Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 4th Cats

Sunderland Clarion Spring Circuit Race 1 – 8-3-04

Only the die hard (Steve ‘Hammer’ Houghton) and fool hardy (Mark ‘Wheel Sucker’ Johnson) made the long trip ‘up north’ to kick start the new Road Racing season. Sunderland Clarion Cycling Club was promoting the first of three Spring Races taking in 25 dizzy laps of the Hetton Lyons Circuit in Hetton-le-Hole. Mixing it with 1^st and 2^nd cats would be hard but to make things worse the course twisted like a rollercoaster and was littered with snow, coal dust and rabid dogs. This didn’t seem to bother the ‘rock-hard’ Geordies and Mackems who dismissed the obstacles as ‘minor hazards’ and the Yorkies as ‘southern softies’.

Consequently, scores needed to be settled as the 36 riders lined up for the start with Hammer Houghton chomping at the bit. Two pedal strokes into the race and Hammer Houghton was venting his aggression at the front of the peleton and he was so annoyed that he only relinquished this spot on the prime lap and the final bunch sprint. On the other hand, Wheel Sucker Johnson assumed his customary role of yo-yoing on and off the back of the main bunch although he did manage to dig deep on the prime lap. In his excitement, he overshot the main pack, went off the front and quickly became confused by the sight of clear tarmac ahead (something he had never seen in all his years of bunch riding). As he turned to Hammer Houghton to ask for directions, the sprinters came through and chaos ensued. Fortunately, Wheel Sucker Johnson regained his composure before the line and managed to grab fourth spot.

As the sprinters tried to recover Hammer Houghton drove the pace again but despite lung busting charges up the hill he couldn’t reduce the size of the peleton which was still 25 strong coming into the final lap. Wheel Sucker Johnson, determined not to lead out the sprint again, remained in the pack until the final twisting descent where his excess body weight helped to sling shot him into the sprinting pack. With lucrative prize money on offer Wheel Sucker Johnson managed to pick his way through the bedlam for a respectable sixth place and a £10 cash prize. Colin Ash (Cestre CC), Kevin Brennan (Dingingpon RC) and Chris Bush (Gosforth RC) claimed the first, second and third spots respectively.

The post-race post-mortem revealed that Hammer Houghton’s tactics were purely cosmetic with the intention of keeping his face clean. ‘Riders should use mudguards in wet conditions’ he snarled on his way to the washroom. Wheel Sucker Johnson refused to talk to anyone when he found out that the race did not meet the criteria for UCI points and that his cash prize only give him a 30p profit on his race entry fee.