Who, in their right senses, could possibly hanker,
To be a Premiership ref. and be known as a wanker?
For even those of us who are profoundly deaf,
Can lip-read and see the word starting with ‘eff.’

Referee Graham Poll was quite recently on the end,
Of some one hundred ‘F’ words that now are the trend,
He withstood this abuse from players’ faces all twisted,
Now firmer action’s called for and should be camera-assisted.

If a decision is given that just doesn’t suit,
The players, like hyenas, are off in pursuit,
Then with wide bulging eyes and their faces contorted,
They spew out their bile and it’s time they were sorted.

They are constantly questioning the ‘bastard in black,’
At the least provocation they are on the attack,
Their threatening looks when his parentage they query,
Is so far over the top that it makes me feel weary.

This effing and blinding with other sorts of abuse,
Has now gone too far and it’s time for a truce,
Time for these ill-mannered young millionaires,
To behave with decorum: not sore-headed bears.

Let’s put a stop to the cheating and diving,
The spitting, the violence, the conning, conniving,
And why should the camera up their noses be stuck,
So we watch, in full colour, all the various muck.

When one sees their fingers go up to the nose,
Then gets a real close-up as they stand there and pose,
To clear out the nose of the Technicolor muck,
I must close my eyes then, so quietly, say “yuk.”

And now to come back to the subject of reffing,
Why do they withstand all the pushing and effing,
The abuse of officials must be an offence,
And as such should be punished: it clearly makes sense.

The rules are the rules; there is no argument,
And the refs must start handing out real punishment,
Show some red cards to each rich prima donna,
Who threatens the game, or the game is a gonna.

Or give them some time to spend in the sin-bin,
Then perhaps they might learn about self-discipline,
And some of the managers may care to take note,
But somehow I think that’s extremely remote.

The ref’s job in football’s nigh impossible, I’d say,
Due to money and the speed that it’s played at today,
What exactly can it be, that brings such great allure,
For a pittance, by comparison, to be treated like manure.

Of course, officials get things wrong but they’re genuine mistakes,
Unlike some that we’ve seen which the player also makes,
When they miss the goal from inches out and many other silly ‘ns,
Some of which have ultimately cost some clubs many millions.