Player Profiles


	Name: Joe Wiggins Nicknames: Nick Herring Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Medium Fast Bowler

Fast bowler capable of limiting runs and forcing the batsman to make errors of judgement. Bowls better in matches than he sometimes does at nets where he bowls a few beamers to keep the batsmen on their toes, or on the floor as has happened in the past. His failure to take any large wicket hauls is largely a direct result of the team's inability to take any catches from his bowling. This dismal display is often the cause of humiliating defeats (coupled with pathetic batting). As a batsman he is liable to post a good score by the standards of a bowler and is often a higher scorer for the team, although that is not saying much. However a firm defensive display often lacks the desire to bring out the clubs on anything straight, especially the in-swinging Yorker. Probably his biggest flaw is his tendency to comment and criticise team displays without even witnessing the match and basing his comments almost entirely on the fact that the score book records five people getting ducks and one person getting two-thirds of the score. This ill-informed analysis helps no one.



	Name: Andrew Kentish Nicknames: He doesnt have any nicknames we all call him Andrew, honest. Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Wides

Greg is the sometime captain and opening batsmen of the side. Rarely misses a ball in defence, rarely hits the ball in attack. Most notable for his ability to come up with a wonderful excuse however he gets out. Has an amazing propensity to swing the new ball however when he bowls with the new ball he pitches it straight and it goes wide, when he has the old ball he pitches it wide and it stays there. I would love to insult him for his fielding but I cant because he is the best in the side, runs his heart out, puts his body on the line. If we had ten more of him we would save 50 runs an innings.



	Name: Daniel Wiggins Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Spin Bowler

Right handed batsmen who is the antithesis to much of the side as he can't play with anything but a straight bat. Has a propensity to get very annoyed at the umpire when he is given out even when he is stumped standing way out of his crease. His usual reaction is to launch his bat at a member of the watching supporters. His bowling is something of a revelation, owing a lot to the fact that if he doesn't know which way it will turn then nobody will. He uses time in the field to catch up on any sleep he has missed during the week and will probably drop two sitters and then take a spectacular catch just after waking up.



	Name: Rhys Sharrem Nicknames: The modest bumbler Wicketkeeper Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Grenades

Rhys is somewhat unique as a wicketkeeper as he cannot catch, he just lets the balls smash into his amply padded body. This often leaves him severely wounded but with a very low byes count. His unintelligible welsh ramblings are a mystery to the team and the opposition, he is nevertheless able to severely distract the batsman by reminding him that he's welsh and desperate whilst simultaneously unsettling the non-striker by getting out his modest bumbler and balancing it on the bails. His batting is something of a quandary one week he will look as if he has never seen a game of cricket in his life, the next week he will look quite handy. Sadly, it is the former that occurs most frequently. He has yet to produce a commanding innings largely because he will walk even before the bowler has started his run-up claiming the ball hit is bat. Allegedly Rhys used to be quite a handy bowler, however now he draws his arm back and launches the ball over the nets and into the picnic area. On a slightly sickly note he has done fantastically well to learn how to keep in such a short space of time. He also exposes his phallus on a regular basis.



	Name: Paul Creed Nicknames: Creedo, Torpedo, Edgar, Edger, the Edge Bats: Right Handed Golfer Bowls: Right Arm Buffet

Edger is by a distance the most stylish batsman in the side. He has a range of strokes all around the wicket, and a strong forward defensive. There is just one problem he never uses them. He plays calmly for between four and ten balls. The he calls the Caddy gets out the driver, and tees off to anything and everything, including fast in swinging Yorkers. Edger has a good accurate quicker ball, which is hard to hit. Unfortunately he favours his buffet spinner, which even some of our team could keep out. Edger is fairly good in the field, chases fairly hard, and has an excellent arm. Looks dashing in a wide brimmed sun hat, and can often be seen smirking at the bowling getting carted around.



	Name: John Todd-Dunning Nicknames: The Hand Bats: Right-hand flat track bully Bowls: Right-arm Medium

The hand was originally down to open the batting. What a blunder that would have been, wouldn’t know a straight batted defensive shot if it hit him in the face. That said he is the highest scoring batsman of the regular players, mainly due to his great ability to slay buffet bowling late in the innings. He is the only player to have two trademark shots, the windmill and the food processor. The only potential problem for his average, Could be his penchant for le vin rouge. Bizarrely given his all guns blazing batting approach the hand, shows remarkable control over his bowling. The best bowler in the side, his line and length are unerring, and he bowls well at the death. Can even give his spinner a good rip. The phrase “treading water” leaps to mind. Sluggish in the field, except off his own bowling!!.



	Name: Chris Todd-Dunning Nicknames: Lumix Bats: Left Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

When Chris started in nets he was an appalling batsmen, but he has put in hours and hours of work on is defensive play to turn himself into the sides unlikely number two batsmen. (If only other team members would work as hard on their defence). He is the antithesis of the majority of our "out for a good time not a long time" squad as he is incredibly dour and, allegedly strong off his pads. In his first match the opposition supporters thought he was going to be quick (from the look of his run up) what they didn't realise was that he came to a total standstill before delivery making the whole thing pointless. But again has improved immensely, easily one of the hardest practices in the side. The main feature of Chris' fielding is his exagerated slow motion dive that he often does to regulation stops.



	Name: Harry Kentish Nicknames: Hazza, Horizontal Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium/Spin

Has a good eye for the ball and can play some nice shots, but favours cutting and pulling too much (hence the second nickname used by several members of the team), which have got him out several times this season. Also has a famous shot of trying to flick a straight ball down to fine leg which invariably results in him being bowled or trapped lbw. Has only played it once so far this season (See Pictures page) so hopefully he won't be playing that shot any more. His Bowling started very well, bowling a good length every time, but having not been to nets recently, quite a few wides and no balls have crept into his last couple of games. Works hard in the field, kept falling over in his first couple of games when chasing the ball, but has fielded very well since.



	Name: Paul Draper Nicknames: Poirot Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Left arm spin

Paul has a great eye for the ball and if he times it right gets a lot of power on his shots. Unfortunately he tries to smash anything not at the stumps out of the ground and so often gets caught early in his innings having not played himself in. Also has an interesting defensive shot for balls at the stumps where he jumps backwards and dangles the bat in front of the stumps. Originally he was bowling spin which if he put it in the right place to right-handers could cause them some problems, unfortunately to left-handers it was more of a problem for the spectators. Started bowling medium pace during the first season and it was working quite well, but now he has come back from Paris he has reverted back to spin bowling and had some early success. Fields very well and makes lots of noise in the field. Makes all his catches look more difficult than they actually are.



	Name: Michael Simms Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Hand Batsman Bowls: Right Arm Medium

Michael cannot except the fact that he is by far the best batsmen in the team (not difficult I know) but we will eventually force him to bat at number three. After practice Michael is the straightest bowler in the team and he also took the clubs first ever wicket, with a full toss fittingly for us. Gets a little over excited when he takes wickets. Due to family commitments Michael doesn't like to travel to far to matches, therefore we never telling him where the matches are until the last minute.



	Name: Danny Camp Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium Fast

Danny is technically a very good batsmen unfortunately he has caught what is known as "Creeditis" - a very serious disease that causes otherwise sound batsmen to continually tee off to good bowling. Hopefully an antidote can be found. The most penetrative bowler in the side (no comments please Chris) when he doesn't try to bowl to fast he bowls an excellent line. His specialist wicket taking method is to bowl a 75mph beamer at the batsman's head and follow it with a slower Yorker. Usually works to. If you are an opposition side reading this - where a helmet. Excellent fielder, all action and supportive.



	Name: Natalie Wiggins Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batswoman Bowls: Under Arm

Nat loves a game of cricket so much that she tends to sleep for a full 6 hours every Sunday. If she's not sleeping she tends to be very annoyed at people questioning her scoring. She is an excellent supporter of the side, regularly attends nets or sleeps in the car, and is a star for doing the scoring for us, until she gets bored with it and forces Rhys to do it. Funnily enough she is more than good enough to play for the side, however cricket is a gentleman's sport and ladies should only make the tea and applaud politely.



	Name: Colin Barnes Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

As well as having kneecaps made of oak Colin has a remarkably good eye for the ball. Unfortunately he decides to take guard 6 foot to the leg side of his stumps and then walk right across them as the ball is bowled. Potentially an excellent batsmen, however like virtually every member of the side does not take kindly to advice. Although not seen in the game yet his net performances tend to suggest he has a very itchy LBW trigger finger much like Harold. One of the best fielders in the side, especially in the deep where he has an arm to rival Edger.



	Name: Ian Barnes Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

Judith (as in Chalmers) has only played once due to the fact he is always on holiday. Batted well in his only appearance for the side and made the right decision in wearing his glasses as he said himself "there is no point batting if you cant see the ball" Sadly if he plays again he wont be able to wear those same glasses as they are being worn by a Spanish taxi driver as we speak. His favourite cricketing tea is a club sandwich. Never seen him bowl, so cant really comment. He cannot field either because he doesn't have any glasses, apart from some old ones which make him look like Deidrie Barlow.



	Name: John Wiggins Nicknames: The Hat Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

You'll know John as he is the one who turns up to nets 5 minutes before they finish, often with a tea cosy on his head. He is also the only batsmen in the side who prefers to take to the crease with bare hands to face quick bowlers. Has a good eye, yet seems to have picked up the Trafalgar habit of launching the ball in the air rather than into the ground. With remarkably little practice he is one of the most economical bowlers in the side, very accurate. With regular practice could be a real star. His run up starts at right angles from the crease and he winds up his arm like a toy before release. He has a very safe pair of hands but if the ball goes past him he often delegates the task of chasing to another member of the side.



	Name: Mark Faulkner Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Leg Spin

Mark hits the ball harder than any club cricketer I have ever seen, this is probably due to the fact that he bats as if he is teeing off on a par 5 at The Belfry. Has added much needed impetuous to our batting line-up and has rescued us from embarrassment on numerous occasions. Mark has three varieties in his leg spinning cannon: there is the one that pitches on a length and turns sharply; then there is the one that is tossed up so high it does not reach the batsmen; finally, there is the one that ends up behind him. We always have a chance if Mark is in the team, hence the reason he must give up golf or his marriage and concentrate on the most important thing in his life, cricket.



	Name: Adam Key Nicknames: Alan. Any other name beginning with A. Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

When Alan first played for the team he did not know anyone but Mark, yet he still had the somewhat surprising sensation of being sledged during his first ever over with cries of "well bowled Alan" Great ball Alma" etc... So immediately learned that the team he was now playing for was a) Awful at cricket b) Not particularly supportive. c) Not particularly funny. Despite the bizarre start Adam (that is his real name) has settled in well to the team (apart from the fact that he bowls straight and bats well). He is a welcome addition to the Trafalgar squad both on the pitch and in the pub afterwards. Hopefully will play many more games for us.



	Name: Neil Fisher Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Fast Medium

Neil comes off no run-up to spear the ball in at the batsmen, at a surprising pace. Can be a very dangerous customer, especially in nets when he beams it straight at your head (he says it slips out of his hand, we are not so sure). He once cycled a very long way to nets and when he arrived was so knackered he could barely bowl. Fits in extremely well in the batting line up as he tees off to everything, but unlike most of the team actually hits it sometimes. He actually plays regularly for a team far better than us, so it is always a bonus when he turns out for Trafalgar.



	Name: Mo Afsaruddin Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

Mo is an amazing batsmen as he seems to see the ball ridiculously late, yet invariably blocks it. The only member of the team he truly knows the value of their wicket the importance of crease occupation. He did also aim a hard hit sweep shot at some annoying children once, which was extremely enjoyable. His bowling is somewhat lesser spotted owing to a mysterious arm injury. We will keep you updated. Really puts a great deal of effort in the field, an example to all.



	Name: Andrew Dixon Nicknames: ? Bats: Right Handed Batsmen Bowls: Right Arm Medium

We all thought it was impossible to find a player more laid back than Daniel but we have managed it. Haven't seen much of him batting, but seems to have a good eye. More practice and less sleep could be crucial. Bowling is a real revelation the ball comes from a great height and is very accurate. If he could practice and get up some speed he would be devastating. If only we could get him to practice more. His fielding is good, one of the better members of the side in that area. Although that's not difficult.