Imagine if you will:

Peter Gilbert 6.12.00.

The scene is Peter Taylor's office it is 8.30 am on Monday morning. PT sits in his big chair with close friend,colleague and confidant Colin Murphy in attendance. There is a knock at the door.

PT: 'oos that Col.

CM: Dunno

PT:Well get rid of 'em I told you no appointments and I told the office gal too. Don't open the door......... peep through see 'oo it is.

CM: Oh no I don't bleedin' believe it.

PT: What?

CM: Well it's that Ginger tosser again.

PT: Lennon?........What's he want.

CM: Don't know but he looks happy and he's carrying a sack.

PT: Well pretend we're not in.

CM: Well he saw me move the curtain.

PT: Oh gawd, let 'im in then.

CM: Come in.......Neil how are you?

PT: 'ello Nill you're up early........ well early. Er nice to see you.

Neil Lennon: Just thought I'd drop in before I go.

CM: Are you going somewhere?

NL: Yeah Glasgow I'm catching the 10.30 flight.

PT:What you goin' there for Nill?

NL: Well I'm joining Celtic aren't I?

PT:Dunno are ya?

CM:I dunno.

NL:But I played me last game on Saturday against Leeds didn't I? I bowed to the kop and I waved to every corner of the ground saying me goodbye's.

PT:Well there's more to it than that you know Nill?

CM:Yes there is. What's in that sack?

NL:Christmas presents for all the lads.

PT:Really what you got me?

NL: Here boss it's a 'Norman Wisdom' video and for you Col a video too of 'The Invisible Man'. For Sav I've got some worming tablets I'm sure he's got 'em. For Muzzy it's Turkish delight. For Tags a book 'How to win friends and influence people'. Eado's got some shorts I had specially made to fit him since the club hasn't got any. Cal's got some blue tac to pin his ears back and Rowett can have a Norman Normal T shirt. Ade's got a pair of boots instead of those two left one's you keep making him wear and Trev Benjamin's got a pair of boxing gloves so he can get rid of the next trouble maker you get. Arny's got a year's subscription to BUPA. Gupp's has a one way ticket to a south coast resort......oh I've got something for everyone look Matty's got a dog lead so's his wife can keep an even firmer hold on him. Tim can have this Mr Nice Guy dressing gown........and........

PT: Yes yes it's all very well but who says you're going anywhere?

NL: Whaaaaaaaaat??????

CM: Oy cool it Ginger we've heard nowt from up there(pointing to heaven)

NL: But you promised, you promised,.............. you promised.

PT: Don't get hysterical we've got a big game against the Ginger one next Sunday. It's on Sky and everything and we've got Gilbert the Filbert doing the commentary on Sky TV for us.

NL: Sod 'im I'm off up there.......I hate it here.......it's so boring..........yuk Coventry...I hate them...........who wants to play against them? Give me one reason why I should want to play against them.

CM: You sit down there and shut up I'll give you 10 good reasons why anyone would want to play against them.

PT: Will ya?

CM: Yeah...........

1.Coventry City were founded by workers at the Singers Cycle factory in 1883. They were known as Singers FC until 1898.

2.Last season marked their 100 years at Highfield Road.

3. In 1981the ground became the first all seater stadium in Britain ...... those Jocks still living in caves.

4.They won the FA Cup in 1987.

5.They've never won the League Cup.

6. They've played in Europe twice.

7. They've played in more divisions than any other league side. In Glasgow you'll learn all about divisions - only they'll be religious one's.

8. Dion Dublin who used to play for them has a sister living on Filbert Street, or nearly.

9. They've played in the top flight for 30 years now.

10. And and and well there's lots of things.

NL: (rising to his feet) Well Martin O'Neill told me I'd be playing against Inverness Caledonian Thistles on Saturday...we only have to turn up......it's a doddle ...............it's the same every week. You just sort it out and quick......I'm on me way................. goodbye.

PT: Well done Col you told 'im good and proper.

CM: And don't slam the door Lennon. I said don't slam the d...............

PT:He's well out of order..........he can naff off now for all I care . Coming in 'ere shouting the odds.Peep through the curtains. Has he gone?

CM: Yes there he goes. strutting away..Ginger git.....I don't believe it........he'll go spare.

PT: What.............. what's 'appenin'.

CM: Well Sav and Tags are just runnin' across the car park with a tin of paint each. They've painted Lenny's car in green and white stripes and they've stuck orange wool all over the roof.

PT: Why's that then?

CM: I dunno seems odd to me.

PT: Oh leave 'em........while I'm taking training I want you to ring you know who.

CM: Are you sure about this?

PT: Yeah just do it will ya? And just check that him and his lad have got tickets for Sunday we want him to do a right job on the commentary......anything to shut up Andy bleedin' Gray and that Richard Keys........smug Coventry type he is.

CM: Shall I tell him to say we don't need Neil Lennon at this club like we agreed?

PT: Yeah make sure he says exactly that.........oh and tell him to say......he can't remember the name of Leicester's last manager.

CM: Right boss I'll get onto it right now.

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