All in a Day's Work

Peter Gilbert. 17.8.00

Today I went to watch' the lads' training at Belvoir Drive. Parking was a bit tight but we snuk in next to SAV 1 or something. It was a blue car with a soft top, German I think . Anyway we parked on a bank which was so steep we were in danger of rolling on to SAV 1 while we were away if the wind had got up or someone had touched our door handles.
We picked our way through the BMW's Jags and Porsche's in the car park and came across a small gathering of people who were stood watching a group of 'lads' dressed in blue engaged in 'laddish' type activities which involved running across rope ladders that were on the floor and having a damn good laugh about it. It could have been a club 18/30 beach game. They could all paint pretty pictures with their footwork, and I bet they are an absolute wow at a disco, especially after a few drinkies.
Then they split up and played some passing games, 'one tach, two tach' said the manager who whilst setting up cones also said 'Mornin' all' which sounded just like Dixon of Dock Green when he used to say 'Evenin' all'.
As soon as he took his eyes off the players, they messed about and didn't try and he told them off. We all heard it and laughed. 'It's pafedic.' he snapped.
Sav looked anxiously in the direction of his car and hoped it didn't get windy or he'd have a write off on his hands.
Muzzy and TC looked stunning doing speed work, quick passing movement was their thing. New boy Davidson lunged at mid air, he obviously preferred the more physical elements of the beautiful game. Rowett was definitely 'teacher's pet', 'I'll fetch the ball sir.' his body language seemed to say, if that's at all possible.
Akinbiye and Benjamin didn't enjoy the close speedy stuff - muscle is the name of their game.
Lennon swaggered around as if he owned the place, he probably could afford it. Taggert looked fit, good job Sammy McIllroy wasn't watching.
Matt Elliott has surprisingly quick feet and Walshie just kicked the ball as far away from himself as he could, then grinned.
Guppy was more extrovert than I expected and he enjoyed a laugh too. Sinclair and Impey were significantly hard working which was probably because they spoke PT's language and when he said 'Ran' or 'Nah' or 'Cam 'orn' they knew exactly what he meant.
Gilchrist and Oakes really tried hard, but Sav kept looking at his Porsche and I kept trying to work out what the tattoo was on his leg, possibly it said 'My other car's German too.' in Welsh obviously. Eadie looked very lively but he kept falling over with great athleticism.
That just left Stan, well he's one on his own really, he gets really involved, then he pulls back and isolates himself, his interest level has peaks and troughs.
To me the whole thing looked like a school PE lesson and all the things going on were more or less the kind of things I have tried to do with groups of youngsters from time to time. That just goes to prove, there is no mystique really and football is a simple game involving basic skills and tactics, if you can master those and perform in a goldfish bowl you too could own a Porsche.
Then PT took over and it all got very technical, he built walls and created scenarios but by this time the attention span of his class was beginning to wane visibly and the students didn't appear to take the lesson seriously. So like any good teacher he changed tack.
At the end of the lesson and just before the bell went for dinner time some players had a few pop shots at new keeper Simon Royce as old keeper Tim Flowers appeared to be limping. Roycey as he was referred to looked very good indeed and he received a lot of praise and encouragement from all and sundry. This leads me to an idiosyncrasy that all footballers appear to have: they give a nickname by abbreviating a name and or putting a letter Y on the end of it i.e. Lenny, Matty, Colly, Muzzy, Walshie, Oakesy etc etc. However if your name actually has a Y or that sound on the end of it they take it off i.e. Gups, Cots etc. That's interesting isn't it.
Back to the shooting then…..ahem - it was really was woeful , they went through various routines and some players managed to clear the 50ft. high fence behind the goal. It was a good job that PT was by now signing autographs. At the very end a little lad of about 10 went to get balls out of the back of the net, here the predatory senses of a footballer came to the surface and they peppered him with stingingly accurate shots…….clearly pro footballers are akin to The Sundance Kid who couldn't hit a barn door if he took aim but let him move and put him in a real life situation with adrenalin flowing and he's lethal. Let's hope so any way.
As we left Frank Sinclair was doing fitness work on his own, Impey was practicing being a winger and Benjamin and Akinbiye were being taught how to trap a ball, ironically there was a cement mixer behind them.
It was a most enjoyable morning, certain players were very impressive particularly Stan. We went to the club shop and then had a Macdonald's while 'the lads' went for a shower and a special meal. Then it was off home or maybe a sponsorship appearance or a chat with the agent or just a rest. We discussed the pro's that we thought were cons but that must remain a private conversation as I don't have a good lawyer. But we couldn't help but think………..not a bad day's work when you're on £??,000 a week…..and don't forget you only have to play in The Premiership on a good contract for 4 or 5 years and you need never work again. How many of today's top players will feel motivated to become a manager, a coach, a physio or even a ref. 'Naf off' I hear them say from their Yacht anchored somewhere exotic.
Anyway we must go on we mustn't get cynical or we'll begin to think we're being taken for a ride…….what will the team be on Saturday?……..Well I don't know do I? I could guess though from what I picked up that the following might be involved: Royce, Rowett, Elliott, Taggert, Eadie, Lennon, Izzett, Impey, Guppy, Collymore, Akinbiye……..I hope this makes you happy and that we win…….I still feel though that we are a couple of players short and I have only £5.79 in my pocket…………….let's take the dogs for a walk in the countryside, money isn't everything.