Whilst the government ponders the law on treason,
We concentrate now on a brand new season,
With an opening fixture that makes me drool,
We meet the European Champions: Liverpool.

With an hour to go there was rain torrential,
And that might well prove to be influential,
Then, as quickly as it came the monsoon’s rapidly declining,
And it’s a wonderful evening now the sun is shining.

Yakubu makes his debut and he’s ready for the action,
With Zenden now with Liverpool: what a wonderful attraction!
And what might have been expected very quickly then ensued,
When every touch by Bolo was vociferously booed.

Quickly, down the left side, we watched Zenden then advance,
And, for some unknown reason, Boro stood there in a trance,
His good shot was on target with the visitors on top,
But Schwarzer’s well behind it and makes a really comfortable stop.

The opening few minutes can be best described as frantic,
And the task that faces Boro is, quite clearly, gigantic,
With Liverpool most threatening, we must now remain on guard,
And contain the visitors’ Captain: the ever-dangerous Steve Gerrard.

Gerrard took a cushioned knockdown from the head of Morientes,
And one goal in arrears he surely should have sent us,
From eight yards out he cleared the bar; he really let it rip,
As he went for greater power when what was needed was a chip.

Finally we could witness a fairly decent Boro move,
Could it be our favourites are finally getting in the groove?
Downing crossed to Mendi and I’m not being impolite,
He couldn’t quite direct it: lacking both physique and height.

Alonso took a tumble and then pulled down Jimmy Floyd,
And the yellow card shown by the ref., he could no way avoid,
The free kick that resulted didn’t see the visitors crack,
They easily got it clear to go out once more on attack.

Boro still await the breakthrough but it doesn’t look like coming,
Then Parlour rugby-tackled Gerrard: it was totally mind-numbing,
He immediately saw a yellow but it really must be said,
Ten yards closer to the goal and the card could have been red.

With Liverpool controlling things and playing at their pace,
Their ‘keeper Jose Reina was left with egg upon his face,
He came out for a corner and his game was really messy,
Very fortunate he surely was and made to look a proper Jessie.

It came from Downing’s corner and Reina went out on his ramble,
And almost paid the penalty in a truly frantic scramble,
For as he went on walk-about he then left the door ajar,
And, unfortunately, Ugo saw his shot deflected o’er the bar.

Boro are getting stuck in now with Yakubu down the left,
His great ball picks out Mendi and his back-heel’s truly deft,
It’s teed up then to Jimmy as a brilliant move we forge,
But it all ends in disappointment when sent high and wide by George.

The opening forty-five minutes have now amazingly expired,
And it must be said, of Boro, that much more is now required,
We’re playing the Champions of Europe but let us get things in proportion,
We must be more adventurous and not play with too much caution.

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The teams are re-appearing and they’re back out, right on cue,
Can it be the Boro’s time to finally turn the screw?
After a difficult first half when we were clearly second best,
Let us now, for heaven’s sake, put the visitors to the test.

Sissoko picked out Gerrard who was running, right of goal,
He had the ball so swiftly and expertly in control,
A shot was rifled ‘cross the goal, looking destined for the net,
It was, thankfully, wide of target but it made Mark Schwarzer sweat.

Gerrard appears ‘on fire’ and he seems the greatest danger,
He once again tests Schwarzer with a twenty-five yards long-ranger,
But with the ‘keeper well positioned, in the end he saved with ease,
The captain had another chance, which, once again, he failed to seize.

Sissoko clashed with Boateng, who was really on his mettle,
Then the referee, Mark Halsey, waited for the dust to settle,
In the end it was the visitor whose name went in the book,
And George was rather fortunate to somehow struggle off the hook.

McClaren wasn’t happy so new instructions he then sent ‘em,
But we’re causing our own problems and now we’ve lost momentum,
Then the free kick’s met by French Franck; a brilliant campaigner,
And under pressure from JFH it was then fisted clear by Reina.

At last we see the Boro getting in some good hard tackles,
Some of which, to say the least, do raise some visitors’ hackles,
Gerrard once more hit the target and was about to shout ‘yippee,’
Until Schwarzer got behind it and then saved it brilliantly.

On the left side of the area Parlour went in very hard,
To bring down Steven Gerrard: could this mean a bright red card?
It was to sighs of great relief that Ray Parlour did emerge,
But he’ll need to watch his P’s and Q’s for he’s certainly on the verge.

With three defenders in the wall, Steven Gerrard has a smack,
And once again it’s Boro who are struggling on the rack,
In this first game of the season there are now some aching joints,
As Liverpool up the ante and go all-out for three points.

Yakubu puts on pressure and seeks to ease the Boro’s plight,
And plays a brilliant ball to Mendi, cutting in from way out right,
The linesman got it all wrong as he raised a late, late flag,
For the TV showed him ‘onside’ but Boro’s hopes then once more sag.

Boateng, way out on the left, plays the part of the marauder,
He cleverly finds Yakubu, whose turn’s of the highest order,
Then JFH fed Mendi and the crowd was rather tense,
A great move by the Boro but one must credit their defence.

Viduka’s on for Jimmy and the visitors also change,
Baros for Morientes but the ‘Pool don’t rearrange,
Their intentions are quite obvious: they are looking for a win,
And their Captain, Steven Gerrard, is still playing out of his skin.

Zenden lines a free kick up and we know he must be watched,
But, thankfully, the effort, was well and truly botched,
Hyypia missed a sitter with Mark Schwarzer totally static,
And if Boro’s luck should hold out, then we’ll all go home ecstatic.

Queudrue forced a corner following pressure down the flank,
And Boro fans are wondering if there’s still something in the tank,
Boro’s efforts are then thwarted more by fortune than design,
As Viduka’s downwards header was saved by Reina on the line.

Baros brought in Gerrard, who had a clear run on goal,
And Ehiogu clearly wiped him out by a lack of self-control,
The Captain looked a certainty to open his account,
Now Boro have more problems and they’re surely going to mount.

Against the Boro’s ten men the visitors dominated,
And Boro, without a shot on goal, just never penetrated,
The official then indicated four painful minutes of added time,
And if the visitors were to lose now they’d consider it a crime.

But it all then ended nil-nil and I’m sure some visitors sobbed,
Their team had umpteen chances and they must feel they were robbed,
The Boro did deserve their luck, and had some great defenders,
Against excellent opposition and doubtless title contenders.

How did it finish goalless? McClaren’s an awfully relieved man,
On another day, Steve Gerrard, could have had six goals in the can,
But if you considered our task today to be a really big ‘n,
Spare a thought tomorrow for the minnows and loudly holler, “Come on Wigan!”