2006/June    FINAL

SPACE NEWS The End of the World is Nigh? The US government has told NASA to come up with a plan, before 2029, for deflecting the Asteroid Apophis (a name well known to fans of Stargate SG-1) if it seems likely to hit the Earth during the close approach on 2036/04/13. The chances of this happening are calculated at 1 in 6,250 if no one does anything.    But given NASA's past record of boneheadedness, which includes not knowing whether it's working in feet and inches or metric measurements, anyone of a nervous disposition would be well advised to book a spring holiday on the Moon (or even Mars) in 2036 if NASA actually tries to change Apophis' orbit. New moons named luto's two new moons have received names from the International Astronomical Union – Nix and Hydra. The miniature moons have estimated diameters of 20-45 miles (compared to 750 miles for Charon, Pluto's main satellite). They were found in photographs taken by the Hubble Space Telescope in May 2005. They have also been located in images taken in June 2002. The moonlets are thought to have been formed in the giant impact between Pluto and another planetoid, which formed Charon.    The names are taken from Greek mythology. Nyx, the goddess of the night, is the mother of Charon, the boatman who ferried souls over the River Styx to Pluto's underworld. The Egyptian spelling "Nix" was adopted to avoid confusion with two asteroids, which already have the named "Nyx". Hydra is the nine-headed mythological serpent, which guarded Pluto's realm.

SPACE BETWEEN THEIR EARS NEWS British estate agents Sue & Francis Williams claim to have made £4 million from selling plots on the Moon, Mars and other planets to mugs. They bought their franchise from Dennis Hope, an American who staked a claim to every planet in the solar system in 1980. Mr. Hope filed his claims with the United Nations and the US government, using the 1967 Outer Space Treaty as his authority. The treaty states that no government or country can own land in outer space, but it says nothing about individuals staking claims.    Thousands of mugs have parted with £20 for a parchment deed telling them that they own one acre of the Moon. The Williams are also offering the usual franchise merchandise, including T-shirts, to anyone with cash to spare.    In 2002, Virgiliu Pop, then a PhD Candidate at Glasgow University specialising in extraterrestrial property rights, filed a claim for the Sun "to expose the phoney nature of the extraterrestrial real estate industry". He had the idea of charging Mr. Hope and his mug-punter customers for the use of the light from the Sun, which had become Mr. Pop's property.    Dr. Roland Rowell, chief advisor at the legal firm Legaleyes Ltd., commented this month that any buyer who believes he has a legal claim to extraterrestrial land 'needs their head testing'. This month's "No shit, Sherlock!" Award oes to the gang at Newcastle University, who found that people tend to be more honest when they think they're being watched.

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DEPARTURES Aaron Spelling The man behind Starsky & Hutch, Charlie's Angels, Dynasty and a host of other hit TV series has died at 83. He wrote over 3,000 episodes of TV dramas and produced more than 140 TV movies. His aim was always to please hundreds of millions of viewers rather than the critics, and he achieved it time and time again. Having become one of America's richest and most powerful men, he also claimed a place in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's most prolific TV producer.

ointly to the dotty old judge who ruled that arresting a British Moslem, who tried to fly from Manchester to Iraq to kill British troops, violated his new labour human right to self-defence. ointly to Derby Council, which sent pensioner Josephine Rooney to gaol when she refused to pay her Council Tax because the council was failing to honour its obligation to keep her street clean, a service which is included in those bought via the Council Tax.    Derby Council also failed to collect £3.8 million of the Council Tax due to it in 2005 but it didn't prosecute any of the non-payers.

SPORTS NEWS World Cup crackdown on dodgy refereeing? Referees have been told to flash yellow cards at time wasters to keep matches flowing. Lunging, elbowing and holding are also at the top of the list of instant yellow card offences, but the ref has to be 'convinced' that a player has dived before he books him, so good actors will get away with it, as usual.    On the other side of the coin, refs will have to maintain a high standard after the shameful lapses of 2002, and turning in just one sub-standard performance will mean an instant red card for the ref concerned. He'll be dropped from the tournament right away with no second chance. This bit of FIFA fluff has been exposed as just hot air. The mad Mexican, who put on such a dreadful display of bias against England in the match with Paraguay, didn't get the order of the boot. FIFA has expunged from its official record of the tournament, the fact that British ref Graham Poll handed out 3 yellow cards to the same Croatian player in one of the early matches before sending him off (we're not allowed to say which match).    [It was Australia versus Croatia on June 22nd, score 2-2 Ed.] Valentin Ivanov, the Russian ref for the match in which Holland and Brazil concentrated on kicking lumps out of each other instead of football, has been slagged off for being too severe (rather than not severe enough) by handing out 16 yellow cards and 4 red ones. But the ref can be sure that he did the right thing because Sepp Blatter, a constant candidate for The Most Corrupt German on the Planet Award, sounded off against him for following FIFA's orders to get tough with dirty play. What is it about Latin refs that makes them so crap? Like the Spanish ref who let an Italian get away with a blatant dive in the penalty area and put Australia out of the knockout stage. orld Cup no-show – charles clark. If he's no longer Home Sec., his freebie trip to Germany is off. ejoice! The Boy Wayne is okay for the World Cup. An entire nation breathes a sigh of relief. [Well, the odd few who give a rat's ass. Ed.] The Boy Wayne didn't do a whole hell of a lot as a substitute for the struggling Boy Owen in the match with Trinidad & Tobago, but he did serve as a valuable decoy. The psychology of the star player is that the more attention he's getting, the more room to move his team mates have. The Boy Wayne managed to rush about for the whole of the match with Equador, and the Boy Beckham scored one from a free kick for the first time in 300 years, then dashed about defending nobly, showing a lot of character, despite puking all over the pitch. Euro-hypocrisy in full flight erman and Polish football fans held a full-scale riot in Dortmund. There were 400 arrests and 60 individuals were charged with a range of offences. As no England fans were involved, the riot failed to make headlines around the world, no FIFA jobsworths demanded that points be deducted from Germany & Poland, and Sepp Blatter didn't demand that these countries be expelled from the World Cup. Sponsorship fascists debag Dutch ver 1,000 Dutch fans had to take their trousers off before they were allowed in to watch their team beat Ivory Coast 2-1. Their orange pants sported the logo of the Dutch brewery Bavaria, which isn't a World Cup sponsor.

UNSPORT NEWS The World Cup "Hall of Shame" is filling up nicely FIFA boss Sepp Blatter is looking a cert to win the Twat of the Tournament award for telling referees to get tough with malicious & childish behaviour, then moaning when they obeyed his orders. . Grosso of Italy is an early leader for the Cheat of the Tournament award for his swindle in the Italy v Australia second round match. He threw himself over a prostrate L. Neill in the penalty area, and the dozy ref bought his blatant dive and gave Italy a match-winning penalty in time added on. T. Henry of France has joined the race for this certificate of disgrace. He went down clutching his totally undamaged face in the France v Spain second round match, the dozy ref bought it and France scored from the free kick to go 2-1 up with 7 minutes left.

GOD NEWS Pack 'em in by any means The Church of England is trying to recruit new members by a sneaky route. It is setting up big TV screens in its establishments and showing the World Cup, hoping that fans will feel obliged to go to the odd service in return and suddenly find that the Church fills a gap in an otherwise spiritually barren existence. Storm Warning sing a mobile phone while the Almighty is loosing off with a thunderstorm is a seriously bad idea, which could decrease significantly the chances of the phone-user surviving a lighting strike. A mobile disrupts the protection of high-resistance human skin, which would normally let the energy of the lighting flow relatively harmlessly over the human body, so that there is a greater risk of internal injuries and death.

ROMILEY NEWS Heat-wave special Romiley is receiving a further supply of fizzy water from United Utilities during the hot spell. It's somewhat disconcerting, for those not expecting it, to find the cold tap filling a drinking glass with a faintly milky liquid, but the fizz soon disperses and it seems to be harmless.

NOT WANTED The man who stole your pension is currently in hiding, too ashamed to show himself in Parliament this month because his 'flagship' policies keep hitting rocks and sinking. NO REWARD for his return, preferably dead rather than alive. p.s. 52% of the people of Britain think it's wrong for an MP from a Scottish constituency to become prime minister if Scotland has its own parliament. p.p.s. English people do know the difference between a genuine football fan and a Scottish politician lying in pursuit of English votes.

DOSH NEWS The swindler swindled! ig banks are notorious for swindling their customers via stealth and hidden charges. Now, councils and utility companies have found a way of sticking it to the banks. Local authorities have classified 'stand alone' cashpoint machines as business premises and they are sending the bank which operates the ATM a business rates bill of £2-3,000 per year.    Water companies are also sending in bills, even though ATMs don't use water, but the banks are successfully having these bills ruled out of order. [Which is probably just as well, as the banks would just recover this cost from their poor old customers through further hidden charges. Ed.] Gotcha! ootball legend, World Cup cheat and the bloke who used to have the cocaine consumption of a small country turned up at a charity football match in Naples wearing not one but two posh watches; which Italian taxmen promptly kidnapped. They plan to auction the Rolexes off to put a small dent in the £21 million, which Diego Maradonna owes in back taxes. World Cup blight for shops mere, friendly warm-up match, England versus Jamaica, produced a 15% drop in customers on the high street. Big stores and corner shops alike are bracing themselves for a drop of 50% when World Cup matches are on during the day. Pubs, on the other hand, expect to be packed out.    NOTE: None of the above will apply in Scotland, Wales or Ireland. he Metropolitan police are going to have to cough up £500,000 to repair the house which they trashed while looking for imaginary WoMD. The inmates want about the same for bruised feelings and the odd bullet wound. Typical new labour economics ur present temporary PM launched the Assets Recovery Agent as a self-promotion exercise in 2002. Its job is to recover cash, property and other valuables from criminals to make them miserable and prevent them from profiting from their crimes, and to do the nation a bit of good. The agency seized assets worth £4.3 million in 2005 – but its running costs were £18 million.    Profit for the taxpayer – minus £14 million. n its defence, the ARA says its attempts to recover assets are bogged down in the courts, thanks to the bogus human rights which new labour has showered on criminals, and new labour set totally unrealistic targets for the agency. Initiative in the field welve dozen Colombian soldiers and three officers have been charged with stealing $20 million belonging to a criminal gang instead of turning it over to the government. They found the cash buried in plastic barrels 'up the jungle' and decided to have a good time with it. They bought lots of cars, booze and prostitutes, and one man even bought himself a sex change.    Just four dozen of the good-time guys turned up for the start of their court martial. The rest had deserted by then. The Colombian government recovered only about half a million dollars, which certainly won't pay for the trial! Congestion charging for trains hen transport sec. in 2005, alistair darling did a deal with train operator First allowing them to make cheap day returns invalid in the London area between 4:30 and 7 p.m. and double the price on certain journeys. The plan was to reduce overcrowding by forcing poor people off peak-time trains.

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The world's funniest joke . . . . . . was written by Spike Milligan It was performed in a 1951 episode of the television edition of The Goon Show. The scene: an ordinary house. Those present: Michael Bentine & Peter Sellers.    M.B. "I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there."    P.S. "Oh, is he dead?"    M.B. "I think so."    P.S. "Hadn't you better make sure?"    M.B. exits. Sound of 2 gunshots.    M.B. returns "He's dead."

CRIMINAL NEWS Brilliant new anti-crime idea/scam The government has come up with an official, thief-resistant vehicle number plate, which will resist attempts to remove it for at least 3 minutes, and which can be removed from a vehicle only in a thoroughly wrecked condition.    Oh, yes. And it costs twice as much as the present number plates. The Scrounger is at it again mug Bugger has tacked on chats with Mr. Prodi, the temporary Italian prime minister, and the Pope to the end of his freebie holiday in Italia. Why? To make his freebie holiday look like a business trip so that he can stick the British taxpayer with the cost of flying him and his tribe home. Exposure of this cheap trick has embarrassed Smug Bugger into flying home by Ryanair – but he had to make his presence felt by making everyone else late by having the plane gone over with sniffer dogs before he deigned to board it. Latest news – possession of drugs is a criminal offence! dramatic change of heart at the Home Office has resulted in a drastic revision downwards of what constitutes dealer quantities of a range of drugs. So all the government has to do now is persuade the police to arrest drug-dealing criminals and dotty old judges to send them to gaol. "It's all a matter of spin & delivery, actually." ot plants that need watering? A 'bowser with a dowser' has the 10 Downing Street official seal of approval as a way to beat a local hosepipe ban. It uses the same amount of water as a hosepipe but the water doesn't some out of the dowser while the bowser is connected to a tap. Which makes thinks okay.    p.s. Here's further evidence that our present temporary PM lives on another planet – he thinks his Downing Street garden is a royal park. At least, that was excuse number one for failing to observe the hosepipe ban. Home Sec. loses marbles aving no answer to the problem of yobs himself, john reid has told the British public to 'stop moaning and take action against yobs yourselves'. So if he's shifting this responsibility onto the general public and doing less work, he should be in line for a pay cut. Say, 70%.    Another thing that will have to be done is clearing out of the police force (service), all the shit-for-brains senior officers, who insist on locking up members of the public when they stand up to yobs, and the bozos in the Can't Prosecute Service, who waste vast amounts of public money on bringing prosecutions, which fail the instant they reach a court, against yob-resisters. sir ian blair on the way out e has the kiss-of-death backing of his namesake, our present temporary PM (just like charles clark had right up to the day he was sacked), and to make sure he's really doomed, Ken Livingstone is also supporting sir ian. Get out of that! bloke who was sent a speeding ticket by mistake took a photograph of a 40 mph speed limit sign in the area in which the alleged offence took place and submitted it to the Dept. for Stealing From Motorists as his defence. And when he received another ticket for speeding in a 30 mph zone, he stole the 40 mph speed limit sign which he had photographed earlier, mounted it in the 30 mph zone, photographed it again and sent the picture off with a letter of protest. Sadly, he came up against some coppers with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, and he ended up busted. Attention all smugglers! f you want to bring anything into Britain tax-free, bring it via Heathrow airport, where there are NO Customs officers on duty. In fact, every British port and airport is Customs-free on most days, and small airports don't see a Customs officer from one year to the next. This is what new labour calls keeping our borders secure. Bike thieves beware! olice in Cheltenham and Gloucester have had the bright idea for doing battle with bike thieves. They leave bikes which can be cycled only dead slowly lying around, and film bad guys who try to steal them so there can be no argument in court. Licence to steal for motorbike thieves f you're planning to steal a motorbike, scooter or moped – don't wear a helmet while you're doing it. The police 'service' has taken the decision not to pursue helmetless thieves in case they crash and sue the police under new labour's human rights laws. You couldn't make it up!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Crooks In Action As a public service, Jenson Farrago is offering access to his collection of bogus lottery, phishing and other email spam. CLICK HERE to find out what miracles they offer.

QUESTIONS Some clarification required ay now means totally crap, according to inventive young things below the age of 30. Which implies that "What a gay day!" means it's pissing down. Which leaves us wondering what a 'lesbian day' is like – about the same? Worse? Or what? t is claimed that the 2 blokes, who were arrested by 300 coppers in Forest Hill for possession of non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction, became 'radicalized' Islamofascists after the terrorist attacks on the United States on 2001/09/11. Why?    "It's as if someone who had led a normal life up until the Moors murders suddenly decided it would be a good idea to start murdering children," a baffled Littlejohn wrote in the Daily Mail (2006/06/09).

FOODY NEWS Food Fascists Get Tough The storm troopers running Bayards Hill primary school in Oxford decided it would be a good idea to search the inmates' lunchboxes for junk foods. Crisps, chocolate and similar snacks were confiscated until the end of the day. No attempt was made to offer substitutes for the removed contraband items, leaving the kids to go hungry but healthy. Unless they sneaked into the school cantina, where pizza and crisps were on the lunch menu. ugary soft drinks, such as Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola, are on the hit list of the American Medical Association, which wants a 'fat tax' imposed on them. Top of the hit list is the high-fructose corn syrup sweetener, which is loaded into other high-calorie products, such as ketchup. The AMA sees the tax as a means of paying for a massive public health education programme to tackle the problem of their nation's obesity epidemic. brand of 'clever' milk, which claims that it helps kids to concentrate and makes them smarter, has been booted into touch by the Advertising Standards Authority, which ruled that the claims for the milk are unsubstantiated. Ugly isn't excluded Waitrose, the supermarket chain, is offering its customers packs of 'ugly' fruit at a cut price. The fruit is fresh, and it tastes the same as 'handsome' strawberries, plums, tomatoes, etc. It is deemed 2nd class only because of a weird shape or another visual flaw. 'Uglies' are aimed at cooks and jam-makers.

HOME NEWS Stop bitching, you bastards! enior officers of the Metropolitan Police have been told to stop leaking a flood of embarrassing information about their leader's blunders and start offering him a truly new labour level of toadying support. And if they don't shape up, sir ian blair (no relation) plans to ship them out of New Scotland Yard to somewhere grim, probably 'Up North'. "No bugger's listening, mate!" fter spending a whole year messing about, the London Assembly has published a report on last year's July 7th bombings. It came up with all sorts of reasons why emergency services made such a bog of things like communications. The report also offered a list of things which 'need to be learned'.    All very pious and worthy, but the rest of us are left wondering why they bothered. After all, the inquiry after the King's Cross fire 18 years ago came up with a whole heap of suggestions, but nothing was ever done with them. So it looks highly likely that the London Assembly's report will be filed and forgotten with all the others.    Experience tells us that no bugger ever takes any notice of what comes out of an inquiry of this sort, and they're just a nice little earner for some old judge and/or a bunch of lawyers. Bugs on the rampage ecent hot weather has brought billions of biting bugs into homes and gardens. As a result, chemists are doing record business with sales of antihistamines and soothing lotions. The insect explosion is good news for the dwindling wild bird population, however. an't buy a house in Britain? It's all new labour's fault. This crappy government's unrestricted immigration policy is to blame for 70% of the shortfall of 260,000 homes. aboons in wildlife parks have switched from collecting windscreen wipers to grabbing England flags from cars. The proprietors of Knowsley safari park are having to warn visitors to remover their flags before entering if they don't want to lose them. Notable Birthday arclays Bank introduced the Barclaycard 40 years ago this month. Britain's first credit card was launched on 1966/06/29, one month before England's famous victory in the World Cup.

WORLD NEWS At least there's somewhere worse off than here! imbabwe (inflation rate 1043%) has issued a Z$100,000 note, which is worth all of 50p in real money. It will buy a loaf of state-subsidized bread and a copy of the state propaganda sheet, which tells the customer what a great job President Mug (the man who stole their pensions and everything else available) is doing. Welcome to KGB Country omano Prodi, failed Eurocrat & Italy's new PM (just), has been outed as a KGB stooge. Apparently, when Lt. Col. Alexandr Litvinenko decided to defect at the end of the 20th Century, he was warned against going to Italy as the ranks of that country's politicians were stuffed with KGB agents – including Signor Prodi, who was Their Man In Roma. The French are still having it off rench shirkers, who enjoy more public holidays and shorter working hours than anyone else, used to have a public holiday on Pentecost Monday, the first Monday in June. But the government decided in 2005 to scrap it for the next 4 years and devote the money raised from this working day to finding more carers for the elderly and disabled. Predictably, the decision has produced chaos. This year, public sector workers decided they were having the day off while the private sector had to work. No foreigners needed, thank you! judge in Malaysia has ruled that local barristers are perfectly capable of tackling any cases which come before the courts there and they don't need the services of the wife of our present temporary prime minister. So that's a quarter of a million quid which won't be going into the fund to pay off her three billion quid mortgage. Communism is definitely crap – official n any civilized country, karaoke is barely tolerated. In Vietnam, it's compulsory for employees of state-run monopolies. 8 department heads of the state oil company have been suspended and 21 officials have been obliged to write 'self-criticism' reports for failing to join in a karaoke session at a contract signing ceremony in Hanoi. You can take it with you when you go! n employee of the Australian national mint has been sent to gaol for 3 years for nicking half a ton of two-dollar coins (worth A$130,000) over a ten month period. He took the cash from his place of work in a lunch box because 'he enjoyed a challenge'. He didn't actually spend the cash; he just hid it in his mother's garage; which means that he was well able to afford the fine of A$4,000 that went with his gaol sentence.

ARRIVALS The British Armed Forces Federation he BAFF, a trade union for the military services, was made necessary by the failure of the high command of the army, navy and air force to stand up to new labour politicians and their bogus human rights agenda. Their lack of support for the people in their charge has left the PBI, and officers up to the rank of colonel, caught up in political messes and beset by greedy human rights lawyers. The BAFF is seen as necessary protection for the people at the sharp end from floppy brass and woolly minded politicians.

DEPARTURES Abu Musab The 'Godfather of Terrorism' in Iraq has been wiped out by American bombs at the age of 38. Born in Jordan, he became a petty criminal who used religion as his excuse for his criminality. He trained in terrorist camps in Afghanistan, he spent 7 years in gaol for terrorist crimes and then he turned his attention on Iraq.    Here, he tried to become the front man for Al Qaida. He tried to start a civil war between Sunni and Shia Moslems and he indulged his psychopathic urges, specializing in murdering prisoners, including Briton Ken Bigley, in snuff videos for Islamic TV services. He was eventually sold out by one of his gang. Osama bin Laden is reported to be grateful to the Americans for removing a rival who was receiving far too much meeja attention.

DEPARTURES Allan Prior One of the writers who created Z Cars has died at 84. Alan Prior established himself as an author after service in the RAF during World War 2. As well as novels, he wrote for BBC radio, BBC TV and ITV. He helped to turn the focus of television cops shows in Britain away from Scotland Yard and direct it Up North. Much of his writing was in the field of crime & thrillers, but his credits include being the co-deviser of Howard's Way, a 1980s attempt by the BBC to create a super-soap.

DOLT NEWS Al Qaida palm trees threaten Torquay Torbay's looney landscape officers have decided that the resort's distinctive palm trees constitute a threat to life and limb. They are worried in case the sharp leaves slash visitors to ribbons and leave the streets gushing with blood.    Predictably, a Triv-Dem councillor supported banning palm trees from shopping streets. The mayor, however, takes a much more laid back attitude to this imaginary threat.    p.s. No one has ever been injured, never mind killed, by a Torbay palm tree. Fun & games in Newcastle nstead of doing what they're paid for – distributing cash to farmers – the staff of the Rural Payments Agency have been vomiting into cups and leaving the mess to fester in a cupboard, taking drugs, brawling, screwing in the toilets, doing break-dancing and swinging naked between filing cabinets. Under new labour's 'Nothing is anyone's fault' culture, the slackers are more likely to receive misconduct bonuses than the sack. You couldn't make this up! he human rights laws wished on us by new labour allow criminals, who should have been deported but weren't due to slackness at the IND, to sue for compensation to repair the emotional damage caused. "No Time For Crime" coppers f you live in the area of Warwickshire serviced by Leamington Spa police station and you're burgled, don't expect to see a copper. But if you live next door to one of their officers, e.g. Sergeant Stuart Bosworth, and his son keeps kicking balls into your garden and breaking greenhouse windows – expect a posse of coppers to arrest you if you don't return the balls promptly. Biting the bum of the bloke who sacked him e was a crap Home Sec. and he was fired because of it. But charles clark has decided that he's not to blame for his own deficiencies and it's all the fault of that bloke blair, the one who gave him the bullet. They say the first step in the rehabilitation of an offender is getting him to acknowledge his guilt. Looks like it's going to be a long job for charlie!

REFLECTION ON DORNEYWOOD ear 2 shags,    The meeja don't hate you for having the use of a grace & favour estate, they object to your clinging on to it long after you'd been fired and no longer deserved to enjoy it (setting aside the question of whether you should ever have been given the deputy prime minister's job in the first place).    The meeja also take exception to the hypocrisy of your lower-class pretensions and furtive upper-class appetites; your thuggish behaviour; your disregard for the rules of common decency as well as ministerial codes of behaviour; and your general uselessness.    The problem isn't the meeja, me old 2 shags, it's you!

WAR NEWS Intelligence Info or another silly story? he police and MI5 are now deeply into "Not me, gov!" mode over the raid by 300 coppers on a house in Forest Green, E. London. The outcome was one bloke arrested intact, another busted slightly shot, all sorts of silly stories flying around and no signs of Weapons of Mass Destruction at all in the house. The estimated bill for the fiasco is already £1 million and rising. Political persecutions collapse hree British soldiers have been cleared of killing an Iraqi looter 3 years ago. The attorney general's politically motivated lynching attempt collapsed in disarray at the court martial – at a cost to the British taxpayer of £2.5 million.    "It was an ill-conceived case with very little evidence of guilt," an expert commented. "The cause of death was never established and the case should never have been prosecuted. At least one of the 'witnesses' admitted that he made his complaint only in the hope of wringing some compensation out of the British government. Only political prodding can give rise to courts martial being brought when the evidence is so far below the level required by a civilian court."

	Lord Chief Justice Phillips' notion that criminals can be rehabilitated 'in the community'. If killers & rapists plead guilty, they should get a one-third off their sentence. – another bright idea from Judge Phillips. Each elderly resident in a care home has to have a TV licence but prisoners in gaol don't. The failure of the people running the emergency services in London to provide radios that work underground 18 years after the King's Cross fire. North West Today on BBC TV continuing to perpetuate its myth that the IRA bomb in Manchester blew up the city centre when all it demolished was Marks & Sparks and bits of Corporation Street. Some stupid bloody woman was also saying that the Arndale Centre was wrecked, obviously not knowing that only the Corporation Street end was damaged and the rest of it, all the way up Market Street, stayed open for business. That mad Mexican, who made such a bog of refereeing England v Paraguay. harriet harperson's Big Idea of holding high-profile inquests in secret to make them 'more open'. sir ian blair (no relation) for wasting £250,000 on his personal mission to prosecute Kate Moss for taking coke and dealing while being filmed – and failing miserably. Judge Carol Hagan, who gave bail to an illegal migrant from Iran, who faced 2 rape charges. children's minister bev hughes, who thinks parents will be 'happy' to pay £80 per week for after-school clubs. Hammersmith Hospitals NHS Trust, which celebrated its deficit of £37 million by blowing another £50,000 on a Britart sculpture. The notion that scotch gordon brown is now, and has been in the past, a supporter of the England football team. new labour's promises to build more prisons.

This edition of BlackFlag News was compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

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