At long last it’s arrived, another brand-new football season,
With the fans all so excited and perhaps with very good reason,
Steve McClaren’s worked so hard and he’s now ‘most everybody’s darling,
Having won for us the silverware, sponsored, of course, by Carling.

After long negotiations which, to me, seemed never end’n,
He finally managed to sign again, the Dutchman, Bolo Zenden,
Then for me, McClaren revealed a truly remarkable touch,
By adding Reiziger and Hasselbaink, he really has gone Dutch.

He then landed Mark Viduka, another Aussie, minus koala,
And completed Boro’s jigsaw with the dependable Ray Parlour,
So, with a little bit of fortune and if the new lads really spark,
The Riverside could then again become, another ‘Awesome Park.’

Things are certainly looking promising with so much talent on the field,
And whether we are good enough is about to be revealed,
With fingers crossed and bated breath we’ve finally reached ‘High Noon,’
So sit back now and enjoy it, folks: it’s The Boro against The Toon.

The weather once more is beautiful, in the sky there’s not a cloud,
Just listen to the almighty roar from the capacity shirt-sleeved crowd,
And almost from the start the ref. might have pointed to the spot,
When, inside the box and blatantly, a hand was used by Elliott.

But, with the ref, it seems, unsighted, the matter came to nought,
Then Boro won a throw-in as back again they fought,
Jimmy passed to Mendi and how well his shot was driven,
But the ball was plucked out of the air by United’s ‘keeper, Given.

Parlour won a free kick and Job rolled the ball to Jimmy,
Who passed it on to Zenden after a beautiful little shimmy,
The ball was then returned to Job but he couldn’t quite connect,
And it ran straight through to Given, who found it easy to collect.

For Boateng’s nasty foul on Milner there came a warning most severe,
With referee Steve Bennett really warming George’s ear,
This brought about a corner and young Milner’s visibly wincing,
Then Schwarzer gets the ball away but without being too convincing.

Boro then mount a breakaway with five men versus three,
And Mendi picked out Jimmy Floyd with spot-on accuracy,
With the visitors momentarily in a state of disarray,
Jimmy’s final cross was poor and the chance faded away.

Parlour brought down Bernard and was instantly shown a card,
Despite coming off second best as he had gone in really hard,
Although a long way out from goal, the warnings were quite stark,
Then Robert sent his rocket in, but well wide of the mark.

With fourteen minutes on the clock and against the run of play,
Riggott took a tumble and how Newcastle made him pay,
Bellamy hared towards the goal like the proverbial streak of lightning,
Full marks for his composure and the finish I found quite frightening.

A ball came floating from the right, into the path of Butt,
Though given time to swing his boot, it wasn’t all clear cut,
But the touch he showed was, truthfully, the epitome of skill,
And he narrowly failed to find the net and to make the score two-nil.

Bellamy and young Milner remain the thorns in Boro’s side,
Then Mendi has a pot at goal but once more he sends it wide,
The effort was weak and failed to bring the goal the fans all crave,
And Given in the visitors’ goal has yet to make a save.

As time now quickly ebbs away, the break can’t come too soon,
And Bellamy’s truly sparkling goal gives advantage to the Toon,
The start was fairly frantic and then when Riggott failed to clear,
“Thanks very much,” the Welshman said, and the price we paid was dear.

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An early change by Steve McClaren, the Captain of the Boro ship,
As Job makes way for Nemeth to try and find that extra zip,
Things at times are getting heated with players on a shortened fuse,
But in a Derby that’s expected and anything less we’d not excuse.

The toll of Boro’s yellow cards now quickly moves to three,
Then when Ehiogu clashed with Shearer, it was a foul I didn’t see,
But Robert is on the ball again and the damage could be severe,
The ball was then deflected and the corner we got clear.

Boro have four men in attack against just three for United,
But Zenden couldn’t keep it in; he’d got over-excited,
Then off the ball Carr clashed with Floyd, who let out such a bellow,
And the little man was punished when the ref. produced a yellow.

Boro then got a free kick for a foul by Nicky Butt,
Struck by Mendieta, sweet as the sweetest nut,
Now there’s an opportunity for us to rattle the Geordies’ cage,
With a powerful shot – deflected – from the foot of J.F.H.

The resulting corner shows the Boro now have some real ambition,
But all the fans are ‘praying’ that it comes now to fruition,
With United on the back foot and the Boro looking fresher,
The visitors now would seem to be succumbing to the pressure.

However it must be noted that despite the satisfaction,
Given, in United’s goal, hasn’t really been in action,
But the crowd is now behind us and they’re turning up the sound,
They feel that with this pressure, the lads will turn this game around.

Nemeth’s heading goalwards and as he turns and shoots,
Nicky Butt once more displays his awesome attributes,
Then a blatant block on Parlour, when a Toon man took him out,
But the ref. saw nothing wrong in it and then gave the Boro nowt.

It looks like Downing’s coming on as the Boro up the ante,
He’ll certainly brighten up the game with his speed like racehorse Dante,
Everyone will hope for him to provide what we require,
As Newcastle seek to counter when they bring on Kieron Dyer.

Boro nearly slipped again with almost fatal hesitation,
As Ehiogu and Schwarzer gazed in mutual admiration,
Each left it to the other, as Bellamy flew in for the kill,
Thankfully he sent it wide again as the Boro defence stood still.

Given’s finally called upon and proves up to the mark,
As he saved one quite miraculously from the lad from Pallister Park,
It started from a corner, which Stewart struck with all his might,
And though the ‘keeper somehow saved he proved he has the appetite.

Showing such wonderful vision, but with execution not so good,
Mendi sought to lob the ‘keeper, with Jimmy screaming out for blood,
With trademark staring eyes the latter showed he was annoyed,
He certainly shows his passion, the Boro’s new man, Jimmy Floyd.

Finally for young Downing there came a moment most dramatic,
He scored his opening Premiership goal and sent the crowd ecstatic,
A precision ball from J.F.H., a wonderful daisy-cutter,
And Stewart finished beautifully, like the proverbial knife through butter.

Chris Riggott also played his part in a move that was so zappy,
And now, I have no doubt at all, he’ll be feeling much more happy,
Together they’d brought the score back from what had been one-zero,
Though I feel it’ll be the local boy, who’ll be the Boro fans’ big hero.

Ameobi’s on for Robert, whose thoughts are really ill concealed,
As he seems to take a fortnight before he finally leaves the field,
Then Hasselbaink was furious, with smoke coming from his ears,
He gave Mendi an ear bashing that would have had a lesser man in tears.

The reason was that Mendi was in the box but going wide,
With Jimmy placed quite beautifully for the touch to be applied,
We’d surely have been 2-1 in front but we lost the ball and then,
The visitors went back up the field and earned a blatant ‘pen.’

Zenden was quite reckless and we’d not the slightest grumble,
He clumsily stuck a leg out and made Ameobi stumble,
Up stepped Alan Shearer, to seek another claim to fame,
Another goal for him in his 500th top league game.

Shearer then is taken off with the Toon fans all-aglow,
And on comes Patrick Kluivert for a little cameo,
Within a matter of seconds, just as our defenders froze,
Kluivert or Jenas should have scored, and how they didn’t, heaven knows.

But a football game’s not won or lost ‘til the final whistle’s sounded,
As Boro do get out of jail and the Toon are left dumbfounded,
Zenden had a stroke of luck as Dyer was seen to slip,
And the hit-man rescued Boro as he fired one from the hip.

It was actually from his forehead and the result was really grand,
Although some saw a suspicion of the use of his right hand,
But ‘Supermac’ was questioned, and this is what he said,
And it’s good enough for me; he announced, “It came off Jimmy’s head.”

Even Mr. Shearer blamed United’s own defence,
For leaving Floyd unmarked they’d paid the ultimate consequence,
Some you win and some you lose: no point tearing out your hair,
All in all, the result, I’d say, was absolutely fair.