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Peter Gilbert 29.11.00
Anoraknaphobia

10 Things to know about Leeds United FC

1. Leeds Utd were founded in 1919 when Leeds City were shut down following allegations of illegal payments. The new club entered the football league in 1920.

2. They have been league champions on 3 occasions.1968-69, 1973-74, 1991-92.

3. They have won the FA Cup just once when ex City player Allan Clarke won the game against Arsenal with a header in the competition's centenary year – 1972.

4. They have only won the league cup once whereas we've won it three times.

5. Legendary manager changed the club's colours to the all white of Real Madrid in a move designed to have a psychological effect on their players and the opposition's. Perhaps they'll be changing to Man Utd soon !!!!!

6. Peter Lorimer became their youngest ever player when aged 15 years and 289 days. Some 23 years later he became their oldest ever player when he took to the filed against Barnsley aged 38 years and 17 days.

7. 'Big Jack' Charlton played a record 772 matches for them between 1952 and 1973.

8. John Charles holds a club record by scoring 42 goals in the 1953-54 season.

9. Their manager has just persuaded the club to shell out £18m for Rio Ferdinand a defender which means they must know something we don't. What they know of course might have nothing to do with football but something to do with 'porridge.'

10. Leeds Utd currently have 4 players awaiting trial having been accused of violent crime.

LENNON: I would love to have been a fly on the wall when PT phoned MON with NL in the office. The conversation may have gone something like this.

NL: Well boss, I just don't know what to do, Celtic do have a special place in my heart. I love the shirts and the manager loves me.

PT: I love you too Neil, and if you dye your hair our blue shirts look OK.

NL: Yes but me Mam doesn't like me dyeing me hair and me Pa loves Celtic.

PT: Well you're a big boy now, you must do what you think is best.

NL: Since you offered to pay me £35,000 a week I have been just too contented to play football somehow. If I moved up there I'd only have one real team to play against and I'd like that.

PT: Tell you what, sit down and I'll phone the Irishman and then it will all be sorted out.

NL: OK boss.

PT: Hello is that Celtic? Yes--- PT here can I speak to the Irishman? 'Hello there Martin. ---.Look I've got 'Ginger' in the office here with me. We're paying him £35,000 a week but he likes your shirts and I just wondered if you'd like to buy him-----.yes------.yes----.right--..I see----definitely no!!!...do you want to speak to him? Oh--..all right----- goodbye then.

NL: That's that then I'll go and pack my bags, it's been nice knowing you'..off I go to the 'donkey sanctuary.'

PT: No Neil!!..he only offered half of what you're worth----.you'd have a big cut in wages and he's got more midfield players than he knows what to do with. What,s more he likes being the only Irishman on the books.

NL: Oh!!..so I'll stay then. I love it here anyway--..pity about having to play a hard game every week though. Actually boss can I tell you the real reason why I want to leave.

PT: OH?

NL: Well it's that Welshman. Can you have a word with him?

PT: What's the problem?

NL: Well he runs around too much, he's here there and everywhere, he runs up and down round and round and he's making me feel dizzy. Sometimes after a game I'm giddy for hours afterwards.

PT: Right!!.I'll speak to him for you. Goodbye Neil.

NL: Cheers boss.

PT(watching him from behind the curtains as he walks away) Oh yes I'll have a word with him for you !!!!!!!!!

As I write this preview scores of clubs are playing football for the right to strip us of 'our' League Cup.

Over the last couple of years we have been a pain the neck to Leeds Utd, beating them more often than not and knocking them out of various cup competitions, although last year they did the double over us in the league.

We will have the first opportunity to have a go at their defence boasting their new acquisition Rio Ferdinand, horrendously over rated at £18m. He's a good footballer especially when driving out from the back but he has lapses of concentration when asked to defend to teams hitting them on the break. We'll see. He's quite lucky to be playing against our somewhat docile attackers.

They have a new face in goal in the form of Robinson, who looks rather overweight to me. I've never been convinced by Woodgate but Radebe is very very good. Presumably they'll play 3 at the back while they can.

In Kelly and Harte they have two of the best full backs in the business, but they can be rattled when a genuine winger has a go at them.

In midfield they were particularly strong, but injuries to Batty and Kewell has diminished their potency. They know have the lively Bowyer and others come and go without ever making a consistent impression.

Up front they are variable, sometimes brilliant at others quite anonymous. Viduka is a match winner on his day whereas Smith is the workhorse. Smith actually has one of the most slappable faces in the game, he's a winging whining little git and I hope Robbie has a snap at him.

If PT gets back from Rome where he's been chatting to Sven, he just might get the team wound up and believing in themselves sufficiently to take the game at them.

Last Match City Player Analysis + marks out of 10

Royce 5: Makes good saves one minute, the next he's flapping about like a sea lion.

Rowett 5: made a rare mistake, never got going really.

Elliott 7: Unlucky not to score with a screaming volley.

Davidson 5: OK.

Taggart 6: Cheated into being sent off, very unlucky.

Sinclair 6: Quiet.

Izzett 7: Took the game to them as often as possible.

Savage 6: Subbed off 'for his own sake.' We fizzled out afterwards

Lennon 6: Commitment is the name of his game, but does he still want his Royal Blue shirt?

Akinbiyi 5: Never threatened to score but worked hard

Benjamin 5: Injured and never got going

Subs:

Eadie 4: Came on and disappeared shortly afterwards.

Cresswell 4: Didn't do much

Impey 4: Playing at home, could do better.

WE need subs who make a real difference and strikers who lead the charge forward---.then we'll go places.

Another win is on the cards.

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