EXPAT JOKES > QUEER JOKES


ONE LINERS....


Two queers, Harry and Barry, decide to go to the fair. Barry wants to go on the big wheel but Harry refuses saying it's to high, so Barry goes on alone, saying, "Don't forget to give me a wave, Harry" The wheel starts turning, but after a few minutes a bolt comes loose and the whole thing crashes to the ground. Barry is lying in a pool of blood surrounded by twisted metal, and harry runs over shouting, "Barry, Barry, are you hurt?" "Of course I'm hurt, I went round three times and you didn't wave to me once!"


A queer goes to the tattooist and decides to get a tattoo of Mike Tyson on his arse cheek. He likes it so much he decides to get a tattoo of Frank Bruno on his other arse cheek. He goes home and shows his boyfriend, who says, "If you think I'm getting in the ring between those two you can think again!"


A man runs into a bar and asks, "Can I have a whiskey, a gin, a vodka and peppermints please?" the barman asks, "Are you celebrating something", "yes my first blow job!" replies the man. "Congratulations, " says the barman, "When I had my first blow job I celebrated with champagne," the man says "thanks for the advice, if this gets rid of the taste I might try some!"


Three queers had just lost their lovers and they each ask each other what they did with after they died.
One said he had him cremated, and scattered his ashes on the sea, so that every time he seas the waves he can think of him.
The second said he also had him cremated, and scattered his ashes over horse fences because he loved the races.
The last one didn't tell anyone. He cut up the body and made a vindaloo with him, when asked why, he replied, "because I just wanted to feel him slide through my arse one more time".


Two queers in a car park, leant against their car with their trousers round their ankles. One man is blowing up the other one's bum. A policeman comes along and asks what they are doing. The man replies, "I'm giving him the kiss of life", he replied, "Well sir, don't you think you are at the wrong end?" "No officer, have you smelt his breath?" he replied.


A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the taxi and the cabbie won't stop staring at her.
She asks why he is staring, and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
"well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well lets see what we can do about that: 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be a catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm catholic too!"
"OK," says the nun, "Pull into the next alley"
He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cabbie starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."


Freddie Mercury.
What's Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna got in common? They both died with blood on their helmets.
Did you know that catching aids is due to planetary influence. You've got a better chance of catching it when Mercury enters Uranus


Elton John
Tom Jones, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking down the road one day and came across Kylie Minogue with her head stuck in some railings
Tom said to Robbie " We'll never have a better chance - how about it?" Robbie said "Not 'alf!"
After the two of them had had their wicked way Tom asked Elton if he fancied some. Elton said "I'd love to but I don't think I could get my head in the railings!"


Michael Jackson
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite song.... 'I'm forever blowing bubbles'
Michael Jackson rang up Gary Glitter and asked if he could change two fives for a ten.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove? A. So he knows when he's reached the end of a Mars Bar.
Q. What's brown and found in children's underpants? A. Michael Jackson's hand.


George Michael
Q. What's white and sticky and slides down the toilet? A. George Michael's latest release.
Q. What have George Michael and a Wellington boot got in common? A. They both get sucked off in a bog
When they arrested George Michael, they found chocolate round his arse. Must have been a careless whisper.


Gary Glitter
Q. What do Gary Glitter and Santa have in common? A. They both empty their sacks before leaving a kids bedroom.
Q. What's the difference between Gary Glitter and a greyhound? A. Greyhounds wait for the hare!
Q. What's shiny, 2 feet tall and stands on the end of a kids bed? A. Gary Glitter's boots.
Gary Glitter's new song: "I love you love even if your two love!"
Gary Glitter has been given the job of managing the England Junior team, Apparently he's already put Seaman in the under 16's
Q. What time is it when Gary Glitter goes to bed? A. When the big hand is on the small hand.
Q. What's pink and hangs out of a pram? A. Gary Glitter's arse!

The pope, Bernard Manning and Gary Glitter are on a sinking ship.
Pope. "Women and children first"
Manning. "Fuck the women and children!"
Glitter. "Have we got the time?"


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