2009/November    draft	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

EU NEWS    Political pygmies sneak on to world stage The dice have been rolled and the scaremongering has paid off. The war criminal Blair won't be the EU's first unelected president – that gig goes to a Belgian federalist, the prime monster of a country which is coming apart at the seams as Flemings battle with Walloons for control of their national identity. Mr. Rumpy-Pumpy's preferred solution to that problem is to abolish national identities in favour of a grey EU sameness.    The boy Milipede has also been booted into touch. The EU's unelected foreign secretary will be an anonymous Labour peer, who's a serial quangocrat. She is totally unqualified for the job, but as it's the EU, that doesn't matter.  • G. Brown is such a big pal of the EUFM, Lady Ashton, that he thinks she's Lady Ashdown, Paddy Ashdown's missus(?) Join and be screwed? The benefits associated with the European Union's single market add up to £180 BILLION per year. The costs of the associated bureaucracy add up to £600 BILLION per year. Does membership still sound like a good deal?  – source: G Verheugen, EU Commissioner for Enterprise

CLIMATE NEWS    Save the planet, or just steal it? The Court of Public Opinion might just be heading for a small victory over the massed ranks of the UN's Global Warming Swindlers. Might. Politicians getting together for the Copenhagen summit on climate control (joke!) might be forced to ignore the dire warnings from the International Panel on Climate Change because their taxpayers are in revolt against Climate Stealth Taxes which are just taxes. They just don't get it For the benefit of all those 'experts' who rail against people who challenge the Global Warming Swindlers – you should realize that they aren't denying that the Earth's climate changes. What they are refusing to believe is: a) that the 'experts' know how the Earth's climate works and they can change it for the better; and b) that putting taxes on carbon dioxide and pouring the money raised into Gordon's Brown Hole in the economy will do anything at all for the planet. What do you get when some genius starts mucking around with the weather? If the geniuses are Chinese, you get a bunch of 'experts' trying to end a drought by making rain but giving Beijing its earliest dose of snow for 10 years by mistake and clogging up the airport. Urgent Announcement This month's scheduled international conference of Global Warming Swindlers has been postponed until at least April next year because of unusually heavy snow and severe ice across the whole of Scandinavia. Something the Global Warming Swindlers keep quiet about . . . Melting ice at the Antarctic has created new areas of open sea the size of Wales around the continent over the last 50 years. But these areas have been colonized by carbon-absorbing blooms of phytoplankton, which sink to the sea bed when they die off and trap 3.5 million metric tons of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere every year. You don't hear that inconvenient truth from the GW Swindlers!    And this process is only is the second largest way that carbon dioxide is being removed from the atmosphere by natural processes. The largest is growth of new forest in regions of the Arctic which have become unfrozen. But the GW Swindlers would prefer you to look at pictures of pathetic polar bears stranded on little chunks of ice rather than Arctic forests. Overpriced, overhyped, doesn't get the job done The European Union wants everyone to use Compact Fluorescent Lamps instead of incandescent bulbs on bogus environmental grounds. But the problem with CFLs is they cost a bomb, they never last the claimed lifetime of thousands of hours, the manufacturers lie about their light output and they get dimmer with time. Which explains why that 100W equivalent CFL gives out the same amount of light as a 60W incandescent bulb. "Overpriced, overhyped, doesn't get the job done" – a lot like the EU, in fact. Global Warming is getting so bad . . . . . . that icebergs warnings are in force for shipping around Australia & New Zealand. Some of the bits are 500 feet long and they are getting so far north thanks to a combination of cold weather and favourable ocean currents. GW Swindlers exposed? Emails hacked from the Climate Change Research unit at the University of East Anglia suggest that there has been a sustained campaign over more than the last decade to spin data to support the "man-made global warming" swindle and dodge requests for access to the unfiddled data under the Freedom of Information Act.

ADVERTISEMENT The Church of Man-Made Global Warming Welcomes All Wallets Please, please bring them loaded Archbishop: the Rev. Al Gore Chief Hypocrite: the Rev. T. B. Liar Treasurer: Gordie 'The Mugger' Broon

CRIME NEWS  ACPO at it again! The Association of Cheap Police officers has come up with a 2-volume, 96-page guide telling coppers how to ride a bike. But following a wave of derision, they have decided not to issue it. So all the money blown on the project has been wasted. But hey, it's only taxpayers' cash. Killers seek censorship right In 1990, two former business associates killed the German stage, TV and film actor Walter Sedlmayr. They were gaoled for life in 1993 and released in 2007 & 2008. They are now objecting to the existence of This Article in the online WikipediA encyclopedia, which names them. Their argument is that German privacy laws take precedence over US First Amendments rights for a website hosted in the United States, and people are no longer entitled to know that two scumbag killers are on the loose. Business Black Spot or V. Putin does a G. Brown Russia is right down in the depths alongside Zimbabwe in the World Index of Corrupt Regimes, and it has the world's most fraudulent economy.

DEPARTURES    Edward Woodward, 79 He was a jobbing actor, who got so much TV work that his film career suffered. Edward Woodward's acting career began at RADA and his stage career with Shakespeare's plays. He was a hit in the British TV series Callan as a hit-man spook and he succeeded in the United States as The Equalizer, a retired spook who was a champion for the deserving oppressed, for which he won a Golden Globe. His most remembered films are the cult horror classic The Wicker Man (1979) and the Aussie Boer War drama Breaker Morant (1980). He also recorded a dozen albums of romantic music.

DOSH NEWS    It's only Taxpayers' Cash A. Darling, the current Chancellor, has a brilliant plan to create three new high street banks out of the ones currently deeply in hock to the taxpayer. But it will cost the British taxpayer another £40 BILLION. Which leaves the plan looking not so brilliant after all. The Price Became Right Why did the mercenary S. Mann serve less than 2 years of a 34-year sentence for trying an armed takeover of Equatorial Guinea? Because it took 16 months to bargain the EG government down from a £270 million ransom to just £200K. It's only licence-payers' money BBC staff who are forced to move Up North to the new media centre at Salford Quays will still be paid a London weighting on top of their salary. A hand in the public purse up to his armpit The boss of the BBC, M. Thompson, is unable to survive on his modest salary of £834K, and he has to resort to putting in claims for 70p for parking to make ends meet. Even the watchdogs are bent One of the MPs on the Commons Standards & Privileges Committee has been exposed as an expenses swindler. A. Dismore collected £34,000 for claiming his girlfriend's flat as a second home just a few miles away from his main home in North London. And 'flipping' the two properties put another £31,000 of taxpayers' cash into his pocket.

HEALTH NEWS Miracle cure!! Congrats to the Libyan NHS, which has turned A. M'Grahi, the convicted Lockerbie bomber, from a basket case, who was given 3 months to live in August, into a man well enough to leave hospital and return home to enjoy family life again. Stop posturing and get saving the planet, Brown G. Brown is just making himself look pathetic by jogging to try to score points with the sceptical public and prove he's a super-fit superhero.    BlackFlag News says: If he's really serious about getting fit, he should buy himself an exercise bike – using his own bloody money, not the taxpayer's – and hook it up to the National Grid.    This will allow him to generate some electricity for the benefit of the nation while he's nit-picking and looking for more ways to swindle more BILLIONS out of everyone who isn't New Labour or one of New Labour's many cronies. Good News For Boozers!! Drinkers don't get heart attacks, according to the latest research. Men who drink up to 8 glasses of wine per day (four times the government's recommended daily dose) can reduce their risk of having a heart attack by up to 54%. Apparently, the alcohol prevents cholesterol from clogging up coronary arteries. Cheating can be bad for your health This month, French footballer T. Henry joined D. Maradona on the Hall of Shame of scumbag foreigners, who have been allowed to get away with swindling national teams based in and near Britain. Maradona swindled England in 1986 with a notorious and deliberate hand-ball, which blind officials failed to spot, and became a drugged up wreck on cocaine. Henry stopped the Irish Republic from qualifying for next year's World Cup with another display of cynical cheating, and he could suffer the same fate.  • FIFA has no intention of taking action against Henry for 'bringing the game into disrepute' as it was the French national side which benefitted from his cheating. So he will not be banned from appearing in the World Cup, fined 2 years's salary and informed that his life will be uninsurable if he ever sets foot in southern Ireland.  • The English FA will not be taking action against Henry as payback against the Irish for being bribed by the EU into accepting its constitution.

HOME NEWS  Dave's getting there! Call Me Dave, the Tories' leader, has made a start at proving he's the right person to succeed G. Broon as prime monster. Brown reneged on a promise to hold a referendum on the Lisbon treaty, and D. Cameron matched him this month. So he's added liar to his existing credentials as a global warming swindler. We can't wait for his next step in the right direction. "The BBC could cut the licence fee in half if it got rid of the middle managers with non-jobs, the advisors, the perks & junkets which would never stand exposure to the light of day (but which aren't exposed because the BBC is allowed to keep its accounts secret) and the thick, thick layer of self-satisfied political correctness."    Wagner Dustbin <hepatitisCsag@croire.com> "Re: the Brown handwritten condolence letter fiasco – Could it be that his staff know he's on the way out and they don't CARE how big a chump our temporary prime monster looks with his inability to write and spell?"    Jannette Gomez <sjinpvipo@forgiven-sinners.com> Observation of the Month : "Now everything has become clear. It was Gordon Brown's handwriting that was the inspiration for that terrible 2012 Olympics logo!"

ROMILEY NEWS Technology marches on Romiley Junction has now caught up with Marple. The station has just acquired a new electronic platform sign to tell the customers what time it is and how late their train is.

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SPACE NEWS  Earth not destroyed by asteroid The rogue rock missed our sitting duck of a planet by only 8,700 miles on Friday 6th November, and it was spotted only 15 hours before its close approach, which didn't give the astronomers much time to panic.    Could life on Earth have been wiped out? Well, actually, no. The rock was only 23 feet in diameter and it would have burnt up in the atmosphere had it come any closer. Some water on the Moon NASA's LCROSS experiment might have been a total flop as a TV spectacle, as the lead probe failed to throw up the promised 6-mile high plume of bright dust from Cabeus crater, but their instruments did detect 'significant' amounts of water – around 100 kg in the area of their 20 metre impact crater and an ejecta blanket some 60-80 metres across. So that was $79 million well spent.

TRAVEL NEWS  It's just another scam, folks Attention all airline customers who are now paying a higher rate of Air Passenger Duty. A. Darling, the current Chancellor has admitted that the money will be going to bail out the banks. None of it will be spent on saving the planet, which is what Darling told the nation when he announced the Stealth Tax rise. Good News! Ben Elton, a class war comedian who became totally tedious about 20-odd years ago, is going to Australia for good. Horrible Thought : What if the Aussie's won't let him stay?

WAR NEWS Inspiration Available New Labour is now plotting to recreate the Afghan election experience in Britain next year. Sitting Afghan President Khami Kharzi made it so obvious to the opposition that he would, and could, use vast amounts of British taxpayers' cash to cheat his way to 'victory' that they just gave up and let him retain the job unopposed when a second round of voting was needed.    New Labour knows that this in the only way they'll get Gordon Brown past the next general election as prime monster, and they do have access to the taxpayers' pocket. Fanatics' Licence Mr. Justice Burton's ruling that an obsession with man-made global warming amounts to a religion has legitimized murder. All a killer has to do is argue that the victim was a danger to the planet and offended the killer's green quasi-religious prejudices, and everything is okay and the killer can walk.    Likely targets for green murders include anyone working at a power station or in the motor vehicle & airline industries, anyone connected with travel and transport in any way, anyone who travels by road, rail or airline, and anyone who thinks that global warming swindlers are liars and hypocrites.    And once some dotty judge grants the green jihadists the right to possess nuclear weapons, no one will be safe! Warning! Brown Reality Good News – having British troops in Afghanistan stops the Taliban inviting Al Kaida to set up holiday camps there. Bad News – The Taliban can invite the bad guys to stay at their delightful holiday camps in neighbouring Pakistan, which offer convenient access to an open border. A statement of protocol When he dons the hat which turns him into the Monster for Propaganda & Popular Enlightenment, Lord Sleaze is to be addressed as Lord Goebbels. Another day, another dotty old judge A bloke who believes that the police should hire mediums to contact the dead in criminal investigations was let go during training to become a special constable. So the judge at his employment appeal tribunal in Manchester ruled that his delusion amounts to a religion and he was sacked unfairly. "You couldn't make it up!" Blair's lies exposed The Sunday Telegraph has exposed the reason why the 2003 war in Iraq was such a shambles. Blair had to keep it top secret because if the British people had found out that he was planning an invasion, he would have lost all support and his job.    Keeping the whole deal top secret meant that the people who should have been involved with planning a war weren't, the necessary equipment needed by the troops wasn't bought and the troops weren't trained and issued with insufficient and inadequate kit. And there was no post-victory plan.

WORLD NEWS  Flood warnings for Scotland The Scottish government had a busy time issuing flood warnings at the beginning of the month. Three-quarters of the month's average rainfall landed on the Aberdeen area in a single day, leading to an energetic night for the flood rescue services. Wales and the north-east of England also suffered. Local councils in the affected areas are now preparing claims for additional funding from central government as special victims of localized "climate change for the worse". A reputation built on enemies The Conservative party is doing a great job. How do we know? Because those arch euroscroungers the French are bitching and trashing the Tories reputation to the max. So they must be doing something right! Yes, the universe really is out to get us! The people who believe that ripples from the future are changing events right now got a bit of encouragement early in the month. A bird dropped bits of a French loaf onto the power supply to the CERN experiment and put the Large Hadron Collider out of action again. Some people think this gadget, which took 20 years to build at a cost of $5 BILLION, will produce mini-black holes, which will swallow the Earth. They also believe that the future is trying to protect itself from this man-made disaster by disrupting the past. Which could well explain why the LHC hasn't worked since it was tried out, briefly, in September last year.

	Harridan Harperson's attempts to make sure that MPs can continue to rip off the taxpayer with their expenses in the hope it makes her popular enough to be the next Labour party leader. G. Brown's congratulations for Pres. Kharzi for winning a rigged election in Afghanistan. The ruling by employment tribunal judge Sir M. Burton that an obsession, such as one about global warming, counts as a religion. Ann Ainsworth of Derbyshire county council, who banned collection boxes for the Royal British Legion poppy appeal from the county's libraries. Non-Fire Night – the 'elf & safety Nazis won't allow a bonfire but they're willing to let the customer set their fireworks off, with appropriate supervision, near a big screen with pictures of a good blaze on it. T. Nicholson, who thinks his personal prejudices about global warming entitle him to special treatment. Home Sec. A. Johnson reckons that the Ministry of Defence has to pay bonuses to Whitehall pen-pushers because desk jobs can be 'difficult and dangerous'. Call Me Dave Cameron's noises about putting politics back into the hands of local people, where they belong (as opposed to Dave's Diktats and parliamentary candidate lists from Tory Central Office). The bin is still ready & Mandelson

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