Family Matters - Belonging 10.30 am Sun 6th March 2005
(1) is Mothering Sunday today!
Christians, have always attended the nearest church to where they live; to be a part of a family of believers in that area.
Centuries ago it was considered important for people to return to their home or "mother" church once a year. So, each year in the middle of Lent, everyone would visit their "mother" church, or the main church or Cathedral in the area.
This return to the "mother" church became an opportunity for family reunions, when children who were working away, returned home, to where they originally belonged, and visited mum.
American card manufacturers saw this potential opportunity for sales. They did so well that most people know today, as “Mother’s Day” and not “Mothering Sunday”. It has become the traditional day, to send mum a card or flowers, which say “I love you, mum”.
Belonging has always been important for people. God made us with the desire to share our lives, responsibilities and joys with others.
(2) In Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him."
Adam and Eve then belonged to each other and soon belonged to a family.
Belonging to an extended church family was mentioned when Jesus said to John from the cross in –
(3) John 19:27 "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
John and Jesus’ mother Mary then belonged to the same family.
People were made to NEED one another, and God. People were made to LOVE.
People were made to share one another’s joys and pains.
As a teenager I expected to meet a guy who was designed by God to be my life long companion. It was a common belief. May be some folk here remember the song by Freddie and the Dreamers, “You were made for me”.
(4) “You were made for me.
Everybody tells me so.
You were made for me.
Tell me then that you don't know.”
We were made for one another. To belong.
(5) Christians were made to belong to a Family
Some people become Christians and never attend a local church, others unplug themselves from the local church, from the body. Sometimes they say they are only accountable to God. Satan loves them believing this lie because then they are so vulnerable to his attack.
In the New Testament there is not a single Christian mentioned who doesn’t belong to a church. Actually to be told you were “out of the church” was a punishment, a disgrace. 1 Corinthians 5:5 NLT 3 John 1:10
Being a Christian means belonging, submitting to a church body. The Bible in Ephesians 2.19 puts it like this -
(6) You are members of God's family. (says NLT Eph 2:19
Or “You belong in God’s household with every other Christian” ( paraphrases Living Bible same verses Eph 2.19)
What household jobs do you like doing?
Anyone like ironing, dusting, sweeping, painting, sewing?
Which ones do you hate? Shopping. Pairing socks.
I have found that the tasks I have had to perform, as a part of a family have changed, over the years. I was hopeless with normal, domestic chores as a child.
But as a seven year old I made my first pair of curtains. I enjoyed it. From then on, I became responsible for making all the curtains until I left home. Mum and Dad then had to buy ready made curtains. I haven’t made curtains for 10 years! (7 the sweeper)
I’m fairly ambivalent to ironing. I never really did any until I went to University. Then I did very little when my daughter was a teenager. It was a family responsibility she enjoyed. Especially as she was paid for it. Then she left for University, and married on graduating. I took over the family ironing again.
Thinking of children - money, growing up and becoming responsible adults. It can be very difficult getting adult children to pay a reasonable amount of board if they live at home.
Other children seem to consider parents should keep them in the lifestyle they desire, throughout university and after.
Unfortunately, some Christian’s expect other members to do most of the contributing to the church’s family purse. They too have some growing up to do.
Our son, when he lived at home often cooked for himself but never washed up or ironed. Now he is married, and as a rule, he doesn’t cook, but he is responsible for the washing up.
Apparently, one job neither my son nor daughter-in-law like is cleaning the toilets, but they have two, so they clean one each.
It is the same in a church. Some people will provide a service in an area they are especially gifted for, and enjoy. Just as I enjoyed making curtains.
Some people may find themselves responsible for years, on and off, doing another ministry in which they are competent if not excited about. Like me and ironing. Ironing is OK but I tend to avoid wearing clothes that have to be ironed.
Then just as in each household there is the job no one wants; like cleaning the toilets for Jon and Helen; there are responsibilities in a church family no one wants.
When Thelma Jeffs lived here some people will remember she always looked after the over head projector for every service. When she left we found it difficult to replace her with volunteers.
(8) 1 Peter 4:9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
In other words do the tasks you don’t really like to make others feel comfortable.
There are always those jobs that no one likes. Different ones at different times, that no one or few enjoy.
(9) Doing things you don’t enjoy, is part of the responsibility, of being in a family.
Giving your time to the church for tasks you don’t necessarily, enjoy is part of ministering to others.
But, if the only ministries you undertake are ones you dislike there is a problem. Have a chat to Duncan if you find yourself faced with this problem.
Do people get divorced because neither of them wants to be responsible for emptying the bins?
Sometimes, when one spouse finds they are landed with all the unpleasant jobs, the end result could be divorce.
(9a Pause to look at screen). In families people sometimes feel they have put more in than other family members.
The question is, should people give to give their families only as much love as they feel they have received?
You might join a leisure or some other club for the pleasure you “get out of it”, but should people treat a marriage or belonging to a church in that Way?
People increasingly these days want to belong to something for what they can get out of it, and not for what they can give to it. Unconsciously, maybe, they think, “Will I get more out of this than I give to it?”
This attitude is acceptable for some situations, but not in others such as marriage, and parenthood.
And what about in the church. The church is said to be the only organisation that exists primarily for the benefit of non members.
People do start attending a church for only what they can receive from going. It may be friendship, they may enjoy the music. Many people attend a church, and actually feel they belong to it, before coming to faith. Sometimes those unsure of what they believe start giving more back to the church than those who have made a commitment to belong to Christ.
Once you have accepted Christ, you belong to Him, and this belonging comes with a massive gift – forgiveness.
(10) Romans 8:1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.
God blesses those who belong.
(10b) Ephesians 1:3 How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has BLESSED US with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ.
If you really do love Him, if you really are grateful then make sure you really do belong to him and obey him. That includes loving other Christians and belonging to a church family.
(11) Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." (John 13:35 NLT)
You can’t really love those you don’t know.
(11b) Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. (Ephesians 5:1-2 NLT)
So, how do you Love other Christians?
Loving others won’t just happen. Love is not a feeling but a decision of how to behave in each circumstance. Not a gooey feeling.
Remember there is somebody trying to make you mad, all the time. The devil certainly doesn’t want you to feel and act lovingly.
So what is love? Well love includes the following – (12)
Love is belonging.
Love is accepting unconditionally.
Love is saying you are sorry.
Love is always forgiving.
Love is submitting to others.
Love is fulfilling commitments to others.
Love is giving without expecting anything in return.
Love is more than a feeling, it's an action.
Love is never giving up on someone.
Love is a kind word.
Love is receiving, graciously.
Love is something if you give it away you end up having more of.
Show love in your relationships. When you feel grumpy counter it with a deliberate act of love, and so strengthen your relationships. Not just to family but to God and his church too.
When walking along, give God an impulsive "I love you Lord". This worship gives pleasure to God. Invest in your relationships.
Sometimes people within a church family fall out. Sometimes with the church leadership. The Bible asks us to obey to the church leadership.
(13) Hebrews 13:17 Obey your spiritual leaders and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they know they are accountable to God.
When I was licensed as a Lay Reader, I was surprised when we were led away to a small room to make promises. I had to promise to obey Duncan as his Lay Reader. I ‘d never promised to obey him as his wife!
Sometimes people have difficulty in obeying God. “We are no longer under law”, they say. Do they realise they are believing the devils lie that - God’s laws are bad for them.
Do you believe “God and his laws are bad for you”? If so repent. God is good for you. He wrote his laws for your good.
Sometimes people within the church congregation fall out with one another.
If you do fall out with another member of the church family, I suggest you try replacing your name, and the name of the person you have fallen out with in this verse from Philippians -
(14) Philippians 4:2 And now I want to plead with those two women, Euodia {You O Dear} and Syntyche {Sin Tie Chee}. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement.
I bet ‘they’ will be really embarrassed having had their names in the Bible for 2000 years do far, for arguing.
But to grow more spiritually mature you can’t just sit quietly in a service and go home without speaking to an other member of the church family. It may prevent arguments but it isn’t what “love for one another” in (John 13:35) is all about.
Rick Warren in chapter 17 Purpose Driven Life suggests, we are commanded to love, pray for, encourage, serve, admonish, greet, teach, accept, honour, forgive, submit to, and bear the burden’s of each others.
Sometimes the church is accused of ignoring its members sin. Other times of being intolerant when the Bible says something is wrong, and society disagrees.
(15) We are not responsible for one another’s action but are responsible to them, to help them. The Bible says in Hebrew 3.13 that we must WARN one another. Note the word is WARN, and not ACCUSE.
Getting the balance right between causing serious offence, and a gentle inquiry into a person’s belief and actions, is not easy. The best person to do this is either a close, diplomatic friend or someone appointed by the church.
(16) It is to the leader of the church, Timothy that Paul says
2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favourable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching
Also remember Col 3.13
(17) You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:13 NLT)
If something goes wrong within a community, we seem to want to find someone to blame. It must be somebody’s fault. Who can I blame. Non of us want to take the blame personally or collectively. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent. This church is financially challenged. Who are you blaming for that? Who do you expect to put it right?
Are there people you have difficulty forgiving?
If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded to forgive quickly. But note, you are not expected to trust immediately, or expected to let them continue hurting you.
There is a difference between trust and forgiveness –
Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Forgiveness must be immediate. Trust has to do with future behaviour. Trust is re-built over time.
(18) When I was pregnant with my first daughter Clara we attended the church where Duncan’s father was churchwarden. I was a member of the Mother’s Union but at 25 I was younger than everyone else by about 30 years, and I had no friends outside the family.
With 10 weeks to go before the expected birth of our first child I was admitted into intensive care at the hospital. I left when our daughter was two weeks old, still seriously ill.
During those months, I had only one visit from the church. The vicar visited me for half an hour, during my stay in hospital. He obviously didn’t know what to say.
Where were the other 100 members of the church, Where were the flowers, and cards? Actually I didn’t expect them, because I hadn’t then been taught by word or example that church was family.
(18b) Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (from today’s passage Galatians 6:2 NLT)
Duncan has spoken about the nightmare day we had leaving our home in Staffordshire Moorlands. But that is also a day when I found Christian friends a real help, and comfort. One lady who came to our help when we phoned on that day, had been in the same home group as us, another was in my husband’s music group, another was from my sister-in-laws church where I had helped to start a dance group.
It is at times like that when you can really appreciate being part of a small Christian group.
As a church congregation is like a large extended family. You can’t get to know everyone well.
You need to belong to a small Christian group within a church. Like a real group, prayer group; any small group, even the church badminton club. People who you can gradually build up a relationship with.
A group where you can share your personal feelings, hurts and worries. Where, like in any family, you may fall out, and have to learn to say sorry, and forgive. But where you are listened to sympathetically, and learn together more about how to be a member of a Christian family.
It is in times of crisis, grief, and doubt that we need each other most. Times so bad that our faith may falter.
We won’t be able to share at such times without first learning to belong, build, serve, and grow, special loving, Christian relationships in our the church family.
(19) So in the words of today’s passage verse 9 -
So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (Galatians 6:9 NLT)