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Send me your favorite car jokes. New jokes will always be added at the top.

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Blondes

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her Triumph and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop...

CHICKEN and HORSE

There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barn yard, suddenly the horse falls into a pit. He yells to the chicken, "Go get the farmer, save me, save me!!!" The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So he gets the farmer's Triumph and drives it over to the mud pit, lassoes the horse, ties it to the Triumph and pulls him out. The horse says, "Thank you, Thank you, I owe you my life..." Then a couple days later they are playing there again and this time the chicken falls into the mud pit and the chicken says, "Help me!!! Help me!!! Go get the farmers Triumph!!!" So the horse says, "No No , I think I can get you out." The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab onto my penis." The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, and the horse saves the chickens life. So what's the moral of this story??? If you have a penis the size of a horse, then you don't need a Triumph to pick up chicks.

SPEEDING

A fellow bought a Triumph and was out on the motorway for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 m.p.h., he suddenly saw flashing blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Triumph," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the Triumph. The cop said "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me a good excuse for your speeding that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "OK" said the officer. "Have a nice weekend."

BROKEN DOWN

A man was driving along the motorway one afternoon in his BMW when suddenly the engine cut out, he rolled onto the hard shoulder and stopped, very surprised he got out and looked under the bonnet to see if he could find out what had gone wrong, while he was looking a Triumph pulled up behind his car. The Triumph driver got out and went to the rear, opened the boot and came up to the BMW with jack and put it underneath. The even more surprised BMW driver shouted "what do you think you are doing?" "Well said the Triumph driver, if you're having the battery, I'm having the wheels.

LATE FOR WORK

This guy is motoring down the road in his Triumph at very high speed and goes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls him over. The cop walks up to the guy's Triumph and asks, "What's the hurry?" The guy says, "I'm late for work." "What do you do?" askes the cop. The guy responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?" The guy says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" "Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge."