I worked for a time inside a clock; people would enter to pass the time of day. 

I caught a hippo home and arrived in time to walk the dog before we both ate the bus.

The evening was hot and irritable; the music moved in sound clouds and there was a queue just when the portcullis was ready to drop.

Although I can't remember lying, my beard grew so long today I used it as a lead when I walked Poppy to the Lion gate and back.  Both lions yawned when we walked by.

I spent some time meditating in a gigantic plate of salad.  I leant against the biggest slice of beetroot I could find - wary of the cream coloured V2 rocket hidden among the lettuce.

During the evening Arial hurried in with news of a hollow tree suitable to live in.

One of my pseudonym's best friends got bitten by an insect and their face blew up like a football.  I had to protect her from some youths who wanted to knock it into the nearest goal.  I pretended to be the referee and blew my whistle.  What amazed us all was that I blew my whistle once and someone answered twice from high above the clouds.

I changed into a Rubens painting and walked home.

In the middle of the day I became the sphinx that asked itself questions - I didn't always give myself the right answers.

In the evening I was part of a trinity of voices and slowly, as the hours progressed, became more and more like a marble statue.  The other two were living Graces.

I was busy most of the day hanging onto the exterior of a reclining woman which has replaced the white cliffs of Dover.

I became a bat in the evening and flew over the town at some height to the place where the owls reign.  All this is trapped in a big blue book.

I later found a road packed up like an airfix kit.  I only realised what it was when I tried to pick it up.  After walking up and down it aimlessly I rehid it in a cereal box so that noone else will find it.

During the night I was sure the wall in front of the bed had a pair of lovers stuck on it.  They were whispering words people can only understand under an old fashioned light.  The demigods that scatter rose petals at night clambered into a stoneage motor car and disappeared like Toad into the distance.
 

Above the sun - which was contained inside the goldfish bowl - I sat in a room constructing gardens which I would then have to escape from.  The cat put an old coat over the bowl and I played with the pictures like a pack of cards.  The trees in the distance were talking in a foreign language - I answered in semaphore.

In the evening June found a new job.  I found the telephone - which I thought was a skull and crossbones.

It was hot when I got home and both my wife and the dog were wearing Jovian clothes.  I pretended to be Saturn and took the armchair out for a drink.  The chair was too old to befriend although I told it all my best secrets.

The clock had a face which smiled on the hour and scowled on the half.

I explored a new cave sytem during the long evening and talked to seen and unseen voices that echoed through the stange glistening formations composed of cans and bottles.  At one point I accidentally entered an empty bottle and ended up being washed up on a foreign shore (for the second time this year!).

I was brought home by a friendly albatross who I called Sunday.

It was too hot to walk home so I pulled a worm out of my pocket and followed it.  I had almost got home when it turned!  In penance I had to hire myself out as neck tie and ended up being used by Beau Brummell bat at a vampire ball.  I only escaped when I saw myself in the mirror.

I looked in the mirror again at night and I was slightly disturbed to find I was sporting six legs.

My wife thought she could see a crashed UFO from the train while I thought I could see the farmyard pigs putting on sun tan lotion.  One put on so much he could have been a cricketing fast bowler.

When we got home the garden had turned into an acoustic guitar.  I strummed a few chords and then decided to plant a water lily in the sound hole.

I put wheels on my boat and sped across Salisbury plain like Columbus (or one of my viking forebears).  I deamt I discovered a New World but woke up in an old nightmare.

I realise I am a pawn in the bed I made myself.

While hanging upside down from a millet spray I noticed a procession moving across the living room floor and up into the chimney.  All carried nets and were purportedly searching for  the sun.  I locked my self in a capsule modelled on the bust of Nefertiti.

In the evening it was cool enough to ring water from the headresses that litter the garden.  I then retired under a waterfall and made a book shelf.

I got home exhausted from painting red lines all along the road.  I then pretended all the roads were hair and plaited them.  A tiara was put on their head.

On the radio, music was played by intelligent crustaceans.  A mollusc will be the next Prime Minister.

When I got home my chair had turned into a dragon and was fighting St. George.  I captured the knight and sat down.

When I was sure it was dark enough I blew the light out.

In the afternoon (codenamed starfish) the entire family sat on the side of a volcano and threw rose petals at Roman Emperors. 

In the evening I built a mansion on a park bench and threw a party.  Unfortunately I didn't throw it far enough and I was late getting back to the dungeon to take the dog out.

I had to take Poppy to the vet in the afternoon.  We were followed all the way there by thieves on camels and all the way back by a battlecloud; which contantly fired water salvoes as we hid under a mobile mushroom.  Poppy had to have elephants blown up her nose while I held onto a Baobab tree.

When I got home I painted myself red and purple and went to find a caveman.  By coincidence, one had been sent to find me but, typically, we missed each other.

When I finally managed to climb out of the bulls eye (disguised as a tear) I found I was the first member of a new species: Homo Bovinus.  I flexed my bull muscles and waves crashed.  I changed a person into a landscape for no other reason than I could.

Last thing, after taking a test on how to hide in the trenches, I climbed a rope which was several miles high.  Once at the top, I switched the light off.

We have got a new kitten which I christened Isis as a joke but everyone has now adopted it.  It should have been called Freda after a talking ferret I once knew.

While out walking I found scaffolding put up around a heart shaped building - it was still beating.

When I am worried, a miniature army which lives in secret places within the house comes out and patrols, setting up forward bases and other camps, it engages in manouevres in both the real and invisible gardens.

At the end of the day I pulled hard on my braces and shot up into the upper atmosphere.

When I got home one of the kittens was on top of a building she had built herself.  I sewed my mouth up with an old piece of string.

I have my suspicions that the people next door plan to mount a surprise attack on Rome by taking elephants over the Alps.

I was home for a brief instance before going to war again.  I only had time to lay down on a piece of emery paper and rub.

At the end of the day I waited on the parapet for the dogs to howl.  Unfortunately they didn't.

I got home by flying snake; which is the quickest way.  In the past I would have donned a blue tit costume and jumped from bottle top to bottle top.

I walked in the door as a knight of old, only to find in this altered reality that everyone had metamorphosed into dragons.  I sat on a burning seat.

I arranged different kinds of moss and other trinkets such as milk bottle tops around the nest.  I sat down on my own among golden eggs.  Some of the eggs made strange ticking noises and I suspect they are bombs - although it is possible glittering jewels (on short stumpy legs) may break out.

Someone lit a match in my head and thought bubbles rise up - as I don't speak to myself they contained symbols.

I had to spend a few hours as the court jester in the evening; seeing how many bottles I could balance on my head.  I cheated by putting a table there first.  Interestingly, it had a painting on it's underside - it looked like four werewolves pursuing an artist.  The artist pulled a paint brush out of it pocket and shot them.

I pulled a silver candlestick out of mine and illuminated the mirror.

While it was wet outside it was a monsoon in my room.  I white water rafted across the carpet with a stream of mythical people trailing behind.  Once passed the waterfall I pulled the wishing well out of my pocket and had some lunch.  This was carried on a gigantic irish elk whose antlers were a car park width across.

At the end of the day I put Wisdom back into the old biscuit tin which I keep on top of the chest of drawers.

It took me several hours to get back to the surface; most of the time spent in a complex greeting ritual that involved tying and untying each other's shoe laces.  Once home I took the dog for a walk over a rainbow, rescued my wife from a prehistoric beast disguised as a railway engine and swum in a pool the size of a thimble.

Tomorrow I cease to be a human being and become a zip on a large pair of trousers for a couple of days.

I made a life size replica of stonehenge on the shop floor and made a druid cry.  I gave the High Priestess a keepsake.  While I was doing this Caesar came up behind us a burnt his bridge.

A comet streaked across the ceiling while I went to sleep inside a torch.  I knew I would be switched on later.

It was a busy day and I moved so fast I was only visible by the scorch marks that appeared on the carpet.  Smoke came from my ears and I resolved to meditate.  The monk that lives inside a small piece of furniture in the corner of the room burnt all his old letters so I could never read them.  He doesn't realise I already have!

I called to Godzilla and the sea parted.  Moses sat in his chariot and played by himself.

The small cut on my finger grew so large a river ran in it to the sea.  I made a log canoe using a bunsen burner left over from a chemistry lesson in my childhood.  I hated my school, which was situated in a perpetual war zone - when ever peace was declared it would generate giant wheels and move.

Next door we have the teenage mafia.  I am the misfit everyone seeks.

I became the World's first art studio adventurer.   I was a cross between the Miraculous Mandarin and the Steel Claw.  The leading lady ascended through the floor and I found an electricity pylon just in time.  The muggers, who were shop mannequins in gorilla suits, almost caught up with me ( as I had already caught up with time).  A sacrificial bonfire behind us projected the ensuing battle into the sky.  For most of the time I was invisible like a black hole.

Incidentally, it was while I was embracing the pylon that I was discovered as the next King Kong.

In the afternoon I was a magician and easily walked through walls, sat on ceilings and plaited seaweed.  I was at the seaside in my head.  My head was as large as a tower block but I saw no ships.

Melancholic clouds then rained on my parade.

While airborne I passed behind concrete smoke - it looks like the real thing from a distance - and in front of a projected image of the Taj Mahal.  I attached myself to a giant's armpit and knew I was home.

I was interested to see the rabbits in the garden were building a rocket gantry.  I prefer to use a flying hat for space flight.

I waited for babies to emerge from the undergrowth before blowing my horn.  A car jumped out a a well where it had been hiding from outlaws.  I got home quite quickly and planted limbs in the garden.

I decided never to walk again and for several hours hopped everywhere.  It was only when I got proposed to by a Kangaroo that I decided to march home like a toy soldier.

In the evening I made friends with some toads.  I didn't know their language so we communicated with bubbles.  As always I had the biggest bubbles.

I eventually sat down, got an empty glass and wondered what it would be like to walk about with an octopus on your head.

In the magic garden people with kilts became tents and we camped out.  I read in the pitch black while the ancient music played and geraniums climbed out of the pots and walked away.  Runner beans ran.

In the night I found the bathroom in the mausoleum and sung another hymn.

In the afternoon I got on a slow motion treadmill where you put up a deck chair and periodically move it.  Over the hills a tidal wave wrote words like braille.  I pulled a drum out a wasps nest and beat it.  The wasps pulled a pipe out of their pockets and blew.  It was windier than you would have expected for the time of year.

At the end of the day I weeded the garden while wearing skis and went to bed with a snorkel.

I shook hands with all the hands that emerge from cupboards and drawers.  Then I retreated to the artic tundra where I am landscaping a steppe garden for clients masqerading as frozen fish. 

At the end of the day I put a pipe in my mouth and turned the tap on my head.

I landed in a patch of lettuce which had been eaten to the ground by caterpillars.  I resolved not to grow vegetables in the brain cases of classical sculptures any more.

I posted a letter in the letter box on the top of my head - I expect it to be returned with addressee not known wrote on it.

The voices that rise like flames behind next door's fence continued to annoy the puppets that hang round the wall of my study.  I talked to the toad's about consideration for others.

I accidentally locked myself in a room with a talking sofa.  I only managed to escape when I pretended to faint and the carpet rolled up round me.

While walking a twenty foot long monster round the council offices I discovered the moat where maidens fall and feed the fish.  I thought the fish looked a bit small and feared the days of legend may be fading.

When I got in I invented a wallpaper which recites the Lord's Prayer when the vicar calls.  However the vicar never calls.

At the end of the day I was annoyed to still hear voices emanating from the pen where the dinosaur food is kept.  I flew my balsa glider as high as I could but saw nothing.

The Earth is a football waiting for someone to kick it.

The person who spoke in spells came in but she didn't stay long enough to answer my questions.   Although I felt like Eros with movement all around me I had a quiet day.  The lava flow progressed slowly down the street where the cars should be.

Towards the end of the day Ben came in with a sock on his head.  I put my hands up and he lit a cigar.

When I got home to the "Princess of the Pearl", we walked as one and found the tunnels where the old ones live.

I ended the day by producing the perfect painting and then smudging it.

I am still concerned about the huge army which has been massing at the bottom of the garden all year.  Peter Panic may have to reinvent his super powers and go to war.  I am contacting my friends the Soldier Ants in readiness for battle.

The other option is to metamorphose into Eagleman and fly to my eyrie on the far mountain top.

Birds made from Meccano kits found in the pyramids straddled the roof.  All the houses in the street formed a circle.  I donned the tallest hat I could find and stuck an arrow in it.

Right on the stroke of twelve a ship's prow emerged through what would have once been a fireplace and I proudly stood on it.

I dropped into the invisible place of my childhood using a parachute.  The gnomes that talk like chickens were still there.  As was the string that ties itself.  I saluted the ivy as I marched by.

The evening was spent talking politics.  When this happens I am the alligator and my friend is the river horse.

I watched myself on the screen that appears suddenly in the middle of the room.  This always happens when I least expect it so I am usually doing something I shouldn't.

I had a free evening so I talked like smoke - eventually the fire went out.

I learnt some secrets today from a park seat which spoke when you sat on it.  The park itself was quiet.  I sat next to a cage which had dinosaurs in it.

The evening was spent in cloaks.  My skin was golden but my covering was dusky.

I was the king of the dome for a fraction of a second and then I was scrambling up a black chimney or down an even blacker pit.

At the the days end I was part of a cruet set.  My wife, June, was the other.  We sat at the Giant's table.

I did stand on the Taj Mahal, right at the top of the magic garden and climb to the sky on green tomatoes.  Note to myself: The path I made between the past and the future still needs paving.

I would like a house inside a coconut hanging from a palm tree.  My car (which I couldn't drive) would be a king crab.

I spent some time in the middle of a combine harvester - I examined it's inner workings, which reminded me of a Babylonian tomb.  I headed west to see the gardens but all I saw was a hole in the ground.

I suffered from indigestion (for the third day in a row) so I built an igloo in the garden and invited round a husky.

After, what seemed for ever, making marks on the ground I climbed up a rope - through a small hole in the glass eye - to a reasonable resting place on a floating land hidden by clouds.  Strange animals could only be detected by the marks they made on the ground.

Incidentally, cloud hidden lands were a frequent destination of mine when I first learnt to fly.

One unusual event, was finding a werewolf in the road.  I brought it home in case it got run over.  I pretended to be a vampire so I didn't get bit.  However I must admit I was concerned when I later bit the postman. 

I ended the day as I started it.  Going up and down!  I was bell ropes that people would pull.

I spent some time hanging from lianas - these were ringing wet after all the recent rain.  Once I finally got down (after a detour round the bridge that chimes) I was able to unfold the flag which I usually keep with my memories of past times.

The evening was spent in a wine bottle like a message.

I went up the voices that behave like steps and came to a place where the circles and cylinders play.  I rotated with abandon but did not hear any more messages.  I waved a hankerchief to surrender and the outlaws all gave themselves up.

It was a busy evening but I split into three and managed to cope with the wild beasts that race by the river.

I had my first evening home for some time.  However I spent it alone as my wife had changed herself into a boat and had sailed off the edge of the map we had previously pinned to the wall.  I watched cricket between the arrow slits of the old castle.

I made a sign of weariness and the wall yawned.

Inside the marquee the manikins were starting to move, I hid behind the beer stacks and practised my animal calls.  I had reached the mating call of the three toed sloth before I could come home.

Once home I turned into a chair again and someone sat on me.

I drilled holes in the silhouettes of our next door neighbours, this is where I pour the oil, and had a bath in a cup of tea.   I originally made the garden on the deck of a record player so often when I come out in the morning all the plants have changed their positions.  This morning the needle had slipped.

The evening was spent as David in the Lion's Den.

We had a look round the Garden of Eden before Adam and Eve moved in.  I thought the tree ferns looked like blocks of flats.  I laughed as the lift got stuck, stopping only when I realised I was the one trapped in it.

In the evening I got a flock of finches out of the cash machine and put a ball in the dog's mouth.

The afternoon was spent in the cornfield that had grown on the rug.  I expect men on magic carpets to come with scythes to cut it - this is what happened in the past.  I stood on the rug and I was a hundred feet tall.

I am still hopeful of waking up as a badger.  My wife would be a red squirrel.

In the middle of the day I was able to be a harvester again, this time in eighteenth century fields.  I was struck by how much wildlife there was around.  It was almost like being in the middle of a city.  There was a hot sun and the bales were heavy.  I called one my brother.

Ben and I pretended to be cinema chairs in the evening - inviting people to sit on us.  I got popcorn in my ear.

I worried a bit about World War Three being started in the middle of the football match that erupted in the sky above my head.  However all the protagonists had disappeared by the time I climbed out of the trenches.  All that was left was a scattering of lily blossoms.

I went to bed with a spider's web on my head.  Coloured lights lit up my hair.

In the evening Ben and I were the bells of an imaginary cathedral, constantly chiming.  From my spire could be seen many alternative worlds.  In one world, people wore heads on their hats instead of the other way round.

I came home and made a new living space out of elastic bands.

Once I sat up I played a guitar with strings made from tree roots.  I did several renditions of a flower song I had previously made up and then I put it on the compost heap.  I stood up with a large mushroom on my head.

I wanted to have a conversation with a magic rabbit in the evening but June wanted to sit on the telephone to see if it would hatch out.

At midday I changed myself for an instant into a little owl and sat on a cactus.

The evening was spent as a zebra crossing with some of my earliest memories crossing the road.

I walked across a plain of rough hewn boulders when the sun was high in the sky.  I was on my way to my place of work.  I came back a few hours later with a sack on my back.  I half expected it to have a hole in and to see a trail of pebbles stretching out behind me - but it was full when I got home.

I wish love could be made tangible and bottled like sparkling water.  I thought this while wearing Poppy, my dog, as a hat.

I later sailed up the chimney in a paper boat, pulling a team of penquins behind me.

I had to go to the cavern in the evening with some paintings I had done of Ben.  I found him wearing a television.  I stuffed two footballs in my top pockets and sung a Country and Western song.

After a spell in a white room with a Renaissance ceiling I escaped along the waterfront where the old cranes sighed and whispered among themselves.  I wondered what it would be like to be a chimney in a place like this.  The tide had come in so I couldn't see the line of timbers that connected seagulls to the earth.  I use morning glory plants to hold my other self down.  He has a soul, I am not sure about myself.

In the evening I visited my sister who watches the London smog which she keeps in a jar opposite the net curtains which used to blow out like tentacles.

I picked beans which hung from electricity pylons.  This was a new variety which grew so fast it invited all the other runners to a party.  Although I sometimes jog, I had to work in the evening so I couldn't attend.  However, I sent a dove with a twig in it's mouth.  This belonged to a luminous plant which would be useful if the lights went out.  When I got home I hammered my head into a crack in the ground but didn't grow.

The evening was spent in a land of white mice.  I never got round to talking to their leader so didn't find out about the message emblazoned on their t-shirts.  I scurried around with a giant key sticking out from back.  This was the busiest I had been since the last ice age.

The dog headed men played chess with living people as I rode across a road of petticoats with the wind behind me.

The evening was so busy the elastic almost snapped.

I came back to ground level as a purple streamer, getting caught in a bramble bush while weeding the fernery.  While there I weeded all round the monument to "The Unknown Pacifist".  I eventually found a plant whose identity still remains a mystery.

In the evening Frances made me drop The Elgin Marbles.

I later went through the wrong door and went down the long path (with Poppy who was pretending to be a great ape) bordered by bushes that my childhood self, still kept in my haversack, would hide himself in.  I was particularly entranced by the dogwood which I saw when I took Poppy's lead off.

In the evening I listened to Jimi Hendrix.

I remembered the kind old man who taught me to play solitaire.

I strung my crossbow and put my shoes on - by now they were lit up like Torquay at night.

When I got in the armchair was sleeping so I tread carefully.  Poppy wore boxing gloves on her feet and I designed an aquarium to fit under the floorboards for manta rays.  These could double as kites on the eighth day of the week.  I will be King on the ninth.

While out, trapped in baleen, I noticed that whichever way I moved there was always a smiling face in front of me.  This was like a daymare I had as a child when I was pursued (slowly) by a constantly smiling lady.

While waiting for June to return from the horror film she has made herself (from scraps of fabric she found in the attic) I tried to play Poppy like the bagpipes.

I was then the ninth dwarf and witnessed the revellers change to skeletons as the sun set over the hollowed out stones beside the continuous road. This is the road that goes through every town in the country.

I pulled one of the stones out of the ground, turned it on it's side and made a fish pond out of it.  This is where the Loch Ness Monster was born.

The rest of the day was hectic as I travelled the world on ribbons of coloured light.  I eventually landed in an unresolved state dressed as a French man.

The search lights were glaring when I got home and I climbed over the wall using a rope hidden in my hat.

While eating my dinner of vegetarian blood worms I thought about the detectives who live in a hyper reality and solve crimes before they are committed.

I spent the evening as a cowboy looking for his horse. - not knowing that my horse was looking for someone else.

Later, I was puzzled when everyone around me had clock faces on their heads.  However, when asked the time they they wouldn't know it.  I put out a cigarette I wasn't smoking in the flower vase sitting on my shoulder (which I call Polly), putting one flower behind my ear as I did so.

I blinked and missed seeing a sailing boat, with all my dreams on board, drift towards the skyline.

Before this I had to chase a chain saw over an army assault course, dodging miniature versions of William Tell which had been fired from a crossbow by his son.

In the evening I was the sunset watching an artist with his brushes.

There was a brief respite while I pushed back the roadway to form a sea - all the chariots disappeared with smoke issuing from their chimneys.

The evening was spent in riddles and I came home as a puzzle.  June solved it after she had put the cats to bed.  In the interim I played with the dog.

In the evening I was under the floodlights dancing on my own.  The audience was comprised of vegetables which had been arranged into a coral reef.  As the fish swirled the audience talked among themselves.  I collected up the tomatoes to find out what they were they saying.  When they refused to speak I threw them at myself.

As the day ended I played strip poker with my guitar - I was down to my socks before it played a tune.

I managed to work in my studio until the battery went flat.  I had to play the fiddle to get money to feed my hat.  The hat was like a small fluffy animal which I had found in a tent beside a mountain.  The mountain stream went though it so everyone stood with their legs apart.  I pulled two flags up the pole in recognition of this fact.

When the sun went down I went to work with the miners of ancient times. 

It was a stress full day, especially when Poppy bit through the braces which were holding up the policeman's trousers.  He blew his whistle and we both ran.

I was then the compere that called on the clowns and also the person who had to put his head in the lion's mouth.  I used it's adam's apple as a microphone and addressed the crowds that had gathered.

The evening was spent going to and fro balancing a sea lion on my head.  Only once did it drop it's ball.

I was a razor blade in my studio until the mountain gorillas collected under the tree in the garden and I went out to make my mark.  I hung around with a stethoscope from my neck until Beethoven scrambled out of a cleft in the tree trunk.  I read the paper with a lawnmower and combed the hedge for it's parting.

It was a Sunday service and the buses that collect on the telephone wires before migrating home were getting scarce.  I read a poem and then poured it into a milk bottle.  June and I picked the fruit that festooned the doorway of the old sea dog's shack.

In the evening Pam and I remembered the past when we both found the centre of the earth.  I played the music of the spheres on my knee caps with a spoon.

When I got in I painted spots all over my body so I would merge with the wallpaper.  The paper boy put a reminder though the leter box.

I picked up a marrow with a face cut in it.  It's green tongue was sticking out.

I sat on a high chair in my studio most of the day - painting the air.  When the chair walked away (ostensibly to lie down with a head ache) I was left hanging in mid air; tiny propellors on the bottom of my shoes.  I landed with a bump and then photographed myself wearing a telephone for a moustache.  I saluted the air.

I went to bed with a song in my trousers.

I had an interesting conversation with a boiled sweet which occupied the adjoining cell.  I was impressed with the level of erudition it had attained - all from being in my pocket (among the keys to the doors that unlock the sky).

I saw a glimpse of the immortal toad when I trudged home.  It croaked but I knew it was only kidding.

My studio seemed like a mausoleum and I painted to the accompaniment of dead people.  A crown was left on the seat for a tree to grow through when the human race has disappeared .  I stood up and the arctic ice cap vanished.

I found a ring on the floor and stepped through it; I was now as tall as a mouse.

I was then the tall gatehouse of an early Edwardian castle - the view was spectacular, even though it was a cloudy day and the trees were on their honeymoon.  The gypsy tree feller kept popping up with a smiling face but I redirected him to a scowling alley.  This is where ancestral bird heads appear from circular marks on the dirt covered walls, replete with Pompeii graffiti. 

I fluttered as an American flag in the afternoon before returning to my normal state as an ancient Egyptian pictogram in the evening.  I am not sure what I was supposed to represent as I have not been deciphered yet (Rosetta Stone was on her holiday).