A good result today would be really just the ticket,
On a day that’s much more suited, it would appear, for cricket,
So, on the last stage of this journey, we finally embark,
Against Harry Redknapp’s ‘Pompey,’ way down at Fratton Park.

The under-threat manager, Redknapp, gets such tremendous backing,
And the atmosphere in the stadium is nothing less than cracking,
For after just three minutes, with such fantastic poise,
Yakubu scores for Pompey to boost the already incredible noise.

This wonderful early strike could really not have come much faster,
And it spells for much-loved Boro almost absolute disaster,
Yakubu caught us napping and Schwarzer didn’t have a prayer,
One feels this could again become an end-of-season nightmare.

With about twelve minutes showing on the stadium clock,
Boro were again in trouble and had another massive shock,
After Mills’ foul on Yakubu and the referee said, “a pen,”
The big man stepped up coolly and beat Schwarzer once again.

Mills had been out-muscled, though quite legally, it must be said,
And though Schwarzer got a hand to it he was eventually left for dead,
So now, although it’s early, the Boro are rolling fast downhill,
And the quite remarkable score-line reads Yakubu two and Boro nil.

Berkovic puts a real beauty into the path of you-know-who,
Then the shot is rifled wide from the foot of Yakubu,
With Ugo looking on in anger and quite clearly disconcerted,
Seeking out his colleagues, who’d all apparently deserted.

The rallying call goes out from the Boro’s stand-in chief,
As he glowers all around him, in almost total disbelief,
And a lip-reader you need not be to see what he did utter,
As Pompey carved right through us, like a red-hot knife through butter.

Once more it’s Yakubu standing in the danger zone,
When a brilliant cross is rifled in from the foot of Steven Stone,
Ugo clears for Boro who are certainly below par,
And the corner’s met by Quashie, who fires it just above the bar.

Job recovered quite brilliantly to win the ball from Smertin,
And sought to get things moving for the Boro, who must be hurtin’,
But Mendi sent it wild and wide to further ‘up’ the tension,
It seems a miracle’s now required or some divine intervention.

Job then teed up Zenden and soon the Boro fans were jumping,
As Bolo found the Pompey net with a shot said to be “thumping,”
It really was a great shot that past the ‘keeper swerved,
To put the Boro back in the game, though possibly undeserved.

Thankfully for all Boro fans the linesman’s flag was raised,
To rule out a ‘goal’ for Lua Lua as he turned in search of praise,
He’d ghosted in: was left unmarked: and almost beat the trap,
As he found the net, with such great ease, and just the slightest tap.

But Boro’s joy was short-lived, for soon came catastrophe,
With Ugo literally on his knees, Yakubu made it three,
So, within just thirty minutes, we’ve been made to feel so sick,
As Yakubu shows no mercy to record a wonderful hat-trick.

Ugo’s usually most reliable; of that there are no doubts,
But one hope’s today he’s not being watched by any England scouts,
He’d been once more isolated which was all a bit naïve,
When Danny Mills and Queudrue both went absent without leave.

Queudrue missed a sitter when it was much easier to score,
Firing high from two yards, with Hislop prostrate on the floor,
Yakubu somehow did likewise as the pressure just won’t abate,
He also missed an absolute gift: by far his easiest chance to date.

Boro missed more chances as the half slowly unravelled,
Which must have been real agony for the thousand fans who’d travelled,
For the afternoon for Pompey is a quite delightful frolic,
But the Boro’s display is best described in a single word: shambolic!

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Those three goals scored already by the Pompey big marauder,
Means a come-back for the Boro is an awfully tall order,
But the least the lads can do now is to restore a little pride,
Although it’s pretty clear that our season’s once more died.

Yakubu’s left us all now with an aching head to nurse,
And wondering if the situation can eventually become worse,
McClaren has decided not to change the personnel,
And my feeling is, we haven’t got, the slightest hope in hell.

Boro had a decent move by playing it around,
Then good play by Mendieta meant that Joseph Job was found,
He swivelled and Shaka Hislop looked really ready for the chop,
But the ball just wouldn’t come down and it flew narrowly o’er the top.

Great tackle by George Boateng but the danger wasn’t cleared,
The ball then fell for Lua Lua: was this the moment Boro feared?
He looked a certainty to score then French Franck’s block was unbelievable,
For 4-1 would have made the points, well, totally irretrievable.

Zenden plays inside to Job, who lays if off to Nemeth,
He then lines up to let one fly but I didn’t hold my breath,
It flew above the bar but it was a difficult technique,
And I must say, for the Boro, that things are looking awfully bleak.

Nemeth and Downing are replaced with the Boro being overrun,
Ricketts takes his place with debut ‘boy’ James Morrison,
Then Sheringham makes an entry with the home fans over the moon,
But they all applaud Lua Lua, who’s on loan here from the Toon.

Yakubu’s strength and pace are now combined with other skills,
A clever double flick then saw him easily clear of Mills,
He then got in a great cross, from way out on the flank,
And the danger was then cleared by the flying head of Franck.

It’s exhibition stuff from Pompey and now Sheringham’s the toast,
He’s added to Boro’s misery down here on Englnd's southern coast,
That’s his farewell goal for Pompey in his very last appearance,
And he’ll never score an easier one with no Boro interference.

Yakubu’s only 21 and he’s very much the new man,
But he failed to score from just a yard to prove he’s only human,
Schwarzer somehow saved it and big ‘Yak’ can’t understand,
Then he showed appreciation for the save by shaking Schwarzer’s hand.

But the ‘friendship’ didn’t last for long then Yakubu was enthralling,
He scored again to make it four and end the Boro’s mauling,
It’s now 5-1 and we’re lucky: the fans are in a state of shock,
In Pompey’s best display this season, Yakubu has run amok.

McClaren must now ponder what the way to put things right is,
As the loyal fans once more suffer from the end-of-seasonitis,
We must find prolific scorers, be they British or Brazilians,
For this shoddy end of season has cost Steve Gibson endless millions.

The loyal travelling Boro fans simply stood there mortified,
As they’d spent a mint to watch their lot commit professional suicide,
But they’ll no doubt be totally certain of those imminent better times,
As they listen in, so close to tears, to the resounding Pompey chimes.

We’d only played three minutes and the game was out of reach,
For many ‘loyal’ Boro players were already on the beach,
Could the Boro now sign Yakubu for just one important reason?
He scored more goals in half-an-hour than most of ours have scored all season.

He’s only 21 years of age and he’s obviously still learning,
But I wonder what, in three months’ time, this man will then be earning,
I started off by mentioning ‘victory,’ but now I’m quite depressed,
I’m so glad the season’s over for I’m in need of three months’ rest.