‘The Toon’ are the visitors who, just last Thursday night,
Gave their supporters some real Turkish Delight,
By despatching Fenerbahce in the UEFA Cup,
So they’ll come here today with their tails really up.

The game is under way and the atmosphere is cracking,
And immediately it’s the visitors doing most of the attacking,
Martins’ pace is frightening and he looks a major threat,
Are they football boots he’s wearing or, perhaps, a turbojet?

As the Magpies stroke the ball about, almost at their leisure,
The Boro fans look worried and the manager shows displeasure,
When some awful home defending brought about a major scare,
Leaving Martins looking skywards, in absolute despair.

We were really awfully lucky but we wriggled off the hook,
When Martins chipped Mark Schwarzer and the crossbar visibly shook,
A moment of sheer brilliance saw the Boro goal almost fall,
And we all can only hope that was the Boro’s wake-up call.

Boro finally woke up and were suddenly much sharper,
And Downing brought a super save from the ‘keeper, Steven Harper,
Euell then got a shot on goal with the wickedest deflection,
So the game had finally taken on a much happier complexion.

Woodgate’s looking ill at ease and struggling to cope,
When one-on-one with Martins, he just hasn’t got a hope,
Then Sibierski’s injured and we get some breathing space,
When Ameobi’s introduced and he’s not blessed with pace.

Euell’s getting ever closer as he sent a shot just wide,
But ‘Formula 1’ man Martins remains a thorn in Boro’s side,
Then terrific play by Downing in combination with The Yak,
Came to nought when Jason Euell went down the dreaded cul-de-sac.

The half was fairly entertaining, albeit with Boro second best,
We need to step it up a notch or we’ll not withstand the test,
Yakubu and Viduka haven’t functioned awfully well,
Can Stewart Downing unlock Toon? I guess time alone will tell.

‘Supermac,’ Macdonald remarked that he had had a hunch,
To blame for Boro’s lethargy, was what they’d had for lunch,
He suggested ‘Suet pudding had left them stodgy: heavy: drowsy,’
Perhaps he had a point: well, have we really been that lousy?

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To address the speed of Martins we’ve brought on Rochemback and Huth,
With Taylor & Viduka off: a move I thought astute,
Almost instantaneously, Boro’s tempo was increased,
And it seemed the threat of Martins had been finally decreased.

But, suddenly, we were struggling, with the skill of Damien Duff,
As he skipped past two defenders, but his shot was powder puff,
They had countered 4 on 3 and had found the space so well,
But the way the chance was squandered, I bet Glenn Roeder gave them hell.

Rochemback kept fouling and it’s not being overlooked,
Finally the ref said ‘stop,’ and the player was finally booked,
Maccarone’s on for Euell and got a wonderful ovation,
A goal against the Magpies would enhance his reputation.

Can he now do in a derby what he did in the UEFA?
For a victory for the Boro would make our present position safer,
Huth’s all over Ameobi, just like the proverbial rash,
‘German Measles’ came to my mind, quick as the quickest flash.

Suddenly, Boro’s dream came true, when Moore fell fast asleep,
And, to a Stewart Downing corner, Yakubu hardly had to leap,
The delivery was a great one: the execution was just right,
There’s only five more minutes so we need to keep things tight.

Fans finally found their voices and, did I see the roof dislodge?
So much for pre-match lunches filled with suet pud and stodge,
The Boro just ran the clock down and everyone had played his part,
But it was that man, Yakubu, who finally broke the Magpies’ heart.

It was mainly thanks to Magpies’ magnanimous defending,
That Boro won the day and, no, I’m not pretending,
With our own fans’ roars being heard from the Tees up to the Tyne,
The visitors leave dejected, with the Boro fans on cloud nine.

If Obafemi Martins had only tucked away his chance,
For it has to be acknowledged he led us a merry dance,
It might have been so different for our northeast neighbours, ‘Toon,’
Who’ll now have to drown their sorrows in a glass of Newcy Broon.