Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 3^rd and 4^th Cats

(and the 2^nd Cat too - to keep Near-Vet Saint happy)

More highs and lows … Hepton second in Divisional Championship while The Hammer gets his first official warning 1-06-04

I signed off my last report saying 'and for The Hammer things were about to get a lot lower ' see next weeks report. Well a week can be a long time in cycling and in this particular case it has been 1 month! Nevertheless, it's time to put you out of your misery and to put The Hammer into his. But before I do we need to pay homage to a fantastic ride by Russell Hepton who bagged 2^nd spot in the vet category of the Yorkshire Division Senior RR Championships at Beckwithshaw. Russell won the divisional championship as a junior and his fellow YRC road racers are eager to learn from his experience. We're hoping that Russell will spend some of his prize money on a club jersey so that we can find him in the peloton. Alternatively, he could swap shirts with The Hammer so that The Hammer's antics are less visibly associated with YRC.

Now I am not here to pass judgement on The Hammer, but I can say that his Official Warning tells only part of the real story. It has taken many weeks to piece together fragments of evidence to get to the truth of this sordid affair. It all started when an unmarked brown envelop containing a copy of The Hammer's official warning (bottom of the page) dropped through my letter box. Attached to the official warning was a post-it with the words Nail the Hammer…..

We all know Hammer Houghton as a placid unassuming character but I can tell you that this is a facade. He becomes a raging bull during cycle races and God-help anyone who gets in his way. On the afternoon of 8/5/04 he was well and truly in the zone and ready to take on anything that came between him and breaking the hour for the 25 mile time trial on the A1. He was coming to the end of his ride and had to negotiate a nasty left turn at the T junction at the bottom of the A1 exit slip road – after which you have a 300 meter uphill slog to the chequered flag. Misjudge the T-junction and you will end up in the ditch on the opposite side of the road or on the front bonnet of a car en route to Ripon. The Hammer arrived at the T-junction with his stopwatch reading 59 minutes and he was not about to take his foot off the gas. The exact details of what happened next are a little hazy.

All I can ascertain from the race marshals was that rider 127 was in a psychotic frenzy and careering toward them at 40 mph. They told me that they feared for their lives and were shouting warnings to slow down, but it appears that The Hammer took this as encouragement to ride faster. He was like a Yorkie Tazmanian Devil reported one race official. In a last ditch attempt to slow The Hammer down, one race marshal even stepped into The Hammer's racing line, but he was promptly dispatched into a neighbouring hedge by the now (in)famous Hammer Elbow (see Report 12). Just before I passed out I saw rider 127 speeding up the wrong side of the road and about to go head-to-head with an oncoming juggernaut - recalled the marshal. Fortunately, the juggernaut swerved just in time to avoid the catastrophe.

The Hammer oblivious to the chaos around him overshot the finish and headed straight onto the A168/A19. The police finally pulled him over as he sped past the Little Chef just before the Thirsk junction and when breathalysed he was found to be 10 times over the legal limit for A1 exhaust fumes. On a happier note, the race marshals have been discharged from hospital and are making a good recovery, although they are still receiving psychological counselling. Fearful of reprisals the event secretary did not disqualify The Hammer from the race but instead awarded him a £5 cheque for being 3^rd count in the winning YRC team! However, he is still traumatised and is taking 5 grains of valium per day, but at least he has started to use joined up writing again.