Welcome to Eat My Shorts! This is where we publish some of your "short" (i.e. one or two lines) film reviews / synopses. Thanks to Robert for submitting the initial batch, and to Denise for fleshing out the concept.
The Gobmeister feels confident that, once you have read some of these, you will be inspired to submit one (or some) of your own. Please do so by clicking here and using your common sense.
This one's from Nigel:
"Black Hawk Down"
American soldiers attempt mission to capture warlord, crash 2 helicoptors, fight their way out of town and go home unsuccesful.
Here's Robert's initial batch:
"The Great Escape."
Locked up prisoners of war attempt to escape from POW camp. Succeed.
"Chicken Run."
Same as above, but with chickens!
"Jackass - The Movie."
Idiots insert things, and do stuff they shouldn't. Don't try this at home!
"U2 - Rattle And Hum"
Rather pretentious "Rockumentary" detailing the band's US tour.
"A.I."
Bland uninspiring drivel that ends twice.
"Speed."
A bomb on a bus that can't slow down.
"The Big Bus."
Spoof version of above, made some 20 years earlier!
"Titanic."
Ship hits iceberg (not lettuce). Sinks. The End.
"Bowling For Colombine."
Documentary about guns in the US. Worthy, but I wouldn't want to watch it again.
"The Sound Of Music."
A Singing Nun (honestly!) helps a family to escape the Nazis. Based (rather loosely) on a true story.
"Schindler's List."
Same as above, but without any nuns or singing.
"Deep Impact."
Asteroid on collsion course with earth. Annoying kid discovers it. You end up wishing the asteroid would just hurry up and put us all out of our misery!
"Armageddon."
Same as above, but with Bruce Willis and no annoying kids! This time, you hope the asteroid doesn't win!
"Independance Day."
Aliens try to take over the earth. The Americans stop them. Hooray for them.
"Mars Attacks."
Same as above, but funnier. Aliens are stopped by yodelling.
"Fast And the Furious"
The Cars out-act the stars! No plot discernable.
"My Little Eye"
Big Brother meets Freddie Kruger.
And finally (for now) from Johnny 5:
"A.I."
ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! IT'S LIKE PINOCHIO WITH BLADE RUNNER CROSSED WITH ROOT CANAL SURGERY ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
STARS: 1/5
That's all for now, folks! Get yours in to the Gobmeister for inclusion at the next update!