From: Phoenix Newsgroups: alt.christnet.second-coming.real-soon-now,alt.astrology.metapsych,alt.usenet.kooks,alt.atheism,alt.astrology,alt.slack.sputum,alt.fan.karl-malden.nose,alt.flame,alt.romath Subject: DEBATE: Ed Wollmann vs Dore Williamson Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 23:09:08 -0600 Organization: The People's Democratic Republic (read: ULTRA RIGHT/LEFT-WING MILITARY DICTATORSHIP FEATURING UNSHAVEN OFFICERS IN GREEN UNIFORMS WITH THOSE SILLY-LOOKING UPSWEPT POLICE HATS WITH GREAT BIG SCARY EMBLEMS ON THE FRONT, WHO CARRY AUTOMATIC RIFLES AND REALLY, REALLY HATE VISITORS *ESPECIALLY YOU*) of [your nation here] Lines: 235 Approved: Meow Message-ID: <8tgbg3$hrl$1@oliveloaf.databasix.com> References: <8rfep6$ujq$1@nnrp1.deja.com> <8rgq5u$54r$1@nnrp1.deja.com> <0w6D5.20618$XV.1076423@nntp3.onemain.com> <8s569k$n90$3@m3t00.databasix.com> <39E9BAF6.FB1E300B@hotmail.com> <39FB5AD9.F163457C@gotcha.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: oliveloaf.databasix.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Mail-Copies-To: nobody X-No-Archive: Yes X-No-Achieve: No X-Complaints-To: My upthrust middle finger X-Why: Z Blah-Blah-Blah: Yakkety Shmakkety X-Marks: The Spot X-No-Shit: Duh X-Tra: Read All About It X-Planet: If you follow Planets A, B, C...you should get to Planet X X-Slack: $1 to "Bob" PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214 X-No-Cabal: Long Live The Cabal A-B: C X-Cuse: Whatever It Is, I Didn't Do It X-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Meow: Meow X-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Meow-Meow-Meow: Meow X-Woof: Meow X-Compliments-To: Chef X-Card-Carrying-Member: CJ3's NetScum List, Thee Bluelist, The Brownlist, Skidmark's NetScum List, Wollmann's Propaganda List, one of the few and proud removed from the Cyberpromo mailing list, Archimedes Plutonium's 6 Most Wanted Disapproved: Your girlfriend for spending too much time reading posts like this X-Kooks: http://www.plonk.com X-Kook-Of-The-Month: Kenneth Pangborn X-Futility: Thy name is Missouri FreeNet, wasting thy space by archiving this post X-End-Times: Catcher Brent Mayne, WP in 12 Innings, August 22, 2000 X-It: Stage Left E=MC: 2 X-Disclaimer: Whatever it is, I didn't do it X-Lax: Security ain't what it used to be X-Gutterball: Edmond Heinz Wollmann X-Human-Rights: Overrated. Use that semiautomatic X-RIP: Mojave Phone Booth, 760-733-9969 X-Bad-Andy: Good Pizza X-Html-LART:

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 User-Agent: YA-NewsWatcher/4.2.6 BD: We are gathered here tonight at the South Park Town Hall for this final out-kookery debate of the Kook election year. Let me introduce our contestants: Edmond Heinz Wollmann, vs Dore Williamson. I will be your moderator for this evening. Contestants, your opening statements please. Ed: We create our experiential reality through our beliefs. The path to eternal salvation is entirely in your hands as long as you buy my book and pay for my services to lead you along the correct astrological path to self-empowerment. DW: GOD creates your reality. The path to eternal salvation rests in following Christ, and walking in the path of righteousness by pleasing ME. BD: Now, you two seem to have a significant difference of position on eternal salvation. This seems like a good topic to begin our debate. Why are your positions so different? Ed: It's simple. I'm right, she's wrong. DW: No, GOD is right, WOLLMANN is wrong. Since I am the fourth part of the trinity that makes me RIGHT. How DARE you defy the teachings of your LORD AND SAVIOR, Mr. Wollmann! BD: Your respon- Ed: FU asshole. I'll take up more time just because you said that. DW: Your use of profanity indicates your heart is truly not of God. I am here to separate the goats from the sheep, and YOU Mr. Wollmann are NOT among the righteous. BD: That's a pretty harsh condemnation, Ms. Williamson. Do you have a rebuttal, Mr. Wollmann? Ed: Ms. Williamson could very well be a rich bitch I have pissed off. There have been a few you know. DW: That is because YOU defy the word of the LORD your GOD. But I'm not here for your salvation anyway, Mr. Wollmann. I'm here to judge you. Ed: Got a problem with it Dore? Deepsix me bitch! BD: ORDER! ORDER! ORDER! On to our next topic: your sex lives. What are your responses on that question. Ms. Williamson? DW: I am a virgin. Sexual behavior is something that happens when the evil lust demons get the best of you and seduce you into doing their EVIL WILL. BD: Mr. Wollmann, do you agree with Ms. Williamson's position that there are evil lust demons in this world? Ed: You can buy demons in any store. BD: Fair enough- Ed: They're right next to the aliens. BD: Um, yes. Do you agree with her response regarding sexual behavior? Ed: She gave me nothing. I on the other hand gave her a nice pair of tweety bird panties, a nice silk get up, and a camping trip out to look at the real star of Orion. There was not even time for masturbation! DW: YOU LIAR! You know very well what happened. I've had some of the best sex and YOU were NOT IT! BD: Um, didn't you just say you were a virgin, Ms- Ed: I'm taking up the rest of her time and all of mine because what I have to say is more important. It's YOUR VENGEANCE SEEKING OVERGROWN 5 year old that is wrecking this forum you spoiled abuse arrogant brat. All because you have to go out and get revenge for your inability to handle your own life, and keep your legs closed. GET OUT. Or talk astrology. BD: Um, yes, but, Ms. Williamson, about your virginity- DW: I am a virgin. I've had great sex and once hit 28 orgasms in one setting before I blacked out (I was shooting for the record in NJ) but since I repented for my sins I was purified and am now a virgin. Since I went through all that great sex and then threw off those lust demons I'm more righteous now than a girl who's been waiting for her husband for 30 years. BD: Uh.....yeah. Okay now, switching over. Has either of you ever committed a crime? DW: I am God. I have never committed any crime. The rest shall be judged by me in my eternal courts of law. BD: Fair enough. Mr. Wollmann? Ed: Tell me people what court would find me guilty of ANYthing? BD: I dunno, Mr. Wollmann. It seems you were convicted in San Diego of riding your '78 motorcycle on top of the railroad tracks attempting to out-chicken an Amtrak superliner. Ed: Off-topic. BD: What do you mean, off-topic? I'M THE MODERATOR! Ed: IRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEELLLLLEEEEVANNNNNTTTTTTT!!!! BD: ORDER! ORDER! NOW LISTEN HERE, MR- Ed: WRONG! YOU, are ---OFF TOPIC--- and your days of denigrating people by calling them Kooks when they expose your control freakishness is OVER, moderator!!!! BD: You're losing it, Ed. Ed: Losing WHAT you fucking idiot?!! YOU'VE lost it! BD: Whatever you say, Ed. Now Ms. Williamson, since you take the position you have committed no crime, and since you think you're God, can you tell us what Ed has done wrong? DW: That doesn't matter. BD: What do you mean it DOESN'T MATTER? Don't people's misdeeds matter to GOD?!! DW: Yes, they do, except when being done to test your Lord like you are doing now. BD: Of course I'm asking questions to test you. That's what debates are all about! DW: I am here to separate the goats from the sheep, and I don't see you on all-fours going "BAA-A". BD: Thank God. Ed: I have committed no crime. I have had a life of more adventure than any of YOU will ever live though. I flipped my mustang end over end into a ditch in NM and killed my best friend (I grew up with) who was a passenger. Man what a rush! DW: Your lack of remorse for killing your friend puts you solidly on the path of the EVIL ONE, Wollmann. Prepare yourself to be judged! Ed: What the fuck are you talking about drug addict? Are you ODing again on them? GET OUT- if you think I'll ever let go of your ass you've got another thing coming! DW: I am here for the judgment of people. YOU will be JUDGED along with the rest of you. It is the WILL of the LORD YOUR GOD. BD: Wow. That's some pretty heavy language from your opponent, Mr. Wollmann. Your response to Ms. Williamson? Ed: You haven't said anything but bullshit- the difference between me and you, idiot, is that I can get in a bar brawl (I was a hoodlum biker for years), down a 5th of Tequila, kick the fuck out of you, talk like this- AND STILL say something of value, counsel persons and meditate on nature, and do a piece of art to find center. You see I've been thee done that- I CHOOSE to do this now. Now who's the fucking bully asshole? BD: Equally heavy response! Your rebuttal, Ms. Williamson? DW: So much for civilized debate, Mr. Wollmann. You not only won't talk about your primitive superstition, you are so delusional you won't even recognize God when you see her. Ed: Demons, aliens, whatever. Get on them Dore! You lousy astrologer! Your master calls to you! BOW!! Come to ME and I will give YOU a masters course!!!! GET OUT- DW: I am taking up the rest of his time and all of mine because I am God. Yes, I AM the returned Redeemer, Christ and GOD! BD: But I thought you said you were the 4th part of the trinity, Ms. Williamson. How the fsck can you be two of the other parts too? DW: Questions to test God are inconsequential. And since you spew profanity your heart is not of God either, and you are therefore worthless. BD: And We Thank You For Your Support. Now, both of you are well-known posters on Usenet. Any book deals in the future? DW: I already have the best-seller in the universe, the Bible. I sell it from the biggest bookstore in the universe. It's easy since that's in my apartment. BD: How do you have the room for that? DW: It's the biggest apartment in the universe, where many come to ask me to get on the phone to God. BD: But why would you need a phone? ARE you God or AREN'T YOU? DW: You worthless, pitiful little man. BD. Riiiiight. Your answer to this topic, Mr. Wollmann? Ed: Dore is WRONG! -I- have the best-seller in the universe! And right now I am writing the next 20 volumes of the Astrological Guide to Self-Empowerment. I have even received letters from confused readers who have purchased my text and were baffled. BD: Mr. Wollmann, your closing remarks. Ed: Obviously -I- won. I was prepared to defeat either side of the delusional coin she decided to hang her inefficient hat on. BD: Ms. Williamson, your closing remarks. DW: I can't believe I'm losing to this guy. BD: Very well! Folks, tune in next election season for another debate of your top net.kook contestants! -- Don't want to turn out like me? Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.