Ghost Machine Repair Kit
	From a Future  Edition | Of The First Cause | ContraFiction | Bone | Inside | Any Questions Many Answers | Again EE Again | Ghost Machine Self-Assembly Kit| Return to Introduction |

 
                                GHOST MACHINE REPAIR KIT

                                                              I
                                        FINDING THE MATERIAL
Take image of fossil from a previous page. Research corroborative data. With the relevant 
geology to hand, and a weekend naturalist’s hammer signed Bates, in mimicry or Wallace, in 
spirit, and with a thick twine of likening, bind the blackened petrifaction to the whites of 
another’s cranium. (It need not be a friend’s but it must be human) Soak cranium/fossil for 
one dark winter in a thick metaphorical sauce, season with insult and affliction, stew in your 
own juice for seven days then rinse well and discard head. (If still in use return to owner) Do 
not leave it out on open, public view.
                                                            II
                                       PREPARING THE MATERIAL
Dig hole in back garden (it must be your own) removing any unwanted neo-Georgians or 
redundant cohorts of gnomes. Insert fossil in hole and sprinkle with dried oak leaves and a 
little, necessary affection. Mentally adjust your television and announce to anyone 
concerned/unconcerned the surprise birth of a baby/sudden end of history/ unexpected 
inheritance from Uncle Oz (whichever option preferred). Throw television from first storey 
window, tread down mixture and top with a layer of warm, sticky cement. Remember to 
draw your curtains. Say goodbye to neighbours and leave the subject to marinate for four 
seasons. Never let your dog in the garden.
                                                           III
                                           TESTING THE MATERIAL
Having pacified dog, dig up mixture from hole. Admire withered flowers and dead shrubs. 
Keeping your nose covered, atishoo, take mixture indoors. Apologise to family for methane. 
Holding at a precise angle, never more, never less, place material in oven. Turn to gas mark 4 
/ 220°C or 425°F and thank them politely, then switch on oven and run. Remember to advise 
family. If oven does not catch fire and explode within three days, the material is safe to use.
	                                               IV
		       FIXING THE MATERIAL
Take care of unwarranted metaphysics. Apply former fossil to damaged parts with a moist 
spatula. Press pages together and hold firmly for a timeless moment. With infinity to hand 
and prior to the ultimate conclusion, run bath and immerse in lukewarm water. Leave to soak 
for another chapter. Beware of artful comparisons. Avoid insidious adverbs and loose, 
available adjectives. When material stands up and proves it can talk, lead out into the 
gathered assembly.