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7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." ---------------- The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." ---------------- A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him". ---------------- A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." ---------------- One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" ---------------- The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

QUIZ SHOW BLOOPERS from http://www.jumpingjacksbar.com/dunce.html Judging by the sheer number of quiz shows on television and radio, you would think that we enjoyed nothing more than the pursuit of knowledge. But what these shows actually prove is that we are not as intelligent as we would hope.

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinskl > What is the capital of Italy Contestant > France. Trelinski > France is another country. Try again. Contestant > Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinskl > Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which countrry is the Parthenon? Contestant > Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski > Just guess a country then. Contestant > Paris.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston > Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant > Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston > There's a clue in the title. Contestant- Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK Stewart White > Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant > I don't know. White > I'll give you some clues- what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant > Arm. White > Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .? Contestant > Strong. White > Correct — and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant > Louis. White > Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant > Frank Sinatra?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman > What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? Contestant > Homosexuals. Paxman > No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson > Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what? Prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant > The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark > For £10, what is UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Contestant > Bamber Gascoigne What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant > Goosey, goosey

RICHARD AND JUDY Question > How many metres are there in a kilometre? Answer > Three.

GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter > What happened in Dallas on November 22,1963? Contestant > I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

TALKSPORT Andy Townsend > How many wheels does a tricycle have? Caller > Two. Townsend > The Beatles were known as the Fab ...? Caller > Five.

24 HOUR QUIZ (ITV) Unseen questionmaster > Who sang the song 'Je t'aime' with Jane Birkin? Two contestants > (given a choice of three answers)- Jacques Chirac.

RICHARD AND JUDY Question > Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid? Answer > Denmark.

RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) Presenter > What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners. 'Last Of The...'? Caller > Mohicans

QUIZMANIA Greg Scott > We're looking for a word that goes in front of' clock'. Contestant > Grandfather. Scott > Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else Contestant > Panda.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO I MANCHESTER) Phil > What's 11 squared? Contestant > I don't know. Phil > I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant > Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY Question > Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Answer > Forrest Gump.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? Tarrant (asking the audience) > 'Jambon' is the French for which food? Audience > 11 per cent said jam.

RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie > On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant > Er... Leslie > He makes bread... Contestant > Er... Leslie > He makes cakes... Contestant > Kipling Street?

NATION VACATION (NATION 217 TV) Presenter > Which of these is a city in Germany - Hanoi, Hanover or Hangover? Contestant > Hanoi.

Magic 52 (North-East England) Presenter > In which year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant > Erm… Presenter > Well lets put it this way .. he didn’t see 1964 Contestant > 1965?

SIMPLY THE BEST Phil Tufnell > How many Olympic games have been held? Contestant > Six Phil Tufnell > Higher! Contestant > Five.

RICHARD AND JUDY Question > What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name? Answer > Err... Question > Here's a clue- he was married to Diana. Answer > Err... Question > It begins with a 'C'. Answer > No idea.

MAGIC FM Graham Dene > What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year? Contestant > lain Duncan Smith.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) Jodie Marsh > Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word CHED and PIT. Team > Chedpit.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter > Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant > Barcelona. Presenter > I was really after the country. Contestant > I’m sorry I really don’t know any countries in Spain.

RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW Presenter > How many toes do 3 people have in total? Contestant > 23

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ Presenter > Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons? Contestant > Four.

BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1 Chris Moyles > Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 Tonnes? Contestant > Ummmmm…. Chris Moyles > It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’. Contestant > Shark

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) Jeff Owen > In which country is Mount Everest? Contestant > (long pause) > Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT) Girdler > I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter E. Contestant > Ghana.' *Girdler >* No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Contestant > New Zealand.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question > What is the world's largest continent? Contestant > The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter > Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. Contestant > Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

*THE VAULT (ITV)* Melanie Sykes > In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637? Contestant > Sydney.

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre > What as signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant > Magna Carta.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien > How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant > Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth... er... er... three?

NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes > There are three states of matter- solid, liquid and what? Contestant > Jelly.

DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM) DLT > In which European country are there people called Walloons? Contestant > Wales.

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat > How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant > (after long pause)- Fourteen days.

BRAINTEASER (CHANNEL 5) Presenter > Which literary hunchback lived in Notre Dame and fell in love with Esmeralda? Contestant > Nostradamus.

NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes > Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing... what? Contestant > Basketball.

NOUGHTS AND CROSSES QUIZ Jeff Owen > Where did the D-Day landings take place? Contestant > (after pause)- Pearl Harbor?

SEE HEAR SATURDAY (BBC2) Presenter > What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from? Contestant > Scotland.

RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2) Allinson > What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory? Contestant > (after long deliberation)- Erm, Kellogg's?

BLIND DATE (ITV) *Girl >* Name a book written by Jane Austen. Boy > Charlotte Bronte.

STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO) Steve Penk > What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state? Contestant > America?... Portugal?... Canada?... Mexico?... Italy?... Spain?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle > In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller > Japan. Searle > I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller > Er... Mexico?

THE BIG QUIZ, LBC Gary King > Who was Mary Arden's famous son? Contestant > Can I have a clue? Gary King > Yes. He was famous around the Globe. Contestant > Bill Gates.

JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND) Janlce Forsyth > What is the currency in India? Contestant > Ramadan.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Dertham > In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant > Holland? Daryl Dertham > Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant > Iceland?... Ireland? Daryl Dertham (helpfully) > It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant > No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood > What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant > Er... Wood > It's got two syllables... Kor... Contestant > Blimey? Wood > Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run... Contestant > (Silence) *Wood >* OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I... Contestant > Walked?

OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES) Owen Money > In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can. Caller > Er,… Tony Brown. and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

KELLY TODAY (ITV) Lorraine Kelly > How many days in a leap year? Contestant > 253.

THE VAULT Gabby Logan > What is the county town of Kent? Contestant > Kentish Town?

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1) Ulrika Jonsson > Who wrote Lord of the Rings? Contestant > Enid Blyton

NATIONAL LOTTERY Dale Winton > Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea > a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea? Contestant > Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO2) Wright > Johnny Weisssmuller died on this day. Which jungle swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant > Jesus.

BIG QUIZ (LBC) Gary King > Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court. Contestant > Lepers.

QUIZMANIA (ITV) Greg Scott > We're looking for an occupation beginning with T. Contestant > Doctor. Scott > No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation. Contestant > Oh, right . . . (pause) ... Doctor.

DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM) Kelly > Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? Contestant > I don't know, I need a clue. Kelly > OK. What do beans come in? Contestant > Cartons?

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter > What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant > Jewish. Presenter > That's close enough.

7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

----------------

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

----------------

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

----------------

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

----------------

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

----------------

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

QUIZ SHOW BLOOPERS

from http://www.jumpingjacksbar.com/dunce.html

Judging by the sheer number of quiz shows on television and radio, you would think that we enjoyed nothing more than the pursuit of knowledge. But what these shows actually prove is that we are not as intelligent as we would hope.

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinskl > What is the capital of Italy
Contestant > France.
Trelinski > France is another country. Try again.
Contestant > Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinskl > Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which countrry is the Parthenon?
Contestant > Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski > Just guess a country then.
Contestant > Paris.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston > Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant > Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston > There's a clue in the title. Contestant- Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White > Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant > I don't know.
White > I'll give you some clues- what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant > Arm.
White > Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
Contestant > Strong.
White > Correct — and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant > Louis.
White > Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant > Frank Sinatra?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman > What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant > Homosexuals.
Paxman > No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson > Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what? Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant > The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)

DJ Mark > For £10, what is UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Contestant > Bamber Gascoigne
What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant > Goosey, goosey

RICHARD AND JUDY

Question > How many metres are there in a kilometre?
Answer > Three.

GWR FM (Bristol)

Presenter > What happened in Dallas on November 22,1963?
Contestant > I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

TALKSPORT

Andy Townsend > How many wheels does a tricycle have?
Caller > Two.
Townsend > The Beatles were known as the Fab ...?
Caller > Five.

24 HOUR QUIZ (ITV)

Unseen questionmaster > Who sang the song 'Je t'aime' with Jane Birkin?
Two contestants > (given a choice of three answers)- Jacques Chirac.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Question > Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?
Answer > Denmark.

RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)

Presenter > What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners. 'Last Of The...'?
Caller > Mohicans

QUIZMANIA

Greg Scott > We're looking for a word that goes in front of' clock'.
Contestant > Grandfather.
Scott > Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else
Contestant > Panda.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO I MANCHESTER)

Phil > What's 11 squared?
Contestant > I don't know.
Phil > I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant > Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Question > Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Answer > Forrest Gump.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

Tarrant (asking the audience) > 'Jambon' is the French for which food?
Audience > 11 per cent said jam.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie > On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant > Er...
Leslie > He makes bread...
Contestant > Er...
Leslie > He makes cakes...
Contestant > Kipling Street?

NATION VACATION (NATION 217 TV)

Presenter > Which of these is a city in Germany - Hanoi, Hanover or Hangover?
Contestant > Hanoi.

Magic 52 (North-East England)

Presenter > In which year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant > Erm…
Presenter > Well lets put it this way .. he didn’t see 1964
Contestant > 1965?

SIMPLY THE BEST

Phil Tufnell > How many Olympic games have been held?
Contestant > Six
Phil Tufnell > Higher!
Contestant > Five.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Question > What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name?
Answer > Err...
Question > Here's a clue- he was married to Diana.
Answer > Err...
Question > It begins with a 'C'.
Answer > No idea.

MAGIC FM

Graham Dene > What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year?
Contestant > lain Duncan Smith.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)

Jodie Marsh > Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word CHED and PIT.
Team > Chedpit.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter > Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant > Barcelona.
Presenter > I was really after the country.
Contestant > I’m sorry I really don’t know any countries in Spain.

RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW

Presenter > How many toes do 3 people have in total?
Contestant > 23

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ

Presenter > Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant > Four.

BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1

Chris Moyles > Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 Tonnes?
Contestant > Ummmmm….
Chris Moyles > It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’.
Contestant > Shark

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)

Jeff Owen > In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant > (long pause) > Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)

Girdler > I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter E.
Contestant > Ghana.'
Girdler > No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant > New Zealand.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question > What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant > The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter > Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant > Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE VAULT (ITV)

Melanie Sykes > In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637?
Contestant > Sydney.

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre > What as signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant > Magna Carta.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O'Brien > How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant > Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth... er... er... three?

NATIONAL LOTTERY

Eamonn Holmes > There are three states of matter- solid, liquid and what?
Contestant > Jelly.

DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)

DLT > In which European country are there people called Walloons?
Contestant > Wales.

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

Paul Wappat > How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant > (after long pause)- Fourteen days.

BRAINTEASER (CHANNEL 5)

Presenter > Which literary hunchback lived in Notre Dame and fell in love with Esmeralda?
Contestant > Nostradamus.

NATIONAL LOTTERY

Eamonn Holmes > Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing... what?
Contestant > Basketball.

NOUGHTS AND CROSSES QUIZ

Jeff Owen > Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant > (after pause)- Pearl Harbor?

SEE HEAR SATURDAY (BBC2)

Presenter > What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from?
Contestant > Scotland.

RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)

Allinson > What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant > (after long deliberation)- Erm, Kellogg's?

BLIND DATE (ITV)

Girl > Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy > Charlotte Bronte.

STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO)

Steve Penk > What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
Contestant > America?... Portugal?... Canada?... Mexico?... Italy?... Spain?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Searle > In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller > Japan.
Searle > I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller > Er... Mexico?

THE BIG QUIZ, LBC

Gary King > Who was Mary Arden's famous son?
Contestant > Can I have a clue?
Gary King > Yes. He was famous around the Globe.
Contestant > Bill Gates.

JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND)

Janlce Forsyth > What is the currency in India?
Contestant > Ramadan.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Dertham > In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant > Holland?
Daryl Dertham > Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant > Iceland?... Ireland?
Daryl Dertham (helpfully) > It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant > No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood > What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant > Er...
Wood > It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant > Blimey?
Wood > Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run...
Contestant > (Silence)
Wood > OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant > Walked?

OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES)

Owen Money > In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.
Caller > Er,… Tony Brown. and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

KELLY TODAY (ITV)

Lorraine Kelly > How many days in a leap year?
Contestant > 253.

THE VAULT

Gabby Logan > What is the county town of Kent?
Contestant > Kentish Town?

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)

Ulrika Jonsson > Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant > Enid Blyton

NATIONAL LOTTERY

Dale Winton > Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea > a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant > Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO2)

Wright > Johnny Weisssmuller died on this day. Which jungle swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant > Jesus.

BIG QUIZ (LBC)

Gary King > Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant > Lepers.

QUIZMANIA (ITV)

Greg Scott > We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant > Doctor.
Scott > No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
Contestant > Oh, right . . . (pause) ... Doctor.

DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

Kelly > Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant > I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly > OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant > Cartons?

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter > What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant > Jewish.
Presenter > That's close enough.

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