I bought a new rod in a shop, It was carbon with a nice bendy top, On the very first day, A carp had it away, And all I heard was the plop!
SPOTTED ROACH
Fishing with my mate Fred Brummel, I spotted some roach up a tunnel, I said to Fred, “Chuck in some bread, Not all’ll come out but some’ll”
ZANDER AL FRITO
I got told by a female zander, Just after I had managed to land her, “You’re as ugly as sin” Then she bit my chin, So I fried her that night on the veranda.
POOFY THE PERCH
There once was a perch called Fred, Who was born with two horns on his head, His mates called him deer, So he thought them all queer, And invited them back to his bed.
HALF DEAD FRED
A man called Freddie O’Neil Had skin like tangerine peel, His friend said, “Fred, You look ‘arf dead, And I don’t care for that, a great deal.”
HIP - HIP - PHEW
Hooray Henry was ever so posh, And was loaded with plenty of dosh, But his friends ran like hell, From the terrible smell,
Five line limericks are the fast food of poetry. They are the ‘beans on toast’ of lyricism. They attract great humour and afford gratuitous composition and attract forgivable lewdness. Here are some examples.
THE JOLLY SAILOR
There was a young man called Frank, Who built a boat from a water tank, He launched it at sea At half past three, And by four O’clock it had sank.
WHAT A PERFORMER
A pianist I knew called Fred Scroat, Couldn’t read a solitary note, So he played by ear, While gargling beer, And humming the tune through his throat.
THE LADY P.C.
Whilst being body searched by a cop, At the bottom as well as the top, The cop got the niggles, When Bert got the giggles, And said to the cop, “Don’t stop.”
AWE WICKED
LIMERICK CORNER Send in your limericks and have them posted here
