Richie's Reaction
The view that matters

Che chi cho chum, Jenson kicked the ass of Hamilton.

Someone in a Merc started first and finished first, nice. Far more interesting was the skill, determination and class tactics played by Button to claim second despite a major pitstop setback.

I scored - consistent as ever - and others did rather well, Andrea in particular riding the Luck Express with an express ticket during Luck Express week.

LOL at Schumacher's wheel but, going so well for the Hun. Button finished a paltry 2 points behind The Liar, sorry, Lewis Hamilton.

Me signing off to go and protest some human rights abuses ahead of Bahrain!

Peace in the middle east.

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON

Where do I start? Were we watching a Grand Prix? If you were to ask Kimi Raikonnen, his answer would probably be along the lines of “yes, but it's a lot like rallying”. Yes indeed Kimi, but it's not is it? Some skills to rediscover there perhaps?

We get to the start and the McLaren 1-2 is tenser than a fox's anus during pre-ban hunting season, only scuppered by a not-very-foxy pit stop by Ham Man. Grosjean is after my heart: further scuppering Schumacher's race - putting him back to 16th place.

Webber gets passed by Vettel only to truly grab the bulls horns by fighting his way back past again, straight away. You just know it was the worst day for Vettel. I only visioned the burst tyre as it was breaking up, repeatedly slapping him in the face as an uncontrollable distraction to further his annoyance. The pinnacle of the German's debacle of a race was his post-race quote “it’s like on the roads,” he said, referring to us ‘normal’ drivers. “You get idiots,” he continued, “and there’s one here!” It’s not as clear as you might think who he was referring to, but if we were to consider his professionalism, one can only assume he is referring to himself, as his post-race popularity has proven. Great news for us Vettel ‘fans’ then. Prick.

OK, so let me get to the man who we all idolise (we do and you feckin know it) and some braking better suited to a taxi driver in Delhi. Our man on the ‘button’ took a gamble, although at relatively low speed, having read Karthikeyan's line as wide before ‘KarthInVader’ turned back to the left and thus the resulting impact. Not good, but a drive from Button after this did get him back somewhere at least.

Whilst the Spanish version of the Ferrari Fist was smashing it’s way forward, Button took a great chunk out of Massa in the 27th lap to the embarrassment of Ferrari, a miracle then it seems that Massa keeps his drive, surely?

The best driving moment for me was between Hamilton and Button in the zero-vision chase in the wet. It was astonishing watching these two ferociously battle it out in conditions better suited to jetskiing than driving. Great stuff, long may this very long season continue.

Senna's “great to take on the best in the world, and sometimes go ahead of them” of Schumacher was simply icing on the cake. Can’t finish without at least a mention of Perez who potentially could have won it, surely? One to watch? Don’t get your jazz mags out yet, it could have been a lucky one, and we’ll have to see. I'm not much for speculation but stop shitting yourselves every time a new driver wins a race, in the wet, with a safety car, and many sections of bad luck for the leaders. Honestly.

So the Fist makes it’s first appearance in the 2012 season.

PS – I’m in 4th, our IT guy is in 3rd and two women now lead the league. At least one of them isn’t my boss, phew. Well done Roz, now you know what good luck feels like, enjoy it while it lasts. My consistency will pay off.

PPS - Don’t forget, the predictions AFTER the next race will also have to include your championship driver positions for 1st, 2nd and 3rd of the title. The points for that come at the business end of the season when it really counts, so have a good think. I’m putting Charles Pic for 1st, Timo Glock for 2nd and Narain Karthikeyan for 3rd. Glock's a dead cert. They're my tips anyway...

YEE FECKIN HAA! Like a rocket launching from a British AH64A Apache helicopter blowing up a Taliban stronghold, Jenson leapt off the line like his life depended on it. Whilst Hamilton was still applying his moisturising cream, Jenson was ‘Head and Shoulders’ ahead of his team mate, opening up a gap bigger than the one left where the aforementioned Taliban stronghold was.

Where was Vettel? Waiting for a safety car by the looks of it, and like other sporny Germans we have met in the past, he got it. Only thing was, Jenson was just too good. I could hear the ‘dambusters’ theme tune ringing in my head as he opened up the gap once more, like a destroyed dam (am I being too dramatic here?). Obviously, for the purpose of balance, I should point out that there were other drivers in the race, aside from Button, Hamilton and Vettel but aside from Grosjean (insane finishing) and Raikonnen's tapping on the side of someone I can't remember, was it Maldonado? (but not at that moment, of course). That was a great moment though and the greatest post race quote of the race, Maldonado “I just lost the back end”, no shit mate, if I’d seen that wall scurrying up my legs that quick, I’d have lost my back end too!

Other great quotes include Massa's “I suffered with tyre degradation” blah blah blah, he said something else but I was bored and fantasised about punching him for blaming his crap car, blah blah blah. Fist of Ferrari...

Finally, quote of the week, Seb Vettel, speaking of Jenson Button "It wasn't very easy to get away from Lewis but Jenson was out of sight. He deserved to win."

Eat it you Hun, get used to it as well, McLaren ON THE BUTTON!!

Suzuka 2011 marks another year of a champion being crowned early and a range of drama to avoid any processional fast-forwarding having watched a recorded version of the race.

The pressure was on from the start: Jenson may have been better taking on the first straight in a 4x4 rather than a GP car. Not his fault of course but the dishonourable, arrogant twat of a Hun, and yes the unlikeable personality that is Seb Vettel. So if you hadn't noticed, my view is "love Button, hate Vettel" (Schumacher 2). Such a shame that the Vettel part of the press conference suffered such local interference, was so looking forward to watching him cry like a whinging toddler, the shit.

Jenson however, that lovely, honourable man ("so that's how we're driving now?" > to Vettel) who drives so damn well, took great decisions and good racing, including a massive "fuck you" to Alonso in the last few laps.

Lewis "who are you?" Hamilton decided to ride the aforementioned fist of Ferrari again and clearly likes being so close to Massa that he probably knows what his insides look like now. The twat. Not that I'm keen on Massa or anything but Hamilton just seems to have gone tonto, lost the plot and hung out his brain to dry.

Despite having missed the deadline for predictions, I wasn't intending on changing them much and after having seen the results from everyone else, I nearly crapped myself laughing! Brother, can you send me a list of the paying participants this year, I've got a few calls to make. Pissing on everyone, all of you, at once.

Jake Humphrey: legend. Coulthard as well and nice shirt again, Eddie. Throw in Brundle and we've got the greatest commentary team in the world that Sky will never have. Celebrate them and fuck Sky and that twat who owns them, Fox News and a certain ex-newspaper. Fuck them all - keep F1 free and the Concorde Agreement public. Bernie, you twat, you let us down you fucking vertically-challenged fucktard.

Well, it's only the second rant of the year and I've got a lot to say.

I really feel like a rant should be a surplus of negative comments designed to highlight the problems in the race but I'm struggling only a little as I'm sure you will be. Every season seems to be better than the last doesn't it? The on-track battle between Webber, Hamilton and Alonso had so many highlights. Webber passing Hamilton, Hamilton immediately passing Webber, Hamilton and Vettel coming out of the pits and nearly driving straight into Massa and Webber, 2 secs being maintained between the 3 for so long. I was, literally, on the edge of my seat. Watching a German crash in Germany (without any serious injury of course) only adds to the satisfaction of the race and what a camera angle for the crash! Then Schumacher spun, the fool, and the smile started to hurt my jaw! To think that Jake Humphreys backed him for a podium - probably about 6 years too late there Jake. Vettel of course having the race of his life (err no) only makes us even happier, and ironically, for Button, this reversal of fortunes puts Webber in the limelight once again.

Now you all know that my F1 heart lies with Button, and unfortunately, this is where my obligatory rant is aimed today. Only partly at Button, and more at his team.

Button got stuck behind some tosser for about 15 laps or so, and struggled to get past, but then things started to look up despite the 5th with no pit stop just seeming to flatter him. Even 4th was starting to look good but hang on, still no pit stop. 8th seemed more like it, 2 places up and Button in the zone, passing and things get better, 6th then guess what, you know the rest. I'm pissed off now, I think Button now knows what it's like to be Mark Webber in the Red Bull shadow of Vettel (Hun 2, the sequel). Remember the way Barrichello was treated at the hands of the Hun 1?

Jenson was let down at his home GP by a crappy communication issue for the tyre change and now the hydraulics have gone, and the race is over again, after what was looking like a potential 5th or 4th even? Bad luck or bad team support? I have to admit that despite Hamilton's fantastic and highly entertaining drive, there was a minute where I saw the plume of blue smoke coming out of his car and I just thought "go on, blow up"!! I do find myself starting to forgive Hamilton for his dishonesty during the Ferrari-gate after he proves time and time again how strong his driver/machine relationship is. He just annoys me a bit as well whereas Jenson seems like the honest type who always gets looked down on.

I'm hungry for Hungary, and congratulations to Hamilton and Webber, amazing drives. Alonso, you're a brick-jawed Ferrari fagboy. Eat it.

THE NEW STANDARD OF FERRARI TACTICS:
    FERRARI FIST CLAIMS FIRST VICTIM

Take a good long look behind you Jenson for you never know when that Ferrari fist is going to strike next. You are particularly at risk when you 'pass' a Ferrari on the outside without proper respect for the racing line; you do in effect, risk an unwanted fisting. And indeed, that is what happened. You can look at it anyway you want, perhaps you thought that the red car was a ghost car and you could drive right through it, I think not. Oh well, we still love you despite the fact that you let the fisting get in the way of a good chance to compete with the real liar, your team mate and renowned 'tard, Hamilton.

Normal ranting will resume with this sort of offensive Anglo-Saxon styling as soon as I see the points so far. Have a good week and watch your backs for the Ferrari fist.

I know it's wrong and the use of the word fist has been way too many for a normal person to write but I think it's funny, and that's that really.

Hi all. I'm struggling to type this fast enough to fully convey the frustration that I'm feeling at the notion that someone's inactivity in the league is finding them so much success - or is it deliberate? That is to say that you, Roz, are not submitting any preds because the method of maintaining the same preds is working for you? Somehow I feckin well doubt it. If you don't submit preds soon even if it's just a message to say to keep the same ones then you will go the same route as Bill and Mark, that is suspended! Grrr. I'll win through technicalities if I have to!

Anyway, I'm doing shite and obviously I'm not happy about it. My feelings are like Eurovision, Boro's last season and the World Cup all rolled into one frustrating lump of turd.

Probably should rant about the F1 now anyway...

Ferrari will be covered later but for now, and as a long-term fan of Button, not Lewis 'the liar' Hamilton, I was dismayed, nay pissed off, to see that Button was faster on average through every sector speed trap than Hamilton but couldn't seem to be ahead of him in the race, probably something to do with qualification I guess! [er, Jenson actually qualified ahead of Lewis, Richie! He just got held up by Vettel at Turn 1. Ed.]

None of this might matter now that the little swine of a Spaniard is looking to follow up his country's sporn with a sneaky late drive for the title. Who knows? Ferrari's new package was clearly working at Germany.

Anyway, getting bored now, eating dust and sick as a dog. If I can pull this back and finish ahead of a few of you, you're going to never hear the end of it...

Once again it has taken all my powers of genius to sanitise and make sense of Richie's ranting. It seems he's as bad a loser as he is a winner!    :)

Hi all. I've decided to find time to do another rant - maybe because I spoke to John on the phone tonight and he reassured me of how shit I am doing to the point where I want to point out everyone else's failings...

First of all, before that, I'm off to the Nürburgring soon to scatter old mate Dodds' ashes and try out the new rollercoaster whilst I'm there as well, but mostly serious. Will get some photos and see if James can add them to the site as some new F1 graphics!?

Right that's the serious bit, here's the rant for real: John, you're more annoying when you're winning than a record breaking tennis game that goes on for 120 games longer than it should (hold on a second, I missed most of that game and it was still annoying); it's not like you're winning is it? But anyway, you enjoy your luck for now mate - it's not over yet!!

James, Jamie, bro, I can't say a bad word about you 'cause you work your cogs off on this site, and let's face it, it looks like you're starting to slip anyway. Ian, you deserve a bit of luck right now to be honest so you're good for now, just don't win - I've still got my eye on the takings. Michaela, enough said, you're used to eating dust anyway, no change there I guess. Roz, I bet your shitting diamonds the pure sporn you're leaking right now, long may it fail you soon.

Jane: doing really well for first season so go on cuz, but seriously, if you find success, don't get cocky, you'll end up on here as well. Suzanne, you'll be eating the corn from my poo soon when I score a few points, you ain't that far off... The only person who's having worse luck than me this time round is Bill and as far as I can see, he doesn't even bother submitting any preds. Total feckin nightmare.

Here it is: the rant that none of you have been waiting for and let's face it, as John constantly reminds me, no one gives a shit about anyway apart from me, I guess.

What goes up must come down, and I'm definitely down and out of it, at least before this weekend's race. I'm getting ahead of myself here. First of all, what the hell has anyone else based their championship predictions on because all I had really was a hunch - much less to go on than last year.

All I knew before the last race was that Roz had as good a chance of winning the league as Michael Schumacher did of winning another race and then she goes and shits all over the league with a blinder, oh well, luck is luck isn't it Roz? Enjoy it while you can, I know another word, consistency, and I'm going to show the damn league the meaning of that word over coming races. Promises promises promises.

Michaela, forget it by the way, your luck is out, I'm telling you. I'm on the way up now, fully. John, you'll never win the league, just keep paying your cash in though, I need the spending money for next Christmas.

Go Jenson: two from four - 'av it, hoo waaaaaaaaaa!

After qualifying 20th in Belgium, Badoer came home last on Sunday, over a minute and a half behind victor Raikkonen, and the 38-year-old Italian's best race lap was over two seconds slower than the Finn's.

Let's be honest here. Look at how bad he is. You know that time when you've said "give me an F1 car and I'll show you what driving is"? This guy has test driven F1 cars for crying out loud and now he has been given his chance to prove himself, he's shown not just that he has no talent but that F1 driving is one of the most skilled and trying sports that anyone could do. Most of us would achieve even less than him; by a longer shot than he was behind Raikkonen. Yes he's a laughing stock but to be honest, I say back him all the way, he's an Eddie the Eagle and a Frank Bruno with a helmet on! It's gold and we love it. Christ almighty, lets get him on Top Gear!!!

The rest of Spa, I don't know what to say to be honest. Despite the fact that I had to watch it via jumbled up highlights on the website cause my life is busy, grrrr, and I was travelling back from Scotland, it seemed to me to be a hell of a race with many surprises, shocks and great moments, no surprise from what I consider to be the greatest circuit, a thought shared by a few of us I think.

Lastly, Button get your arse up and running you git (it's your year and if you throw it away, I'll maim you). Lewis, the brake is the pedal on the left, I know you don't like using it but it's there for a reason. Eddie Jordan, your opinions are annoyingly accurate but the more I see you the more I hate you. DC - feckin legend, you always were and always will be. Blah blah blah.

EAT IT all of you, I'm going to take 10 pounds off each and every one of you, ha de ha. If you aren't happy with this then please send your letters of complaint to the McLaren pit team. It's their fault, otherwise I would have only scored a paltry 2 points but no, it's another ten and guess what, that's 10 races in a row of scoring points. Laughing my head off.

What the hell happened to Michael 'no balls' Schumacher? The hun bottled it, big time. If there has been an article, I missed it so don't bother correcting me, I don’t really care that much; I’m too busy enjoying the fact that two British drivers are likely to be battling it out for the championship at the end of the season and i’ll have spare money to buy the celebratory drink for myself, lol.

Well done to anyone who had made it past the 100 points mark, OK, thats me only, ha ha HAAAAAAAA!!!!!

PS – Carolanne got a point so congrats to her, first in six races. She has assured me that she will start to look at the weekly F1 news again and make some more educated predictions. John, I know you scored no points this week and once you've mopped up the puddles of tears on your laminate, and you can see through your tear soaked eyes again, it's www.f1.com,  it's helpful to give you some ideas about news. Michaela, what can I say, as consistent as ever, and Roz, well now, climbing the ladder and now third but let's be honest, total flukester, but who gives a shit, it's points that count here and you’re going to be pissing off some long term F1 fans here so as long as you stay behind me, you're more than welcome.

F*CK ME, SCHUEYS COMING BACK, PROBABLY!!!

Holy cow, hold the bloody phones, Massa's eye has landed somewhere just off the Isle of Wight and then Ferrari announce that their stand-in driver will be none other than Michael Bloody Schumacher. Well thats that, return to the procession of Formula One, only hold on, Ferrari haven't got that good a car right? Maybe, this is another one of those moments - to prove to some of us that MS is more than just a good driver with the best car, certainly the script was never written on this one!!

I'm winning, still, John's not far behind and neither is my brother but lets face it, it looks like the girls have packed their bags, buggered off to the next sale, though my very own Carolanne has scored more points than Boro did last season but then there's more than 3 points available per race here.

I'm trying to set new preds every race and a few of you are starting to say just use the preds from the last race - might not be such a good idea that now, considering how Massa figured strongly in the top 8 for a few of you. Good luck anyway. By the way, one of our members has had swine flu and has been genuinely unwell for a couple of weeks hence one of the use my last preds excuse. She's much better now and freshly back from the latest sale I hear so lets see if the women can do any catching up in the next GP.

Schumacher for pole anyone?

Oh yeah, nearly forgot, our reigning champion might still be in with a shot at the championship, not. Then again how many thought Schuey might be driving again?

"Look at this headline: "Ferrari powerless to halt Button and Brawn in Monaco"!!"

"Who would have believed that headline two seasons ago, even last season, and the grin it gave me was in huge contrast to the scowl I had on my face when hearing about Boro's relegation. Grr. At least the Geordies had to bite the bullet.

"BUT THIS IS AN F1 RANT so............... Michael Schumacher was probably sat watching the race in 'camp' Ferrari shouting German expletives at the screen to show his distaste at another Ferrari-beating result at the hands of his career mentor, a certain Ross Brawn.

"Now everyone knew that Brawn would do well with his own team but to dominate the first six races with 5 wins, all of them going to Jenson Button, makes us once again not only proud to be British but also witnesses to a totally new chapter of Formula One.

"Nearly all of us - minus Roz (sorry for this) - stand to gain 30 points at the end of the season if Jenson can make it stick for the drivers championship. Something to think about Roz, that's a bit of a pickle to work towards, but still, second and third might be less easy to predict, and it is early doors still so lets see what happens.

"Clearly, if it's a race between me and John, I'll win so I'm even more happy now. Predictably, John will disagree with this, likely citing his fantasy football league success as the basis for the argument. LOL, only kidding John; something you said this week stands I believe, that is: "It's a marathon, not a race" - perhaps a perfect thought to leave you all on."

Be warned, Richie's really gone off on one this week and it took heavy editing to make sense of it. He still sounds loop-the-loop crazy at some points though...

"Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone can bow before me and beg for forgiveness.

"It sounds like a Nazi convention, I know, but what I’m referring to can only be described as an absolute outrage: the ridiculousness that F1 management is coming to this season. They say Hamilton told a lie, so they disqualified him. I think he did lie but I think what is more interesting is why he lied. He lied because without any consultation with his boss, his boss lied first in front of him. Did Hamilton contradict his boss? No. Would you in the same situation? No, of course you wouldn't - you want to keep your job and so does he.

"Secondly, maybe he actually thought 'he knows something I don't, so I'll lie for now thinking that they’ll explain to me afterwards what was really happening'. Unfortunately, this now makes Hamilton look really, really bad - which he isn't.

"F1 is a high-pressure, highest-spectator sport so when you look over the edge it's a long way down. Not to worry - he’s hanging off the edge, not falling. Remember all the controversies that the 'great' Schumacher was involved in: losing control on his in-lap at Monaco and blocking the road for Alonso; team orders to let him pass Barrichello on the last corner. The list goes on and on and on, and he’s regarded as the most successful driver and probably of all time, after Fangio of course, thanks Murray.

"Next up are the shenanigans of Malaysia and what a great race it was for all of us. I'm kind so handed out full points, a decision hailed by some as bold and brash but brilliant.

"Race ended early, half points handed out for only the third time in F1 history. 'So what?', I say. We live in Britain where you only need one inch of snow to make all public transport, public sector services and schools come crashing to a complete halt so we don’t care about a little bit of rain, especially when the race leader is potentially shaping up to be the second British champion in two years. Not just that but the greatest type of British champion, an underdog on his way to the top. A written off potential who nearly, just nearly, did it and may just well do it. This isn’t any Tim Henman though, this is a Bob Champion, a Bobby Moore and a Paula Radcliffe all rolled in to one!!

"But hold on, his diffuser is illegal. WHY THEN, I ask, WHY THEN was he f*****g allowed to drive it in the first place? You couldn’t get on your local Sunday league football pitch wearing the wrong type of boots so WHY THE F**K can they not - in F1, with all their money, strict rules and secret Nazi partying - get it right BEFORE they go out on circuit? Do the highly-paid rule-makers not think about this before allowing the teams to spend millions producing a whole number of identical diffusers to use on their cars?

"My last word is this: I love Button, Hamilton, Brawn and even Richard Branson would get a big hug right now but the rule-makers better make the right decision and do the only good thing: throw it out and let Brawn do what they do best - making the decisions stick - ON THE BLOODY TRACK!! On that bombshell, I bid you farewell"

"Welcome to this, the third year of the fantasy league and what an opening to the season we now have upon us. Hamilton not as fast, then he pulls in at 3rd, then he has it taken away altogether. Now I’m not saying that we at Richie's Fantasy F1 League are biased at all, but what bollocks.

"Of course, we’re all very excited about Jenson winning, as a number of us have been behind him throughout his relatively unsuccessful career, but British is British and let’s face it, F1 isn’t like football, we want all brits to do well. A Ham-Button 1-2, anyone?

"So then, my rant is nearly over, the new rules are in, and I’m glad to see you all taking to the new league rules quickly and concisely.

"Keep the faith in Button, people, I know I will be!!!!"