THE TRAVELS
AND
SURPRISING ADVENTURES
OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
ILLUSTRATED WITH
THIRTY-SEVEN CURIOUS ENGRAVINGS
FROM
THE BARON'S OWN DESIGNS
AND FIVE ILLUSTRATIONS
By G. CRUIKSHANK
INTRODUCTORY NOTICE.
SO many different opinions have obtained respecting the authorship of "The Travels of Baron Munchausen," and the motives for writing that work, that it seems desirable to append some explanation on both these points, to the present edition.
The general opinion appears to be that expressed by a writer in Notes and Queries (No. 68, 1851) "'The Travels of Baron Munchausen' were written to ridicule Bruce, the Abyssinian traveller, whose adventures were at that time deemed fictitious." But the writer of the above article offers the best evidence for correcting this opinion; for he goes on to say, that he had for years sought a copy of the work, and had at last been successful, and describes it as "the second edition, considerably enlarged, and ornamented with twenty explanatory engravings from original designs," and as being entitled "Gulliver Revived; or, the Vice of Lying properly exposed, printed for the Kearsleys, at London, 1793." He also describes a second volume, "A Sequel to the Adventures of Baron Munchausen, a new edition, with twenty capital copper-plates, including the Baron's portrait, humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, the Abyssinian traveller," published by Symonds, Paternoster Row, 1796.
Copies of both these volumes are in the British Museum, and completely clear up the question. "Gulliver Revived" is identical in every respect with the above described, except that it is called the seventh edition instead of the second. The full title runs-
[THE SEVENTH EDITION,
considerably enlarged, and ornamented with twenty explanatory engravings, from original designs:]GULLIVER REVIVED;
OR, THE VICE OF LYING PROPERLY EXPOSED: CONTAINING SINGULAR TRAVELS, CAMPAIGNS, VOYAGES AND ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA, THE CASPIAN SEA, ICELAND, TURKEY, EGYPT, GIBRALTAR, UP THE MEDITERRANEAN, ON THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, AND THROUGH THE CENTRE OF MOUNT ÆTNA, INTO THE SOUTH SEA.Also
An account of a Voyage into the Moon and Dog star, with many extraordinary particulars relating to the cooking animals in those planets, which are there called the Human Species.
By BARON MUNCHAUSEN.
London: Printed for C. & G. Kearsley, Fleet Street, 1793."
The preface to this seventh edition says, "The first edition was comparatively slow in sale, but the whole of the subsequent impressions were purchased within a short time after they were printed. This seventh edition contains such considerable additions, that it may be fairly considered as a new work."
We thus see that the six editions (the second to the seventh) were issued in 1793, but as the plates to the seventh edition (and doubtless to the second and other editions) bear the imprint, "Published as the Act directs, for G. Kearsley, at 46, in Fleet Street, London, 1786," it becomes evident that the first edition was issued in that year; and that being four years before the publication of Bruce's Travels, which appeared in 1790, the work could not have been written to ridicule them. In fact, recent investigation has rendered it almost a certainty that the original author of "Munchausen's Travels" was a learned but unprincipled scholar, of the name of R. E. Raspe, who had taken refuge in this country from the pursuit of justice (vide Gentleman's Magazine, January, 1857), and that many of his stories are of ancient date, and current in various countries. Many are to be found under the title of "Mendacia Ridicula," in vol. iii. of "Deliciae Academicae," Heilbron, 1665; that of "sound being frozen in a post-horn" is from Rabelais, appears to have been known also in Spain and Italy, and is said by a writer in Notes and Queries (No 61, 1850), to be traceable to one of the later Greek writers, from whom Jeremy Taylor, in one of his sermons, borrows it as an illustration; while the story of "the horse cut in two by the portcullis" is translated by Lady C. Guest, in "The Mabinogion," from an ancient Welsh manuscript.
This being the case, it may reasonably be asked how the very general opinion could have originated, an opinion entertained by Bruce himself, that Munchausen was written to ridicule his travels? and this question appears to derive its conclusive reply from the "Sequel" above alluded to, of which the first edition is in the British Museum, and whose title runs thus:
"(With 20 capital Copper-plates, including the Baron's Portrait.)
A
SEQUEL
TO THE
ADVENTURES
OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN,Humbly dedicated to
Mr. BRUCE, the Abyssinian Traveller, as the Baron conceives that it may be of some service to him, previous to his making another expedition into Abyssinia. But if this advice does not delightMr. Bruce, the Baron is willing to fight him on any terms he pleases.LONDON:
Printed for H. D. Symonds, Paternoster Row, 1792."
It thus appears that, though the original work was "comparatively slow in sale," a new impetus was
given to it by the issue of this "Sequel" shortly after the publication of Bruce's Travels, and by
the direct attack its title-page and general contents - one of the plates being "an African feast
upon live bulls and kava" - made on that work;
* The Abyssinian custom of feeding upon live flesh seems to have provoked a chorus of incredulity from all quarters. Among others Peter Pindar makes it the subject of one of his satirical flings:-"Nor have I been where men (what loss alas!)Bruce was also ridiculed in an after piece acted in the Haymarket in which Bannister performed the part of Macfable, a Scotch travelling impostor, and the hits against his travels could not be mistaken.
Kill half a cow, then send the rest to grass:"In Sir F. Head's Life of Bruce (page 476), there is the following anecdote:-" One day, while he was at the house of a relation, in East Lothian, a gentleman present bluntly observed that it was not possible that the natives of Abyssinia could eat raw meat! Bruce said not a word; but, leaving the room, shortly returned from the kitchen with a piece of raw beef-steak, peppered and salted in the Abyssinian fashion. 'You will eat that, Sir, or fight me!' he said. When the gentleman had eaten up the raw flesh (most willingly would he have have eaten his words instead), Bruce calmly observed, 'Now Sir, you will never again say it is impossible.'"
It only remains to be added that in this edition we have been fortunate enough to be able to include the whole of the illustrations, both of the original edition and of the "Sequel," and that we believe it to be more complete, in every way, than any which has preceded it.
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
Portrait of the Baron - Frontispiece
The Defeat of the Lion and Crocodile.
Release of the Baron's Charger.
The Stag with the Cherry-tree.
The Baron's Horse going to Tea With the Ladies
The Behaviour of the Baron's Horse at the Feast Table
The Baron's Horse Drinks in the Market-place
The Baron recovers his Hatchet
The Baron helps his Carriage over the Hedge
The Baron helps his Horses over the Hedge
The Baron's Ship and the Whale
The Baron Escapes from the Fish
The Baron in the Almond Tree
The Baron and the Brass Cannon
The Pope and the Fish-woman.
An Inhabitant of the Dog-star.
An Inhabitant of the Moon.
Flight from Margate to South America.
The Baron's Admonition to his Friends.
The Baron on his Voyage to Africa.
The Baron Wrecked on an Island of Ice.
The Boats towing the Island of Ice on which the Baron was Wrecked.
Count Gosamer landed by Sphinx upon the Peak of Teneriffe.
The Baron Defeats a Host of Lions.
An African Feast upon live Bulls and Kava.
Interview between the Baron and the Emperor of the Interior of Africa.
The Bridge from Africa to Great Britain.
The Baron in Danger of being Roasted.
The Baron summons the Castle of Naresin Rowskimowmowsky.
Combat between the Baron and the Nareskin.
The Baron Besieges Seringapatam.
Combat between Baron Munchausen and Tippoo Saib.
Another view of the Combat between Baron Munchausen and Tippoo Saib.
The Baron's preparation for raising the Hull of the Royal George at Spithead.
The Baron raises the Hull of the Royal George.
The Baron Knighting the Fish-woman.
The Baron takes leave of the Royal Family.
WOODCUTS BY G. CRUIKSHANK.
A Good Shot by the Baron.
The Baron Flogs a Fox out of its Skin.
The Fruits of the Baron's Skill.
The Baron's Wonderful Horse.
The Baron and the Elephant.
TO THE PUBLIC.
HAVING heard, for the first time, that my adventures have been doubted and looked upon as jokes, I feel bound to come forward and vindicate my character for veracity, by paying three shillings at the Mansion House of this great city for the affidavits hereto appended.
This I have been forced into in regard of my own honour, although I have retired for many years from public and private life; and I hope that this, my last edition, will place me in a proper light with my readers.
TO THE PUBLIC.
AT THE CITY OF LONDON, ENGLAND.We, the undersigned, as true believers in the profit, do most solemnly affirm, that all the adventures of our friend Baron Munchausen, in whatever country they may lie, are positive and simple facts. And, as we have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold more wonderful, so do we hope all true believers will give him their full faith and credence.
GULLIVER.
SINBAD.
ALADDIN.X
X
XSworn at the Mansion House
9th Nov. last, in the absence
of the Lord Mayor.JOHN (the Porter)
CONTENTS
TRAVELS
OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN.
CHAPTER I.
[THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A BOTTLE.]
The Baron relates an account of his first travels - The astonishing effects of a storm - Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two extraordinary opponents - Returns to Holland.
SOME years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or, in other words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no inconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reached the end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. A cousin, by my mother's side, took a liking to me, often said I was a fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my accompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle had resided as governor many years.
We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinesses the States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, which had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water; some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the wind so amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birds floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth; however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly into their respective places, and took root again, except the largest which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and his wife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers (in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): the weight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk, and brought it down in an horizontal position; it fell upon the chief man of the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his house in the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and was returning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened. The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was a man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive and infamous impositions.
The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his stores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered were pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late tyrant.
After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm, and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fair wind for the object of our voyage.
In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received with great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular adventures may not prove unentertaining. After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one of the governor's brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic man, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there some years), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; in our excursion he had made a considerable progress though a thick wood when I was only at the entrance.
Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged my attention, I thought I heard a
rustling noise behind; on turning about I was almost petrified (as who would not?) at the sight
of a lion, which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his appetite with my
poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. What was to be done in this horrible dilemma?
I had not even a moment for reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no
other about me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal with that weak
kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening him by the report, and perhaps of
wounding him also. I immediately let fly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the
report did but enrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me full speed:
I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an addition could be made) to my distress; for the
moment I turned about I found a large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive
me. On my right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left a deep precipice,
said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at the bottom for venomous creatures; in
short I gave myself up as lost, for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of
seizing me; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwards appeared, he
sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no language can describe, expecting to feel
his teeth or talons in some part of me every moment : after waiting in this prostrate situation a
few seconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound that had ever before
assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wondered at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded:
after listening for some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to my unspeakable
joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with which he sprung at me, jumped forward, as I
fell, into the crocodile's mouth! which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one
stuck in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricate themselves! I fortunately
recollected my couteau de Chasse, which was by my side; with this instrument I severed the lion's
head at one blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of my fowling-piece,
rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed him by suffocation, for
he could neither gorge nor eject it.
Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerful adversaries my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did not follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way, or met with some accident.
After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just forty feet in length.
As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor, he sent a wagon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. The lion's skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which it was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats.
The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a capital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor relates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as he thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of them is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was making his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared, Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off, and three feet of the crocodile's tail along with it; nay, so little attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon as the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the couteau de chasse out of Monsieur's hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!
The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me sometimes apprehensive that
my real facts may fall under suspicion, by being found in company with his confounded inventions.
CHAPTER II.
In which the Baron proves himself a good shot - He loses his horse, and finds a wolf - Makes
him draw his sledge - Promises to entertain his company with a relation of such facts as are well
deserving their notice.
I SET off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from a just notion that frost
and snow must of course mend the roads, which every traveller had described as uncommonly bad
through the northern parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as the
most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and of this I felt the
inconvenience the more I advanced north east. What must not a poor old man have suffered in that
severe weather and climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road, helpless,
shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though
I felt the severity of the air myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice
from the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying,
"You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time."
I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen. The country was covered with
snow, and I was unacquainted with the road. Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something
like a pointed stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I placed my
pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept so soundly that I did not open my
eyes till full daylight. It is not easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of
a village, lying in a churchyard ; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard him soon after neigh
somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of
the steeple. Matters were now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;
a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the churchyard whilst asleep,
gently, and in the same proportion as the snow had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken
to be a stump of a little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse, proved to
have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!
Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle in two, brought down the
horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron seems to have forgot his feelings; he should
certainly have ordered his horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]
He carried me well - advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found travelling on horseback
rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the
country, took a single horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly
recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that in the midst of a dreary
forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me, with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger.
He soon overtook me. There was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in
the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but hardly hoped or expected,
happened immediately after. The wolf did not mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and
falling furiously on the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor
animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and safe myself, I lifted my
head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that the wolf had ate his way into the horse's body; it
was not long before he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell upon
him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his rear frightened him so much, that
he leaped forward with all his might: the horse's carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place
the wolf was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we both arrived in full
career safe to St. Petersburg, contrary to our respective expectations, and very much to the
astonishment of the spectators.
I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and history of this
magnificent metropolis of Russia, not trouble you with the various intrigues and pleasant
adventures I had in the politer circles of that country, where the lady of the house always
receives the visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to the greater
and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my favourites in the brute creation; also
to foxes, wolves, and bears, with which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other
part of the world ; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry and activity, as
show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or all the perfume, finery, and capers of
French wits or petit maitres.
CHAPTER III.
An encounter between the Baron's nose and a door post, with its wonderful effects - Fifty brace
of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one shot - Flogs a fox out of his skin - Leads an old
sow home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild boar.
IT was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, and for several months I was
perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may
easily imagine that I spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to make
the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of those amusements gives me fresh
spirits, and creates a warm wish for a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows
of my bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In an instant I took my
gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently
struck my face against the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my
intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed to my sorrow, that even
the flint had sprung from the cock by the violence of the shock I had just received. There was no
time to be lost. I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened the pan,
levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against one of my eyes. [The Baron's eyes
have retained fire ever since, and appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.]
A hearty blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of ducks, twenty
widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers
and sailors owe to it many of their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to
it for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine black fox, whose valuable
skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a
twinkling I took out my ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so
Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes ; of this I had a singular instance soon after,
when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a wild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball
had missed them, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless, as fixed to the
ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latter one to be an old sow, blind with age,
which had taken hold of her pig's tail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball, having
passed between the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continued to hold in her
mouth; and as her former guide did not draw her on any longer, she had stopped of course; I
therefore laid hold of the remaining end of the pig's tail, and led the old beast home without
any farther trouble on my part, and without any reluctance or apprehension on the part of the
helpless old animal.
Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous are the boars, one of which I had
once the misfortune to meet in a forest, unprepared for attack or defence. I retired behind an
oak-tree just when the furious animal levelled a side-blow at me, with such force, that his tusks
pierced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeat the blow nor retire. Ho, ho!
thought I, I shall soon have you now! and immediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered
and bent his tusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by any means, and must wait my
return from the next village, whither I went for ropes and a cart, to secure him properly, and to
carry him off safe and alive, in which I perfectly succeeded.
CHAPTER IV.
Reflections on Saint Hubert's stag - Shoots a stag with cherry-stones; the wonderful effects of it -
kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity; his danger pathetically described - Attacked by a wolf,
which he turns inside out - Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes - The Baron's cloak
seized with madness, by which his whole wardrobe is thrown into confusion.
YOU have heard, I dare say, of the hunter and sportsman's saint and protector, St. Hubert, and of
the noble stag, which appeared to him in the forest, with the holy cross between his antlers. I
have paid my homage to that saint every year in good fellowship, and seen this stag a thousand
times, either painted in churches, or embroidered in the stars of his knights; so that, upon the
honour and conscience of a good sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly,
or whether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. But let me rather tell what I
have seen myself: Having one day spent all my shot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a
stately stag, looking at me as unconcernedly as it he had known of my empty pouches. I charged
immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones, for I had sucked the fruit
as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the
forehead, between his antlers; it stunned him - he staggered - yet he made off. A year or two
after, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with a fine full grown
cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers. I immediately recollected my former adventure,
looked upon him as my property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once gave me
the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with the richest fruit, the like I had never
tasted before. Who knows but some passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may
have shot, planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert's stag, in a manner
similar to this? They always have been, and still are, famous for plantations of crosses and
antlers; and in a case of distress or dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one
is apt to grasp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather than miss the favourable
opportunity. I have many times found myself in that trying situation.
What do you say of this, for example? Day-light and powder were spent one day in a Polish
forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made up to me in great speed, with open mouth,
ready to fall upon me; ail my pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but
in vain; I found nothing but two spare flints; one I flung with all my might into the monster's
open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made him turn about, so that I could level
the second at his back-door, which, indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met
the first flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible explosion.
Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish to try it again, or venture against bears
with no other ammunition.
There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerous animals generally came
upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notion or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus
a frightful wolf rushed upon me so suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow
mechanical instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety's sake I pushed on and on,
till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder. How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased
with my awkward situation - with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the most pleasant
kind. If I withdrew my arm then the animal would fly the more furiously upon me; that I saw in his
flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him
to the ground, where I left him.
The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon after came running against
me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Run who can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw
off my fur cloak. and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for the cloak, and he
put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day after I was amazed and frightened by Jack's
bawling, "For God's sake, sir, your fur cloak is mad!" I hastened up to him, and found almost all
my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly right in his apprehensions
about the fur cloak's madness. I saw him myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit,
which he shook and tossed in an unmerciful manner.
CHAPTER V.
The effects of great activity and presence of mind - A favourite hound described, which pups
while pursuing a hare; the hare also litters while pursued by the hound - Presented with a
famous horse by Count Przobossky, with which he performs many extraordinary feats.
ALL these narrow and lucky escapes, gentlemen, were
chances turned to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which,
taken together, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, sailor, and
soldier; but he would be a very blamable and imprudent sportsman, admiral,
or general, who would always depend upon chance and his stars, without
troubling himself about those arts which are their particular pursuits, and
without providing the very best implements, which insure success. I was not
blamable either way; for I have always been as remarkable for the excellency of
my horses, dogs, guns, and swords, as for the proper manner of using and
managing them, so that upon the whole I may hope to be remembered in the forest,
upon the turf, and in the field. I shall not enter here into any detail of my
stables, kennel, or armoury; but a favourite bitch of mine I cannot help
mentioning to you; she was a greyhound; and I never had or saw a better. She
grew old in my service, and was not remarkable for her size, but rather for her
uncommon swiftness. I always coursed with her. Had you seen her you must have
admired her, and would not have wondered at my predilection, and at my coursing
her so much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in my service, that she
actually ran off her legs ; so that, in the latter part of her life, I was
under the necessity of working and using her only as a terrier, in which
quality she still served me many years.
Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to me uncommonly big, I pitied my poor bitch, being big with
pups, yet she would course as fast as ever. I could follow her on horseback only at a great distance.
At once I heard a cry as it were of a pack of hounds - but so weak and faint that I hardly knew what to
make of it. Coming up to them, I was greatly surprised. The hare had littered in running ; the same had
happened to my bitch in coursing, and there were just as many leverets as pups. By instinct the former
ran, the latter coursed: and thus I found myself in possession at once of six hares, and as many
dogs, at the end of a course which had only begun with one.
I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present, nor a more
ominous one at the opening of that campaign, in which I made my apprenticeship
as a soldier. A horse so gentle, so spirited, and so fierce - at once a lamb
and a Bucephalus, put me always in mind of the soldier's and the gentleman's
duty! of young Alexander, and of the astonishing things he performed in the field.
We took the field, among several other reasons, it seems, with an intention to retrieve the character
of the Russian arms, which had been blemished a little by Czar Peter's last campaign on the Pruth; and
this we fully accomplished by several very fatiguing and glorious campaigns under the command of that
great general I mentioned before.
Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to themselves great successes or victories, the glory of
which is generally engrossed by, the commander - nay, which is rather awkward, by kings
and queens who never smelt gunpowder but at the field-days and reviews of their troops; never
saw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array.
Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the great engagements with the enemy. We
all did our duty, which, in the patriot's, soldier's, and gentleman's language, is a very comprehensive
word, of great honour, meaning, and import, and of which the generality of idle
quidnuncs and coffee-house politicians can hardly form any but a very mean and contemptible
idea. However, having had the command of a body of hussars, I went upon
several expeditions, with discretionary powers; and the success I then met with
is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to my account, and to that of the
brave fellows whom I led on to conquest and to victory. We had very hot
work once in the van of the army, when we drove the Turks into Oczakow. My
spirited Lithuanian had almost brought me into a scrape: I had an advanced
fore-post, and saw the enemy coming against me in a cloud of dust, which left
me rather uncertain about their actual numbers and real intentions: to wrap
myself up in a similar cloud was common prudence, but would not have much
advanced my knowledge, or answered the end for which I had been sent out;
therefore I let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left, and
make what dust they could, and I myself led on straight upon the enemy, to have
a nearer sight of them: in this I was gratified, for they stood and fought,
till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move off rather disorderly. This
was the moment to fall upon them with spirit; we broke them entirely - made a
terrible havoc amongst them, and drove them not only back to a walled town in
their rear, but even through it, contrary to our most sanguine expectation.
The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit; and
seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I thought it would be
prudent to stop in the market-place, to order the men to rendezvous. I stopped,
gentlemen; but judge of my astonishment when in this market-place I saw not one
of my hussars about me! Are they scouring the other streets? or what is become
of them? They could not be far off, and must, at all events, soon join me. In
that expectation I walked my panting Lithuanian to a spring in this
market-place, and let him drink. He drank uncommonly, with an eagerness not to
be satisfied, but natural enough; for when I looked round for my men, what
should I see, gentlemen ! the hind part of the poor creature - croup and legs
were missing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water ran out as it came
in, without refreshing or doing him any good! How it could have happened was
quite a mystery to me, till I returned with him to the town-gate. There I saw,
that when I rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, they had dropped the
portcullis (a heavy falling door, with sharp spikes at the bottom, let down
suddenly to prevent the entrance of an enemy into a fortified town) unperceived
by me, which had totally cut off his hind part, that still lay quivering on the
outside of the gate. It would have been an irreparable loss, had not our
farrier contrived to bring both parts together while hot. He sewed them up with
sprigs and young shoots of laurels that were at hand; the wound healed, and,
what could not have happened but to so glorious a horse, the sprigs took root
in his body, grew up, and formed a bower over me; so that afterwards I
could go upon many other expeditions in the shade of my own and my horse's laurels.
CHAPTER VI.
The Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave - Keeps the
Sultan's bees, which are attacked by two bears - Loses one of his bees; a
silver hatchet, which he throws at the bears, rebounds and flies up to the
moon; brings it back by an ingenious invention; falls to the earth on his
return, and helps himself out of a pit - Extricates himself from a carriage
which meets his in a narrow road, in a manner never before attempted nor
practised since - The wonderful effects of the frost upon his servant's
French horn.
I WAS not always successful. I had the misfortune to be
overpowered by numbers, to be made prisoner of war; and, what is worse, but
always usual among the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron was afterwards
in great favour with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter.] In that
state of humiliation my daily task was not very hard and laborious, but rather
singular and irksome. It was to drive the Sultan's bees every morning to their
pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, and against night to drive
them back to their hives. One evening I missed a bee, and soon observed that
two bears had fallen upon her to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried.
I had nothing like an offensive weapon in my hands but the silver hatchet,
which is the badge of the Sultan's gardeners and farmers. I threw it at the
robbers, with an intention to frighten them away, and set the poor bee at
liberty; but, by an unlucky turn of my arm, it flew upwards, and continued
Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks, and gaining my liberty, I
left St. Petersburg at the time of that singular revolution, when the emperor
in his cradle, his mother, the Duke of Brunswick, her father, Field-Marshal
Munich, and many others were sent to Siberia. The winter was then so
uncommonly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sun seems to be frost-bitten. At my return to
this place, I felt on the road greater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out.
Suddenly we heard a tereng! tereng! teng! teng! We looked round, and
now found the reason why the postilion had not been able to sound his horn;
his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now by thawing, plain
enough, and much to the credit of the driver, so that the honest fellow
entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes, without putting his mouth
to the horn - The King of Prussia's March - Over the Hill and over the
Dale - with many other favourite tunes; at length the thawing entertainment
concluded, as I shall this short account of my Russian travels.
Some travellers are apt to advance more than is perhaps strictly true; if
any of the company entertain a doubt of racy veracity, I shall only say
to such, I pity their want of faith, and must request they will take leave
before I begin the second part of my adventures, which are as strictly founded
in fact as those I have already related.
TRAVELS
CHAPTER VII.
The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North America, which are
well worth the reader's attention - Pranks of a whale - A sea gull saves a
sailor's life - The Baron's head forced into his stomach - A dangerous leak
stopped a posteriori.
I EMBARKED at Portsmouth in a first-rate English
man-of-war, of one hundred guns, and fourteen hundred men, for North America.
Nothing worth relating happened till we arrived within three hundred leagues of
the river St. Laurence, when the ship struck with amazing force against (as
we supposed) a rock; however, upon heaving the lead we could find no bottom,
even with three hundred fathom. What made this circumstance the more wonderful,
and indeed beyond all comprehension, was, that the violence of the shock was
such that we lost our rudder, broke our bow-sprit in the middle, and split all
our masts from top to bottom, two of which went by the board; a poor fellow,
My situation, while I sat there, was rather cool, but the carpenter's art
soon relieved me.
CHAPTER VIII.
Bathes in the Mediterranean - Meets an unexpected companion - Arrives
unintentionally in the regions of heat and darkness, from which he is extricated
by dancing a hornpipe - frightens his deliverers, and returns on shore.
I WAS once in great danger of being lost in a most
singular manner in the Mediterranean: I was bathing in that pleasant sea near
Marseilles one summer's afternoon, when I discovered a very large fish, with
his jaws quite extended, approaching me with the greatest velocity; there was
no time to be lost, nor could I possibly avoid him. I immediately reduced
myself to as small a size as possible, by closing my feet and placing my hands
also near my sides, in which position I passed directly between his jaws, and
into his stomach, where I remained some time in total darkness, and comfortably
warm, as you may imagine; at last it occurred to me, that by giving him pain he
would be glad to get rid of me: as I had plenty of room, I played my pranks,
After taking some refreshment, and jumping into the sea to cleanse myself,
I swam to my clothes, which lay where I had left them on the shore. As near as
I can calculate, I was near four hours and a half confined in the stomach
of this animal.
CHAPTER IX.
Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile - Sees a balloon over
Constantinople; shoots at, and brings it down; finds a French experimental
philosopher suspended from it - Goes on au embassy to Grand Cairo,
and returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unexpected situation,
and detained six weeks.
WHEN I was in the service of the Turks I frequently
amused myself in a pleasure-barge on the Marmora, which commands a view of the
whole city of Constantinople, including the Grand Seignior's Seraglio. One
morning, as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky, I observed a
globular substance in the air, which appeared to be about the size of a
twelve-inch globe, with somewhat suspended from it. I immediately took up my
largest and longest barrel fowling piece, which I never travel or make even
an excursion without, if I can help it; I charged with a ball, and fired at the
globe, but to no purpose, the object being at too great a distance. I then put
in a double quantity of powder, and five or six balls: this second attempt
succeeded; all the balls took effect, and tore one side open, and brought it
down. Judge my surprise when a most elegant gilt car, with a man in it, and
part of a sheep which seemed to have been roasted, fell within two yards of me;
when my astonishment had in some degree subsided, I ordered my people to row
close to this strange aerial traveller.
I took him on board my barge (he was a native of France): he was much
indisposed from his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of speaking; after
some time, however, he recovered, and gave the following account of himself,
viz.: "About seven or eight days since, I cannot tell which, for I have lost my
reckoning, having been most of the time where the sun never sets, I ascended
from the Land's End in Cornwall, in the island of Great Britain, in the car
from which I have been just taken, suspended from a very large balloon, and
took a sheep with me, to try atmospheric experiments upon : unfortunately, the
wind changed within ten minutes after my ascent, and instead of driving towards
Exeter, where I intended to land, I was driven towards the sea, over which I
suppose I have continued ever since, but much too high to make observations.
"The calls of hunger were so pressing, that the intended experiments upon
heat and respiration gave way to them. I was obliged, on the third day, to kill
the sheep for food; and being at that time infinitely above the moon, and for
upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the sun that it scorched my eye-brows,
I placed the carcase, taking care to skin it first, in that part of the car
where the sun had sufficient power, or, in other words, where the balloon did
not shade it from the sun, by which method it was well roasted in about two
hours. This has been my food ever since." Here he paused, and seemed lost in
viewing the objects about him. When I told him the buildings before us were
the Grand Seignior's Seraglio at Constantinople, he seemed exceedingly
affected, as he had supposed himself in a very different situation.
"The cause," added he, "of my long flight, was owing to the failure of a string
which was fixed to a valve in the balloon, intended to let out the inflammable
air; and if it had not been fired at, and rent in the manner before mentioned,
I might, like Mahomet, have been suspended between heaven and earth till
doomsday."
The Grand Seignior, to whom I was introduced by the Imperial, Russian, and
French ambassadors, employed me to negotiate a matter of great importance at
Grand Cairo, and which was of such a nature that it must ever remain a secret.
CHAPTER X.
Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend General
Elliot - Sinks a Spanish man-of-war - Wakes an old woman on the African
coast - Destroys all the enemy's cannon; frightens the Count d'Artois,
and sends him to Paris - Saves the lives of two English spies with the
identical sling that killed Goliath; and raises the siege.
DURING the late siege of Gibraltar I went with a
provision-fleet, under Lord Rodney's command, to see my old friend General
Elliot, who has, by his distinguished defence of that place, acquired laurels
that can never fade. After the usual joy which generally attends the meeting
of old friends had subsided, I went to examine the state of the garrison, and
view the operations of the enemy, for which purpose the General accompanied me.
I had brought a most excellent refracting telescope with me from London, purchased of
Dollond, by the help of which I found the enemy were going to discharge a thirty-six
pounder at the spot where we stood. I told the General what they were about; he looked
through the glass also, and found my conjectures right. I immediately, by his permission, ordered
a forty-eight pounder to be brought from a neighbouring battery, which I placed with so
much exactness (having long studied the art of gunnery) that I was sure of my mark.
I continued watching the enemy till I saw the match placed at the touch-hole
of their piece; at that very instant I gave the signal for our gun to be fired
also.
About midway between the two pieces of cannon the balls struck each other
with amazing force, and the effect was astonishing! The enemy's ball recoiled
back with such violence as to kill the man who had discharged it, by carrying
his head fairly off, with sixteen others which it met with in its progress to
the Barbary coast, where its force, after passing through three masts of vessels
that then lay in a line behind each other in the harbour, was so much spent,
that it only broke its way through the roof of a poor labourer's hut, about two
hundred yards inland, and destroyed a few teeth an old woman had left, who lay
asleep upon her back with her mouth open. The ball lodged in her throat. Her
husband soon after came home, and endeavoured to extract it; but finding that
impracticable, by the assistance of a rammer he forced it into her stomach. Our
ball did excellent service; for it not only repelled the other in the manner
just described, but, proceeding as I intended it should, it dismounted the very
piece of cannon that had just been employed against us, and forced it into the
hold of the ship, where it fell with so much force as to break its way through
the bottom. The ship immediately filled and sank, with above a thousand Spanish
sailors on board, besides a considerable number of soldiers. This, to be sure,
was a most extraordinary exploit; I will not, however, take the whole merit to
myself; my judgement was the principal engine, but chance assisted me a little;
for I afterwards found, that the man who charged our forty-eight ponder put in,
by mistake, a double quantity of powder, else we could never have succeeded so
much beyond all expectation, especially in repelling the enemy's ball.
General Elliot would have given me a commission for this singular piece of
service ; but I declined everything, except his thanks, which I received at a
crowded table of officers at supper on the evening of that very day.
As I am very partial to the English, who are beyond all doubt a brave people,
I determined not to take my leave of the garrison till I had rendered them
another piece of service, and in about three weeks an opportunity presented
itself. I dressed myself in the habit of a Popish priest, and at about one
o'clock in the morning stole out of the garrison, passed the enemy's lines, and
arrived in the middle of their camp, where I entered the tent in which the
Prince d'Artois was, with the commander-in-chief, and several other officers,
in deep council, concerting a plan to storm the garrison next morning. My
disguise was my protection; they suffered me to continue there, hearing
everything that passed, till they went to their several beds. When I found the
whole camp, and even the sentinels, were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus, I
began my work, which was that of dismounting all their cannon (above three
hundred pieces), from forty-eight to twenty-four pounders, and throwing them
Before I applied the lighted match I had laid the combustibles at the bottom
so judiciously, that the whole was in a blaze in a moment. To prevent suspicion
I was one of the first to express my surprise. The whole camp was, as you may
imagine, petrified with astonishment the general conclusion was, that their
sentinels had been bribed, and that seven or eight regiments of the garrison
had been employed in this horrid destruction of their artillery. Mr. Drinkwater,
in his account of this famous siege, mentions the enemy sustaining a great
loss by a fire which happened in their camp, but never knew the cause; how
should he? as I never divulged it before (though I alone saved Gibraltar by
this night's business), not even to General Elliot. The Count d'Artois and all
his attendants ran away in their fright, and never stopped on the road till
they reached Paris, which they did in about a fortnight; this dreadful
conflagration had such an effect upon them that they were incapable of taking
the least refreshment for three months after, but, chameleon-like, lived upon
the air.
If any gentleman will say he doubts the truth of this story, I will fine
him a gallon of brandy and make him drink it at one draught.
About two months after I had done the besieged this service, one morning, as
I sat at breakfast with General Elliot, a shell (for I had not time to destroy
their mortars as well as their cannon) entered the apartment we were sitting in;
it lodged upon our table: the General, as most men would do, quitted the room
directly; but I took it up before it burst, and carried it to top of the rock,
when, looking over the enemy's camp, on an eminence near the sea-coast I
observed a considerable number of people, but could not, with my naked eye,
discover how they were employed. I had recourse again to my telescope, when I
found that two of our officers, one a general, the other a colonel, with whom I
had spent the preceding evening, and who went out into the enemy's camp about
midnight as spies, were taken, and then were actually going to be executed on a
gibbet. I found the distance too great to throw the shell with my hand, but
most fortunately recollecting that I had the very sling in my pocket which
assisted David in slaying Goliah, I placed the shell in it, and immediately
threw it in the midst of them: it burst as it fell, and destroyed all present,
except the two culprits, who were saved by being suspended so high, for
they were just turned off: however, one of the pieces of the shell fled with
such force against the foot of the gibbet, that it immediately brought it down.
Our two friends no sooner felt terra firma, than they looked about for the
cause; and finding their guards, executioner, and all, had taken it in their
heads to die first, they directly extricated each other from their disgraceful
cords, and then ran down to the sea-shore, seized a Spanish boat with two men
in it, and made them row to one of our ships, which they did with great safety,
and in a few minutes after, when I was relating to General Elliot how I had
acted, they both took us by the hand, and after mutual congratulations we
retired to spend the day with festivity.
CHAPTER XI.
An interesting account of the Baron's ancestors - A quarrel relative to
the spot where Noah built his ark - The history of the sling, and its
properties - A favourite poet introduced upon no very reputable occasion -
Queen Elizabeth's abstinence - The Baron's father crosses from England to
Holland upon a marine horse, which he sells for seven hundred ducats.
YOU wish (I can see by your countenances) I would
inform you how became possessed of such a treasure as the sling just mentioned.
(Here facts must be held sacred.) Thus then it was: I am a descendant of the
wife of Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate with; she had several
children by his majesty; they quarrelled once upon a matter of the first
consequence, viz., the spot where Noah's ark was built, and where it rested
after the flood. A separation consequently ensued. She had often heard him
speak of this sling as his most valuable treasure - this she stole the night
they parted; it was missed before she got out of his dominions, and she was
pursued by no less than six of the king's body-guards: however, by using it
herself she hit the first of them (for one was more active in the pursuit than
the rest) where David did Goliah, and killed him on the spot. His companions
were so alarmed at his fall that they retired, and left Uriah's wife to pursue
her journey. She took with her, I should have informed you before, her favourite
son by this connection, to whom she bequeathed the sling; and thus it has,
without interruption, descended from father to son till it came into my
possession. One of its possessors, my great great great grandfather, who lived
about two hundred and fifty years ago, was upon a visit to England, and became
intimate with a poet who was a great deerstealer; I think his name was
Shakespeare: he frequently borrowed this sling, and with it killed so much of
Sir Thomas Lucy's venison, that he narrowly escaped the fate of my two friends
at Gibraltar. Poor Shakespeare was imprisoned, and my ancestor obtained his
freedom in a very singular manner. Queen Elizabeth was then on the throne, but
grown so indolent, that every trifling matter was become a trouble to her;
dressing, undressing, eating, drinking, and some other offices which shall be
nameless, made life a burden to her; all these things he enabled her to do
without, or by a deputy! and what do you think was the only return she could
prevail upon him to accept for such eminent services? setting Shakespeare at
liberty! Such was his affection for that famous writer, that he would have
shortened his own days to add to the number of his friend's.
I do not hear that any of the queen's subjects, particularly the
beef-eaters, as they are vulgarly called to this day, however they might
be struck with the novelty at the time, much approved of her living totally
without food. She did not survive the practice herself above seven years and a half.
My father, who was the immediate possessor of this sling before me, told me
the following anecdote:-
He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with this sling in his pocket;
before his paces had covered a mile he was attacked by a fierce animal called a
seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with great fury; he hesitated a moment,
then took out his sling, retreated back about a hundred yards, stooped for
a couple of pebbles, of which there were plenty under his feet, and slung them
both so dexterously at the animal, that each stone put out an eye, and lodged
in the cavities which their removal had occasioned. He now got upon his back,
and drove him into the sea; for the moment he lost his sight he lost also his
ferocity, and became as tame as possible: the sling was placed as a bridle in
his mouth; he was guided with the greatest facility across the ocean, and in
less than three hours they both arrived on the opposite shore, which is about
thirty leagues. The master of the Three Cups, at Helvoetsluys, in
Holland, purchased this marine horse, to make an exhibition of, for seven
hundred ducats, which was upwards of three hundred pounds, and the next day my
father paid his passage back in the packet to Harwich.
- My father made several curious observations in this passage, which I
will relate hereafter.
CHAPTER XII.
The frolic; its consequences - Windsor Castle - St. Paul's - College
of Physicians - Undertakers, sextons, &c., almost ruined - Industry of the
apothecaries.
THE FROLIC.
THIS famous sling makes the possessor equal to any task
he is desirous of performing.
I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions, that an account of the silk
it contained would exceed all credibility; every mercer's shop and weaver's
stock in London, Westminster, and Spitalfields contributed to it: with this
balloon and my sling I played many tricks, such as taking one house from its
station, and placing another in its stead, without disturbing the inhabitants,
who were generally asleep, or too much employed to observe the peregrinations
of their habitations. When the sentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul's
clock strike thirteen, it was through my dexterity; I brought the buildings
nearly together that night, by placing the castle in St. George's Fields, and
carried it back again before daylight, without waking any of the inhabitants;
notwithstanding these exploits, I should have kept my balloon and its properties
a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of flying so public.
On the 30th of September, when the College of Physicians chose their annual
officers, and dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, brought it over
the dome of their building, clapped the sling round the golden ball at the top,
fastening the other end of it to the balloon and immediately ascended with the
whole college to an immense height, where I kept them upwards of three months.
You will naturally inquire what they did for food such a length of time? To
this I answer, Had I kept them suspended twice the time, they would have
experienced no inconvenience on that account, so amply, or rather extravagantly,
had they spread their table for that day's feasting.
Though this was meant as an innocent frolic, it was productive of much
mischief to several respectable characters amongst the clergy, undertakers,
sextons, and grave-diggers: they were, it must be acknowledged, sufferers; for
it is a well-known fact, that during the three months the college was suspended
in the air, and therefore incapable of attending their patients, no deaths
happened, except a few who fell before the scythe of Father Time, and some
melancholy objects who, perhaps to avoid some trifling inconvenience here, laid
the hands of violence upon themselves, and plunged into misery infinitely
greater than that which they hoped by such a rash step to avoid, without a
moment's consideration.
If the apothecaries had not been very active during the above time, half the
undertakers in all probability would have been bankrupts.
CHAPTER XIII.
The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears, and has a
very narrow escape - Gains the confidence of these animals, and then destroys
thousands of them; loads the ship with their hams and skins; makes presents of
the former, and obtains a general invitation to all city feasts - A dispute
between the Captain and the Baron, in which, from motives of politeness, the
Captain is suffered to gain his point - The Baron declines the honour of a
throne, and an empress into the bargain.
WE all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave)
last voyage of discovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an
officer, but a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude I
was viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I introduced to your
notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two large white bears in
violent action upon a body of ice considerably above the masts, and about half
a league distance. I immediately took my carbine, slung it across my shoulder,
and ascended the ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness of the surface
made my approach to those animals troublesome and hazardous beyond expression:
sometimes hideous cavities opposed me, which I was obliged to spring over; in
other parts the surface was as smooth as a mirror, and I was continually
falling: as I approached near enough to reach them, I found they were only at
play. I immediately began to calculate the value of their skins, for they were
each as large as a well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I was
presenting my carbine my right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, and the
violence of the blow derived me totally of my senses for nearly half an hour;
however, when I recovered, judge of my surprise at finding one of those large
animals I have been just describing had turned me upon my face, and was
just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches, which were then new and made
of leather: he was certainly going to carry me feet foremost, God knows where,
when I took this knife (showing a large clasp knife) out of my side-pocket,
made a chop at one of his hind-feet, and cut off three of his toes; he
immediately let me drop and roared most horridly. I took up my carbine and
fired at him as he ran off; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused
several thousands of these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within
half a mile of me; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be
lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that instant.
I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that some people
would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrapped myself in it, placing my own head
directly under Bruin's; the whole herd came round me immediately, and my
apprehensions threw me into a most piteous situation to be sure: however, my
scheme turned out a most admirable one for my own safety. They all came smelling,
and evidently took me for a brother Bruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to make an
excellent counterfeit: however, I saw several cubs amongst them not much larger
than myself. After they had all smelt me, and the body of their deceased
companion, whose skin was now become my protector, we seemed very sociable, and
I found I could mimic all their actions tolerably well; but at growling,
roaring, and hugging they were quite my masters. I began now to think how I
might turn the general confidence which I had created amongst these animals to
my advantage.
I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instant death.
I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse to my knife,
with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck, near the shoulders,
but under great apprehensions, not doubting but the creature would, if he
survived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, I was remarkably fortunate, for
he fell dead at my feet without making the least noise. I was now resolved to
demolish them every one in the same manner, which I accomplished without the
least difficulty; for although they saw their companions fall, they had no
suspicion of either the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead before me,
I felt myself a second Samson, having slain my thousands.
To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed three
parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the hams on board,
which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship with them. As to the other
parts of the animals, they were thrown into the sea, though I doubt not but the
whole would eat as well as the legs, were they properly cured.
As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name, to
the Lords of the Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some to the
Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the trading companies,
and the remainder to my particular friends, from all of whom I received warm
thanks; but from the city I was honoured with substantial notice, viz., an
invitation to dine at Guildhall annually on Lord Mayor's day.
The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty and
her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with her own
hand and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary, inviting me to share the
honours of her bed and crown; but as I never was ambitious of royal dignity,
I declined her majesty's favour in the politest terms. The same ambassador had
orders to wait and bring my answer to her majesty personally, upon which
business he was absent about three months: her majesty's reply convinced me of
the strength of her affections, and the dignity of her mind; her late
indisposition was entirely owing (as she, kind creature! was pleased to express
herself in a late conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty. What
the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress is not the only female
sovereign who has offered me her hand.
Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps did not
proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here it becomes my
duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim till I loaded it with
such an immense quantity of bear-skins and ham, after which it would have been
madness to have attempted to proceed further, as we were now scarcely able to
combat a brisk gale, much less those mountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes.
The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he had no share
in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called bearskin day.
He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I destroyed so many
thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself; indeed, he is so ambitious of
dividing the glory with me, that we have actually quarrelled about it, and we
are not now upon speaking terms. He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving
the bears, because I was covered with one of their skins; nay, he declares
there is not, in his opinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as himself
among the human species. He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted
with good manners to dispute so delicate a point with his lordship.
CHAPTER XIV.
Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all comparison, yet fails in part of
his attempt - Gets into disgrace with the Grand Seignior, who orders his head
to be cut off - Escapes, and gets on board a vessel, in which he is carried to
Venice - Baron Tott's origin, with some account of that great man's parents -
Pope Ganganelli's amour - His Holiness fond of shell-fish.
BARON DE TOTT, in his Memoirs, makes as great a parade
of a single act as many travellers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing
the different parts of the globe; for my part, if I had been blown from Europe
to Asia from the mouth of a cannon, I should have boasted less of it afterwards
then he has done of only firing off a Turkish piece of ordnance. What he says
of this wonderful gun, as near as my memory will serve me, is this : "The Turks
had placed below the castle, and near the city, on the banks of Simois, a
celebrated river, an enormous piece of ordnance cast in brass, which would
carry a marble ball of eleven hundred pounds weight. I was inclined," says Tott,
"to fire it, but I was willing first to judge of its effect; the crowd about me
trembled at this proposal, as they asserted it would overthrow not only the
castle, but the city also; at length their fears in part subsided, and I was
permitted to discharge it. It required not less than three hundred and thirty
pounds weight of powder, and the ball weighed, as before mentioned, eleven
hundredweight. When the engineer brought the priming, the crowds who were
about me retreated back as fast as they could; nay, it was with the utmost
difficulty I persuaded the Pacha, who came on purpose, there was no danger:
even the engineer who was to discharge it by my direction was considerably
alarmed. I took my stand on some stone-work behind the cannon, gave the signal,
and felt a shock like that of an earthquake! At the distance of three hundred
fathom the ball burst into three pieces; the fragments crossed the strait,
rebounded on the opposite mountain, and left the surface of the water all in a
foam through the whole breadth of the channel."
This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, Baron Tott's account of the
largest cannon in the known world. Now, when I was there not long since, the
anecdote of Tott's firing this tremendous piece was mentioned as a proof of that
gentleman's extraordinary courage.
I was determined not to be out-done by a Frenchman, therefore took this very
piece upon my shoulder, and, after balancing it properly, jumped into the sea
with it, and swam to the opposite shore, from whence I unfortunately attempted
to throw it back into its former place. I say unfortunately, for it slipped a
little in my hand just as I was about to discharge it, and in consequence of
that it fell into the middle of the channel, where it now lies, without a
prospect of ever recovering it: and notwithstanding the nigh favour I was in
with the Grand Seignior, as before mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he
heard of the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, issued an order to cut off
my head. I was immediately informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with whom I
was become a great favourite, and she secreted me in her apartment while the
officer charged with my execution was, with his assistants, in search of me.
That very night I made my escape on board a vessel bound to Venice, which
was then weighing anchor to proceed on her voyage.
The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of mentioning, as I miscarried in
the attempt, and was very near losing my life into the bargain: however, as it
contains no impeachment of my honour, I would not withhold it from you.
Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can have no doubt of my veracity. I
will entertain you with the origin of this same swaggering, bouncing Tott.
His reputed father was a native of Berne, in Switzerland; his profession was
that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarly called a
scavenger. His mother was a native of the mountains of Savoy, and had a most
beautiful large wen on her neck, common to both sexes in that part of the
world; she left her parents when young, and sought her fortune in the same city
which gave his father birth; she maintained herself while single by acts of
kindness to our sex, for she never was known to refuse them any favour they
asked, provided they did but pay her some compliment before hand. This lovely
couple met by accident in the street, in consequence of their being both
intoxicated, for by reeling to one centre they threw each other down; this
created mutual abuse, in which they were complete adepts; they were both
carried to the watch-house, and afterwards to the house of correction;
they soon saw the folly of quarrelling, made it up, became fond of each other,
and married; but madam returning to her old tricks, his father, who had high
notions of honour, soon separated himself from her; she then joined a family
who strolled about with a puppet-show. In time she arrived at Rome where she
kept an oyster-stand. You have all heard, no doubt, of Pope Ganganelli,
commonly called Clement XIV.: he was remarkably fond of oysters. One Good
Friday, as he was passing through this famous city in state, to assist at high
mass at St. Peter's Church, he saw this woman's oysters (which were remarkably
fine and fresh) ; he could not proceed without tasting them. There were
about five thousand people in his train; he ordered them all to stop, and sent
word to the church he could not attend mass till next day; then alighting from
his horse (for the Pope always rides on horseback upon these occasions) he went
into her stall, and ate every oyster she had there, and afterwards retired
into the cellar where she had a few more. This subterraneous apartment was her
kitchen, parlour, and bedchamber. He liked his situation so much that he
discharged all his attendants, and to make short of the story, His Holiness
passed the whole night there! Before they parted he gave her absolution, not
only for every sin she had, but all she might hereafter commit.
Now, gentlemen, I have his mother's word for it (and her honour cannot be
doubted), that Baron Tott is the fruit of that amour. When Tott was born, his
mother applied to His Holiness, as the father of her child; he immediately
placed him under proper people, and as he grew up gave him a gentleman's
education, had him taught the use of arms, procured him promotion in France,
and a title, and when he died he left hum a good estate.
CHAPTER XV.
A further account of the Journey from, Harwich to Helvoetsluys -
Description of a number of marine objects never mentioned by any traveller
before - Rocks seen in this passage equal to the Alps in magnitude; lobsters,
crabs, &c., of an extraordinary magnitude - A woman's life saved - The
cause of her falling into the sea - Dr. Hawes' directions followed with
success.
I OMITTED several very material parts in my father's
journey across the English Channel to Holland, which, that they may not be
totally lost, I will now faithfully give you in his own words, as I heard
him relate them to his friends several times.
"On my arrival," says my father, "at Helvoetsluys, I was observed to breathe
with some difficulty; upon the inhabitants inquiring into the cause, I informed
them that the animal upon whose back I rode from Harwich across to their shore
did not swim! Such is their peculiar form and disposition, that they cannot
float or move upon the surface of the water; he ran with incredible swiftness
upon the sands from shore to shore, driving fish in millions before him, many
of which were quite different from any I had yet seen, carrying their heads at
the extremity of their tails. I crossed," continued he, "one prodigious range
of rocks, equal in height to the Alps (the tops or highest, part of these
marine mountains are said to be upwards of one hundred fathoms below the
surface of the sea, on the sides of which there was a great variety of tall,
noble trees, loaded with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scollops,
mussels, cockles, &c. &c.; some of which were a cart-load singly! and
none less than a porter's! All those which are brought on shore and sold in our
markets are of an inferior dwarf kind, or, properly, waterfalls, i.e., fruit
shook off the branches of the tree it grows upon by the motion of the water, as
those in our gardens are by that of the wind! The lobster-trees appeared the
richest, but the crab and oysters were the tallest. The periwinkle is a kind of
shrub; it grows at the foot of the oyster-tree, and twines round it as the ivy
does the oak. I observed the effect of several accidents by shipwreck, &c.,
particularly a ship that had been wrecked by striking against a mountain or
rock, the top of which lay within three fathoms of the surface. As she sunk she
fell upon her side, and forced a very large lobster-tree out of its place. It
was in the spring, when the lobsters were very young, and many of them being
separated by the violence of the shock, they fell upon a crab-tree which was
growing below them; they have, like the farina of plants, united, and produced
a fish resembling both. I endeavoured to bring one with me, but it was too
cumbersome, and my salt-water Pegasus seemed much displeased at every attempt
to stop his career whilst I continued upon his back; besides, I was then,
though galloping over a mountain of rocks that lay about midway the passage, at
least five hundred fathom below the surface of the sea, and began to find the
want of air inconvenient, therefore I had no inclination to prolong the time.
Add to this, my situation was in other respects very unpleasant; I met many
large fish, who were, if I could judge by their open mouths, not only able, but
really wished to devour us; now, as my Rosinante was blind, I had these hungry
gentlemen's attempts to guard against, in addition to my other difficulties.
"As we drew near the Dutch shore, and the body of water over our heads did
not exceed twenty fathoms, I thought I saw a human figure in a female dress
then lying on the sand before me with some signs of life; when I came close I
perceived her hand move: I took it into mine, and brought her on shore as a
corpse. An apothecary, who had just been instructed by Dr. Hawes (the Baron's
father must have lived very lately if Dr. Hawes was his preceptor), of London,
treated her properly, and she recovered. She was the rib of a man who commanded
a vessel belonging to Helvoetsluys. He was just going out of port on a voyage,
when she, hearing he had got a mistress with him, followed him in an open boat.
As soon as she had got on the quarter-deck she flew at her husband, and
attempted to strike him with such impetuosity, that he thought it most prudent
to slip on one side, and let her make the impression of her fingers upon the
waves rather than his face: he was not much out in his ideas of the
consequence; for meeting no opposition, she went directly overboard, and it was
my unfortunate lot to lay the foundation for bringing this happy pair together
again.
"I can easily conceive what execrations the husband loaded me with when, on
his return, he found this gentle creature waiting his arrival, and learned the
means by which she came into the world again. However, great as the injury is
which I have done this poor devil, I hope he will die in charity with me, as
my motive was good, though the consequences to him are, it must be confessed,
horrible."
CHAPTER XVI.
This is a very short chapter, but contains a fact for which the Baron's
memory ought to be dear to every Englishman, especially those who may hereafter
have the misfortune of being made prisoners of war.
ON my return from Gibraltar I travelled by way of
France to England. Being a foreigner, this was not attended with any
inconvenience to me. I found, in the harbour of Calais, a ship just arrived
with a number of English sailors as prisoners of war. I immediately conceived
an idea of giving these brave fellows their liberty, which I accomplished as
follows:- After forming a pair of large wings, each of them forty yards long,
and fourteen wide, and annexing there to myself, I mounted at break of day,
when every creature, even the watch upon deck, was fast asleep. As I hovered
over the ship I fastened three grappling irons to the tops of the three masts
with my sling, and fairly lifted her several yards out of the water, and then
proceeded across to Dover, where I arrived in half an hour! Having no further
occasion for these wings, I made them a present to the governor of Dover Castle,
where they are now exhibited to the curious.
As to the prisoners, and the Frenchmen who guarded them, they did not awake
till they had been near two hours on Dover Pier. The moment the English
understood their situation they changed places with their guard, and took back
what they had been plundered of, but no more, for they were too generous to
retaliate and plunder them in return.
CHAPTER XVII.
Voyage eastward - The Baron introduces a friend who never deceived him:
wins a hundred guineas by pinning his faith upon that friend's nose - Game
started at sea - Some other circumstances which will, it is hoped, afford the
reader no small degree of amusement.
IN a voyage which I made to the East Indies with
Captain Hamilton, I took a favourite pointer with me; he was, to use a common
phrase, worth his weight in gold, for he never deceived me. One day when we
were, by the best observations we could make, at least three hundred leagues
from land, my dog pointed; I observed him for near an hour with astonishment,
and mentioned the circumstance to the captain and every officer on board,
asserting that we must be near land, for my dog smelt game. This occasioned a
general laugh; but that did not alter in the least the good opinion I had of my
dog. After much conversation pro and con, I boldly told the captain I placed
more confidence in Tray's nose than I did in the eyes of every seaman on board,
and therefore proposed laying the sum I had agreed to pay for my passage (viz.,
one hundred guineas) that we should find game within half an hour. The captain
(a good, hearty fellow) laughed again, desired Mr. Crowford the surgeon, who
was prepared, to feel my pulse; he did so, and reported me in perfect health.
The following dialogue between them took place; I overheard it, though spoken
low, and at some distance.
Captain.- His brain is turned; I cannot with honour accept his wager.
Surgeon.- I am of a different opinion; he is quite sane, and depends
more upon the scent of his dog than he will upon the judgement of all the
officers on board; he will certainly lose, and he richly merits it
Captain.- Such a wager cannot be fair on my side; however, I'll take
him up, if I return his money afterwards.
During the above conversation Tray continued in the same situation, and
confirmed me still more in my former opinion. I proposed the wager a second
time, it was then accepted.
Done! and done! were scarcely said on both sides, when some sailors who were
fishing in the long-boat, which was made fast to the stern of the ship, harpooned
an exceeding large shark, which they brought on board and began to cut up for
the purpose of barrelling the oil, when, behold, they found no less than six
brace of live partridges in this animal's stomach!
They had been so long in that situation, that one of the hens was sitting
upon four eggs, and a fifth was hatching when the shark was opened!!! This
young bird we brought up by placing it with a litter of kittens that came into
the world a few minutes before! The old cat was as fond of it as of any of her
own four-legged progeny, and made herself very unhappy, when it flew out of her
reach, till it returned again. As to the other partridges, there were four hens
amongst them; one or more were, during the voyage, constantly sitting, and
consequently we had plenty of game at the captain's table; and in gratitude to
poor Tray (for being a means of winning one hundred guineas) I ordered him the
bones daily, and sometimes a whole bird.
CHAPTER XVIII.
A second visit (but an accidental one) to the moon - The ship driven by
a whirlwind a thousand leagues above the surface of the water, where a new
atmosphere meets them and carries them into a capacious harbour in the moon -
A description of the inhabitants, and their manner of coming into the lunarian
world - Animals, customs, weapons, of war, wine, vegetables, &c.
A SECOND TRIP TO THE MOON.
I HAVE already informed you of one trip I made to the
moon, in search of my silver hatchet; I afterwards made another in a much
pleasanter manner, and stayed in it long enough to take notice of several
things, which I will endeavour to describe as accurately as my memory will
permit.
I went on a voyage of discovery at the request of a distant relation, who
had a strange notion that there were people to be found equal in magnitude to
those described by Gulliver in the empire of BROBDIGNAG. For my
part I always treated that account a s fabulous: however, to oblige him, for he
had made me his heir, I undertook it, amid sailed for the South seas, where we
arrived without meeting with anything remarkable, except some flying men and
women who were playing at leap-frog, and dancing minuets in the air.
There is but one sex either of the cooking or any other animals in the moon;
they are all produced from trees of various sizes and foliage; that which
produces the cooking animal, or human species, is much more beautiful than
any of the others; it has large straight boughs and flesh-coloured leaves, and
the fruit it produces are nuts or pods, with hard shells at least two yards
long; when they become ripe, which is known from their changing colour, they
are gathered with great care, and laid by as long as they think proper:
when they choose to animate the seed of these nuts, they throw them into a
large cauldron of boiling water, which opens the shells in a few hours, and out
jumps the creature.
Nature forms their minds for different pursuits before they come into the
world; from one shell comes forth a warrior, from another a philosopher, from a
third a divine, from a fourth a lawyer, from a fifth a farmer, from a sixth a
clown, &c. &c., and each of them immediately begins to perfect
themselves, by practising what they before knew only in theory.
When they grow old they do not die, but turn into air, and dissolve like
smoke! As for their drink, they need none; the only evacuations they have are
insensible, and by their breath. They have but one finger upon each hand, with
which they perform everything in as perfect a manner as we do who have four
besides the thumb. Their heads are placed under their right arm, and when they
are going to travel, or about any violent exercise, they generally leave them
at home, for they can consult them at any distance; this is a very common
practice; and when those of rank or quality among the Lunarians have an
inclination to see what's going forward among the common people, they stay at
home, i.e., the body stays at home, and sends the head only, which is
suffered to be present incog., and return at pleasure with an account
of what has passed.
The stones of their grapes are exactly like hail; and I am perfectly
satisfied that when a storm or high wind in the moon shakes their vines, and
breaks the grapes from the stalks, the stones fall down and form our hail
showers. I would advise those who are of my opinion to save a quantity of these
stones when it hails next, and make Lunarian wine. It is common beverage at
St. Luke's. Some material circumstances I had nearly omitted. They put their
bellies to the same use as we do a sack, and throw whatever they have occasion
for into it, for they can shut and open it again when they please, as they do
their stomachs; they are not troubled with bowels, liver, heart, or any other
intestines, neither are they encumbered with clothes, nor is there any part of
their bodies unseemly or indecent to exhibit.
Their eyes they can take in and out of their places when they please, and
can see as well with them in their hand, as in their head! and if by any
accident they lose or damage one, they can borrow or purchase another, and see
as clearly with it as their own. Dealers in eyes are on that account very
numerous in most parts of the moon, and in this article alone all the
inhabitants are whimsical: sometimes green and sometimes yellow eyes are the
fashion. I know these things appear strange; but if the shadow of a doubt can
remain on any person's mind, I say, let him take a voyage there himself, and
then he will know I am a traveller of veracity.
CHAPTER XIX.
The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a bridge, ship,
boat, balloon, or even his own will: rouses himself after a long nap, and
destroys a monster who lived upon the destruction of others.
MY first visit to England was about the beginning of
the present king's reign. I had occasion to go down to Wapping, to see some
goods shipped, which I was sending to some friends at Hamburgh ; after that
business was over, I took the Tower Wharf in my way back. Here I found the
sun very powerful, and I was so much fatigued that I stepped into one of the
cannon to compose me, where I fell fast asleep. This was about noon: it was
the fourth of June; exactly at one o'clock these cannon were all discharged in
memory of the day. They had been all charged that morning, and having no
suspicion of my situation, I was shot over the houses on the opposite side of
the river, into a farmer's yard, between Bermondsey and Deptford, where I fell
upon a large hay-stack, without waking, and continued there in a sound sleep
till hay became so extravagantly dear (which was about three months after),
that the farmer found it his interest to send his whole stock to market: the
stack I was reposing upon was the largest in the yard, containing above five
hundred load; they began to cut that first. I woke with the voices of the
people who had ascended the ladders to begin at the top, and got up, totally
ignorant of my situation: in attempting
cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree, I now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave
him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.
I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the same pleasure and tenderness as a superb Lithuanian
horse, which no money could have bought. He became mine by an accident, which gave me an
opportunity of showing my horsemanship to a great advantage. I was at Count Frzobossky's noble
country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with the ladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the
gentlemen were down in the yard, to see a young horse of blood which had just
arrived from the stud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress ; I hastened
down stairs, and found the horse so unruly, that nobody durst approach or mount
him. The most resolute horsemen stood dismayed and aghast; despondency was
expressed in every countenance, when, in one leap, I was on his back, took him
by surprise, and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience, with the
best display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to show this to the ladies,
and save them unnecessary trouble, I forced him to leap in at one of the open
windows of the tea-room, walked round several times, pace, trot, and gallop,
and at last made him mount the tea-table, there to repeat his lessons in a
pretty style of miniature which was exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he
performed them amazingly well, and did not break either cup or saucer.
It placed me so high in their opinion, and so well in that of the noble lord,
that, with his usual politeness, he begged I would accept of this young horse,
and ride him full career to conquest and honour in the campaign against the
Turks, which was soon to be opened, under the command of Count Munich.
rising till it reached the moon. How should I recover it? how fetch it down
again? I recollected that Turkey-beans grow very quick, and run up to an
astonishing height. I planted one immediately; it grew, and actually fastened
itself to one of the moon's horns. I had no more to do now but to climb up by
it into the moon, where I safely arrived, and had a troublesome piece of
business before I could find my silver hatchet, in a place where every thing
has the brightness of silver; at last, however, I found it in a heap of chaff
and chopped straw. I was now for returning: but, alas! the heat of the sun had
dried up my bean; it was totally useless for my descent: so I fell to work, and
twisted me a rope of that chopped straw, as long and as well as I could make it.
This I fastened to one of the moon's horns, and slid down to the end of it.
Here I held myself fast with the left hand, and with the hatchet in my right, I
cut the long, now useless end of the upper part, which, when tied to the lower
end, brought me a good deal lower: this repeated splicing and tying of the
rope did not improve its quality, or bring me down to the Sultan's farm. I was
four or five miles from the earth at least when it broke; I fell to the ground
with such amazing violence, that I found myself stunned, and in a hole nine
fathoms deep at least, made by the weight of my body falling from so great a
height: I recovered, but knew not how to get out again; however, I dug slopes
or steps with my finger nails (the Baron's nails were then of forty years'
growth), and easily accomplished it.
I travelled post, and finding myself in a narrow lane, bid the postilion give a signal with his horn,
that other travellers might not meet us in the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; but his
endeavours were in vain, he could not make the horn sound, which was unaccountable, and rather
unfortunate, for soon after we found ourselves in the presence of another coach
coming the other way: there was no proceeding; however. I got out of my
carriage, and being pretty strong, placed it, wheels and all, upon my head: I
then jumped over a hedge about nine feet high (which, considering the weight of
the coach, was rather difficult) into a field, and came out again by another
jump into the road beyond the other carriage: I then went back for the horses,
and placing one upon my head, and the other under my left arm, by the same
means brought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded to an inn at the end of
our stage. I should have told you that the horse under my arm was very spirited, and
not above four years old; in making my second spring over the hedge, he
expressed great dislike to that violent kind of motion by kicking and snorting;
however, I confined his hind legs by putting them into my coat-pocket. After we
arrived at the inn my postilion and I refreshed ourselves: he hung his horn on
a peg near the kitchen fire; I sat on the other side.
OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN.
PART II
who was aloft furling the main-sheet, was flung at least three leagues from the
ship; but he fortunately saved his life by laying hold of the tail of a large
sea-gull, who brought him back, and lodged him on the very spot from whence he
was thrown. Another proof of the violence of the shock was the force with which
the people between decks were driven against the floors above them; my head
particularly was pressed into my stomach, where it continued some months before
it recovered its natural situation. Whilst we were all in a state of
astonishment at the general and unaccountable confusion in which we were
involved, the whole was suddenly explained by the appearance of a large whale,
who had been basking, asleep, within sixteen feet of the surface of the water.
This animal was so much displeased with the disturbance which our ship had
given him, for in our passage we had with our rudder scratched his nose, that
he beat in all the gallery and part of the quarter-deck with his tail, and
almost at the same instant took the main-sheet anchor, which was suspended, as
it usually is, from the head, between his teeth, and ran away with the ship, at
least sixty leagues, at the rate of twelve leagues an hour, when fortunately
the cable broke, and we lost both the whale and the anchor. However, upon our
return to Europe, some months after, we found the same whale within a few
leagues of the same spot, floating dead upon the water; it measured above half
a mile in length. As we could take but a small quantity of such a monstrous
animal on board, we got our boats out, and with much difficulty cut off his
head, where, to our great joy, we found the anchor, and above forty fathom of
the cable, concealed on the left side of his mouth, just under his tongue.
[Perhaps this was the cause of his death, as that side of his tongue was much
swelled, with a great degree of inflammation.] This was the only extraordinary
circumstance that happened on this voyage. One part of our distress, however, I
had like to have forgot: while the whale was running away with the ship she
sprung a leak, and the water poured in so fast, that all our pumps could not
keep us from sinking; it was, however, my good fortune to discover it first. I
found it a large hole about a foot diameter; you will naturally suppose this
circumstance gives me infinite pleasure, when I inform you that this noble
vessel was preserved, with all its crew, by a most fortunate thought! in short,
I sat down over it, and could have dispensed with it had it been larger; nor
will you be surprised when I inform you I am descended from Dutch parents.
[The Baron's ancestors have but lately settled there; in another part of his
adventures he boasts of royal blood.]
such as tumbling, hop, step, and jump, &c., but nothing seemed to disturb him
so much as the quick motion of my feet in attempting to dance a hornpipe; soon
after I began he put me out by sudden fits and starts: I persevered; at last he
roared horridly, and stood up almost perpendicularly in the water, with his
head and shoulders exposed, by which he was discovered by the people on board
an Italian trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a few minutes. As soon
as he was brought on board I heard the crew consulting how they should cut him
up, so as to preserve the greatest quantity of oil. As I understood Italian, I
was in most dreadful apprehensions lest their weapons employed in this business
should destroy me also; therefore I stood as near the centre as possible, for
there was room enough for a dozen men in this creature's stomach, and I
naturally imagined they would begin with the extremities: however, my fears
were soon dispersed, for they began by opening the bottom of the belly. As soon
as I perceived a glimmering of light I called out lustily to be released from a
situation in which I was now almost suffocated. It is impossible for me to do
justice to the degree and kind of astonishment which sat upon every countenance
at hearing a human voice issue from a fish, but more so at seeing a naked man
walk upright out of his body ; in short, gentlemen, I told them the whole
story, as I have done you, whilst amazement struck them dumb.
I went there in great state by land; where, having completed the business, I
dismissed almost all my attendants, and returned like a private gentleman: the
weather was delightful, and that famous river the Nile was beautiful beyond all
description; in short, I was tempted to hire a barge to descend by water to
Alexandria. On the third day of my voyage the river began to rise most amazingly
(you have all heard, I presume, of the annual over-flowing of the Nile), and on
the next day it spread the whole country for many leagues on each side! On the
fifth, at sunrise, my barge became entangled with what I at first took for
shrubs, but as the light became stronger I found myself surrounded by almonds,
which were perfectly ripe, and in the highest perfection. Upon plumbing with a
line my people found we were at least sixty feet from the ground, and unable to
advance or retreat. At about eight or nine o'clock, as near as I could judge by
the altitude of the sun, the wind rose suddenly, and canted our barge on one
side: here she filled, and I saw no more of her for some time. Fortunately we
all saved ourselves (six men and two boys) by clinging to the tree, the boughs
of which were equal to our weight, though not to that of the barge: in this
situation we continued six weeks and three days, living upon the almonds; I
need not inform you we had plenty of water. On the forty-second day of our
distress the water fell as rapidly as it had risen, and on the forty-sixth we
were able to venture down upon terra firma. Our barge was the first pleasing
object we saw, about two hundred yards from the spot where she sunk. After
drying everything that was useful by the heat of the sun, and loading ourselves
with necessaries from the stores on board, we set out to recover our lost ground,
and found, by the nearest calculation, we had been carried over garden-walls,
and a variety of enclosures, above one hundred and fifty miles. In four days,
after a very tiresome journey on foot, with thin shoes, we reached the river,
which was now confined to its banks, related our adventures to a boy, who
kindly accommodated all our wants, and sent us forward in a barge of his own.
In six days more we arrived at Alexandria, where we took shipping for
Constantinople. I was received kindly by the grand Seignior, and had the
honour of seeing the seraglio, to which his highness introduced me himself.
three leagues into the sea. Having no assistance, I found this the hardest task
I ever undertook, except swimming to the opposite shore with the famous Turkish
piece of ordnance, described by Baron de Tott in his Memoirs, which I shall
hereafter mention. I then piled all the carriages together in the centre of the
camp, which, to prevent the noise of the wheels being heard, I carried in pairs
under my arms; and a noble appearance they made, as high at least as the rock
of Gibraltar. I then lighted a match by striking a flint stone, situated twenty
feet from the ground (in an old wall built by the Moors when they invaded Spain),
with the breech of an iron eight-and-forty pounder, and so set fire to the
whole pile. I forgot to inform you that I threw all their ammunition-wagons
upon the top.
A TRIP TO THE NORTH.
On the eighteenth day after we had passed the Island of Otaheite, mentioned
by Captain Cook as the place from whence they brought Omai, a hurricane blew
our ship at least one thousand leagues above the surface of the water, and kept
it at that height till a fresh gale arising filled the sails in every part, and
onwards we travelled at a prodigious rate; thus we proceeded above the clouds
for six weeks. At last we discovered a great land in the sky, like a shining
island, round and bright, where, coming into a convenient harbour, we went on
shore, and soon found it was inhabited. Below us we saw another earth, containing
cities, trees, mountains, rivers, seas, &c., which we conjectured was this
world which we had left. Here we saw huge figures riding upon vultures of a
prodigious size, and each of them having three heads. To form some idea of the
magnitude of these birds, I must inform you that each of their wings is as wide
and six times the length of the main sheet of our vessel, which was about six
hundred tons burthen. Thus, instead of riding upon horses, as we do in this
world, the inhabitants of the moon (for we now found we were in Madam Luna)
fly about on these birds. The king, we found, was engaged in a war with the sun,
and he offered me a commission, but I declined the honour his majesty intended
me. Everything in this world is of extraordinary magnitude! a common
flea being much larger than one of our sheep: in making war, their principal
weapons are radishes, which are used as darts: those who are wounded by them
die immediately. Their shields are made of mushrooms, and their darts (when
radishes are out of season) of the tops of asparagus. Some of the natives of
the dog-star are to be seen here; commerce tempts them to ramble; their faces
are like large mastiffs', with their eyes near the lower end or tip of their
noses: they have no eyelids, but cover their eyes with the end of their tongues
when they go to sleep; they are generally twenty feet high. As to the natives
of the moon, none of them are less in stature than thirty-six feet: they are
not called the human species, but the cooking animals, for they all dress their
food by fire, as we do, but lose no time at their meals, as they open their
left side, and place the whole quantity at once in their stomach, then shut it
again till the same day in the next month; for they never indulge themselves
with food more than twelve times a year, or once a month. All but gluttons and
epicures must prefer this method to ours.
