You could name a star - for a fee. Don't you know that there are more stars in the heavens than there are grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world? Now that's special!
Just think how much you could make if you had a bucket of sand and gave every grain a name - and people gave you money for each one you named.
You could buy your beloved an acre of the Moon, or Venus, or Mars. Do you know where Venus is tonight? Of course not! What kind of a present is that to give to the light of your life?
You can do this today either over the internet or from a major UK newsagent chain.
If you want to go just that little bit further into the twilight zone then you could do worse than to buy your dear one a place on the Sun. That's right, on the Sun.
Don't believe it? Then read on and be amazed!
I have claimed exclusive rights to the surface of the Sun. A.N.Other has claimed rights to the surface of the Moon, Venus, Mars and Io, and is now selling them to the Great British public, for a modest fee.
True? Yes!
Legal? Yes!
Sadly, I cannot bring myself to give him any free publicity, but a few minutes with a search engine (moon+estates in google should do it) may convince you that this is - genuinely - true.
However, he does not claim to own the surface of the Sun, and a search of the internet in May 2001 did not reveal anyone else claiming to own the surface of the Sun either. I hereby stake my claim to the surface of the Sun by putting this page into the public domain on the internet. This makes it accessible to the United Nations, and the U.S., Russian, Chinese, British and French governments, and anyone else who wants to read it. If anyone disputes this and claim that they own the surface of the Sun then I would like to see proof that they have a prior claim to mine.
If you would like to share my good fortune and claim your own estate on the Sun, I will be happy to give you a piece of paper, a.k.a. a solar deed (for the cost of postage only) that transfers ownership of a part of it to you. This offer is now limited to one square kilometre per person.
The technical bit. Because the surface of the Sun is fluid it is not possible to define which piece of the Sun you will actually own. (You could own a river, but the water that flows through it changes from moment to moment.) Instead, I will write on your piece of paper the latitude of a small circle parallel to the equator of the Sun. In addition there will be a width, which is the width of a band of solar surface centred on this line of latitude that will give a band whose area is at least one square kilometer. It is this band that you will own. Be warned, these bands can be very narrow - those near the equator will be less than a millimetre wide, so those of you looking to build your dream home in the sun had better look elsewhere. (How about a nice little plot on the moon? I know a chap who can do you a good deal. Honest!)
On May 11, 2001, I did actually sell three square kilometres around the north pole, three square kilometres around the south pole, three square kilometres centred on the equator, and one square kilometre centred on each of latitudes 23 1/2 degrees north and 23 1/2 degrees south. This was for real money, the grand total came to 8 pence (£0.08 sterling). This was very embarrasing. Also (apart from VAT etc) probably very legal. If not, then the court case should make interesting reading.
Cheap at twice the price, I hear you say. Perhaps, but the Sun has a surface area of 7 065 000 000 000 square kilometers. That would bring in £70 650 000 000. Very tempting, but not very nice (in my very humble opinion), and I want to get to sleep at night, hence the free gratis and for nothing price of my own deeds from now on.
On the other hand, if you actually do want to line my pockets in return for a worthless scrap of paper - sorry, open minded retail therapy view of the universe if it smells nice we can bottle it and sell it at a really high price with an even higher profit margin reality sort of thing - then I am sure we can come to some arrangement...
I can't say fairer than that, now, can I?
If you really would like a spot on the Sun, and a nice certificate, then get in touch and I might mackle something together.
But don't hold your breath...
Regards,
The Big Spot.
Solar ambassador elect. (This was proposed and carried at the first tennants' association meeting, I'm just waiting for the fancy robes to come back from the dry cleaners.)
DISCLAIMER This is a serious offer. It is done in order to highlight the perfectly legal activities of a number of people who accept money for pieces of paper on which they write the names of stars or deeds for estates on the Moon and planets. What some of them omit to tell their paying customers is that these names and deeds are not recognised by the astronomical community. Historically, and today, there are a number of groups of astronomers who name stars (in particular) for convenience. They do not do this to make money, and they do not take any money for doing this.
See http://www.iau.org/IAU/FAQ/starnames.html before giving anyone any money for any astronomical names or deeds. They are only worth the paper they are written on.
Sweet dreams...