Introduction

This song owes a great artistic debt to The Very Secret Diaries by Cassie Claire *Bows reverently in her
direction* Unless you have read the Very Secret Diaries, you will not get all the in jokes, but True Fans will
know all about elves and their nancing ways. Having watched Legolas nance his way through two films already,
I thought I would upset the world's pervy elf fanciers permanently by writing this.

After seeing Return of the King, I've added two verses. I have used a saying my mother used to use.


"You're big enough and ugly enough to look after yourself"

This is something my mother would say to me when I expected something to be done for me that I was quite capable of doing for myself. My mother was from London, and I am not sure how widely understood this saying is.

Tune: Where Do You Go To My Lovely by Peter Sarstedt

Original lyrics here

You Look Like A Girlie, Legolas by Minto

Well you look like a girlie, Legolas,
Though you're tall, and you're handsome and fair,
When the girls look at you, they all wonder,
What shampoo you use on your hair (yes they do...)

You walk thru' the snow in the mountains,
And somehow you don't leave a track
And you even look pretty amazing,
Just jumping on a horses back...( yes you do,)

And you run o'er the plains after Uruks,
With speed and the grace of a cat,
But some of us noticed you stumbled,
We noticed you nearly fell flat (on your face, yes we did!)

When you go and fondle an arrow
A thrill goes through ev'ry girl
And when you hand your knives over,
You've just got to give 'em a twirl (as you do)

You surf on a shield down a staircase,
To get into the battle below,
But that's not cool enough for Legolas,
You have to shoot orcs as you go (tan-ta-rah!)

An oliphaunt's big and it's ugly
Enough to look after itself
It can trample the Riders of Rohan
But it better not mess with this elf! (Or it's dead! Yes it is!)

You slid down its trunk when you'd killed it
With a look that said "Follow that, Son!"
But Gimli the dwarf was insistant
That it still only counted as one! (Well, he would! He's a dwarf!)

Oh, you look so pretty, Legolas,
No wonder you're pleased with yourself-
And you can look down on the others,
'Coz no one can nance -like --an--- elf!

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