not knowing margaret
not knowing margaret, I wasted years
looking for someone who could understand the rules of my game
she slipped in silently and changed them
when I wasn't looking
she was
a feather
in free fall
I was a pillow
she was
fairy dust
suspended
in sunlight
I was a lighthouse
she was a river
raging
I was a rock
her parents
delighted in me
not knowing margaret,
they hoped I might give
her
an anchor
my parents
just freaked..
not knowing margaret
buses
busy
berkeley sidewalks
browsing dusty
bookstores lemons
bagels tea
she tempered my strength
with tenderness, hope
and love
she filled me
with her poetry and chocolate in ghirardelli square
crowned me with chaplets read to me from
of daisies and desire the little
as we lay wet flowers
in the still dews of of
innocence st. francis
in golden gate park and ferlinghetti
she taught me pretended
the mysteries of to be german
joy and pain at the airport
and the words to and gave her last dollar
freut euch des lebens to a hare krishna
who took it
not knowing margaret
one day
with fire in her eyes
she dared me
to fly
I knew I could do it
if I just let go of her hand
we soared together
briefly
drunk with new power
I found the rest of the world
not knowing margaret
(without my ballast)
had flown too close
to the sun
falling
to the earth
- which took
its toll on her
for years I followed her trail
but she kept
to the shadows
I could not
comprehend
a hurt so deep
that she
could not forgive
my heart
holds
your love
and your pain
but the worst of it
still
is
not knowing,
margaret
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