I cannot understand, no, not for the hell o’ me,
Boro’s alleged interest in Newcastle’s player, Bellamy,
The man has massive talent; of that there is no doubt,
But the ‘baggage’ he’d bring with him we can very well do without.

So, it’s Fratton Park in Portsmouth for today’s vital contest,
And, so far this New Year, the Boro have not impressed,
We’re still seeking our first victory in the year two-thousand-five,
Which means we’re really struggling to keep our hopes alive.

The night is windless; without rain, conditions are quite perfect,
If we fail to get three points our hopes of Europe could be wrecked,
So it’s great that Christie’s back from lengthy rehabilitation,
And one hopes that it’s the very end of this player’s tribulation.

The referee lacks experience; Phil Crossley is his name,
And he’s taking charge tonight of just his second Premiership game,
The game gets underway and Quickly Downing shows great vigour,
To set up young James Morrison but he failed to pull the trigger.

Boro concede a free kick from a back-pass that was careless,
And already Steve McClaren is out there going hairless,
Then Zenden, who brought danger, raised his arm and said “I’m sorry, son,”
As the ball was headed out well clear, by the ever-vigilant Morrison.

Great strength came from Yakubu and totally wonderful control,
But the equally talented Southgate blocked the big man’s path to goal,
The corner was then cleared by Colin Cooper, with panache,
And it landed well for Primus but his attempt was rather rash.

Downing’s pace and skill saw him cross one hard and low,
As he sought to inflict damage and to set the game aglow,
Then came a challenge and deflection that really was a tough ‘n,
But the corner that resulted, sadly, proved to be a duff ‘n.

Fuller and Yakubu, using the pace with which they’re blessed,
Carved out an opportunity and put the Boro to the test,
Yakubu hit the target; the first shot of note for either side,
But Schwarzer saved the danger and can hold his head with pride.

Christie and JFH then attacked with renewed vigour,
And Jimmy made us all be believe he was about to pull the trigger,
The corner that then followed proved to be a total waste,
And set Jimmy’s eyes a’ rolling as he stood there, poker-faced.

One long ball over the top (as in Rooney, last weekend),
Brought problems for the Boro which they found difficult to defend,
The highly skilled Yakubu, who never gives up the ghost,
Easily beat Mark Schwarzer and then most narrowly missed the post.

It might well have been an own-goal, to send the three points up in smoke,
But he was restricted to a toe-poke and that thankfully shaved the post,
So we breathed a little easier as he failed marginally to convert,
And McMahon’s now on for Cooper, who, unfortunately’s been hurt.

Boro survived a penalty claim though it looked a decent shout,
And we played it by the whistle, just like any good boy scout,
Reiziger went to sleep and we were then let off the hook,
As Yakubu crashed to earth and booing Pompey fans all shook.

Ray Parlour struck from distance and ‘keeper Chalkias then fumbled,
Christie’s on it in a flash and finally Pompey crumbled,
These modern-day balls seem hard to hold and Christie quickly pounced,
To score his first in many months: his return is now announced!

Then Schwarzer stood there, big and strong, when his services were needed,
But I, for one, was not surprised, when our advantage was conceded,
This time the slippery match-ball was dropped by ‘keeper, Mark,
And Taylor fired high into the net; so now the warning’s stark.

Yakubu’s been a handful and given us the third degree,
They’ve had the better chances and he might well have scored three,
Still, all remains to play for in this truly vital tussle,
But, have we now sufficient time, commitment and the muscle?

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Yakubu flicks to Fuller as they’re fast out of the blocks,
And another really classy ball was chipped into the box,
A back-heel from Yakubu picks out Berger; now we’re sweating,
But the angle was just too acute and he fired into the netting.

Then it’s time for Pompey to feel that they’re in trouble,
As Christie’s homing in on goal and dreaming of a double,
One-on-one against the ‘keeper, who never sought to waive,
He stood up and acted bravely and then made an excellent save.

For the second time in minutes Patrik Berger found the netting,
It appears that the hosts ever much more dangerous are getting,
Then Schwarzer couldn’t hold a shot and, as though that wasn’t enough,
He gave away a corner though that was, thankfully, really duff.

Then every faithful Boro fan looks in wonder at the sky,
As Pompey score a second: now their tails are really high,
Fuller crossed the ball, which Yakubu did pursue,
In he slid: the ball was sliced: into the goal by Franck Queudrue.

Job’s brought on for Christie, who has played so very well,
And scored to bring him confidence after his long and troubled spell,
Urged on by Boro’s faithful fans, who continue to believe,
Though things may look quite different if we get no late reprieve

A rifled shot by Queudrue who, at times, can be erratic,
Did well and hit the target but was in no way problematic,
Applause for Pompey’s ‘keeper came from the home fans, one and all,
Not just because he made the save: he also hung on to the ball.

Totally without feeling of what the Boro’s plight is,
Pompey seek to shore things up when they bring on Skopelitis,
There’s not much time left now for play and if I may be so bold,
The hosts are just ensuring, that what they have they hold.

For the final twenty minutes we had them constantly hemmed in,
But we couldn’t find the hero to save our favourites’ skin,
Despite Schwarzer standing all alone inside the visitors’ half,
2-1 will be the final score etched on Boro’s epitaph.

In added time the Pompey lads forced five corners on the trot,
Proving to all involved that, “what we’ve got, we’ve got,”
They kept it in the corner and we couldn’t beat their plan,
So, once again, three vital points went slipping down the pan.

A late yellow’s shown to Zenden moments before things ended,
That brings his score to five so, for the next game, he’s suspended,
The Pompey problem that we faced we somehow couldn’t master,
Three points were simply thrown away: an absolute disaster!