2005/October    FINAL

THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT OCTOBER (and probably didn't want to know anyway) 1. October includes British Bread Month, British Sausage Week, National Tree Week, Personal Safety Week and Make A Difference Day. There are around 600 special Months/Weeks/Days in an average year and about 100 of them fall in October. 2. It's the month in 1805 in which Admiral Lord Nelson and the British fleet routed the combined French & Spanish fleet off Cape Trafalgar. [But this is on the new labour list of banned information. Ed.] 3. 2001's October was the warmest for over 300 years. 4. October 2005 was the first month since the current naming convention began in which the World Meteorological Organization ran out of names for hurricanes. Wilma** is the last name on the 2005 list, it is 21st Atlantic storm of the current season, there is another month to go and the next hurricane will have to be called boring old Alpha. ** q, u, x, y and z are not used due to a lack of suitable names. Tropical storm Beta is already messing about in the Atlantic.

Jointly to Keith Berry, the harbour master at Forth Ports Dundee, who called the police; the jobsworth coppers who arrested Sally Cameron under the Terrorism Act as a threat to national security when she dared to walk along a cycle path in the harbour area; and the procurator fiscal, who sent Ms Cameron a letter to say she would not be prosecuted even though 'the evidence is sufficient to justify bringing you before the court on this criminal charge'.

Early Autumn Offer BlackFlag News is pleased to announce that this ground-breaking work by one of Romiley's most distinguished authors can now be read on-line.    Read the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website    Read about the Book and the author's other works on the Romiley Literary Circle website Category : The future of recycling in a violent & lawless society.

HEALTH NEWS Sinister govt. plan to solve pensions crisis? The 'experts' are now claiming that bird flu will hit mainly 20-40 year olds because it resembles the 1918 Spanish flu, which targetted mainly healthy young adults. new labour's vaccination strategy is to treat mainly the young and the elderly with flu vaccines, which will leave the workforce vulnerable.    So new labour's customers are warned to watch out for a change of strategy to giving anti-virals to the 'at risk' working population. And when the coming pandemic wipes out all those of pension age, new labour will weep a few crocodile tears in public and pat itself on the back enthusiastically in private for solving the pensions crisis created by scotch gordon.    p.s. All new labour members, their hangers on and the civil service will, of course, be vaccinated in addition to the workforce. Happy weather, happy country The Met Office has decided to sanitize Britain's weather on radio, TV and the internet. In future, all gloomy stuff – heavy rain in places, isolated storms, clouds for some, occasional showers, etc. – will disappear from forecasts. Instead, the customers will get only cheery stuff – warm for most, sunny for most, no hurricanes for most, mostly dry, etc.    The Met Office hopes that 'happy weather, happy country' will soon apply to the whole of Britain as we head into winter's cold darkness. Fat, greedy Americans, get lost! The U.S. House of Representatives has upset lawyers everywhere by passing a "cheeseburger bill," which prevents fat people from blaming their condition on burger chains like McDonald's. The House decided that people should know that stuffing their faces will make them fat, and food manufacturers and restaurants are not responsible for the greed of their customers. The law does not, however, block legal action against a company which supplies contaminated food.

WARNING  • Bird Flu will kill 99.999% of the population over the next week.  • Vaccination will provide NO protection.  • Only people who visited the BlackFlag News website this month will be spared    (unless they have anything to do new labour or they voted for new labour).  • Have a nice day!

AL QAIDA NEWS Play nice in future, chaps! Al Qaida members in Iraq have been ordered to cut down on the brutality when they kill people as it is having an adverse effect on the terror organization's PR.    The No. 2 terrorist on the Al Qaida Army Council has issued a directive informing members that people who have been shot without messing about are just as dead as someone whose head has been hacked off with a rusty knife.    Al Qaida's leaders are worried that psychopathic Moslems, who might have flocked to their cause, are being put off by the crudity of the group's murder tactics. Even worse, the terror organization's apologists are going soft and becoming more inclined to co-operate with moves to freeze or sequester Al Qaida's assets.    The big problem is that governments which like to strut their stuff on the world stage feel that their style is cramped if they can be branded supporters of torture and murder.    They can cope with plain murder, but the torture aspect has an adverse effect on the amount of international aid going to soft supporters of terrorism. And let's face it, what's the point of being part of the government of a tinpot country if there isn't plenty of cash sloshing around, available to be stolen?

ROMILEY NEWS God is Great? The evidence say not! There was a partial eclipse of the Sun on the morning of the first Monday of the month with 50% of the solar disc covered at Romiley's latitude. So what did we get? Wall to wall cloud all bloody day.    According to her PR, God is supposed to be omnipresent and omnipotent. So She knew about the situation in Romiley and She could have pushed the clouds aside, but She chose not to. If the Deity shows such blatant disregard for the emotional welfare of Her potential customers, no wonder the Church is in decline everywhere but in sunny countries! Stockport Council sells out Romiley again The Trivial-Democrats running our local council, and the ineffective MP, are trying to blame the Department of Education in London for the decision to close Romiley Primary School. But the residents know the score. It's blatantly obvious that the prime piece of building land at the Compstall Road end of Sandy Lane will end up in the hands of the council's brother-in-law, who will make a vast profit out of it while Romiley's residents will derive no benefit at all from the dodgy deal. Romiley drowned again The last week of the month began with lakes at the foot of streets adjoining Compstall Road and the park at the end of Sandy Lane was under water again. Odd that the Triv-Dems who dominate Stockport Council can find £500 million for another pointless remake of Stockport's centre and nothing at all to rebuild Romiley's primary school or provide decent drainage.

NOTICE No while visiting this website SMOKING IS PERMITTED. Note: This sign will be unscrambled when the government sorts out its dog's breakfast of a policy on smoking in public places.

HOME NEWS "You stupid woman!" According to a report out this month, Anne Owers, the chief inspector of prisons, doesn't like the screws wearing tiepins bearing the flag of St. George. She thinks 'it could be misinterpreted as a racist emblem'. She caught the staff at Wakefield Gaol wearing the pins to support a cancer charity. Jumped up jobsworths Newham council (Labour, East London) has spent £1.4 million on creating a bogus police force. There are 40 of them with 'ranks' up to 'inspector', they wear uniforms bought from the real police, they have a van with a flashing blue light and they have had all of 3 weeks' training. These Keystone Cops are really park police, who have no more power to harass people than ordinary members of the public. Yet they are strutting around with batons and pretending to be an anti-social behaviour taskforce. Born-Again Racist? After making a good living in the race industry for many years, the chairman of the CRE has taken to savaging multiculturalism in public. Has he really been converted to the concept that native Britons are entitled to preserve and enjoy their national heritage and entitled to have it respected in their own country? Or is he just trying to get himself noticed? Beach Wars for the South-West Malcolm Bell, head of South West Tourism, is eager to get some competition going in his part of the world. He thinks charging tourists £3-5 a head to set foot on a beach would be a great idea, which could raise up to half a million quid on a really hot, sunny day. Mr. Bell, naively, thinks that all this cash would be spent on improving beach facilities. And the logical extension of the policy is that tourists would flock to the best-run resorts, which would force the operators of bad ones to improve or die.    Cynics at BlackFlag News see an alternative scenario. Greedy beach-operating councils grab the cash for junkets and services for privileged minorities (the more repellent the better), the only beach wars are between potential customers and the people collecting parking fees and the Beach Charge, and tourists go elsewhere in large numbers. Asset-stripping in Manchester? The IRA bomb in Manchester is alleged to have caused damage to the tune of £700 million. [Which sounds like the plot of a really bad insurance swindle. Ed.] Which is probably why the Asset Recovery Agency gave the news services a thrill by announcing that it hopes to strip property worth £9-30 million from the head of the IRA. Apparently, he's been investing in real estate in England as a means of laundering the proceeds from smuggling petrol, livestock, etc. between Ulster and the Irish Republic. But the City of Manchester is unlikely to lay its hands on any of the cash while scotch gordon has a multi-billion pound black hole in his accounts. Have cash, will waste it! The brand new University College hospital in Euston, London, blew £70,000 on a giant pebble to brighten up its entrance area.    This hospital lacks sufficient space to treat patients, the staff have to share rooms to meet out-patients' targets, and there are no rooms where doctors on call can grab some sleep so they have to doss down in corridors or on trolleys.    But rather than tackle these problems, the management plans to blow further thousands of pounds on more art. Self-proclaimed African witchdoctor Mansor Barry is in trouble with his local Trading Standards office in Birmingham. Disgruntled clients have shopped him for taking their money and doing nothing in return. [The words 'mug' and 'punter' come to mind. Ed.] Wallace, Gromit & Morph all burned to the ground A major fire obliterated the Bristol warehouse which held animator Nick Park's archive. Figures, props, original sketches and story boards accumulated over 30 years were destroyed. Only the materials used to make the new Aardman hit film The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, and anything out at exhibitions, survived the fiery carnage. The Beeb say, "It's all about the money!" The bbc would like a licence fee of £200/year and its director general, mark 'grabber' thompson, is convinced that the British public are eager to respond to this 'challenge'. new labour has been encouraging him to go for broke as a reward for wholeheartedly adopting the new labour agenda following the mauling inflicted on the bbc after the hutton report showed that it had strayed off message. A group of Christian fundamentalists plans to use new labour's law on inciting racial and religious hatred to persecute shops selling the Koran. Christian Voice reckons that the Koran is 'hate speech' because it advocates killing unbelievers. Oh, dear! "Mr. Byers talks gibberish . . . but he is not a proven liar." Another cowardly judge condones a new labour conspiracy and betrays the British public The Establishment has closed ranks once again. Swindled Railtrack shareholders found to their cost that new labour is fireproof when a dotty old judge dismissed their class action against the government.    If a new labour prime minister lies to the country and gets people killed, Lords Hutton & Butler established that everything is okay.    If a new labour minister lies and conspires to cheat shareholders of a company out of their money, Mr. Justice Lindsay has established that this is okay, too.    It's official. new labour can get away with anything because the courts daren't object. Trafalgar Day + 200 was celebrated by the people of Britain, the armed forces and the Royal Family. But new labour, which hates a British victory, didn't get involved. It pays to give offence! Edinburgh has been voted Scotland's rudest city and joins Birmingham, the English champion, and Paris, the French champion, in the race to be dubbed Europe's rudest city. Book buyers but not readers YouGov reckons that one of its surveys found that 33% of the people interviewed in London and the South-East said they had bought a book 'solely to look intelligent'. These people are supposed to feel 'under pressure' to buy the unreadable or uninteresting books which are short-listed by literary prize panels. And having bought the book, they stick it on a bookshelf for others to admire rather than actually reading it.

OH, NO! WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW? Here's another brilliant idea! The Home Office is considering treating terrorist bombers as victims of brainwashing by a religious cult. Which reduces the violent offshoots of Islam to the status of the Jim Jones cult, which committed mass suicide in Guyana, or the bunch in Waco, Texas, who set fire to their headquarters and blew themselves up when the FBI and the ATF agency took a close interest in them.    Instead of being locked up, failed suicide bombers and terrorist suspects will be deprogrammed to drive the nonsense out of their heads so that they can become again, useful members of society. Great idea but will new labour really have the guts to try it out? Has over-exposure to bliarism softened blunk's brain? He was chucked out of the Cabinet in disgrace for making a fool of himself over another man's wife and abusing the office of home sec. and his expenses. Now, as he tries to claw his way back to the centre of power, blunk has made a fool of himself again over a flighty blonde half his age. He's also in trouble for failing to register a club membership which he got for free.    The main rule in politics is 'get yourself noticed but not for the wrong reasons'. But it looks like excessive exposure to antonio b. liar's poisoned glow has bamboozled blunk into thinking that he, too, is irresistible and not subject to the rules which apply to ordinary mortals. Blunk! The sound of another clanger hitting the ground! The man who abused his expenses and his office has been shopped again for abuse of notepaper. He used official House of Commons notepaper and the weight of his office in a NIMBY private protest against a building development near a house that he owns in SW London. Blunk Squared! The latest hot-spot for our hero is his manoeuvrings over the shares which he acquired at a knock-down price in a company which wants a contract with the Child Support Agency, which (surprise, surprise!) is run by the ministry of work & pensions, which blunk just happens to head up at the moment. Talk about a mandelson moment! Censorship is the new new labour way new labour is planning to exercise crown copyright to stop further downing street insiders from making money out of their memoirs. But if there is no money in it, the only motive left for publishing is revenge. So any memoirs which do come out should cause maximum damage to already shattered reputations. [How do you do further damage to something that's already totally trashed? Ed.] Get out of gaol free new labour's latest Big Idea is to put 30,000 thieves, muggers, burglars, drug dealers, traffickers in stolen goods, benefit fraudsters and dangerous drivers back on the streets and back in the business of making people's lives a misery. It's the new labour answer to prison overcrowding.    This is a time when violent crime is rising inexorably, so why is new labour to pour petrol on the flames? Because antonio b. liar would like everyone to accept his personal assurance that crime is actually going down no matter what the real figures say. The Great Wind scam – new labour's phantom energy policy exposed The energy minister, malcolm wicks, is intent on creating a vast wind farm on Romney Marsh, Kent. It will feature 26 turbines, each 370 feet tall and visible from 20 miles away. The turbines will produce electricity only for 25% of an average day and provide no net saving in carbon dioxide emissions, as conventional power stations will have to keep operating around the clock to provide power when the wind isn't blowing.    The project will need a carefully concealed subsidy of £9 million per year to break even and it is a typical example of new labour's 'renewable' energy policy in that it will cost a fortune, it will blight a community and it will provide no real benefits in terms of providing cheaper electricity or saving the planet. Half-measures and dirty deals rule new labour The government's plan to ban smoking in public places lies in tatters after a savaging by former health sec. john reid, a smoker and a Scot, who insisted on excluding from the ban, private clubs and pubs where food is served. These places will be included in a blanket ban in mr. reid's native Scotland next year.    The likely outcome of this latest new labour legislative botched-up is that pubs will stop serving food to retain their smokers or convert to private clubs full of people eager to sign in non-members. Bird flu – another shambles new labour is also presiding over a shambles of the magnitude of foot & mouth and BSE where bird flu is concerned. environment sec. margaret bucket doesn't know how many imported birds have the disease and she doesn't know if the current quarantine measures are effective. The good news is that these measures are to be reviewed. But mrs. bucket doesn't know who will do it, who will get the report or when it will be delivered.    And she has no problem with a convicted fraudster being in charge of the quarantine centre where bird flu was first detected because the geezer committed financial fraud, and that's what new labour is all about. MPs carry on abusing their expenses The average figure for expenses claims from MPs in 2004/5 was £122,678, up a greater-than-inflation 4% on the previous year's figure of £118,000. No surprise that the greediest was one of the labour lot. Geraint Davies, who was evicted at the last general election, claimed a monster £176,026. The biggest grab in 2003/4 was claire curtis-thomas (labour) who grabbed £168,889.    Davies' successor as the greediest MP still sitting is also one of the labour lot. margaret moran stung the taxpayer for £168,569.    In addition, the best part of half a million quid went to the IRA's four MPs, who don't get involved in Westminster politics.

CRIMINAL NEWS Recalled to life? Britain's last prison hulk, HMP Weare, was closed down after 8 years' loyal service in August of this year. But it could just be refurbished and put back into service if other gaols look like overflowing. new labour's failure to do anything about increasing crime levels includes not building prisons to house its increasingly violent and lawless customers. So anywhere secure could be pressed into service, including the Tower of London! Crime Stealth Tax Want to report anti-social behaviour and/or a non-emergency incident to the police? Fine! new labour would prefer it if you dialled 101 instead of 999 to do it. And by the way – the call will cost you 10p instead of nothing. Crime can pay for the victim! Oslo's Munch Museum is taking a remarkably laid back attitude to the loss of some of its works. The museum has started selling a board game based on the theft of a version of The Scream, which took a walk along with The Madonna in August of last year and hasn't been seen since.    Two inept but successful thieves in balaclavas crashed through the system of automatic doors, just pulled the paintings off the walls and split long before the police arrived. Security camera footage showed them dropping the pictures a couple of times on the way to their van. Fake it at your own risk in Belgium A Belgian man, known only as Gunther R, has geen gaoled for six months for wearing a fake Rolex watch. Spies for the manufacturer spotted him wearing it and shopped him to the police. The judge also stuck him with a fine of €1,000 for breaching brand name registration laws.

bliar news What does he have to sweat about this month? Reports that the IRA held back a truckload of arms and ammunition from the top secret decommissioning process for 'personal protection racket' purposes have been rubbished enthusiastically by our prime monster. But mr. b. liar's credibility is so completely shot to hell that everyone assumes he's lying again when he says there was no under-the-counter deal with the IRA to exclude some weapons. Getting anyone to take his 'Respect agenda' seriously now that he's planning to introduce baby ASBOs for troublesome kids under 10, teen ASBOs for street yobs, parent ASBOs for people who don't keep their kids under control, OAP ASBOs for stroppy senior citizens and any other categories that Louise Casey, his foul-mouthed, bad behaviour personal advisor can come up with. Paying 'shut up' money to the Iraqi authorities in Basra and saying it was wrong for British forces to rescue the two SAS undercovers, who were kidnapped on 2005/09/17 by criminals posing as police officers. Taking the risk of letting John Prescott fly the kite that new labour is prepared to surrender our rebate of contributions to the EU without reform of the whole rotten structure. The denial from downing street was swift but the nation was left wondering if the truth was emerging from the mouth of the village idiot while the usual suspects were spinning their usual lies. Resuming payments of expenses to the IRA's no-show MPs, even though IRA violence continues and they haven't handed back the £26 million they stole from a Belfast bank last December. The Wheels Come Off The Iraq Adventure A poll conducted in Iraq by the Ministry of Defence has found that the majority of Iraqis support the scumbag suicide bombers and want the coalition forces gone. new labour's response is to send even more British troops to Iraq instead of pulling them out of President Dubya Bush's mess. Awarding peerages to 4 more geezers who bunged the labour party.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Crooks In Action As a public service, Jenson Farrago is offering access to his collection of bogus lottery, phishing and other email spam. CLICK HERE to find out what miracles they offer.

WORLD NEWS Vulture shortage in Bombay. Miewes to the rescue? For centuries, Zoroastrians in India have been laying out the bodies of their dead and letting vultures eat them. But the vultures are dying out after being poisoned by drugs in the carcases of the cattle which form part of their alternative diet.    Zoroastrians are forbidden by their religion from disposing of their dead by cremation or burial (on land or at sea) as these methods would contaminate the sacred element earth, fire and water. In an attempt to speed up decomposition of corpses, they have tried creating a sort of furnace with solar panels and magnifying lenses, but the sun isn't hot enough in their part of the world.    Help may be at hand, however. The self-confessed Kassel Cannibal, German Armin Miewes [see BFN for December 2003 & January 2004], should be getting out of gaol quite soon if he gets a decent amount of remission. And a trawl of the internet should turn up a few more volunteers to act as human vultures. George W. Bush admits it – "I am a nutter!" His personal god told him to invade Afghanistan and gave him the nod to sort out Saddam Hussein in Iraq. And then he was ordered to give the Palestinians their own state and bring peace to the Middle East. The only problem is that Targets 1 & 2 have been met without achieving anything much and Target 3 remains as far away as ever. California having new problems with Mexican immigrants At a time when California is being burned to bits about 60 miles east of Los Angeles, the unfortunate state is receiving no help from its neighbour. As well as human infiltrators, Mexico is sending fires across the border to give U.S. firefighters even more to do. Pushing the envelope in New York An 'art' exhibition in Manhattan is causing a bit of a stir. The items on offer include stamps showing President Bush with a gun to his head and a bomb in a suitcase. The whole point of the exhibition is to ask visitors to decide if they are seeing art or merely something offensive knocked up by the American branch of Al Qaida. The New York police made their minds up quite quickly. Several of the 'artists' have been arrested, questioned and charged with crimes relating to their 'work'. In Germany, a bloke stripped off at the Wallfaf-Richartz Museum in Cologne and declared himself a 'guest exhibit'. He posed on a table next to a picture of Jesus until the local fuzz arrived to remove him. The charge was 'exhibitionism'. Getting the message across A Boxing Day tsunami for Islamic countries in South-East Asia, Hurricanes Katrina & Rita for the United States, two tornadoes in Birmingham and a Richter 7.6 earthquake with plentiful aftershocks for Islamic Pakistan. Is this God/Allah saying, 'a plague on both your houses'? The Members of the European Parliament have overspent their drinks budget of €1.6 million. So they have cheekily voted to increase the budget to €1.74 million. Daniel Craig (who?) is the new James Bond for a remake of Casino Royale. Pakistan's government had interesting priorities. It put repairing the defences along its border with the old enemy, India, above helping survivors of a major earthquake and sending food and shelters to the devastated areas. Attention foreign countries! Please don't start anything that will need the personal attention of our foreign sec. Mr. straw will be away during the third week of the month on a political jolly aimed at making US Sec. of State Condoleezza Rice look like a presidential prospect. Mr. straw, who has never held a proper job and who has little experience of the real world, is well known for his tendency to support lost causes. A little African humour upsets new labour President Mug of Zimbabwe has ruffled new labour feathers with a speech at a UN junket in Rome. He accused British prime monster antonio b. liar of playing Mussolini to President Dubya Bush's Hitler on the world stage, and the pair of them of distributing international terrorism around the planet.    Mr. Mug is seen as the natural successor to Idi Amin as Africa's typical despot. He is famous for turning the former grain-basket of Africa into a famine zone and reducing the average life expectancy in Zimbabwe to less than 34 years. Michael Jackson has received a summons to show up for jury duty some four months after he was acquitted of child molestation charges. But his lawyers have the perfect answer. They reckon that he now lives in Bahrain and he is no longer answerable to the California court service. Saddam trial opens and closes The man who used to be the World's Favourite Despot was in a combative mood as a result of the decision to park him, and his co-defendants, in a giant playpen at a Baghdad court. He began by refusing to recognize the authority of the court, then he spoilt everything by entering a plea of 'not guilty' instead of making no plea.    Saddam Hussein spent 3 hours arguing with the judges and he threw a major wobbly when he was asked to identify himself. Mr. Hussein insisted that everyone knew who he was, and also that he is still the legitimate president of Iraq.    At the end of the proceedings, the presiding judge adjourned the trial until the end of November to give the accused plenty of time to rehearse indignation and other 'wronged despot' emotions when the trial gets serious. A plug too far The CCIAMR faces eviction from the register of Australian charities for tearing up the rules and throwing them away.    The law in the state of Victoria requires at least 60% of the proceeds from a fund-raising event to go to the charity which organized the event. The figure was nearer 8% for a dinner, at which mrs. antonio b. liar was the guest speaker.    Not only did she cop for a huge slice of the action, she also took the opportunity to plug her book shamelessly. Minor US problem over the 2003 Iraq war Vice-Pres Cheney's chief of staff; a guy called 'Scooter', if you can believe it; is in trouble for some trivial stuff like lying on oath and waging a dirty tricks campaign against a US weapons expert. Joe Wilson was sent to Nigeria to prove that Saddam Hussein was trying to buy uranium there to build his own atom bomb. Only Wilson found no evidence of this, which dented Pres Bush's case for war. Hence the covert assault by Scooter.    When the story broke, there was a lot of wild talk in the excitable meeja about Scooter going to gaol for 30 years. But if the British example is anything to go by, Scooter has nothing to worry about. The antonio b. liar regime pulled the same trick on Iraq weapons expert Dr. David Kelly and no one went to gaol. And Joe Wilson is still alive . . . The EUrocrats strike again Mrs. Judy Bell, the manufacturer of 'Yorkshire Feta' soft cheese, has lost her brand name after the European court ruled that the name 'feta' belongs to Greece. The ruling ignores the fact that 'feta' is about as exclusive as 'cheddar' and that most of the world's feta is produced in 4 countries other than Greece, the largest being Denmark.    In the spirit of European co-operation, BlackFlag News would like to offer the labelling suggestions below to provide the Yorkshire cheese with a purely cosmetic new look. Road safety for all! A company in Chile has started selling airbags for motorcyclists. The gadget isn't fitted to the bike, however. It comes as a set of inflatable bags fixed inside a special jacket, which inflates in an emergency and leaves the bike-rider bouncing around, safely, like a Michelin man. Today Germany, tomorrow, the whole world! Nazi racoons are being blamed for invading vineyards and destroying most of this year's year's wine harvest. Former Reichsmarshall Herman Goering ordered their release into the German countryside in 1934. He wanted to enrich the basic stock of wildlife and give himself something different to shoot. Unfortunately, the racoons didn't stay put. In search of Lebensraum, they have spread to most of Europe from the Low Countries to the Urals.    Bounty hunters are now at work in the Brandenburg province to tackle the racoon menace, and they have plenty to do. The density of racoons is around 100 per square kilometre in parts, which is the same as the racoon density in their native North America.

DEPARTURES Ronnie Barker, a.k.a. Gerald Wiley The larger part of The Two Ronnies has died at 76. Ronnie Barker was a prolific writer as well as a performer. A character actor who did comedy excellently, his successful TV career ran from the 1960s until he ran out of ideas and took early retirement in 1987. His TV successes included The Frost Report; his shows with Ronnie Corbett; the part of Fletcher, the burglar, in Porridge; and the miserly Arkwright in Open All Hours, most of which are still running in TV heaven on the digital television channels. He was also an essential member of the cast of the long-running radio comedy classic The Navy Lark.

	scotch gordon's hopes of becoming prime monster anytime soon.  The IRA bomb in Manchester caused £700 million damage to 'the centre of the city' when all it blew up was part of Corporation Street, which wasn't the centre of the city or even that near to it.  Sin bins for problem families with feral kids. Where is antonio b. liar planning to put them? The Nimby Brigade is keen to be told.  Digital Radio. What's the point of it if the BBC is determined to provide inferior quality compared to FM radio and it needs a fancy aerial so it can't be picked up on an easily portable radio set?  antonio b. liar's latest big idea for messing about with the education system and putting bits of it back to where it was 8 years ago, before he started his meddling.

This edition of BlackFlag News was compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

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