Long serving Central Defender with telescopic legs that extent half the pitch. At 6'4" is the tallest player but has the aerial prescence of Willie Carson. Adrian is a prolific goalscorer... for the opposition. Mr organiser and unsung hero. Turns blue when the temperature drops below 20 degrees Centigrade. Favorite pastimes are shopping and working on his allotment. AKA "Rodney"
Long serving Central Defender and defensive organiser, often seen holding Rodneys hand to guide him throughout whole matches. Could be a bit stronger in the tackle (about as much as George W. Bush could be a bigger arsehole, so not a lot of room for change there then). AKA "Steady" (Knows his job and sticks to it). Good family man and AFC Wimbledon supporter!
Moved from left wing (originally there for his dazzling (lack of) pace) to the holding role of Centre Midfield. Spent most of last season putting everyone elses dummies back in. Nearly scored twice last season. After his screamer from two yards the next nearest was a venemous strike that stuck in the Malden Manor mud. When questioned on what he brings to the midfield partnership with Jim, could only offer "throw-ins?". His two year-old daughter can often be seen on the side lines dribbling the ball faster than Paul.
Central Midfielder and current Players Player of the Year. Prolific goalscorer (in the right net Rodney) who along with Chris does everyone elses running, especially Pauls. Could take over Rob Abrahams role of Klinsman type whinging. Never showers because it takes 3 weeks for his hair to dry.
The original running man whose workrate has won many previous Players Player awards. Despite this, opinion is divided on Christians best position with the latest thinking being right back. Likes to beat the same player two or three times and then gets upset when they kick him. The pretty boy of the team who recently married his Thai sweetheart. A quiet man of the pitch but a lion on it.
Utility man who will do anything asked of him, literally. In footballing terms, his brother got the skillful genes. Note for Chelsea fans "genes are not denim trousers". Always a welcome character in the dressing room although his farts linger when we return after the game. His party trick is spectacular even if the size of his prop isn't. Often tries to stand next to the less endowed in the shower so if he stands next to you, you are urged to click here. As they say, it's not the size of your wand, it's the magic it weaves and his wand is obviously in good working order.
Ever improving and chips in with the odd goal. The love between Dan and big brother Chris is intense, always encouraging each other in such positive ways.
Centre Forward. Scored all the goals in a 5-0 victory to record the most goals in one match. This beat our/Chris's previous record of four goals in a 7-0 win. Great shot, suprising turn of pace and a temperment Vinny Jones would be proud of.
Left Back. Smart, sophisticated and a true follower of fashion. FC Torres own version of Beckham. Just some of the things that could never be said of Malcolm. You can say though that his effort, commitment and extraordinary experience (he has played in the MDSFL since its inception in 1887) can never be questioned.
Fast, tricky and battling winger. A quiet player who prefers to let other players score the goals. Either that or his right foot turns into a nine iron in front of goal. One pre-season goal however... with his left foot. Ladies this one drives a Porsche.
Centre Forward/Left Wing. Possibly last seasons top scorer but no-one could be arsed to officially count. Definately scored some absolute beauties last year with a splattering of hattricks. A real class act when fit but did put on his invisible suit a couple of times last season.
Founder player/former manager (well how else do you get picked to play) and secretary. FC Torres was born on a Spanish holiday when formar players, including Rob,
stayed in the Hotel Torres (Torres apparently means castle). A place even Basil Fawlty could improve, its star rating on a par with FC Torres early performances
until 2004's promotion campaign.
Anyway, back to Rob. On his few appearances last season he squealed like a pig performed heroically in goal, squealed like a pig
or as a decoy upfront, squealed like a pig or watched Arsenal. His squealing bacame so bad a sweepstake was run once run with only minutes
1-10 taken for his first squeal.
Seriously we owe Rob a debt for starting the club along with Paul Miles.
Right Back. Fulham fan since Al Fayed pumped loadsamoney in. May change to Chelsea if they manage to finally buy the league this season. Kept his mullet in the hope that David Beckham gets one and it becomes fashionable again. Buggered of to the sunshine down-under so may not play much but always gives good commitment when available.
Lightning Winger who, when on form and can be arsed to get out of bed is as good as anyone else in the league. A great outlet to give everyone else a breather.
Played loads of games up front and looked like he couldn't score with Abbey (I love rough sex) Titmus, moved to right back and promptly scored. A big man who holds the ball well and plays intelligent football. Maybe watching Chelsea's overpaid has-beens has taught him a few things.
Edward is a fairly quick fullback who may be pushed to right midfield during the season. He attributes his pace to his Heskey like first touch to which he has to sprint 25 yards to retrieve the ball. Christian might put it down to Ed being whacked out on speed after Edwards appearance at a petrol station. After not seeing each for some years, Christian found Ed's greeting somewhat hyper. Well travelled and degree educated. Who said footballers are stupid? Who said any of us are footballers? He used to have a smelly rag that was never washed and put it over his thumb and smelt it as he was going to sleep, might still have it but says he hasn't. Ed is a very keen player and always eager to please, just like a liitle puppy dog. Showed a great improvement in the friendlies so now big things are expected.