2007/February    FINAL	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

New on Lulu.com – The Cold Fire of Madness by Philip H. Turner BlackFlag News would like to bring to our readers' attention, this work by one of Romiley's premiere authors.    Read about the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website   Category : Crime, set in 1987

CRIME NEWS new labour lies about crime reduction exposed National governments have been lying so much about crime rates that the United Nations and the European Union Commission have combined to conduct an independent crime and safety survey with no input from European governments.    The survey found that Britain is top of the list for burglaries and car theft. The rates for these crimes are DOUBLE the European average. Britain is also top of the list for crimes involving threats of violence and hate crimes.    In terms of overall crime, Britain came out second only to Ireland. Which leaves the taxpayers wondering exactly what corrupt blair labour has been spending the crime-fighting budget on for the last 10 years, because it certainly wasn't fighting crime. London is officially the crime capital of the European Union, and it has an even worse crime rate than New York. The Thought Crime Police strike again A bloke from Colne, Lancs, was dragged into court this because he thought it would be a good idea to shoot tony blair and then shoot john prescott when he took over from the late blair. What's up with that? One law for labour-supporting bosses? PC Eccles, the secretary of the North Wales Police Federation, has been 'disciplined' for sending out an email encouraging other coppers to sign the online petition against the government's plans for a pay-as-you-drive scam.    He was told that police officers are not allowed to be critical of the government. Which sounds like a clear offence against his human right to participate in the political process and grounds for PC Eccles to sue someone.    Apparently, it's okay for senior coppers, like sir ian blair (no relation), to be corrupt blair labour mouthpieces, or senior coppers from ethnic minorities to profit from writing books knocking the police. Incredible but true! MBNA, the Maryland Bank of North America, has started imposing fines on clients whose credit card is in the black. Anyone with a positive balance on one of their cards can look forward to a fine of £10, or the whole of the credit amount if it is less than £10. Sounds like a switch away from MBNA would be a good idea for anyone unwise enough to have one of their cards. Off we go again! Scotland Yard has found another reason to put 10 Downing Street under the microscope. The Electronic Abuse Squad is investigating rumours that our passenger prime minister is thinking of selling the email addresses of the 1.8 million people who signed the petition against road pricing.    Interest among the email spam community is high over the prospect of acquiring so many 'live' addresses and the profit from selling the road pricing collection is likely to be an irresistible temptation to someone with half a dozen mortgages, which he can't afford. Gotcha! The Manchester hoodie who joined in a photo opportunity for Dave What's-his-face, the Tory leader, has been busted for possession of cannabis and behaving like a twat in a public place. Notable Birthday On the 27th of this month, the Old Bailey courts of justice celebrated 100 years of the crime business. The building has survived bombing raids by the German air force during World War Two and an attack by Irish terrorists in 1973. No doubt the government has a secret plan to declare the facilities obsolete and sell the site off to one of its cronies, but that won't happen until a modest interval has passed.

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HEALTH NEWS Seems serious but it ain't! According to Dr. LeFanu of the Sunday Telegraph, there's something going round called Exploding Head Syndrome. Apparently, sufferers wake up in the middle of the night convinced that they have been hurled out of sleep by the noise of a massive explosion nearby. But when they rush to a window and look out, everything is okay.    "The syndrome is entirely benign and the cause is a complete mystery", is the current reassurance from the medical profession. The 'impudence' drug Viagra is going on sale off prescription at pharmacies in Britain. The price is a rip-off fifty quid for four tablets and the deregulation begins, appropriately, on St. Valentine's Day. DEFRA, Dumb & Blind! The Bernard Matthews turkey ranching business is in trouble for breeding its birds in squalid conditions and not keeping rats and seagulls away from waste materials. But what was the Department for the Environment, Food & Rural Affairs doing while the sites were decaying? Where were the health inspectors? It sounds like corrupt blair labour should be in the dock beside him if Mr. Matthews is ever taken to court. Something Hollywood doesn't want to know It's a film and TV cliché but cigarettes don't light petrol. This is the conclusion from trials at the Alcohol, Firearms & Tobacco research laboratory in Maryland, USA. A team tried real hard and made it real easy for liquid petrol, and a fine mist of petrol and vapour, to come into contact with lit cigarettes. There was no ignition in any of the trials. Which is just what the Mythbusters found on the Discovery Channel ages ago. It's official! England's women are Europe's fattest! The EU has sent out teams of minions armed with tape measures to determine which nation has the fattest population. England was a clear winner in the female person category, with almost one-quarter of English women qualifying as obese.    The English men didn't do nearly as well. They were beaten into second place in the obesity stakes by the huge-noshing Maltese, but they did beat Europe's traditional fatties, the Hungarians, into 3rd place. Last hosepipe ban in England lifted Mid Kent Water decided, at the end of this month, that above average rainfall during a mild winter has filled up its aquifers again. And they hope that they will be able to keep going until next winter without slapping another ban on their customers.

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HOME NEWS corrupt blair labour leadership crisis solved! The general public have come to the aid of the struggling labour party, which is bogged down in a leadership crisis that refuses to go away. The big problem is the succession, and it is allowing our passenger prime monster mr. b. liar to soldier on and on and on into the sunset.    His chancellor, scotch gordon broon, sees himself as the successor as of right but a large faction within the labour party which does not wish to see a dour, nit-picker, who is also in serial denial about his failings, take them into a spectacular general election defeat.    But BlackFlag News has come to corrupt blair labour's rescue!    The staff of BFN has been conducting extensive picture polls with a collection of candid mug-shots of labour MPs, and asking the question: "Which of these people do you thinks best represents the labour party in its current state?"    A staggering 79% of those polled opted for the character on the right, deciding that he has a look of demented recklessness, which accurately sums up the outcome of the new labour project. So all we have to do now is get him out of his current job and into No. 10 Downing Street! After Camelot, what? The operator of the National Lottery put its bid for a 3rd term in 18 boxes of documents. Like anyone's going to read that lot! One thing that's vital for the Third Term is to exclude from anything to do with the lottery the corrupt blair labour party, which has stolen for its own dodgy purposes £18 billion of the £19 billion raised for 'good causes' during the present term. What's this Gorbal Warming we keep hearing so much about? Is it something Scottish? A load of hot air from Glasgow-born or Glasgow-based politicians?    The nation insists on knowing! Grabbing bastards strike again LloydsTSB is imposing an annual charge of £35 on customers who don't use their credit card much in order to satisfy the bank's greed. Which just underlines how much the TSB has gone downhill since it teamed up with Lloyds.

The only TV reviews anyone ever needs to read! BlackFlag News would like to offer its readers a chance to plunge into the world of digital TV. Forget soaps (apart from The Bill), forget 'reality TV' and crap like that. Channels 1 to 4 rarely have anything worth watching any more.    But there's a whole lot happening on the digital channels, including new stuff and blasts from the past which are better than anything being made today.    Don't be left out of the true TV of the 21st Century. CLICK HERE to get involved.

GREEN NEWS Landfill encapsulation is the future! The World Council for Carbon Control has ruled that burying plastic containers in landfill sites makes a valuable contribution to reducing carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere, which is seen as the only means available of nudging the Earth's climate in the direction of cooler temperatures sometime in the distant future.    Accordingly, the WCCC is preparing to impose 'carbon fines' on national bodies, like the European Union, which penalize countries which undertake the Green process of carbon trapping by landfill encapsulation of waste plastic. Saving the planet or empty posturing? Australiens have until 2009 to use up their incandescent light bulbs. Only fluorescent lighting, which costs about 5-10 times more (or even more than that if the energy-saving bulb croaks a long time before its declared lifetime, which most of them do), will be legal from 2009 on.    The change is expected to reduce Australien emissions of greenhouses gases by 0.8 metric megatons per year. Which will reduce the amount of carbon dioxide released into the Earth's atmosphere by a massive 0.00032%. Big deal!

New on Lulu.com – Storm Tide by Philip H. Turner BlackFlag News would like to bring to our readers' attention, this work by one of Romiley's premiere authors.    Read about the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website Category : Crime, 1980s

ROMILEY NEWS Snow? What bloody snow? While Soft Southern Bastards and the Welsh were paralyzed by their snow, and schools and businesses everywhere just gave up, the hardy citizens of Romiley and its environs just got on with it. And as a result of this attitude of rejection, their snow gave up and vanished with a sense of high frustration.

Presented to Cheshire Country Council, which removed a set of goal posts from a children's play area in Alderley Edge. Why? Some brain-dead official ordered Macclesfield Borough Council to take the goal posts down in case someone walked into them in the dark.    Curiously, the County Council chose to leave several as serious obstacles in place; the slide, the swings and the basketball hoop. Or they might be next on the list.

TRAVEL NEWS See Oz and Die! Australia is a place which lots of people want to visit but few of them realize the risks involved. Over 2,400 tourists have croaked there in the last 7 years of all sorts of causes, e.g. drowning, heat stroke and jelly fish stings, on top of the toll from car crashes and natural causes. Apparently, it's a price that has to be paid for visiting a country where the clunking fist of Man has not yet smashed Nature into submission.

WAR NEWS Trigger-happy American pilots on speed Lies from the Ministry of Defence The SUN has exposed a Ministry of Defence cover-up in the case of British troops who were shot up by American aircraft in Iraq in March 2003. The MoD participated in an investigation in the United States, which cleared the pilots (and everyone else) of blame.    Then, at the inquest on a solider who was killed (currently in progress), the MoD denied that there was a cockpit voice recording of the attack, even though it had been used in a British investigation of the incident.    The MoD's story then became that the recording was too badly damaged to use. And it was only when The SUN published a transcript of it that the MoD was obliged to stop lying.    American pilots are chronically poorly trained, poorly informed and routinely fly long missions with the aid of amphetamines. The first 2 applied in this incident. The Americans are their trigger happy pilot back to Iraq. Luckily, his identity was exposed by The SUN, giving everyone within a thousand miles of him the opportunity to run, hide and not come out until the guy is sent home again. "Not me, Gov!" President Ahmad Dinner Jacket of Iran is innocent. He reckons his country's plans to build nuclear weapons are nothing to do with him. All he was doing was following orders issued by his boss, the Grand Ayatollah Bunchofcommies. The boss issued directives and Mr. Jacket just made them happen. ". . . until the bloody pips squeak!" Iran is to be sued in the International Court of Justice by the United States for supplying bombs to terrorists in neighbouring Iraq. The US government has clear proof that Iranian-built high-tech bombs are responsible for the deaths of 171 soldiers of its own and other armies, and also for wounding 642 troops. The plan is to sue Iran for compensation on behalf of the families of the dead and injured.    "Let's see how many nukes the b*st*rds can afford to build when the lawyers have finished with them," a White House spokesman commented. Another show trial collapses. "Is that all you've got?" incredulous judge asks prosecution. corrupt blair labour's attempt to smear the reputation of Col. Jorge Mendonca DSO ended in humiliation when the judge threw the whole mess out of his court. Col. Mendonca had no case to answer, he ruled. The government insisted on having Col. Mendonca charged with mistreating Iraqi prisoners in military custody in Basra for its own shameful reasons, and wasted £20 million of taxpayers' cash on a show trial, which ended in further humiliation for corrupt blair labour and the Attorney General, who had to issue another of his mealy mouthed denials that it was a political prosecution. What goes around comes around! The USA is getting its own back on Iran for funding, and participating, in terrorism in Iraq by paying Arabs in border areas to attack Iranian officials and Revolutionary Guards with bomb and bullets and anything else that works. More Double-Think from the UN The International Court of Justice at the United Nations has ruled that genocide of Moslems was perpetrated in Bosnia but that the Serbs, who were doing all the killing, weren't responsible for the genocide. The ruling excuses the Serbian rump of the former Yugoslavia from paying compensation to its victims so, clearly, some sort of fix went in.

WORLD NEWS Bean-Town Goes Bonkers Boston was brought to a halt at the beginning of the month by a Turner Broadcasting System stunt aimed at promoting a late-night TV cartoon show. Two men planted illuminated signs showing a cartoon character giving a 'middle finger' salute on bridges and public buildings around the city.    Road, bridges and the underground system were closed for seven hours before the dim authorities realized that the blinking signs were harmless. And that wasn't until after the bomb squad had blown up two of them.    The men who planted the signs were arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. In a civilized society, they could expect the charges to be laughed out of court. But we're talking about George Dubya Bush's America, where the president's men are always looking for ways to get back at lefty Ted Turner. TBS has agreed to cough up $2 million to avoid persecution over the stunt. The signs were deployed in 9 other major cities but only Boston got its collective knickers in a twist. Nobody took much notice of them anywhere else. Party props upset Catholic church The Vatican is up in arms because a Milan-based firm has put Jesus 'party' outfits on sale within a short stroll of St. Peter's in Rome. Made in China (where else?), the basic €12 outfit consists of a wig, a moustache and a long, brown beard. More expensive versions come with a long, white robe and a plastic staff. The rule of law in France Smoking has been banned in all closed and covered public places in France on penalty of a fine of €70. But the French are taking no bloody notice, as you'd expect. They're still lighting up in cafes and bars, and anywhere else they fancy.    The same ban comes into force in Britain on July 1st, and corrupt blair labour's fine for unauthorized lighting up will be £200. Paris was just a waste of time? The main problem associated with global warming, despite what the International Panel of Climate Change would have us believe, is that no one knows the mechanism involved and the politicians who will be picking the pockets of the world's taxpayers can't be trusted to do anything helpful. And on their past records, they are likely to end up making things worse. The net closes in The Spanish police have reduced the number of suspects for the murder of the mayor of Fago in the Pyrenees from 37 (the entire population of the village) to just one. Miguel Grima made himself highly unpopular when he was elected mayor in 2003 as he went out of his way to persecute everyone who didn't vote for him. And those who did vote for him didn't get much better treatment. His misrule ended in December when he was shot. The prime suspect is the losing candidate in the 2003 election. New Age Snow In Russia? Siberia is the sort of place that gets lots of snow. But when yellow, orange and even red snow fell on the regions around Omsk & Tomsk, people began to sit up and take notice. The official explanation from Russia's Ministry for Emergencies was that the snow was mixed with dust and clay blown over the border from Kazakstan. but as the coloured snow was oily and had a high content of iron, acids and nitrates, the Russian environmental protection agency is looking for a polluter to prosecute. Tax rate benefit for eBay users eBay is moving its operation from Britain to Luxembourg, where the rate of VAT is lower. From March 1st, British users of the online auction business will be able to pay 15% VAT to the Luxembourg government instead of 17.5% to the British government. scotch gordon broon was given the opportunity to reduce the British VAT rate to the taxpayer's benefit, but he chose not to. A confederacy of busted flushes? Our current British passenger prime monster is thinking about forming a Klingon Federation with President Ahmadin Egad! of Iran. They have realized that they have a great deal in common and they believe that forming a mutual support group will help them to cling on to power for a little longer.    Both men are in a state of epidemic denial, refusing to believe that they are about to get the push for failing to do anything at all for their respective countries while picking fights with foreign governments and massaging their egos on foreign junkets at their taxpayers' expense. You're not safe anywhere! Italian ski resorts are putting speed cameras on their slopes. The authorities say the intent is to reduce accidents, but with fines of up to €1,000 available to the Ski Slope Police, the more likely reason is that, as usual, It's all about the money! Small Fly In Ointment There seems to be a slight snag to the NFL's plan to stage a regular season match between the Miami Dolphins and the New Jersey Giants at the new Wembley stadium in October next year. Americans are notoriously bad travellers and according to a stalwart of the Giants' team, very few of the players actually own a passport.

	All these people who are becoming 'carbon neutral'. "It's the equivalent of putting a single grain of sand on a beach and then bragging they've halted coastal erosion," our expert told us. scotch gordon broon's Poll Tax of the Skies, which Treasury minister john healey has exposed as just another blunt instrument for raising revenue and doing nothing to save the planet. This Stealth Tax is being taken to court on the grounds that it was illegally imposed and scotch looks like having to pay back £2 billion. British Gas, which will dropped its prices by just 17% next month after shoving them up by 50%. British Airways, which is ripping off passengers with its outrageous charges for extra bags, even though the total weight of luggage falls within the previous limit, and subjecting passengers to a high probability of having their baggage lost or looted. BA has chickened out of sticking it to its passengers with a rip-off charge for an extra bag. The policy has been put back until September. Windows Vista – any operating system that needs 13 GIGABYTES of hard disk space has to be overpriced and badly constructed bloatware. Moslems who aren't in gaol, and who have been release after questioning by the police, moaning about living in a police state. Lord Chief Justice Phillips, who thinks gaols are too tough and too awful a place to which criminals should be sent. sir ian blair (no relation), who has taken it upon himself to declare our passenger prime minister innocent of selling honours before the police investigation is over. Which confirms that the fix went in a long time ago. The proposition that 'the intelligence was wrong' before the Iraq war. The attorney general told tony blair, before he had his arm twisted, that regime change wasn't a legitimate excuse for attacking Iraq. So intelligence data was invented to justify a decision to go to war, which had been taken already in the United States. The intelligence was never wrong, it was always false!

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