2006/November    FINAL	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

STOP PRESS A Conspiracy of Rogue Agents The plot of umpteen straight-to-video movies made in the USA involves some secret government agency sending a bunch of 'off the books' rogue agents forth to get a job done to save their country's ass.    Substitute Vlad Putin's ass for the USA's and that's the plot of the Litvinenkno murder. Scrambling over bugger all Civil aviation accounts for 3% of global human-sourced carbon dioxide emissions – that's a massive 0.093% of total carbon dioxide emissions human-sourced plus natural. So stopping ALL airline traffic would reduce global carbon dioxide emissions by an amount that makes no bloody difference, and which is also well within the error limits for the measurements.    It really is all about the money, and the bean-counting bastard politicians are lying to you!

WEATHER NEWS "Do we know what we're doing?    Your guess is as good as anyone's!" "When we factor in only natural phenomenon (sic) we cannot account for the recent observed warming trend. This can only be simulated in our computer models if we factor in human activity on the planet."    – The British Meteorological Office.    Translation : "We don't know if climate change is caused by human activity and our computer model works, or the model is wrong and it's all natural."

TRAVEL NEWS If you're thinking of travelling – don't! That's the message from this government. Rail fares are being allowed to soar, road tax will go up on cars using petrol & diesel, road pricing will become as iniquitous as congestion charges, and if you dare to fly, be prepared to be ripped off by a monstrous Carbon Stealth Tax, which the government will drop down its Black Hole rather than use to save the planet.    Everyone is advised to stay at home and do everything on the internet.

New on the Romiley Literary Circle website Now available to be read online as well as downloaded in zipped PDF format. Read it online on the Romiley Literary Circle website. Download it from the Romiley Literary Circle website. Category : Crime/contemporary fiction. Vintage: late 1980s.

DOSH NEWS Disappearing banknotes in Deutschland The German government is under investigation over a currency scam. Crumbling €100 notes have been reported in 17 cities in the last 5 months. "The notes just dropped to bits after I got them out of a cash machine," an indignant victim of the scam reported.    The Berlin forensic laboratory detected acid in the remains of the decaying dosh and an international currency expert has suggested that this is the pilot for a new form of Stealth Tax.    "If the government were to incorporate tiny capsules of acid during the production process," she told BlackFlag News, "the capsules would be crushed by the rollers in the cash dispenser, releasing the acid and causing the banknote to disintegrate.    "Banknotes are, in effect, credit notes. So if the note disappears, the person who got it out of the cash dispenser will have no 'proof of credit owing' while the government will retain the value of the destroyed note." A Bonanza for Boozers or Scammers? A group of Dutch trippers to France had an order of wine delivered direct to their homes. The Dutch government charged them duty, they challenged the decision and the advocate general of the European court, Francis Jacob, ruled that only duty levied in the country of origin should be paid.    A number of governments, including corrupt blair labour, appealed to the European Court of Justice. The AG's decision is expected to be upheld this month, so look out for a rash of sad stories of people who tried to buy booze on the Internet and got done over by crooks, who took the order and disappeared with the cash. Surprise! The AG's decision was reversed. The fix must have gone in, so booze cruises are still on but the internet trade in low duty goods is still a thing of the future. Who does this guy think he's kidding? An eagle-eyed election official in Broward County, Florida, reckons he saw a real philatelic prize on a postal vote submitted to the US mid-term elections. He reckons the envelope had a 1918 24-cent stamp on it – apparently one of 100 examples of an issue in which the central drawing of a World War One aircraft was printed upside down.    Mint examples of this stamp are worth at least $200,000. The one which the election officials claims to have seen was postmarked, which cuts the value in half. Under the rules of the election, the envelope has to remain in a sealed ballot box until September 2008. What's the betting it's not there when the box is finally opened! The latest news is that the stamp is thought to be a fake, which someone knocked out on a modern colour printer and stuck on an invalid vote. Junketing & glad-handing with OUR CASH Isn't it nice of scotch gordon broon to hand over £100 million of OUR MONEY to buy himself popularity during his junket in Iraq? And isn't it even nicer for tony b. liar to give £500 million each of OUR MONEY to Pakistan & Afghanistan for the same dodgy purpose? Shedding the lies corrupt blair labour deliberately understated the cost of staging the 2012 Olympic games to reduce internal opposition to them. Now the truth is sneaking out of hiding. Adding on the missing costs, such as VAT and the soaring price of land, the latest estimate is that the games will cost Britain £8 billion. And that figure will rise and rise for as long as corrupt blair labour fails to get a grip on things. A Simple & Obvious Solution? The annual cost to the nation of a heroin addict who supports his/her habit through crime is £45,000. A senior member of the Association of Chief Police Officers has suggested it would be cheaper to spend £15,000 per year on giving 600 'hardcore' addicts their fixes on the NHS.    BlackFlag News would like to point out that it would cost only the price of 600 bullets to provide a once and for always solution to the problem. What's the benefit of an energy-saving light bulb? About £3 per year, which is around the cost of the bulb. So if it croaks early, which most of them do, the saving is nil! Great Xmas bargains on offer! Traders in the United States are bracing themselves for a flood of orders from Britain as the dollar heads towards 50p.

JUST A THOUGHT! "... in a democracy, it is practically inscribed in law that inferior persons must become the leaders." A. Hitler, Second Book, Chapter III

CRIME NEWS Cash before road safety? The government's obsession with raising cash via speed cameras is letting drivers high on drink and drugs take to the roads with a reduced risk of being stopped by the police. Why? Because, the Commons Transport Committee has found, the number of traffic police is dropping while the number of speed cameras rises. A day off for the pagans! The 282 pagans and devil worshippers in gaol in England & Wales got a day off work and a chance to dress up in their chosen costumes for Halloween. The prison service let them have their fun day to avoid being sued for religious discrimination by trouble-makers. A soggy time ahead for dissenters! The Metropolitan Police is getting quotations for water cannons as a means of controlling Islamic rioters. The new approach is expected to reduce the number of police injuries at the hands of thugs and the requirement for expensive riot gear, and it will have the additional bonus of washing dirty streets clean.    The next link in the plan will have to be the construction of a pipeline to bring enough water from Wales to keep the capital's rioters in order. Leaky Thames Water will be unable to fill the additional demand. Rumbled! corrupt blair labour is running for cover after Scotland Yard's announcement of a significant breakthrough in the criminal investigation into cash for honours. Charges of corruption, false accounting and the illegal sale of honours are expected. But not anytime soon. Justice! Justice! Justice! New Italian PM Romano Prodi has found a good way to solve prison overcrowding. His election promises included a pledge to put justice at the head of his agenda. But in office, he has cut the budget of the judicial system by 50% so that there is no money to pay for trials and no one goes to gaol. Brilliant or what! "The Fix Went In!" The allegedly Independent Police Complaints Commission has decided there is no need to do anything about the riot-gear-clad police officers, who were shown on national TV performing violent assaults on pro-hunting demonstrators in Parliament Square on 2004/09/15.

ADVERTISEMENT 9th December : Grand Auction of "Autographs of the Famous" An Opportunity not to be Missed! Hundreds & Hundreds of Bargains! Buffet 'n' Bar All Day! Guaranteed reasonable prices and NO VAT because we don't believe in it. Details from: Romiley Auction House, 11a Riverside Drive, Romiley, GB.

WARNING! DON'T BE FOOLED Over 60% of the autographs in the RAH sale are FORGERIES. If you want the REAL THING, come to HONEST JON'S AUTOS, 51 Riverside Drive, Romiley for the best selection in the country at the BEST PRICES.

WARNING! Extract from the Romiley Gazette, 28/06/2005 ROMILEY AUTOGRAPH VENDORS FINED    John Carton and Mark Sommer, trading as Honest Jon's Autos, were convicted in Romiley Crown Court yesterday on three specimen charges of false advertising . . . "Their goods are a catalogue of doubtful provenance," the prosecution said . . . "Honesty appears to be a concept entirely foreign to 'Honest Jon' and his partner." . . . 32 other offences taken into consideration . . . fines totalling £2,189 . . . 6 month prison sentence suspended for 2 years. If you want to be ripped off, go to Honest Jon's! This public service warning posted by Romiley Auction House, 11a Riverside Drive, Romiley, GB.

DEPARTURES William Franklin The owner of one of the really distinctive voices on radio and television has died at 81. His career, which also included film and theatre work, spanned 50 years but he became best known for his Schweppes adverts during the 1960s and 1970s and the catch-phrase "Schhh ... you know who!"    He became the first choice, for a time, for any drama involving espionage following his success in the 1960s TV series Top Secret and he was well known as an actor who could play comedy without being a natural funny man. He could also do menacing, suave and commanding, as required. DEPARTURES Pieter Willem Botha The last 'hardline' president of South Africa's apartheid era has died at 90. He entered his country's parliament at the age of 31 and during 12 years as defence minister, he ran rings around the international arms embargo imposed by disapproving foreign regimes. His reforms during his period as prime minister were seen as largely cosmetic and he became notorious for the repeated 'states of emergency', which he declared during his final 3 years in office.    "He was lucky enough to lead his country when it was prosperous and unlucky enough to survive to watch it descent into a crime- and disease-ridden state, largely due to the neglect of the present corrupt and ignorant regime." DEPARTURES Jack Palance On of the silver screen's more menacing characters has died at 87. He got himself noticed as the bad guy in Shane (1953), which won him an Oscar nomination. 38 years later, he received the best supporting actor award for his role in City Slickers (1991). Born in Pennsylvania, he was a miner, a pro boxer, a model, a waiter and a lifeguard before joining the US army air corps in 1942.    After the war, he gained a degree in drama under the GI bill and immediately found work on the Broadway stage. He branched out into TV and film work, and kept on working for the next 50+ years. He is known mainly for his Westerns and horror films, but he found roles in a wide variety of genres in addition to action films. DEPARTURES Robert Altman The director of M*A*S*H (1970) has died at 81. His best known film was set in the Korean War, but it was really about the contemporary Vietnam War. It spawned a TV series, which lasted 11 years to the Korean War's 3, and which Mr. Altman loathed. He also had success with The Long Goodbye, an adaptation of the Raymond Chandler story.    He was popular with actors but less popular with the cinema-going public. Even so, he managed to keep working as an independent from the studio system for a record 40 years. He received a consolation 'lifetime achievement' Oscar at this year's awards ceremony. DEPARTURES Alexandr Litvinenko A former KGB/FSB officer, who defected to Britain, has died at 43. He has shared the fate of other prominent people, who dared to criticize the current Russian president, Vlad Putin, who is also ex-KBG. Most of the others were shot or blown up to silence them, but it looks like the FSB decided to get creative with one of their own.    Mr. Litvinenko was admitted to hospital at the beginning of the month and died 3 weeks later of, as yet, unexplained causes. Thallium poisoning and something to do with radioactive isotopes are among the theories, which were bandied about in the press. A murder investigation will follow the inquest. Traces of radioactive polonium 210 were found in Mr. Litvinenko's urine, at his hotel and at a sushi bar where he met a contact. It is thought to have been administered in gaseous form. DEPARTURES Alan Freeman One of the icons of Radio One has died at 79. His Saturday afternoon rock show (1973-78) was essential listening for all fans of the genre, it was voted The Best Music Programme On The Wireless Of All Time and the BBC's decision to drop it was taken as proof that the people running the channel were out of their minds. An Aussie by birth, Alan Freeman came to Britain at the age of 30 and spent the next 40-odd years in broadcasting. He worked for Radio Luxembourg then the BBC, and independent radio when it was introduced. He rapidly established himself as a popular performer, whose talent for 'fluffs' invited good-natured parody. He is credited with inventing the top twenty count-down concept, and his final programme, for Radio Two, celebrated his love of opera. "All right! Stay bright! Not 'arf!"

RECYCLED ANNOUNCEMENT of the MONTH The labour party has abandoned spin This advert would have been sponsored by the friends of tony bliar if he had any left. www.fotb.org

FOODY NEWS A miracle of mussels! Researchers at Harvard have found that people who drink lots of red wine can become fat without suffering the consequences of obesity.    The hydroxy-compound reduces the risk of strokes, heart problems and diabetes, and it lets creatures the size of a house live as long as more modestly sized cousins.    At least, that's what's happens with mice. Whether or not the research can be stretched to humans is still to be determined. The latest climate-change scare story A professor of marine biology from California says sea fish will be extinct by 2048. Sounds like lovers of fish 'n' chips had better start filling up the freezer! We wus furst! Devon is claiming to have invented the 'Cornish pasty' in 1510. The earliest recipe found thus far for the Cornish version dates back only to 1746. As a result, the European Court of Appellations is currently considering a re-naming petition. Cornwall has entered a counter-claim on the grounds that their recipe has been passed down by word of mouth since 8,000 BC, when writing things down was not yet in fashion in England.

HOME NEWS Talking about the nanny state ... Apparently, Rossendale council doesn't trust its customers to do ANYTHING! Why else would it employ a Moslem as a Race Crime Co-ordinator other than to make sure that the locals do it properly? A whole lot of fuss about almost bugger all! What passes for the British government keeps going on about what it's going to do to save the planet. But let's cut to the chase. What's on offer? Well, the red part of the above pie chart represents world carbon dioxide production and the black slice is the amount corrupt blair labour is planning to cut, assuming it makes its 2010 target. So let's face it, meeting that target isn't going to make a whole lot of difference.    Especially is a volcano lets go somewhere around the world and gushes out in a week or two, a whole more than Britain's annual output of CO2.    "The costs of climate change are hugely uncertain. The Stern Report is just a guess, and a pretty wild one at that. The results have been stretched to the limits of credibility and beyond." Let's do a deal! The British people have reached an historic accommodation with the Moslems. They will be allowed to wear full-body garments, veils, etc., anywhere they like and British people will be entitled to shoot on sight if they feel threatened by a figure with only the eyes showing. Prime Monster goes Buddhist tony b. liar will be making a series of apologies for his part in the slave trade in the 17th and 18th centuries. Insiders are taking this as a sign that he is abandoning the Catholic church in favour of Buddhism, and he wants to 'clear his incarnations'. His appearance on the children's TV show Blue Peter is expected to be the highlight of his Reincarnation Guilt Redemption tour. "Recycle that? No f'in way!" Locals councils all over the country are refusing to accept for recycling, documents which have been shredded to prevent identity theft.    The excuses include 'it clogs up the recycling machinery' and 'it makes a lot of mess in the lorry'. "Not us, Gov!" The Gremlin (according to the woman reading the news on PM, 17:00-18:00, Radio 4, 2006/11/20) is denying poisoning former KGB officer Alexandr Litvinenko, who just happens to be an enemy of the ex-KGB officer who is currently the Russian president – Vlad Putin. A man whose enemies have a habit of dying in mysterious circumstances. "You can't wear that here, lady!" British Airways is in trouble with the Archbish of York for banning the wearing of Christian religious symbols while encouraging staff to wear the costumes and trapping of other tinpot religions. The company now faces court proceedings, which are expected to enforce its compulsory renaming to Unbritish Airways, a move which will cost it at least £5.2 million for reprinting stationery, changing liveries & uniforms, redoing the website and redesigning tickets. Mr. Canterbury is remaining silent and happy to fly BA. Its all impure self-interest Why are scotch gordon broon and the rest of the corrupt blair labour leadership so dead against Scottish & English independence? Because it means they would be out of a job and gordon would lose his parliamentary seat and a shot at being prime monster. Just a precaution The BBC defector chairman, Michael Grade, has included a pocket Geiger counter in his signing-on package from ITV. "Just in case," a spokesman for the company said. "And Mr. Grade will not be visiting any sushi parlours anytime soon," she added.

ROMILEY NEWS Noisy Nights in November The Bonfire Night Banners haven't got to Romiley. There have been whizz-bangs going off every night of the week in the run-up to Bonfire Night. In fact, it's a wonder the celebrators had any left by Sunday. And whatever happened to the law that made letting off fireworks after 11 p.m. illegal? It looks like another corrupt blair labour gesture – they pass the law for the headlines but don't enforce it. Autumn is here at last Kamikaze leaves are hurling themselves off trees and collecting in huge gangs on the pavements but there are some flowers still out.

SPACE NEWS HST gets a well deserved reprieve NASA has finally been shamed into agreeing to a repair mission for the Hubble Space Telescope, which is running out of working gyroscopes. The mission is on the planner for 2008.    "The HST has made such major contributes to space science that letting it crash into an ocean somewhere while its working life can be extended would be a crime against knowledge."

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT Who, in their right mind, would trust this man to save the planet? "Too much of what this government is doing fails to make an impact because its words are dismissed as spin."      – Peter Mandelson "No amount of spin-doctoring will turn a government which is dishonest and clueless into one which is trustworthy and clueful."      – E. Scott Graiby This advert was commission by The Friends of Planet Earth www.fope.org

SPORTS NEWS A new champion crowned Congrats to Nicky Hayden on winning his first MotoGP championship in the last race of the season. Valentino "The Doctor" Rossi had it all sewn up, or so it seemed. He started the race at Valencia in pole position and 8 points up on Hayden. But he crashed out on lap 5 and even though he got back on his bike, he could finish no better than 13th. So Hayden's 3rd place behind Capirossi and Bayliss (the race winner) was enough to give him the first prize. The government is at it again When corrupt blair labour told us the cost of the 2012 Olympics would be £3.5 billion, they left out the VAT because someone at the Treasury vowed on the head of his unknown father that none would be charged. But suddenly, not charging the VAT is illegal, so that's another £613 million to be added to the bill, which is already over budget. Blame it on global warming; they do it with everything else! The traditional start to the skiing season – December 1st – has been put back in Austria & Switzerland. There is insufficient natural snow on the mountains and the weather has been too warm to allow ski resorts to make artificial snow.

WAR NEWS The price of failure tony blair's adventure in Iraq is costing the British taxpayer £1.4 billion per year. No wonder the lying sod is so opposed to the death penalty! The last refuge of a scoundrel . . . These days, it's religion. Why else would the former World's Favourite Despot have got himself photographed clutching a copy of the Koran when he's well known for running a secular dictatorship?    p.s. How interesting that he's been sentenced to death plus imprisonment for 20 years. No one is expecting an official death sentence to be carried out – Saddam is expected to do a Herman Göring. But our picture shows how he might look if the French get the job of executing him. Vive la Revolution!  •  Saddam's defence team plans to appeal to the European Court of Human Rights when they lose their appeal in Baghdad.  •  The management of the ECHR sees nothing peculiar about trying to protect the human rights of a dictator who has never respected anyone else's. Brilliant UN scam in Bosnia The United Nations Development Programme in Bosnia has come up with a truly brilliant scheme to collect up the millions of weapons left over from the 1992-1995 Balkans War.    A firearms amnesty is being coupled with a grand prize-draw. Anyone who hands in a rifle or handgun will get at least one raffle ticket for a chance to win something in the way of consumer goods.    The Bosnian public will be led to believe that at least every other ticket will be good for a fridge. But what the Bosnian public won't be told is that the prizes will come from the mountains of unrecycled fridges, which are cluttering up various parts of the British Isles. No chance to turn a blind eye Lord Hutton, who is complaining that his Iraq war report wasn't a whitewash job, didn't get to see a document proving that the dodgy dossier on weapons of mass destruction was drafted by a corrupt blair labour spin doctor rather than the head of the Joint Intelligence Committee, who eventually claimed its authorship and was rewarded appropriately.    But does anyone believe that Hutton wouldn't have given the dodgy draft his 'see no evil' treatment and ruled that it lay outwith his brief? The two-minute silence on Radio Three – Big Ben's chimes then just the sounds of a couple of aircraft, high and distant, flying over London before some gunfire and the Last Post. New Stealth Tax on the way Following Dame Eliza Bullish-Manner's announcement that Al Qaida has infested every street in Britain, scotch gordon broon is planning to impose an MI5 Stealth Tax to pay for all the surveillance needed. "I'm sorry. Does that get me off?" Home Sec. john 'soft as putty on crime' reid is launching a new plan to let criminals 'apologize and go free' instead of going to court then an overcrowded prison. Insiders see this as the first step to an apology from our present temporary prime minister for lying to the nation to get us into President Bush's 2003 war in Iraq.    Mr. b. liar is hoping to avoid a savaging from History when he is evicted from Downing Street But first, corrupt blair labour has to establish the concept that an apology wipes the slate clean. Mr. b. liar has told Al Jazeera, the voice of Al Qaida, that the 2003 invasion of Iraq has produced a disaster – which isn't his fault. The trouble is all down to the Scummi and Iranian-backed Shite-ites. Exclusion, Exclusion, Exclusion! Iranian president Ahmadine Jihad* has pushed the US & Britain ouf the 'peace process' in his sector of the Middle East by inviting Syria** & Iraq to an insurgency conference in Tehran in search of common ground. The starting point will be their common hatred of Pres. Bush & the poodle bliar, and their common love for the taxpayers' cash, which these two criminals splash around in the hope of buying allies.    * Promoter of Shitite insurgency.    **Promoter of Sadammista, Scummi insurgency.

URGENT ISSUE In case anyone knows: Is 'putin' the masculine of 'puta'? This question is sponsored by the Friends of The English Language Society www.fotels.org.uk

WORLD NEWS Darkness all around The Germans blacked out Europe during the first weekend of the month by turning their heating up. The surge in demand caused cascade failures all over the Continent until power stations were able to turn up the wick. Britain was not affected.    Brussels bureaucrats are trying to use this event as an excuse for inflicting a pan-European power ministry on their long-suffering customers. Sign of the Times? The looney left council of Fuenlabrada, near Madrid, has ruled that one-half of all road signs and crossing signs should show female figures instead of the current 100% marching men at crossings, etc. We are still waiting to hear which member of the council has shares in the local sign-making works. Nil Extractum Urina! Pope Rottweiler I has decreed that the Italian media and other comedians can no longer make fun of him. Taking the piss out of the pope has always been a traditional pastime in the real world – especially after the Catholic church lost the power to torture people and burn them at the stake. BUT NO ONE LAUGHS AT THE GERMANS! OKAY? Plain speaking is the answer. 10-4! Law enforcement agencies in the United States are giving up their traditional ten-codes in favour of actual English. Why? Because the process of evolution has meant that some of the numbers have been adapted to local conditions and the codes no longer have universal meanings. So in the interests of safety and getting things right, ten-codes are getting the push in favour of plain American. Owning up would be indicated Following tony b. liar's grovelling, the European world is starting to ask the question, "What about the Africans who sold their fellows into slavery? And the Arabs who made fortunes from slave-trading? When are we getting an apology from Nelson Mandela? Or Osama bin Laden?"    p.s. All those who claim compensation for having ancestors who were enslaved will be presented with a large bill for getting them out of disease- and corruption-ridden Africa.

	Gorbals Mick, who's currently impersonating the Speaker of the House of Commons. Either he got together with the labour party's bosses to restrict the scope of questions to his party leader, or he did it off his own bat and proved, yet again, that impartiality is not a word that he understands. Lord Hutton, who has decided, two years after the event, that his report on corrupt blair labour's dodgy dossiers for the Iraq war, etc., wasn't a whitewash job. And there are fairies at the bottom of his garden. Politicians and 'scientists' who pretend to know what will happen in the way of climate change and that they know what to do about it. Whoever it was who gave a job on the London Underground to a convicted terrorist. The BBC plan to cut almost all live music broadcasts on Radio 3. The stitch-up of Aussie Test umpire Darrell Hair by the Asian Mafia to make victim nation Pakistan 'innocent' of ball-tampering, even though he followed the rules properly. Halifax Bank of Scotland for gobbling up the cash of Farepak savers and thinking it was okay to do it. Under corrupt blair labour, murderers can be released half-way through their sentence but if you don't pay your Council Tax, you have to serve out the full whack. It really is all about the money! tony b. liar's solution to the problem of the Axis of Evil in the Middle East, namely joining it! margaret hodge, sometime minister for covering up child abuse, said the Iraq invasion was tony b. liar's biggest mistake in front of a load of journalists – then denied it. Which just underlines how worthless is anything else she says. The government says biometric passports are impossible to forge. So how come the data isn't encrypted securely and they're so easy to clone with a £96 chip reader, which is readily available on the internet? Powys County Council's Trading Standards Dept., which thinks the makers of Welsh Dragon sausages need prosecuting for making their customers think the sausages contain dragon meat. Ken Livingstone, who thinks Londoners should be kept in the dark about how much they're going to be ripped off to pay for the 2012 Olympic Games, which are expected to cost £10-15 billion.

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