2009/March    final	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

SPORT NEWS Wrong Brit wins in Oz The wheels have come off the mighty McLaren charge for the moment. The car doesn't have that much speed, and it was a tribute to the carnage caused by the bad driving of others, and buckets of sheer, dogged British grit, that Lewis Hamilton managed a 3rd place in the Australian opener of a new Grand Prix season.    Rising from the ashes of the frankly terrible Honda team, the new Brawn team set a new world record by getting both drivers on the front row of the grid and achieving a 1-2 finish. Barrichello's 2nd place was made all the more remarkable by the fact that he seemed hell-bent on crashing into as many other drivers as he could manage right from the start.    But the day belonged to Jenson Button, who had managed just one Grand Prix win with the Honda team (Hungary, August 2006). His astonishing win in a car which was more or less thrown together for the occasion; the engine just bolted into a new chassis with little opportunity for testing; is a testament to the skill of Button as a driver and his team's ability to give their drivers the best possible chance on the track.    No doubt the Gods have all sorts of grotting in store for Mr. Button and his team during the rest of the season, but at least they've had one day in the sun.

JOB OFFER Islamic Jihadista seeks Script Writer  • MUST be a specialist in TORTURE CLAIMS  • MUST be able to come up with claims which are SHOCKING and ORIGINAL  • CREDIBILITY IS NOT AN ISSUE as there are plenty of people around who have a vested interest in believing the worst about the British. Apply in writing in the first instance to: Box 007, BFN

CRIME NEWS  A nomination for the best quote of 2009 The setup : Some 'dirtbag' in Polk County, Florida, was pulled over in a routine traffic stop and ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times. The payoff : When the meeja asked why they shot the dirtbag 68 times. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "That's all the bullets we had." Muntazer Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who chucked his shoes at Pres. Bush, is going to gaol for 3 years. He must be bloody glad he didn't actually hit old Dubya and end up at Guantanamo Bay. lord myners convicted of back-scratching over fred the shred pension The Court of Public Opinion has ruled that this brown stooge knew what questions to ask the board of the Royal Bank of Scotland over failed boss fred 'the shred' goodwin's pension, but deliberately failed to ask them as a favour to a fellow city spiv. Decisions by the Court of Public Opinion are final and not subject to appeal. new labour political concepts explained: The Rule of Distinguished People – Jobs for the boys & labour donors, no matter how useless or crooked they are. Definitions for the 21st Century : MP (initials), Money-grubbing Parasite G20 (abbrev.), scotch gordon is in 20 different sorts of economic trouble and he wants the rest of the world to bail him out, esp. via cash donations from the USA, France & Germany. Blink and you'll miss them! Here is a rare view of the hands of the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner John Lyon. They're rarely on view as Mr. Lyon spends most of his time sitting on them instead of condemning the sleazy crew at the Palace of Westminster for abusing their expenses and riding roughshod over the rules.    Recent beneficiaries of the hand-sitting include Home Sec. j. smiff and Employment Minister t. mcnulty, both of whom have abused the 2nd home allowance shamelessly for years, Minister for Fake Tans p. hain, who ignored the rules for declaring campaign funds for his pathetic bid to become the deputy captain of new labour's sinking ship, and the Speaker, Weegie mick, whose wife regularly spends a small fortune of other people's money on taxis when she does the shopping. A reader comments: "I think you're being too hard on this poor bloke. He's only on £108,000 per year, so it's expecting too much to hope he'll actually do any slaying of scumbag grabbing MPs. And the poor sod is 60, so he's probably just coasting to retirement and a long way past doing anything active."    wdzbaron@mad.scientist.com

BOOK OF THE MONTH The Little Book of Favourite Bible Stories This classic for children of all ages Includes:  • How Samson slew Delilah with the jawbone of an ass  • How Moses set fire to the money-changers in the temple with a burning bush  • How Jesus walked on water and fell in because Judas had moved one of the     just-submerged stepping stones  • How Moses started across the Red Sea after an off-shore earthquake had caused a     very low tide, only to be wiped out by a tsunami And Lots, Lots More!!! Get an autographed copy for £8.50 from: Romiley Book Store, 45 Riverside Drive

DAFT NEWS  "No swimming, it's too wet." Swimmers at the London Fields Lido outdoor swimming pool at Hackney have to leave the water and take shelter when it rains. They are allowed back into the pool only when the rain stops, thanks to the local council's elf 'n' safety regulations.   • Diving into the pool at the Erith Sports Centre in Bromley is banned by the local elf 'n' safety nazis. "US will appoint 'Afghan PM' to bypass Hamid Karzai" The above headline from theGuardian for 2009/03/23 prompted BFN to ask Pres. O'Bama if he could do the same for us and install an Afghan prime monster to replace scotch gordon, who is an even bigger disaster than Pres. Karzai.    A Reader Comments: "We should ask the Yanks for military aid, too. Pres. Khazi only has the Taliban attacking him from the south. We've got the whole bloody European Union doing it to us." Grabbing Bastards! new labour and scotch gordon have shoved the country into a recession and everyone's looking at a gloomy future. So our dear MPs decided to cheer us up with a demand for a pay rise of £40,000 per year. The good news is that they're only getting a rise of £1,500 per year [which is £40,000 more than they deserve. Ed.]. The bad news is that they're still stealing from the taxpayer via their allowances, including the 2nd home allowance. MPs' expenses for 2007/08 were up by a massive 8% on the previous year.

DOSH NEWS  Payback for being asleep at the wheel? The sometime chairman and directors of the Royal Bank of Scotland, and lord myners, all face sequestration of their assets to repay to the taxpayer, the £17,000,000 golden parachute payment, which they made to fred 'the shred' goodwin, the man who drove the company into the ground.    Others who sanctioned similar rewards for failure, including present and former members of the government and the civil service, are expected to be the target for future sequestration orders.   • The Public Accounts (Measured Reparations) Committee wishes it to be known that the orders are issued not in a quest for vengeance but in the public interest and as a means on nudging public and commercial life back toward the path of decency. The Wogan Conundrum Four earlier cuts in the bank rate didn't make the high street banks lend more. So why should a fifth reduction, to a miserly 0.5%, make any difference? What it means in practice In the Computer Age, Qualitative Easing doesn't have to involve the physical printing of lots more banknotes. All the government has to do is the equivalent of looking out its bank statement and adding a couple of zeros in front of the decimal point with a felt tip pen. Take some time off, for all our sakes! Reports from Downing Street suggest that scotch gordon hasn't started watching the boxed set of Great American Classic Films (which includes Lawrence of Arabia for no apparent reason), which Pres. O'Bama gave him as a 'go home, gordon' bribe.    BlackFlag News would like to suggest that the country would be better off if our meddling prime monster spent more time watching DVDs and less time screwing up the economy and giving all of our money to his banker pals. Proverbs for today: Look after the pennies, because that's all that's left after gordie broon stole all the poonds. What about 'services to the poor bloody taxpayer'? While tony blair and scotch gordie broon were giving knighthoods to fred the shred and his mates for 'services to banking', fred & Co. at the Royal Bank of Scotland were conspiring to do the British taxpayer out of half a billion quid via tax avoidance schemes. Would you Adam & Eve it! Lloyds TSB, which has seen its share price plunge to 10% of the value a year ago, has sent out letters encouraging its customers to use their credit cards to buy chips at casinos.    Let us hope the customers prove to be better gamblers than the bank's chairman, victor blank, and the rest of the labour party cronies who ruined what used to be the best bank in the country (but still collected their huge & undeserved bonuses). Wiseguy of the Month Award? On April 15th, the American Family Association and others plan to hold TEA** Parties all across the United States. Which seems to have prompted Royston Hattersby of the Garbagegate website to post this comment on the DesertConservative.com website: "Just a thought, but will you be chucking Pres. O’Bama into Boston harbour on April 15th? It’s something you really ought to consider if you’re going for historical accuracy."    ** Taxed Enough Already

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Attention Science Fiction Fans! The Invaders, Seasons 1 & 2, are now both available on DVD for Region 2. All 43 episodes of David Vincent's epic struggle against alien beings from a dying planet, intent on making the Earth their world, can now be viewed in the comfort of the sci-fi fan's own home. Category : Mid-20th Century TV Sci-Fi (first broadcast 1967/68)

CLIMATE NEWS    Chinese water monopoly one day? Anyone worried about glaciers melting and raising sea levels to the mountain tops can relax. China is running out of water and it plans to build a network of monstrous reservoirs the size of a decent inland sea to plug the gap. So the world's next problem is likely to be shrinking sea levels and ports finding themselves left high and dry rather than flooded. But the doom-sayers will still have something to moan about, so they'll still be happy (along with the Chinese). Democratic deficit lord sleaze of vandalson has been bombarded with green custard as a protest against his green hypocrisy. The bombardment was performed with TV cameras standing by and a press pack waiting for a statement from the bombarder, Leila Deen, who described her gesture as a last resort of the democratic process, which has been excluded from labour's stitch-up over the unwanted 3rd runway for Heathrow airport. Warmistas frozen out What was billed as 'the largest ever demonstration for civil disobedience over climate change' flopped at the beginning of this month. It should have taken place in Washington but D.C. was covered by a foot of snow in the coldest winter for over a decade and just a couple of hundred well-lagged, hard-core warmists turned up. Something else the Warmistas are keeping quiet about Meteorologist Anthony Watts has crunched results from all 4 major global temperature tracking sources – The UK’s Hadley Centre for Climate Prediction and Research, NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, the University of Alabama in Huntsville and Remote Sensing Systems – and found that the total amount of global cooling in the last year is 0.65 to 0.75 deg.C. Which is enough to erase nearly all the global warming recorded over the past century. The laws of physics Because of its molecular structure, carbon dioxide can absorb infrared radiation emitted by the Earth only in 3 narrow frequency bands corresponding to wavelengths of 2.7, 4.3 and 15 micrometers. The CO2 already in the atmosphere already absorbs all of the energy of this type which the Earth emits. So adding more CO2 to the atmosphere won't make a blind bit of difference but cause it can't absorb more energy than what's on offer. Swindlers Thwarted An expedition to the North Pole, backed by the likes of the WWF and the BBC, was intended to 'prove' that the Arctic ice is disappearing. Last month's departure was delayed by “an unusually heavy snowfall” and the 3 'explorers' were dismayed by how cold it was when they were air-lifted to their starting point. Apparently, they hadn't been expecting temperatures of -40 deg.C.    Like Fridtjof Nansen, who tried to get to the North Pole in 1892, they found that they were slogging north at the same speed that the ice pack was drifting south. The intrepid trio were “disheartening” to find that they were getting nowhere; something they would have been warned about if they'd watched the right episode of Voyages of Discovery on the Discovery Channel. They also almost became lunch for one of the polar bears, which the GW Swindlers are trying to tell us are going extinct.    The expedition plans to measure ice thickness in the hope of proving that the Arctic ice is disappearing. Unfortunately, the US Army has been doing that for donkey's years and their results prove that the ice is getting thicker. But the expedition has a tame professor, who has a computer program which is guaranteed to create an ice loss out of any data. So no doubt the whole fiasco will be declared a resounding success by the sponsors and other Global Warming Swindlers. It's the law, it doesn't have to make sense A London employment tribunal has ruled that people who take a faith in global warming to the point of a mental disorder can't be sacked for disrupting their employer's business because their 'faith' is classed as a philosophical belief under the Equality (Religion and Belief) Regulations (2006). Obscuring the truth  • The UN's International Panel on Climate Change, which uses computer models that don't work and has no sea level experts on its current teams, predicts a sea level rise of 17" by 2100.  • Al Gore, global warming swindler and failed politician, predicts a rise of 20 feet by 2100 based on no scientific evidence.  • Dr. Nils-Axel Mörner, past chairman of the International Commission on Sea Level Change, who actually measures sea levels and studies actual records of sea levels, predicts a rise of 4" with an error level of plus or minus 4". Service expensive but ineffective? The Archbishop of Canterbury reckons that God won't be doing anything about global warming. Which leaves the rest of us wondering: "What use is this God person anyway?"

ADVERTISEMENT The Church of the Great Global Warming Swindle calls upon all True Believers to make the Ultimate Sacrifice. Empty your Wallet in the Cause of Saving the Planet. Give us the Means to Pursue this Holy Cause to the Exclusion of Reason & Science. Give us the Means to buy More Falsified Evidence to Bamboozle the Idiots at the United Nations and other Politicians, and the BBC and other gullible Broadcasters. Think of your Planet and Give, Give, Give. All donations to : Box 008, BFN

DEPARTURES    Sappers Patrick Azimkar & Mark Quinsey, PC Stephen Carrol All three were murdered in Ulster by Irish terrorists at or around the first weekend of this month, the soldiers at their barracks at Massereene on the eve of a deployment to Afghanistan, the police officer while answering a 999 call.  DEPARTURES    William Wallace, (b.k.a. Ali Bongo) The self-styled Shriek of Araby and president of the Magic Circle has died at 79. A talented performer in his own right, he worked in magic shops in London to pay the rent until he felt able to devote himself full-time (all day and all night, on occasions) to magic. He worked as David Nixon's assistant in Mr. Nixon's ground-breaking 1970s television shows and he starred in his own show for the BBC in 1971.    Ali Bongo was the chief consultant to the Paul Daniels Show through its 15-year run. His talent for coming up with everything from small tricks for close-up magic to full-stage illusions for other magicians was the inspiration of the day job of Jonathan Creep, the TV detective created by David Renwick.  DEPARTURES    Konrad Dannenberg One of the team of V2 rocket engineers, who helped the Americans beat the Russians to the Moon, has died at 96. A graduate in mechanical engineering, Konrad Dannenberg was transferred to the research station at Peenemunde and worked on the V2's propulsion system. After World War 2, he was shipped to Fort Bliss, Texas, with Wernher von Braun's team and as much German rocket equipment as the US forces could lay their hands on.    He worked on the Redstone and Jupiter missile projects, and it was a Redstone rocket which launched the first US satellite into orbit, some 3 months after the Russians launched Sputnik I.    Mr. Dannenberg became a senior manager on the Saturn programme when the race to the Moon began, and it was the Saturn 5 rocket which took the Apollo crews to the Moon. He was working on space station designs when he retired in 1973. He then became an 'educator' at the US Space & Rocket Centre at Huntsville.  DEPARTURES    Maurice Jarre An Oscar-winning composer of film music with a career stretching back to the 1950s has died at 84. He began his working life in the film industry of his native France and caught international attention with his score for David Lean's blockbuster Lawrence of Arabia (1962). His list of over 150 screen credits includes Doctor Zhivago, A Passage to India, Ryan's Daughter and The Dead Poets Society. He believed that his music had to contribute to the film's message rather than being just something there in the background, like wallpaper. He was still winning awards as recently as last month, when he was awarded a special prize at the Berlin Film Festival, and his film themes live on as works in their own right.

EU NEWS  EU Kommissars abolish human values A new direktive from the European Parliament insists that all personal titles should be abolished in favour of "European Comrade" as a standard title. This ruling applies especially to women, who will be able to sue for distress if addressed as Miss, Mrs., Frau, Madame, etc. Simultaneously, all countries will be abolished in favour of regions, each defined arbitrarily by the European Parliament's "Districts & Regions Committee", which will appoint a team of Gauleiters to administer the various regions.    The next step of the parliament's Final Solution for Europe will be to abolish all national armed forces and incorporate their personnel and equipment into a unified European People's Liberation Directorate (Armed Forces). A separate European People's Liberation Directorate (Policing & Borders) will replace all national police forces. All banks and the personal assets of European citizens will fall under the control of the European People's Bank of Unity.    All dissenters and opponents of the European Final Solution will be rounded up and held in concentration camps until Russia joins the European Union and makes its gulags in Siberia available for housing unwanted sections of the European population. The wrecking mission continues The European Commission wants to destroy the European rosé wine industry with another of its casual acts of vandalism. At present, rosé wine is made in France from red wine only and by exposing the grape juice to the skins for a carefully calculated time. Elsewhere in the world, they just slosh together half a barrel of red plonk and half a barrel of white plonk and call it rosé. And the EC thinks that Europe should embrace this production method on bogus harmonization grounds.

HEALTH NEWS It seemed like a brilliant idea, shame it's rubbish The Scottish government's plan to make booze dead expensive to put it out of the reach of alkys, and anyone not on the public payroll, has hit the buffers. It seems the plan is not only illegal, it also falls foul of international trade laws and improved new labour's Human Rights Act. Nothing to do with health, it's all about the money A reader writes: "The government's chief medical officer wants to make alcohol cost twice as much because he thinks that will reduce binge drinking. How typically bloody new labour – sticking another bloody Stealth Tax on everybody. Instead of making life worse for the rest of us, the mealy mouthed bastards should make binge drinking a criminal offence with a fine of £200 for the first offence, £500 for the second offence and £1,000 for a third and subsequent offences. If the binge drinkers don't have any money, they aren't going to be able to spend it on booze." Another reader writes: "What this bloody useless government should do is arm the police and let them shoot all obnoxious binge boozers. And if that violates their 'uman rights, the nation will apologize to the dead, rotting corpse." Another reader writes: "It's a bit bloody much when an MP's husband can't watch a porn film at the taxpayer's expense to relieve the tedium of the £40K, taxpayer-funded, non-job he has as his wife's social secretary."

HOME NEWS  Hoot of the Month lord sleaze of mandelason, twice sacked from the cabinet for dishonesty and doing favours for mates, thinks former RBS boss fred 'the shred' goodwin has no shame! Descriptions for the 21st Century The guy's a goodwin – translation: he'll drive a healthy company into the dust and expect to collect a knighthood while doing it then walk away with a huge pay-off and a £17 million pension pot. The Bank of England is to print £150 billion of unsecured new cash. Shame it's all going to bankers and the government's pals instead of real people. Power without ability or judgement If labour wins the next election, the boy miliband at the Education Dept. will lower the voting age to 11 and raise the school leaving age to 21. Three minutes after he made this announcement to the Scottish labour conference, the men in white coats arrived to drag him back to his box. 2-Jags scam to be enforced with rigour The government has decided to force councils to steal houses which have been left empty or unrented for 6 months using Empty Dwelling Management Orders, an abuse barged through Parliament in 2004 by j. prescott, the former deputy prime monster. People who have inherited a property from a relative, and who don't see any point in selling it in a collapsing housing market, will be obliged to sell it in order to hang on to some of the value of the asset.    It is believed that the government's next target will be dwellings with a single occupant. There is an enthusiasm at Downing Street for offsetting the lack of new house building by forcing people who live alone either to move in with some other solitary person or face having a family of asylum seekers imposed on them.    Survivors of World War II have memories of the same thing happening under another labour government in 1946, when any house which looked as if it might be empty was the target for a confiscation attempt by the local council. Play the race card, it works every time This character was sacked by the Bedfordshire police force last year because he wasn't up to the job. So he's now accusing his former workmates of laughing at his beard (which, he claims, helps Moslems relate to him) and being racialist and, of course, he's claiming compensation for his hurt feelings.    After looking at his picture, BFN thinks the Bedfordshire police should sue him for assuming a deliberately comical and provocative appearance. They're bound to win if the case is heard before a jury of real people. Believe it or what! scotch gordon is like a teenager, who invited his mates to a party which got the family home wrecked by a flash mob and who is now pretending he can fix everything up. Yeah, right! Just a thought, but maybe we're safer if MPs waste time tinkering with the rules for the monarchy. At least the useless sods aren't doing anything more to screw up the economy while they're trying to put a one-legged homophile Catholic on the throne.

SPACE NEWS  What some people will do to get themselves noticed! A (retired) Russian general, who's obviously missing the limelight, has come up with a brilliant conspiracy theory. Last month's collision between a redundant Iridium communication satellite and a dead Russian military satellite was no accident, he reckons. It was really a test of a secret American project to develop technology to intercept and destroy enemy satellites. So now we know! Close, but no cigar A rock the size of the one which devastated the Tunguska region of Siberia in 1908 whizzed past the Earth on the first Monday of the month. 2009 DD45 missed us by just 44,750 miles, which is one-fifth of the distance between Earth and the Moon and twice the orbital height of satellites in geosynchronous orbit. It was spotted by astronomers at the Siding Spring Survey in Australia just 3 days before its close encounter with us. Kepler Space Telescope launched Following the failure, last month, to launch a satellite to measure carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, NASA was relieved to see the $600 million Kepler telescope launched successfully. The telescope contains the largest camera ever put into space. It will go into orbit around the Sun and scan 100,000 stars of the Milky Way's Cygnus and Lyra constellations for signs of dimming of their output due to Earth-size planets passing in front of them. Having found hundreds of planets of Jupiter size or greater, NASA is hoping to locate Earth-size worlds in the right orbit to allow life to evolve.

TRAVEL NEWS  Underwater miracle? Eurotunnel (est. 1986) has paid its first ever dividend on its shares. Having paid off, and restructured, a mountain of debt, the company actually made a modest profit last year. Something quite different Anyone wanting to watch an island being created has to travel half way round the world to Tonga. A second vent of the volcano over a Pacific magma plume has been blowing off this month. It has been so energetic that it has bridge the gap between the 2 vents and doubled the size of the original island. Tourists are advised to take a steel umbrella as there is a lot of heavy fall-out from the island-building process. Plane Useless An Italian court has sent a Tunisian pilot to gaol for 10 years for killing 16 people in a crash in 2005. When the aircraft got into trouble, the pilot chose not to make a landing at a nearby airport. Instead, he opted for praying aloud and crashing into the sea off Sicily. The co-pilot also got 10 years.

The War Crimes Commissioner by L. Gordon Range As Germany prepares to release members of the Red Army Faktion terrorist group (on the grounds that killers in their fifties and sixties are no longer dangerous or relevant), it is instructive to remember what went on back in the 20th century, when criminals dressed up as social terrorists were running riot all over Europe.    Read about the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website Category : Late 20th Century Criminal History (published 1987)

WAR NEWS  How many times are they going to kill the sucker? 'Chemical' Ali Hassan, the former Iraqi intelligence boss and leading Baath party officer by virtue of being one of Saddam Hussein's cousins, has been sentenced to death for the 3rd time for organizing the murder of Shia supporters of a cleric, who was assassinated in 1999.    He has also received death sentences for genocide by chemical warfare against the Kurds and mass murder of Shia Moslems, who revolted after the first Gulf War, expecting the US to step in and put down Saddam Hussein, whose army had just been chased out of Kuwait.    Mr. Chemical has been in gaol in American custody since August of 2003 and his lawyers are making an absolute MINT out of all the legal messing about and appeals against his various sentences. MI5 is struggling to keep up with the number of spies in Britain from Russia, China, the EU and our other enemies. Business as usual The Israeli army is investigating multiple murders of unarmed Palestinians, including women & children, committed during its recent assault on Gaza. The Parliamentary Standards Commissioner in London is standing by in case they need an emergency air-lift of whitewash. Business as usual II The Chinese government's propaganda ministry is feeling powerful enough to tell its customers world-class lies. In search of tuition in this black art, the Ministry Cadre Commander has sent a team to Britain to receive training from corrupt new labour's spin doctors.

WORLD NEWS  The impossible dream! scotch gordon is hoping that some of President O'Bama's charisma will rub off on him at their meeting in the United States. BlackFlag News advises Mr. Pres. to wear earplugs while scotch is around as he's liable to be deafened by the grinding of brown teeth caused by mr. broon's awareness that smug bugger tony b. liar got to see the new president first.    Something else calculated to poison the prospect of instant friendship is scotch's briefing that O'Bama is following the broon master plan for world recovery and grateful for the guidance.    Let us hope that the presidential aides have warned their master that where scotch gordon is concerned, "this guy's a goodwin". [Except that scotch will expect to stroll off with an earldom rather than a knighthood. Ed.] The US Congress gave scotch gordon 19 ovations while he was smarming up to them and rattling his begging bowl. But according to Kevin Connolly of the BBC News:    "The joint houses [of Congress] are almost as well-drilled as the National Assembly of North Korea in recognising the key moments in a speech which call for you to leap to your feet applauding."    COMMENTS So not too impressive after all when you know the applause meant as much as that from a bunch of performing seals – noise without understanding or appreciation, noise made in the expectation of a reward of fish. A.M.    And cynics might wonder if there were stooges off-camera holding up idiot boards saying "CLAP" for the idiots in the audience who failed the North Korean indoctrination course. G.R.    I've heard the seats in Congress are all wired up to the mains so that when the stooges are supposed to get excited, someone fires 5,000 Volts up their backsides to get them leaping into the air. C.W. Mr. Anonymous in the USA 37 Americans, picked at Random, New York, were shown a picture of scotch gordon. 100% had no idea who he was and supplying his name made no difference. 100% had never heard of him. Even a guy selling t-shirts with pictures of presidents & prime ministers had no idea whose face was plastered across his product. A desperate retreat to the past Hungary is having a closing down sale as it goes into terminal collapse. Before resigning, the prime minister invited any surviving members of the Hapsburg family to try to reform the Austro-Hungarian empire and provide a transfusion for his anaemic homeland. Crooks In Office If you thought our new labour government is full of scroungers, spare a thought for the electorate in India, where about 25% of the MPs have been charged with a criminal offence ranging from murder, kidnapping and extortion to rape and rioting. Luckily for them, the MPs have enough judges in their pockets to make convictions go away and let them keep their seats. Which is a little bit more radical than the British system of letting the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner whitewash our swindlers.

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	harriet harperson, who talked tough about 'get fred the shred's pension' legislation then found herself isolated because brown & balls had both played the chicken card after realizing their own tough talk was tripe and fred had the power of labour's 'Uman Rights legislation on his side. lord myners, who let fred the shred get away with a doubled pension, either as a favour to a fellow banker or because he's useless. adam applecart, the man who sank the Northern Rock Bank and walked into the sunset with a £900,000 goodbye cheque. Giving ted 'The Chappaquiddick Kid' kennedy an honorary knighthood for services to Irish terrorism. "Immigration is not a black & white issue." – j. woolly ass, Immigration Minister, the new Two-Jags. victor blank, who wrecked LloydsTSB doing a favour for scotch gordon (and himself, he hoped) with the disastrous merger with the basket case bank HBoS, with whom we'd like to couple eric daniels, the chief executive of LTSB, who went along with the dirty deal. lord myners, who admires fred 'the shred' goodwin's success in blagging a massive & undeserved pension from the Royal Bank of Scotland and, presumably, himself, scotch gordon and all the others who let fred get away with it. The Virgin Trains' female jobsworth who harassed a train-spotter at Macclesfield station on bogus security grounds.

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