The hobbies of Simon Quinlank
Hello!
I am Simon Quinlank. You may know me by my hobbies, for I am not a hobby horse NO!
I am a hobby lion or a hobby blue-whale for I am lord of the hobby animal kingdom and not just a horse which is RUBBISH.
I am here with another hobby - Oh yes! I am far from having exhausted my supply of hobbies I can tell you.
SO! If you have begun to get bored or annoyed by me then that is bad luck for I will be here for some time to come yet I can tell you Amy Kirkwood of Halifax HaAhaha!
This weeks hobby is an excellent hobby, because unlike the majority of hobbies it is one that can only be done under the cloak of night. Thus giving you a hobby to do when many less serious hobby practitioners will be safely tucked up in bed like BABIES.
What you will need for this hobby.
A telescope or strong pair of binoculars.
A notebook and pencil.
A flask of weak lemon drink.
And a set of dark clothing and a balaclava helmet to hide your face so that you will not be recognised AhahahhAH!
A traditional hobby which BORING people like Neil Pettark think is good is star gazing. However! They are wrong to like it! Stars are DULL and are always the same and if it is cloudy then the stargazer will have a wasted hobby night.
My hobby incorporates the same telescope-based skills but is much more interesting. This hobby is Bra-gazing.
What you must do.
Select a house in which you know at LEAST one female OR transvestite man lives. Then hide yourself and your telescope in their garden and wait.
Some people bra-gaze during the day by waiting for a woman OR transvestite man to do their washing and then looking at their bras on the washing line. However! This is NOT the right way to bra-gaze because it is impossible to see the size OR shape of a damp bra hanging on a line and you do not need a telescope.
[FX: Night noises]
Wait until your chosen woman OR transvestite is going to bed and taking off their clothes and then use your telescope to look through a chink in the curtains and look at their bra.
Note the make, colour and approximate size of the bra in your notebook and draw a picture of it as well. Ah! Tonight's bra is a grey Gossard 44D.
Then drink your weak lemon drink! Drink it down in one in celebration of your success!
[FX: swallowing sounds]
MAN'S VOICE: Oi you! What are you doing?
[FX: choking sounds]
Oh dear! For some reason, some men do not like it if they see you looking at their almost bare wives through a telescope!
MAN'S VOICE: Are you looking at my wife!?
NO you IDIOT! I'm looking at her bra!
MAN'S VOICE: You pervert!
Oh ow! Du!
[FX: Slapping sounds]
Oh my cranium!
No! You do not understand! This is my hobby!
MAN'S VOICE: I'll hobby you mate!
Oh no! No! look you see! I have drawn a picture of your wife's bra here look! Y-you should be proud! It is one of the biggest bra's I have ever seen!
MANS VOICE: You dirty little..!
Aaargh! No! Do not gouge my eye or Arragh OW! OH! My..
(Fades out) Despite the inherent dangers of this hobby, it is still a GOOD hobby and it is much better than stargazing! Stars are ALWAYS exactly the same whereas the bras, even of the same woman OR transvestite man change daily.
ALSO, because of the distance the starlight has had to travel, many of the stars you see in the sky have long since exploded and died whereas the bras are REAL and definitely still here today.
AND there are only a finite number of stars to look at but there are INFINITY bras to see and new ones are being made every day!
PLUS! Bra-gazing gives you a fair idea of what the women OR transvestite men might look like if they were bare.
(Pause)
That isn't why I do it though...
Do your hobbies!
Do them!!
DOOOO THEM!
DO YOUR HOBBIES!!
Return to Simon Quinlank's Hobby Page.