GobFM Rants
So, what's this page all about then? Well, it's the page where The Gobmeister vents his spleen on life's occasional irritations. It's the flip-side, if you will, to "GobFM Recommends". So...., ready? ....here we go!
During a saunter around their local supermarket, it became apparent to Mr. & Mrs. Gobmeister that there is some colour deception going on in the the fresh fruit 'n' veg section, and possibly also further abroad in society as a whole.
(Reader's inner monologue): "Oh no! What the heck is The Gobmeister wittering on about now?"
Well, let's start with "red cabbage" shall we? What colour is it really? Purple....., yes? Of course it is! So why do they call it red? Supposedly to distinguish it from "white" cabbage - which is actually light green.
Look! These pictures are genuine.
| "RED CABBAGE" | "WHITE CABBAGE" |
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| Looks purple to me! | Nope. Light-green! |
And what about "black" tulips? Let's take a look at a couple of pictures and see shall we?
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Dunno 'bout you, but in The Gobmeister's considered opinion, and having looked very very carefully, they (like the "red cabbage") are very definitely purple.
| They're fantastic, mobile phones aren't they? They enable us to contact our loved ones more easily, and can be an absolute God-send in a crisis. I didn't hold with them initially, but now I rarely go anywhere without mine. | |
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That's the good side. The bad side? Those nincompoops, nitwits, and numbskulls who drive with their mobile phone clasped to their ear with one hand, while attempting to keep control of their vehicle with the other! I don't know about you, but I find that driving requires the use of both hands. If I only HAD one arm, then I would have to have my car specially adapted for one-armed driving. Therefore, those of us who are blessed with two good arms should make sure we employ them both for driving. |
Just in case you haven't got the message, please position your mouse-pointer over the three pictures below, from left to right in sequence, pausing for a moment over each image.
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[ Please note: since this item was first published, the UK Government has introduced legislation which now makes it illegal to use a mobile phone while driving (unless being used via a hands-free kit). Hoorah! ]
Filthy, disgusting habit perpetuated by ignorant plebs who think it is big and clever to imitate what professional footballers (and other sportsmen for that matter) do on the pitch. It is neither. It is just gross. Tuberculosis is already making enough of a comeback among the poor and homeless without matters being made worse by feckless flobbers. Just say NO!
I've never liked slugs. They make my skin creep. But I never realised how much I really hated them until we moved out of the first floor, relative-safety of "GobFM Towers" to the more luxurious and spacious gardened estate of "GobFM Manor". We've been getting slug invasions in our kitchen some nights. Thankfully only in ones and twos, but it grosses me out all the same. One not-so-little b*gger even slithered and slimed all over a load of washing which was drying in the kitchen on an airer. Little sod! So, anyway, I've now blocked all the possible entry points I can think of. Hopefully that'll be it. If not, then we'll hit 'em with the coffee. Yep! That's right, coffee! Apparently it's highly toxic to them, but otherwise safe to higher life forms (the things you learn listening to Danny Baker's BBC London 94.9 Breakfast Show !).
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If you want to learn more about the effects of coffee on slugs and snails, then follow this link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/2067214.stm
Right, well that's enough ranting for now. Gotta watch the blood-pressure! I did like my "feckless flobbers" bit though ;>)