From: RussellB Newsgroups: alt.tv.real-world,alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk,alt.writing,alt.fan.karl-malden.nose Subject: Re: THE SARTRE PART WAS FUNNY, YOU MORON Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2001 22:31:15 -0800 Organization: Defects In A Defect's Mirror Lines: 170 Message-ID: <99493n$j59$2@intimidator.databasix.com> References: <3ab43ee9.6640157@news.we.mediaone.net> <991g7h$n0j$2@intimidator.databasix.com> <3ab45e9c.253667@news.we.mediaone.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: intimidator.databasix.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.8/32.548 The "Man" Can't Bust oops@oopsmail.com (Conception Rodriguez): >On Sat, 17 Mar 2001 21:14:22 -0800, RussellB > wrote: > >>The "Man" Can't Bust oops@oopsmail.com (Conception Rodriguez): >> >>>Subject: THE SARTRE PART WAS FUNNY, YOU MORON >> >>No, it wasn't. >> >>You appear to suffer from the same problem that makes Dennis Miller such a >>painfully unfunny cunt, i.e. you think that dropping the names of authors >>and philosophers into your "rap" is somehow witty or clever. It isn't, >>unless you cite or allude to something that a specific person said or wrote >>that, in juxtaposition to the thing you're talking about, is absurd or >>ironic. >> >>In future, please do not resort to this sort of pretentious and >>intellectually lazy flimflammery, especially if you intend to make a habit >>of ordering people to be more interesting and funny. Thank you. >> >>Sincerely, >>Russell B > >The horror of being compared to Dennis Miller is beyond expression. >You are a dead man. Oh, the truth just stings, doesn't it? Don't shoot the messenger, "Conception Rodriguez." I'm too pretty to shoot. http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/gauguin/gauguin.loulou.jpg >ps. Since when are you the judge of what can be deemed witty or >clever?? Further, by your own idiotic standards, my Sartre reference >was in fact fucking hilarious, since it is inarguably absurd and >ironic fo speak of this chat room and Sartre in the same breath. No, it was just pretentious. To speak knowledgeably and appositely of Sartre in discussing this "chat room" might have been "fucking hilarious" had you done it cleverly; but we'll never know, because you didn't. All you did was drop his name like some coffeehouse phony hoping to be overheard and admired by college chicks with cute flippy haircuts. > And >plus, you haven't proved that you know the quote I was referring to >(ending here with a preposition and proud of it) I haven't the faintest idea which Sartre quote you were referring to, because you didn't quote it, or hint at it. Look, I'm a nice guy. I don't want to hurt you; I want to help you. If that is going to be your schtick--randomly spewing the names of writers and historical figures to show all and sundry how well-educated you are--I would like to make your job easier. I have prepared for you an Instant Pretentious "Joke" Generator, quite similar to the one that your hero Mr. Miller uses. Now, mind you, this is just something I'm tinkering with, so it only does similes at the moment. Still, it should save you a great deal of time, and win you lots and lots of points for "hipness" with the duller readers of this group. Would you like to see it now? Well, allrighty then: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- INSTANT PRETENTIOUS "JOKE" GENERATOR By Russell B HOW TO USE: It's very simple. Every time you want to turn a simple declarative statement into a "witty" "observation," pick at random one selection from the "NAME" column and one selection from the "SITUATION OR STATE OF ALTERED CONSCIOUSNESS" column. Then craft your sentence in the form "(Subject) (Verb) (Object) like (NAME) (SITUATION OR STATE OF ALTERED CONSCIOUSNESS)." ___________________________________________________________________________ | NAME | SITUATION OR STATE OF ALTERED CONSCIOUSNESS | |_________________________|_______________________________________________| | | | | Arthur Rimbaud | On crystal meth | | | | | | | | Albert Camus | On psilocybin | | | | | | | | Madeline Murray O'Hare | After six bottles of Night Train | | | | | | | | Amiri Baraka | On ecstasy | | | | | | | | Robert Anton Wilson | In a sensory deprivation chamber | | | | | | | | William S. Burroughs | On crack | | | | | | | | Richard Feynman | At the headquarters of the New York Review of | | | Books with a trenchcoat and an Uzi | | | | | Anthony Burgess | On acid | | | | | | | | Franz Fanon | Drunk on three beers in an Arizona motel room | | | | | | | | John Cage | With a time machine and a vial of amyl | | | | | | | | B.F. Skinner | Gulping morning glory seeds in a hot tub at | | | Esalen with Baba Ram Dass | | | | | Paul Verlaine | On PCP | | | | | | | | Friederich Nietzche | In a Guatemalan whorehouse with a copy of | | | "Atlas Shrugged" | | | | | Christopher Hitchens | On heroin | | | | | | | | C.S. Lewis | On a Mexican train with a jar of crosstop | | | Benzedrine tablets and a rubber dildo | | | | |_________________________|_______________________________________________| EXAMPLE: "The St. Louis Rams ran their offense like Arthur Rimbaud on a Mexican train with a jar of crosstop Benzedrine tablets and a rubber dildo!" It's easy *and* fun! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- There now. I know it may feel like cheating to use this thing, as it's practically effortless--but then, you're not putting a whole lot of effort into your posts *now*, are you? I bid you use it in good health, Conception, and without regret. Hmm? Oh, you're welcome. Sincerely, Russell B