whereas between 1972 and 1979, the mound between the posts increased on average by 1.5cm per season, which is why even comparatively small goalkeepers like John Barr and Roy Mackenzie could touch the crossbar with ease.  It didn’t seem to help Ray Bullen though.  Fortunately we never played Grays in those days.
	Fascinating Roy.  Let's have some ham.
	Do you know that Julie Verrall could manage 15 slices of ham from each centimetre cut, making the ham rolls served in the Lower Mead supporters club tea bar consistently the lowest in ham content in the Southern League for 4 consecutive years between 1973 and 1976?
	Breakfast cereal now, Roy, and please no statistics.
	That’s only the first time this month you’ve told me not to mention statistics, and only the third time ever that you’ve mentioned it in connection with breakfast time.
	At last we have everything, let’s head for the checkout, and don’t tell me how many times we’ve been to each checkout.  Don’t forget the clubcard, Roy.
	I could have a field day working at Tesco’s.  All those points, all those statistics, did you know that we have already accumulated over 25000 clubcard points, of which 4216 points were collected on double points promotions, and 2016 on treble points promotions?
	Roy, I’m afraid I’m going to insert the clubcard in your mouth sideways.
	(muffled)  That’s the seventeenth time you’ve inserted the clubcard in my mouth, the third time it has been sideways, and that of course excludes other parts of my anatomy into which the clubcard has been inserted

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