Why Not Try?

Here's the 'Why Not Try' list from episode five of This Morning With Richard Not Judy. It was sent in to Rich and Stew by Robert Greenwood. On screen the list only reached down to the 'worldly-wise and lovable cockney character' Why Not Try, but here is the list in full. Thanks to Robert for sending the list to me.

Why not try pretending to be the local Lord of the Manor, get some girl (or girls) pregnant, then threaten them that unless they keep quiet, they will surely lose their job? Why not try taking time off sick? Why not try never having heard of Miss Saigon? Why not try pretending not to know who Natalie Imbruglia is? Why not try sending a slightly crumpled copy of this week's "Take a Break" magazine to a bookbinders' for repair and subsequent rebinding in vellum with gold lettering on the spine? Why not try presenting your old toilet paper rolls to the British Museum as a treasure for the nation? Why not try calling the President Bill Clinton "pet"? Why not try not collecting your wages, getting a written warning for it, and remaining inscrutable as to the reason why? Why not try ordering your dinner in a silly French accent, and your pudding in a silly German Nazi accent? Why not try saying "keep the change, baby" to the lady in the newsagent's? Why not try casting your fate to the wind, and your bread upon the waters? Why not try building a bridge over troubled water? Why not try taking someone by the hand and leading them through the streets of London to show them something to make them change their mind? Why not try inventing someone who worked in your office when you started 14 years ago but left before any of your present colleagues started, and reminisce about the jolly japes and capers they got up to, making everyone else wish they had known him as well? Why not try telling everyone that you are lonely and that for you the sun don't shine? Why not try looking into the middle distance and rubbing your lower lip? Why not try asking around? Why not try making a go of it? Why not try catching in the rye? Why not try being a worldly-wise and lovable cockney character who knows more than he's letting on, know what I mean? Why not try marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus going on before? Why not try being there for me, no matter what? Why not try going into your local library, going up to the librarian at the main reception desk and saying in a very loud voice: "I bet you read lots of books, don't you?" Why not try airlifting an enormous emergency consignment of Haribo sweets to feed the Eskimos? Why not try telling everyone that Helen Shapiro is your big sister? Why not try drawing a picture of a tank? Why not try putting your life savings into opening a Paul and Barry Ryan theme park? Why not try telling your headmaster that your dad was reported missing in action during the last few weeks of the Korean War and that, therefore, you would like to be excused from attending the traditional Armistice Day school assembly as that day is a particularly poignant occasion for you when you would rather be alone with your thoughts, then, when he gives you permission not to attend, go into town and mooch around the local shopping precinct with just 8p in your pocket and kill time until you have to go back to school by looking at the yachting magazines in WH Smith's? Why not try telling everyone that Big Ron off Eastenders has won £500,000 on the Lottery and gone to live in Spain, when he's actually dead? Why not try telling Tony Bullimore he's a twat?