2006/March    FINAL

Hold The Phone!!! Our current temporary prime minister says he's not going to step aside until the mess he and his cronies have created of the NHS has been sorted out.    So it looks like the bastard hopes to go on forever and bloody ever!

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WFD NEWS Remember me, you infidels? Saddam Hussein is finding his trial so boring that he is resorting to desperate measures to liven things up and get himself noticed again. His latest tactics involve taking the mickey out of the proceedings, singing comic songs when he gets really bored and bringing the trial crashing to a halt with inflammatory speeches calling on his loyal supporters to rise up and toss the invaders out of Iraq.    "You have to do something to pass the time," the world's favourite despot told our reporter in a telephone interview. "It gets so bleedin' boring, especially with those self-righteous, American-paid lawyers droning on and bloody on endlessly."

The Man Who Stole Your Pension The labour government, which caused the pension crisis with its Stealth Taxes, had the cheek to hold a National Pensions Day this month to ask carefully selected stooges what to do about its mess.    Executing gordon brown would be a good start.

ROMILEY NEWS Another Council Tax rip-off for Romiley Stockport council's spendthrift ruling Trivial Democrats have decided to shove up the rate of C-Tax by 4.99% – over double the 2% rate of inflation and just below the 5% limit for capping. The national average rise is 4.7% across all bands and 4.5% for Band D properties. The annual tax on a Band D property in Romiley will now shoot up to £1,313.83. The national average is £1,268.    Stockport council also had the cheek to waste even more money on a glossy newspaper to say how 'low spending' it is (while admitting that it had only just escaped the humiliation of being capped for setting an outrageous budget) These character obviously think that the people of Romiley are a bunch of rich mugs. But they could be given a kick in the pants at the local elections on May 4th.    "Vote early, vote often, vote for someone else!" This winter a dead loss Romiley Alpine Club is thinking of giving up for this year. We've had so little decent snow that their sledges, skis, etc. have received very little exercise this season. In fact, the club is thinking of amalgamating with Romiley Boating Club just to have something to do.    Recent rain has left the mini-park at the junction of Sandy Lane & Compstall Road overflowing on many occasions this year, and the boaters have been overwhelmed with opportunities to polish their art. The frustrated skiers see a move to water sports as a means of maintaining fitness and extending their social opportunities. Reddish Lloyds TSB branch awaits the bailiffs! This bank is in trouble because it committed the cardinal sin of ignoring one of its customers. Brian Mullen felt that he had been charged excessive and illegal fees for exceeding his overdraft limit during his student years, so he raised a country court action against the bank. Lloyds TSB ignored him, he won his case and he is now in possession of a warrant, which will let him send in the bailiffs to seize assets from the bank branch with maximum publicity.

CRIMINAL NEWS Police response to 'Robbery of the Century' just PR froth? There is a strong suspicion that the initial police response to the £53 million robbery of highly recyclable banknotes from the Securitas collection centre in Kent was fairly cosmetic in nature. 'Experts' are saying that they rushed out and arrested people more or less at random for the sake of having something to put in a press release. The big giveaway was the way these immediate suspects were released on police bail after a token period of detention. Too much stolen? Immediately after the robbery, 'experts' were telling the crooks they'd stolen much too much. They could hope to get away with nicking a couple of million but forty or fifty million? Leave it aht! Too many people in the know, too many loose lips.    So it may be significant that the police reckoned they had recovered £28,306,000, plus 'an as yet uncounted but substantial sum' (up to £10 million) within 10 days of the robbery. Other 'experts' are now hinting that the thieves may be dumping big chunks of surplus cash in the hope of being able to lose a few million 'in the wash'. What are they on!!?? The bozos running Frankland maximum security prison, Co. Durham, have ruled that one of their lifers can't borrow books on magic from the prison library. They are worried that Shaun Tuley will make himself invisible, or build a disappearing cabinet, to avoid receiving their hospitality. Police discrimination is officially okay Colin Port, chief constable of Avon & Somerset police, has admitted violating the Sex Discrimination Act and the Race Relations Act by refusing to consider job applications from white, unhandicapped, heterosexual men. He is not expected to face the persecution which would be imposed on a lesser being for such crimes, and the chief constable of Gloucestershire police is expecting the same outcome when his own case goes before the Race Relations Commission and the Equal Opportunities Board. A burglars' & muggers' paradise The Home Office has given Humberside police some tough targets for getting to grips with a backlog of 3,500 serious crimes. As a result, Hull's divisional commander, CI White, has decided that theft, criminal damage, assault, harassment and some burglaries will be ignored in future. Anyone who wants the police to do anything about these crimes will have to come up with a racialist element or insist that the victim is elderly or a sexual deviant. Conspiracy theory: The government is driving nurses out of hospitals to put them in schools, where they will be expected to hand out abortion pills to underage girls who have gone a bit too far; and without telling the parents involved. Too many wheels The Met put coppers in parks on rollerblades to make them faster crime busters. Only criminals cheated by running away on soft grass rather than hard paths, forcing the coppers to stop and remove their blades before continuing a pursuit. After a massive rethink, the Met has issued the Park Police with bikes instead.

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DEPARTURES Linda Smith The owner of one of the most distinctive voices on radio and TV comedy shows has died at 48. Linda Smith's talent for amplifying a small absurdity into a flight of fancy, and her inventive wit, graced such must-listen-to shows as The News Quiz, Just A Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. She made her breakthrough into the mainstream of radio and TV about a decade ago and she was voted the 'Wittiest Living Person' by Radio 4 listeners in 2002. She will be greatly missed. DEPARTURES Dennis Weaver The star of the 1970s TV series McCloud, which is still re-running on ITV 3 on Saturday evenings, has died at 81. His TV career began as a supporting actor in the Western series Gunsmoke (1955-64), for which he receive an Emmy award. His movie career included a part in the Henry Fonda classic Twelve Angry Men (1955) and he starred in Steven Spielberg's 1971 TV movie Duel. Off-screen, Dennis Weaver was heavily into Green politics and he built his own solar-powered home in Colorado from scrap vehicle tyres and aluminium cans. DEPARTURES Peter Osgood One of football's stars of the 1960s and 70s has died at 59. A goal in every round was his contribution to Chelsea's first ever FA Cup win in 1970, and his side went on to take the European Cup Winners' Cup against Real Madrid in another replayed final the following year. After falling out with the Chelsea management, Peter Osgood was sold to Southampton and he won another Cup-winner's medal with them in 1976. Always a rebellious character, Peter Osgood didn't get on with Sir Alf Ramsay and played only 4 times for his country. DEPARTURES Ivor Cutler A one-of-his-kind master of off-beat comedy and songs has died at 83. His wildly eccentric tales of dour Scottish life, his fantastical myths, his imaginative songs and his distinctive poetry earned him a massive following, which drew in new disciples from each successive generation over 4 decades of performances. Ned Sherrin put his strange folk music on TV, Paul McCartney recruited him to the Beatles film Magical Mystery Tour (1967) and George Martin produced his album Ludo (1967), which was re-released in 1998. A master of epigrams in a range of languages, he was a regular feature on the John Peel Show and his poetry was featured in a Faber collection of (serious) Scottish verse. DEPARTURES John Junkin This prolific scriptwriter and radio and TV performer has died at 76. During his long career, John Junkin worked with the likes of Morecambe & Wise, Ronnie Barker, Spike Milligan, Marty Feldman and the Goodies, and he had a meaty part in the Beatles film A Hard Day's Night. He presented his own TV show on ITV for 4 years and his radio credits included the long-running show Hello, Cheeky! with Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer. One of his notable claims to fame is appearing in 30 different TV shows over a 2 month period. DEPARTURES John Profumo A politician who was obliged to resign for lying to the House of Commons – something which seems incomprehensible in these days of wall-to-wall new labour sleaze – has died at 91. His involvement with a prostitute called Christine Keeler became the major political scandal of the latter half of the 20th Century, and the subject of a film, because he was Minister for War at the time, she was also servicing a Russian agent, and East and West were deep into the Cold War. Mr. Profumo devoted the next 40 years to good works to redeem himself, something else totally alien to members of the present government. DEPARTURES Slobbered-on Milosevich A man who gave genocide a bad name has croaked in prison at 64. His ambition was to create a Greater Serbia when Yugoslavia fell apart. His tactic was to portray Serbs in other Yugo-splinters as victims as justification for an invasion. He then tried to make Serbs the majority population by 'ethnic cleansing', a.k.a. genocide.    He devoted his latter years to making a mockery of his trial for Crimes Against Humanity at the International Court at The Hague. His death was greeted with wailing and gnashing of teeth by the lawyers who would not be making any more money out of him, and by a mood of celebration in most other people.    His legacy was to turn Serbia into a rump and gangster state with an even bigger victim complex. Who it was who slobbered on him has yet to be revealed. DEPARTURES Humphrey The stray cat who adopted 10, Downing Street as his address has died at 17. He arrived at the prime minister's official residence in 1990 but he was relocated to reduced circumstances in 1997 when new labour took over, evicted on the whim of the missus of the new tenant, a.k.a. the Wicked Witch of the West. DEPARTURES The Sea Harrier jump jet The Ministry of Defence has removed the British fleet's fighter air cover after 29 years' service. The Sea Harrier was supposed to remain in service for a further 6 years and be replaced by the US Joint Strike Fighter. Unfortunately, the projects to build this fighter and the 2 new aircraft carriers which will house it are hopelessly behind schedule and the MoD has decided to scrap the Sea Harrier to same some money. [Which will be spent on buying America air cover, spit the bones out of that! Ed.]    The Harrier's ability to land and take off vertically, or take off with a heavier weapon load using a short 'ski-jump' runway, was its unique contribution to aviation history. This aircraft played a vital part in the 1982 Falklands War, when its pilots out-flew larger and faster supersonic jets of the Argentine air force. Admiral Sir Sandy Woodward, the commander of the Falklands task force, called the MoD's decision to scrap the Sea Harrier "a bloody disgrace!" DEPARTURES Stanislaw Lem A Polish science fiction author, who sold more than 27 million books in 40 languages, has died at 84. His novel Solaris (1961) was made into a slow-paced movie (seen as a cult classic by many SF fans) by the Soviet director Andrei Tarkovsky in 1971. The inevitable remake (2002) failed to make the same impact. Stanislaw Lem's birthplace is now in Ukraine. He studied medicine before the war and he began writing science fiction because the Communist regime in Poland thought the genre fairly harmless. After the collapse of Communism, he branched out into futurology, specializing in computer crime and ethics as applied to the Internet.

PENDING Tessa jowell More mortgage sleaze for new labour Culture Sec. tessa jowell is being embarrassed severely over the business dealings of David Mills, her husband. The allegations include: Media mogul Silvio Berlusconi broke the law. Berlusconi then got himself elected Italian prime minister and changed the law to make his crimes go away and give himself immunity from prosecution. David Mills helped Berlusconi avoid paying tax and launder serious amounts of money. Mills kept quiet about what he'd done and he also told deliberate lies; to the frustration of Italian prosecutors. A bribe paid to Mills by Berlusconi (via half a dozen off-shore funds) was used to pay off a mortgage on the Mills-jowell London home. Mrs. Mills-jowell denies all knowledge of her husband's financial dealings. Italian prosecutors tried to extradite Mr. Mills in 2004 but they had to back off when the Home Office told the Berlusconi camp what was going on. The present temporary prime minister has enjoyed freebie hospitality at the Berlusconi villa. The cabinet secretary has been given the job of filing rough edges off the latest new labour image-buster and giving Mrs. Mills-jowell a bill of health clean enough to satisfy our temporary prime minister. jowell has been declared innocent of all charges because no one can work out what, exactly, went on. She is being allowed to use the Sharon Defence – namely that she is too dim to notice anything dodgy going on around her. In fact, she seems to be useless enough to become gordie broon's replacement at the Treasury! jowell ditches husband to 'do blair a favour' and save career The temporary culture sec. is banking on remaining an MP for the next 6 years and then sloping off to the House of Lords. But lumbered with a troublesome husband, this is looking less and less likely. So the millstone has had to go and she has been obliged to arrange a 'separation of convenience' from him as a favour to our current temporary prime minister and in an attempt to save her political skin. Mrs. Mills-jowell is now in trouble for not declaring her husband's ownership of pub shares worth lots more than the £25,000 declaration threshold. Note : Anyone looking for factual information on what the Mills-jowells have been up to is advised to avoid the blair broadcasting corporation. The BBC has either been omitting this latest new labour scandal from its 'news' bulletins or pouring on the old whitewash with a will and trying to make out it's all a witch hunt scared up by the meeja and the Mills-jowells are as pure as our revered P.M. Her latest spot of bother : Mrs. Mills-jowell has been using her senior civil servants to phone journalists to shower spin upon them on her husband's behalf, which is illegal under the much abused code for government ministers. She has a history of doing this; like the shamed & sacked, sometime Home Sec. dave blunk; but nothing is ever done about it.

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HOME NEWS Pensions piddled away A with-profits pension plan involving saving £200 per month for 20 years would have yielded a guarantee income for life of £22,706 in 1996. In 2006, the income from the same plan is a mere £4,964 thanks to new labour's stewardship of the economy. Lies, damned lies, and Office for National Statistics propaganda The NHS has received vast amounts of cash over the last few years, but most of it has gone in paying higher wages, on pensions, on higher prices for drugs, and on salaries for pointless managers. Productivity has fallen by over 10% since 1995, however. But all that has changed as the OfNS has come up with a new method of calculating 'value for money', which shows that productivity has, in fact, been rising by 1.6% per year and it has shot up by 10% over the last 5 years.    new labour, new swindle. Blackpool seeks a place on the world stage Blackpool would like to become a World Heritage Site along with the Taj Mahal, the pyramids and Stonehenge. Its qualification is that it is the first working-class seaside resort and it has a lot of social history. Blackpool would also hopes to make an extra £3 billion per year out of the rush of tourists. Whale savers saved from fines Wandsworth council and Transport For London have finally agreed to cancel the £300's worth of parking tickets issued to the people who tried to save a whale, which swam up the Thames last month and croaked. No tickets were issued by Westminster council, which proves that they employ superior jobsworths. Great Mysteries of the 21st Century Why should the authors of The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, a best-selling load of tosh published 20 years ago, think they can get the author of the Da Vinci Code for infringement of copyright; via sueing their joint publisher; if he hasn't lifted chunks of their deathless prose without attribution?    All he has done is recycle a not particularly original theme. And as copyright exists only on the words an author writes, not the bare bones of the concept behind the book, the case looks doomed to inevitable failure.    So it would appear that the plaintiffs are hoping for either a lot of publicity to boost sales of a revised edition of their tosh, or a truly eccentric combination of judge and jury, which will deliver an appropriate judgement. Congrats to Oor Wullie & The Broons for reaching their 70th birthday in the Sunday Post, Scotland's favourite newspaper. Someone's telling porkies! tony blair told Michael Parkinson that God wanted him to invade Iraq in 2003, but God's official mouthpiece at the time, Pope John-Paul II, said it was a bad idea. So one of them has to be lying. Weird waterworks Thames Water, which operates in an area of low rainfall where hosepipe bans are an annual event, has filled in 7 reservoirs over the last 5 years. Why? To build houses on the reclaimed land and make the water supply situation even more desperate. Crazy, or what?    p.s. Thames Water is Britain's leakiest water company, losing 1 billion litres/day and it's also one of the most sluggish when it comes to tackling new leaks. Thames Water has a new strategy for reducing the loss through leaks. It's not going to repair leaky pipes; the plan is to reduce the water pressure to make them leak slower. Easy money? Well, maybe . . . There has been a rush of people wanting to sign up for trials of new drugs since this month's disaster. The most likely reason is that most people didn't know volunteers can be paid 2 grand a time. Best of the best The greatest British design since 1900 (is this some bozo trying to pretend the 20th Century started in this year? Ed.) is . . . Concorde. Harry Beck's 1931 London Underground map came 2nd and R.J. Mitchell's Spitfire fighter plane was 3rd. Worst of the worst Diana's Ditch (a.k.a. the Princess Di memorial fountain) is dropping to bits. Its granite blocks are rotting and cracking apart despite an annual budget of £250,000 for maintenance and repairs. So the gang running the monument have their hands out for more cash. More adverts than programmes Five minutes of programme then five minutes of adverts – this is the rule on Sky and digital channels. And 'terrestrial' TV is going the same way. Channel 4 has been found guilty of bunging in more than the permitted 12 minute/hour of adverts but Ofcom, the TV 'regulator', is doing bugger all about it. Fat bottom problem Manufacturers of hypodermic needles are having to make their products longer to allow doctors to place injections effectively in the nation's increasingly voluminous rear ends. Best bumper sticker of the month : "If you're close enough to read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue the hell out of you!" Attention Smokers! Don't do it in a public building in Scotland or you will be fined £50. But doing it in the Scottish Parliament building is still okay. new labour goes into radio scriptwriting The Dept. for the Environment, Farming & Rural Affairs is writing segments of the scripts for the radio soap The Archers. Why? To make the public indignant about loutish 4x4 and SUV owners to make it easier for chancellor g. brown to slap a huge road tax increase on the 'Chelsea tractor' in his budget. Isn't it strange . . . . . . how the labour party can make the Tories look like fumbling amateurs when it comes to sleaze, incompetence, maladministration and selling honours, and no one is ever to blame? If you get a terrible meal in a Chinese restaurant . . . . . . or something completely different from what you ordered, the chances are that the kitchen staff are Polish immigrants who have no idea what Chinese food is, what it tastes like and how it should look. Or even how to cook it. A crackdown on illegal Chinese immigrants is blamed for the collapse of the industry. Prediction The police will make a lot of noise about corruption investigations over peerages for loans, etc., but no one will ever end up in court. It must be true, it was in the Grauniad's 'the guide'.

DOSH NEWS EuroMillions lottery scam exposed Readers of the first Sunday Post of the month will have discovered that a winning EuroMillions lottery ticket can be redeemed only in the country in which it was bought. So tourists who find that they have a winning ticket after they return home, but who can't return to the country of purchase before it expires, are being cheated out of millions. Frustrated labour donors seek redress Several would-be members of the House of Lords, who bunged new labour hard cash, have been denied their peerages by the House of Lords Appointments Commission. They have announced that they are extremely distressed by this setback, which they plan to challenge in the European Court of Human Rights. They also plan to sue the labour party for the return of their cash and they have already reported the prime minister to their local Trading Standards office. loans to labour? The mystery solved The labour party borrowed £3.5 million from people who were recommended for peerages practically on the spot. The party treasurer has pointed out, with maximum indignation, that he didn't see any of the cash. Our current temporary prime minister bought a house in London for £3.5 million. Where did the money go? The conclusion seems obvious. What else has the greedy bastard bought? The prime-ministerial slush fund actually grew to £14 million! So that's his posh house in Mayfair, 2 flats in Bristol, a villa in Tuscany, a house in Barbados, another in the Bahamas for when he has to go into tax exile, and . . . The latest number for loans to the prime minister's private slush fund is a massive £19 million and everyone in his office is busy shredding documents and denying everything. It's all about the money . . . Deputy headmistress Susan Storer is pushing new labour's compensation culture to the limit. She has decided to sue her former school for £1 million. Why? Because she had to sit on a chair which made farting noises and caused her a million quid's worth of distress. And she couldn't do anything about the chair herself on 'health & safety' grounds.

WORLD NEWS It's a tough life, being a German cat Germans are dumping their cats by the thousand after one of them was found dead and loaded with the bird flu virus. In fact, they're getting into such a panic over there that some are talking about cancelling this summer's World Cup finals! Nice to know the Germans are as daft as anyone else. Another conspiracy exposed The Italian government has announced that the Soviet Union (now conveniently defunct) was behind the 1981 assassination attempt on Pope John-Paul II. Soviet premiere Brezhnyev wanted the pope out of the way for supporting the Solidarity movement in his native Poland. Mehmet Agca, a Turk, was lined up for the job, which he botched. Not really Value For Money The Scottish Parliament building, which was opened in September 2004 (3 years late, 11 times over budget at £438 million and at great cost to English taxpayers), is falling to bits. The inmates had to be evacuated when the roof of their debating chamber started collapsing about their ears. The cowboys who slung the place together are promising to 'do something about it next week, gov, honest!' The effect of hot air on the wooden beams has been blamed for the problem. Kenya cracks down on dissent Kenya's corrupt government is using masked police stooges to close down newspapers and magazines which support the political opposition. 3 government ministers have been required to quit in the last month and the Kibaki regime is giving the blair regime hot competition in the 'Sleaziest & Most Repressive Government In The World' stakes. Petrol for nothing? A professor at Tokio university reckons he's found a way to extract petrol from cow dung as a means of disposing of animal wastes and reducing Japan's dependence on imported oil. He treats it with metal catalysts under pressure and at a high temperature to obtain 120 grammes of fuel per kilogramme of dung. Which still leaves 88% of the dung to be got rid of. World Cup ticket scandal. (What, another one?) 79 German politicians have each been given 2 tickets to each of the 64 matches in this summer's World Cup finals – including the final itself. The fans, as usual, are getting the short and dirty end of the stick as far as ticket allocations go. Such is the natural state of corruption where big organizations are concerned. No more kite flying The popular sport of 'fighting kites' in Pakistan has been banned by the authorities because of the intrusion of a 'terrorist element'. Traditionally, competitors fly kites with cotton strings and win a contest by cutting the string of a rival kite. The 'terrorists', however, use glass-coated, strengthened strings, which turned their kites into lethal weapons. Many people have received terrible injuries from killer strings and there have been deaths, particularly of young children and motorcyclists, who have had their throat cut by a low-flying kite. Mucho congrats . . to the Renault Formula One team for coping best with the new rule changes and winning the opening 2 Grand Prix of a new season – one win apiece for Messrs. Alonso & Fisichella. Canadian population bulge Deserters from the American armed forces are seeking asylum in Canada in numbers not seen since the Vietnam war. If the trend continues, the US forces are expected to have more personnel in Canada than Iraq by the autumn of 2008. Berlusconi due an apology for being right (sort of). The Italian Prime Minister said that under Mao Tze-Tung, the Chinese boiled babies to fertilize their fields. The usual suspects were outraged but they found that can't get away from the facts – under Mao's Communist regime, famine was the norm, cannibalism was also the norm and killing babies and children, often for food, was a way of reducing the number of hungry mouths. And infanticide is a routine method of population control for the present Chinese regime.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP, BUT . . . Hospital horror An Israeli administered hospital in Jerusalem held the baby of an Arab woman hostage for 2 months as a guarantee that her bill would be paid. She got the baby back only after taking the Mount Shylock hospital to court. Compensation culture A bloke in California (where else?) has pushed the 'sue & sue again culture' to the limit. An employee of the city of Lodi, he backed a corporate lorry into his own pickup truck. Then he tried to stick the city with the cost of his repairs. His case was tossed out of court so his wife tried to sue the city for the cost of repairing the family pickup.    If ever a couple needed riding out of town on a rail, it's these two! Cash crisis The New York office of the FBI is so poor that it can't afford to give its agent email accounts. Internet access is also off their agenda. The catch-all 'War on Terror' is consuming so much cash that the basics are falling by the wayside, but the Bureau hopes to take a step away from the pigeon post era next year.

TECHNOHYPE NEWS 7 reasons why a DVD recorder is rubbish compared to a VCR 1. A VCR is ready to start recording when you switch it on and put a tape in it. A DVDR has to spend 2 minutes formatting the disk. 2. A VCR starts recording when you press the button. A DVDR spends about 20 seconds messing about before it starts recording. 3. A 2-hour videocassette gives 2 hours' recording time. It's only 1 hour 47 minutes with a 2-hour DVD. 4. Switching videocassettes can be done as fast as the operator can switch off, eject the tape, insert a new one and hit the record button. Switching DVDs requires a 2 minute pause while the machine goes into write mode to finish off the first disk and another 2 minute pause while it formats the second disk. And another 20 seconds for messing about before it starts recording again. 5. DVDRs can get stuck in write mode for 'an hour or two', and then crash and refuse to take any notice of the controls. 6. Switching the DVDR off to force it to 'reboot' means that everything recorded on the unfinished disk is lost. 7. Lots of DVDs are faulty but the user doesn't find that out until the 'finalize' stage after the recording opportunity has been lost. Source: Technobile by Mike Whitley, The Guardian, Thursday, 2006/02/23.

	Attention North West Today and the rest of the BBC: The IRA didn't blow up Manchester's city centre 10 years ago.    The bomb went off in Corporation Street, which was a backwater 10 years ago and a long way from the main shops in Piccadilly Circus and the top end of Market Street; the town hall in Albert Square; the newspaper offices on Deansgate; the railway and bus stations; and everything else of much consequence. Marks & Spencer was the main casualty and the bomb certainly didn't bring the city grinding to a halt.    Persisting with this myth to hype up a programme about the bombing makes North West Today as guilty as any new labour spin-doctor of trying to rewrite history. new labour's cosmetic and unreachable target on cutting 'child poverty'. Hinckley & Bosworth council's decision to give a resident a £50 fine for putting 2 junk mail letters in a litter bin outside his home. The government's election promise to spend £250 million on school science labs, which has now been scrapped. Slobo Milosevich was poisoned because he was about to be found not guilty of all charges at his trial. 6 blokes end up in intensive care because a drug trial goes wrong, and the next thing you know, there's some bloody solicitor twatting about, going on about getting apologies and compensation from the drug firm, and showing no concern at all for the blokes who might be croaking. Bloody typical! The Royal Mail has a new postman on a round in South London. He has a small problem – he's dyslexic. He can do addresses but he can't do numbers. But the Royal Mail doesn't see anything wrong with a postie who can't shove junk mail through the right letterbox. The British taxpayer is forking out £7,000 for 3 Special Branch bodyguards for the temporary P.M.'s motormouth missus when she goes on a private cashing in on being the prime minister's wife trip to the United Arab Emirates to collect £70,000 for making 3 speeches. "There were absolutely no 'extraordinary rendition' flights of terrorist prisoners made by the CIA using Britain as a staging post," said this lying government. "Well, maybe there were two." In fact, there have been 73 through British airports since 2001. 'Experts' are considering stapling the stomachs of fat kids on the NHS. But if they were real experts, they'd be recommending that the greedy little bastards get their gobs stapled shut! new labour's favourite copper, sir ian blair (no relation), has spent his first year in office dropping clanger after clanger. Yet he is in line for a good performance bonus of £34K on top of his salary of £228K. Makes you wonder how much he'd get if he was able to do the job, doesn't it? "Unwitting racism" – it's just a meaningless label with the spurious authority of an 'ism'. new labour's promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions by 20% of 1990 levels by 2010. This promise has proved as worthless as all the rest of the pledges offered in general election manifestos. Home Sec. jack straw's plan to ban memoirs-for-profit written by civil servants while excluding money-grubbing new labour ministers, like himself, from any bans.

This edition of BlackFlag News was compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

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