Do not murder!     July 6th 2003     Linda Hood

I could murder a cup of tea!

She’s got a figure to kill for!

We have all probably said something like that, without having any intention of actually killing anybody.  But in this age, when most children are reckoned to have witnessed thousands of murders on film or television before they are 10 years old, the issue of what we think about killing is very real.

Firstly, as my father used to say, there’s more than one way to skin a rabbit.  We’ve just seen demonstrated in the sketch that killing someone does not have to be a physical act.  We think of killing as a violent thing, but it does not have to be – we can kill someone’s soul rather than their body.  How do we do this?  By the things we say.

If I asked you to put up your hand if you have never been hurt by something that has been said to you, I suspect I wouldn’t need many fingers to count on.  Most of us have felt wounded, knocked down, damaged by things that people have said.  They may not have intended to hurt us, but that is the effect of their words.  James wrote, “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it can corrupt the whole person.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”  It doesn’t take many words, of criticism or complaint or accusation, to make us feel devalued, worthless or hopeless.  Sometimes it may even be just a look – and we crumble inside.

Do you know that feeling?  Have you ever felt as though someone has physically stabbed you by their words?  Or that everything you hoped for has just been wiped out?  That what was precious to you has been trampled on by what has just been said?  Then you will know what it feels like to face death.

I ask you to consider, therefore, how you speak to each other.  We must be aware of the effect that our words may have on the hearer.  Our intention may be loving and pure, but our words may come over as harsh or critical.  Do we want to hurt each other?  To damage confidence and destroy trust?  No?  Then we must be careful how we speak.  Our words have the power to bring life or death to the one who hears.  Do we build up, encourage and strengthen, or do we damage, knock down and trample underfoot?  The choice is ours.  It is our responsibility to ensure that the words we speak bring life to others.

“But I’ve never killed anybody,” you may say.  “I’m always careful to look after people.  I wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

So what did Jesus say in Matthew’s Gospel about our attitude to other people?  The reading said, if you kill someone, you deserve to be punished – but don’t forget that anyone who is angry with his brother also deserves punishment.

Anger is not necessarily a bad response.  Anger may be the right response – for example, if your most basic needs are not met you may rightly be angry.

I was a very angry child and teenager.  I remember reacting with rage to some people, who may not have actually done or said anything terribly wrong, but they triggered the rise of anger in me.  Only recently have I realised what caused my anger in the first place – it dated back to when I was very young, about 2, and I had to spend some time in a children’s home because my mother was in hospital.  I felt abandoned – but I wasn’t allowed to express that.  “Big girls don’t cry!”  My basic need for belonging, for love and comfort, was not being met, but I couldn’t do anything about it.  So it came out in anger – not necessarily directed at my parents, although they suffered it, but at anyone who triggered in me bad feelings of any sort.  Anger is the response of being hurt or not having your basic needs met – it is a cry for help.  And until the needs have been addressed it is no good trying to get rid of the anger, as it is a symptom not a cause.

But anger always needs to be managed if it is not to be destructive.

Notice, I’m not saying – and Jesus wasn’t either in Matthew chapter 5 – that being angry is the same as murder.  The Bible makes it clear that anger can lead to sin – that is what we need to recognise, not that anger in itself is murder.  But I daresay you have seen people, if not yourself, who are angry enough to strike out and hurt others.  Anger is difficult to control.  I can think of countless times I have wanted to or actually done some harm to those who have hurt me.  It may not be physical but verbal damage, but nevertheless it causes harm.  And how often we are quickly ashamed of what we have done (or felt), and regret it.  But the deed is done, and we can’t take it back.  The effect of anger is to damage relationships.

And sometimes it may lead to expressing that anger in a physical way – perhaps by hitting out, perhaps by turning away and refusing to communicate, which can be equally painful.  Losing your temper is just what it says – a loss.  We never gain by losing it!  But that can be our reaction to being hurt first, or to an injustice done to us, or to a word of criticism which destroys our confidence.

On the other hand, some people don’t turn their anger outwards but inwards – and then they damage themselves.  We talk about people who are eaten up by bitterness.  It destroys our trust in others, it makes us want to cut ourselves off – and again, we only lose.  We lose our health and our wholeness – our “shalom” - when we keep our bad feelings bottled up inside.

The key to dealing with this sort of anger is to recognise it, acknowledge it, take time to understand it and then express it safely.  We need to admit to ourselves that we feel angry before we vent that anger on some poor unsuspecting friend!  If we can see why we feel angry, we are part way to dealing with it.  If we refuse to consider our motives and to think about why things affect us in that way, we are likely to continue to suffer.  Perhaps that is why the old advice to “count to 10” is so wise!  “Speak in haste – repent at leisure!”  James wrote, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”  We need to be sure that we are in control of our tongue or our hands before we respond to whatever has caused us pain. 

And, there will be pain.  And pain is not necessarily wrong.  God was pained by things that happened.  There are 375 references in the Bible to God being angry.  He responded to injustice by being angry.  He saw hypocrisy and was angry.  So anger in itself is not a sin.  In fact, if people through the ages had not got angry at injustice we would still have slavery, and women would be treated as having no value, and prisons would be hell-holes.  Anger, if used properly, can achieve change for the better.

The Bible teaches us that we should sort out our anger.  The Bible reading told us that we may be angry with someone, but it is our duty to put it right – in fact, we can’t worship the God of peace if there is no peace in our heart because of a damaged relationship.  We must try to restore what has been hurt, as far as it lies within us to do.  If we have hurt our brother, even unwittingly, we can’t worship God until it is put right.  “Leave your offering at the altar and go and be reconciled – then come to worship”.  Have I made someone angry?  Then I must try to put it right.  Have I hurt someone by what I have done or said?  Then I need to repair the damage. 

Alternatively, if someone has hurt me, I must forgive.  If I continue to hold something against them, I am feeding the hurt, helping it to grow bigger and stronger, when according to Jesus I should starve it to death.  Many years ago, I was given some excellent advice which I still try to follow and teach others to do likewise.  If anyone hurts you, pray for God to bless them.  The bigger the hurt, the more blessing you should ask God to pour out on them.  If I do that, it changes my heart towards them.  How can I curse the one who God is blessing?  I find that by asking God to work in a person’s life I end up feeling better – the hatred and hurt can be washed away by seeing more of the heart of God towards people.  It isn’t easy – but it is the only way to be at peace with God and my brothers and sisters.

The point of what Jesus said is that anger, if it is not recognised and dealt with and controlled, will lead to murder.  And murder is a denial of the preciousness of the one we kill, whether in body or soul.

That is why I believe God’s heart is saddened by our society today which does not value life highly.  Our society accepts abortion – the destruction of a new life, the loss not only of potential but of the gift of life itself in a new human being.  Our society allows the nation’s children to watch films and television programmes which glorify violence and death, with no thought for the loss which death brings.  Our society is prepared to consider whether to legalise euthanasia, the wilful killing of those who no longer seem to serve any purpose in our society.  How does the creator feel about others taking the life of one of those He has made?  I’m sure God weeps at the attitude that says, “Your life is not important.

Do we realise just how valuable each one of us is to God?  He created each one of us totally unique.  There is no other person in the universe, nor ever will be, with exactly the same combination of hair colour and smile and talents and handwriting and tastes in food and music.  No one else in the whole universe could replace you perfectly.  If you weren’t here, the world would be deprived of a unique presence.  And that is why murder is wrong.  Each person is made in the image of God.  The breath of life is given – and taken away – by God.  The very essence of God-ness is relationship – Father, Son and Holy Spirit – and we are made to be a reflection of that on earth.  God’s plan for us is to live in community with one another, where each person is valued for who they are, and their contribution to the community is recognised as unique and special.  Life is very precious – and we are to make sure that by our words, our deeds or even our attitudes, we do not destroy the life that God has given.