DISCLAIMER:
See
A/N: This chapter was
also touched
up, with some additional stuff added to it.
Also, the Latin quote
below is
supposed to mean that these new Marauders are putting on an old
“comedy,” or
set of antics, for their last surviving predecessor, Moony.
CHAPTER 36: RAZORFIN, GROUNDSNOUT, SLITHERS AND FIRECLAW
Anitquam eius edimus comoediem. We are putting on an old comedy of his. –Plautus, Casina (13)
“Payback’s a bitch, and you’re overdue.” -Dragongirl16, “Faith”
Later in the staff room, just before
lunch, Snape called for all the
professors' attention. "My
fellow professors," he said, "Just like twenty years ago, this school
is about to be plagued by a group of pranksters. As professors, I feel
we need
to do something about it."
After pausing, he continued, "So, I'm offering the following odds. 4-1
says the Weasleys, or more specifically
the twins,
will win, and 2-1 says that these new Marauders (whoever they are) will
win."
"Why, what an interesting idea, Severus,"
Dumbledore said, smiling. "I believe this will be about as profitable
as
Staff Poker Night." (1)
"I place 20 Galleons on the Weasleys, for
I have
foreseen their victory," Trelawny said
mystically. McGonagall and Snape exchanged
glances;
normally, they would have raised eyebrows, but given her predictions
regarding
Harry, their respect for the Divination Professor had grown somewhat.
"Yes, Sybil," Snape said, getting out his
book and writing her name down. "Any other takers?"
McGonagall stood up next. "As a professor, I must protest against our
gambling on the students. That said, twenty on these new Marauders;
having
disciplined the Marauders and Weasley
twins alike for
more than a total of a decade, I think I know who has the better chance
of
winning."
Lupin smiled. "Why, Minerva, I've never
heard
you speak so highly of us like that. James and Sirius must be smiling
in the
afterlife, even as we speak." After McGonagall blushed a little, Lupin added, "Speaking of which, 50 on Harry.
I'd
rather try juggling silver daggers before I bet on any pranksters other
than
him."
"20 on the Weasleys," Madame Hooch said.
"If it didn't happen a hundred years ago, then I'm not interested," Binns droned before floating out. Snape
had already written a few words of Binns'
comment
before he realized what he was writing, and then scratched it out.
"20 on Potter," Pomfrey said, "He's
spent more time in the infirmary than I can remember, so he must be
doing
something right to keep coming through like that."
"20 on the Weasleys, since they know how
to work
together," Sprout chipped in.
"20 on Potter," Flitwick piped up.
"I'll also bet 20 on Potter," Snape said,
writing it down.
"100 on Harry," Dumbledore grinned.
Just as Snape was putting the book away,
there were
shouts being heard from a floor up. Snape
could even
make out voice saying things like "Throw him in there!" or "Take
that, Potter!"
Going pale, Snape rushed out of the staff
room, and
sensing trouble, Dumbledore and McGonagall trailed right behind him.
~*~*~*~
Harry was walking silently through the halls, wand ready in case anyone
tried
anything. The halls were also strangely deserted.
"Stupefy!" a female voice said behind him. Harry was about to
cast a Shield Charm when the spell suddenly fizzled out when it made
contact
with Harry's side.
"Hm, I guess the Gryffindors
are beginning to lose their touch," Harry mused.
Suddenly, several people caught Harry from behind and started punching
him and
kicking him. He tried to defend himself, but they started dragging him
and
binding him. He was now near a broom closet, trying to curl himself
into a ball
in order to soften the attacks while his attackers were shouting things
at him.
"Slytherin scum!"
"Little freak who grew up in a closet!"
"He should be used to being locked away in one!"
"Throw him in there!"
"Take that, Potter!"
Harry felt as though he was being tormented by Dudley and his gang
again. He
felt weak and powerless as he got tossed in, trying to ignore the pain
he felt
all over his body. He was about to become trapped again with no way
out. Just
as he felt himself make contact with the damp and cold floor, he heard
a
familiar hard voice ring out.
"ENOUGH!" Snape yelled; Harry could see
his
furious visage from this angle. "
Harry was still curled up on the floor, a tear rolling out his eye as
he quaked
in fear. Someone was still clutching him by his collar, so his head
hung from
an angle.
"
'Judy Arnold?' Harry thought with grief.
Harry made a noise from pain as Snape
helped him up.
"Come with me."
Harry nodded, his eyes squinting so he couldn't see too well. To be
honest, he
really didn't want to see all these familiar faces with hating
expressions on
their faces.
Opening his eye a fraction of the way, he saw
As soon as they reached Snape's office,
the door
slammed behind them ominously as Snape
threw
"YOU SORRY LITTLE INVERTEBRATE,
"Professor,"
"WHAT!? YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW
HARRY INTO A BROOM CLOSET AND GIVE HIM ONE OF THE MOST SAVAGE BEATINGS
OF HIS
LIFE!?"
Harry could almost feel Snape's
pain coming off of him waves as he yelled about
not-so-noble Gryffindors making life hard
for
everyone else. Snape also yelled about how
himself
and Harry kept putting their lives and limbs on the line to keep
everyone safe,
and this was how they were repaid. His cousin was now yelling so loud
that
Harry couldn't even differentiate the words that were now escaping Snape's mouth.
Dumbledore stood on the threshold, his face hardened into stern lines,
looking
not remotely merciful. "Miss Arnold," he said, in a voice that would
have frozen lava, "Come with me."
"Little bugger," Snape muttered. "I
hope she wet herself."
For the first time since the incident, Harry laughed a little. Using
his wand
to heal his own wounds, Harry thanked Snape
and then
realized something wrong.
"What is it, Harry?"
"They said something about growing up in a closet," Harry whispered
fearfully. "They know now."
Snape made to try and comfort Harry, but
Harry ran
from his guardian's office in shame.
~*~*~*~
Harry didn't stop running until he made it all the way back to his
office. As
soon as he made it back to his own desk, he shut himself in his room of
his bed
and wept shamefully onto his desk.
Harry let a few tears leak as he moaned, curled up in a ball. He was
found like
this sometime later by Draco, who decided
to pop in
after being unable to find Harry anywhere else.
"Harry, what's happening?" he asked, looking genuinely shocked.
Harry shook his head and put his arms over it.
Draco walked back out to find Snape
for help, but his godfather found him first. He was furious.
"Severus?" he asked quietly.
"They beat him up in threw him in a broom closet!" Snape
fumed, his fists clenching. "It's a good thing
Dumbledore came in time, or Ms. Arnold may have found herself as my
office's
newest pickled occupant."
Draco found his blood pressure soaring.
"Leave
it to me, Severus," he continued in the
quiet
but deadly voice which could send chills down a coward's spine. "I'm a
true Slytherin, remember? I can talk
anyone into
anything. I have a silver tongue, you might say."
Snape smirked. "Excellent thinking. 15
points to
Slytherin."
Draco grinned and hurried back to where
Harry was
still curled up at his desk. For once in his life, Draco
pitied Harry. Underneath his strong and heroic exterior, this boy was
weak and
often needed to solve things himself.
"Harry," he whispered. "Can I give you a bit of Slytherin
wisdom?"
"What do you want?" Harry muttered.
"To give you a bit of thought to munch on."
"And what would that be?"
"Don't get angry; get even."
Harry stopped moaning as he thought it over, wiping away his tears.
"Anyway," Draco continued, "Time for
lunch."
Harry didn't catch up with them; he was still trying to get over his
grief.
~*~*~*~
All of the students who didn’t believe Harry were buzzing angrily when
lunchtime came around, but they were relishing in Harry's humiliation,
and even
spread malicious rumors about his relatives, while Harry’s supporters
argued
with them.
The staff, however, was not amused,
which was
apparent with nearly every staff member’s face at the table.
Dumbledore frowned as he gazed over at
Gryffindor
table, his eyes burning with a dull kind of fire as they focused on
Arnold and
her cohorts.
Snape had his dark, predatory glare set at record
levels, his
gaze almost burning into the backs of their skulls.
Half the time, he sat in his seat as though
he wanted to spring from it and descend on the next miscreant like some
great
black bird of prey.
McGonagall clutched her fork and knife
angrily,
looking ready to attack the next rumor-monger with her eating utensils.
Hagrid growled and cracked his gigantic knuckles,
itching to
literally throw someone out of the hall.
Lupin was no longer the calm and patient professor he
was
usually known to be; now, he almost looked as if he wanted to transform
right now
and devour every last student who dared slander Harry.
All of this stopped when Peeves swooped
in,
looking angry.
"You rumor-relishing dorks have pushed it too far this time!" he
exclaimed.
"Why would you care about Potter, anyway?"
"Because it's my job from the Masterhead
to look
out for him!" Peeves said, swelling indignantly, allowing gossip to
spread. "He has friends in high places other than phoenixes! Like me,
for
example," he added with relish as he dive-bombed towards the dining
students.
"Peeves, please control yourself," Dumbledore said in a sincere tone.
"Ooh, if Dumbledore weren't in charge..." Peeves fumed. "Oh
well, I'm sure he'll forgive me on this one!"
"Peeves, NO!" Dumbledore exclaimed while getting up, but it was too
late.
For the next five minutes, Peeves subjected people to being covered
with their
own food in various places all over their body.
"You are what you eat!" he evilly cackled, swooping out before
Dumbledore could say or do anything else.
Harry was working in his office when Peeves flew in and resumed his
form as
Benjamin. "Hi, Benjamin," Harry said, looking up.
"Nice to see you again, Harry," he said cheerfully. "So,
anything I can do to help?"
"I dunno. Can you sing one of your songs
to annoy
people?"
"Sure!" Benjamin said, looking delighted. "Now what to
sing..."
"You know, you really shouldn't talk with the door open where anyone
can
hear," said Draco from outside. Walking in
and
shutting the door behind him, he said, "Please allow me to help. It
would
be an excellent time to start our first big prank together..."
~*~*~*~
The Gryffindors wanted to go to bed early
that night,
except they had to clean all their food out of their hair, clothes, and
other
places they didn't want or care to mention. Somehow, the teachers were
unable
to do anything about it, claiming that Peeves had done "one nasty job
on
them." So, they ended up going to bed late on a school night at the
beginning of the week.
It was midnight when a strange song woke them all up, sounding as
though it was
being projected by a Muggle ice cream
truck with a magiphone.
Out of the five sixth-year Gryffindors,
only Harry and Dean (being raised the Muggle
way) could recognize the song as being “
"What the bloody effing hell is that!?"
Ron
screamed over the cacophony, which kept looping over and over again.
Dean put
his hands over his ears while Seamus buried his head under his pillow.
Finally, right on cue (for Harry and
Neville),
Harry shouted, “DEATH TO THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!” (2)
Instantly, the music then stopped (it
was the
“password” they decided upon with help from Peeves).
Some minutes later, McGonagall came in; according to her, it woke up
the whole
school. "Rest assured," she said in her disciplinarian tone,
"When I find who was responsible for this, I will
punish them for it." And with that, she left.
Early the next morning Peeves had appeared in the Room of Requirement,
where
the four "Neo-Marauders" eagerly sat and waited for news. The
cackling poltergeist said that it was "an instant, success, boys!"
“I didn’t even know you could imitate
the sound of
a Muggle ice cream truck!” Harry chortled.
“Believe me, I have many
talents,” Peeves said rather cryptically, adding a wink.
They cheered and whooped, and eagerly mapped out their next plan, which
involved some fooling around with the plumbing...
~*~*~*~
Ron wearily got up, taking his toiletry kit with him. No one in
Gryffindor
House had really gotten much sleep since the mysterious but annoying
singing
the previous night. He passed the prefects' bathroom, which was under
renovation. He would have to use the normal Gryffindor showers this
time.
Upon entering his own shower stall, Ron saw that a new kind of shampoo
had been
left out by the house elves. It smelled good too. Throwing his
bathrobes aside,
he turned on the warm water and began to lather his hair.
After a few minutes, the water suddenly turned off. There were noises
of
concern and confusion from his fellow Gryffindors
up
and down the row of stalls. Ron could also hear the girls' voices as
well,
wondering what had happened.
Ron tried to get out of the shower stall, but the door was somehow
jammed shut.
In a strange way, he was glad that no one else could get out either,
because
now, he was basically a naked prisoner in a foggy glass display case.
Just then, a strange rumbling could be heard within the pipes
themselves. As
the showerhead made a strange vibrating sound, a thin spray of liquid
with a
powerful odor shot out at him.
It stank – but it wasn't an awful
smell like Dungbombs or the sort. In fact,
it was the
kind of strong and powerful perfume which only so many people can
stand. Ron's
skin crawled as it made contact with him.
Suddenly, that stopped as the showerheads started vibrating again. Ron
tried to
get out by slamming himself against the stall door, but to no avail.
Fwoosh! A
pink foamy liquid now shot out,
completely covering him and filling up the stall fast with its bubbles.
That stopped a few moments later, and Ron was thinking to himself,
disgusted,
'Pink! Goddamnit, I'm fucking pink!'
The once-again vibrating of the showerhead interrupted Ron's vicious
musings. 'Oh
Merlin no, not again, please no...'
Unfortunately, Merlin nor any other such powerful or important person
was
listening as a thick, sapphire blue liquid now shot out at him. That
washed
away all the bubbles, and as that stopped a few moments later, the
showers
suddenly switched to normal water again.
Ron was just trying to wash all this gunk off of him when he realized
that it
wasn't coming off; it was being
rubbed in.
With a yelp, Ron grabbed his robes and dashed out to the mirrors, along
with
the other frightened and confused boys. They were all miserable
when they found out exactly what had happened.
~*~*~*~
The absence of the Gryffindors was
certainly
noticeable in the Great Hall. Ginny walked in a moment later; since she
was
experiencing "growing pains," she had a valid excuse and an alibi as
not conspiring against her House, as well as not being caught along
with them.
"Where is everyone?" she asked, looking around.
"Coming, Gin," said a voice from one of the Gryffindors,
walking into their hall, dressed in their normal school robes, but with
other highly noticeable differences, which was
why they were walking in shamefully.
For one thing, they all smelled of very
strong perfume. For another thing, their skin was all a deep blue. The
funniest
thing of all was their hair. It was spiky pink like Tonks',
and it stuck up on end the same way. Since the girls grew longer hair
than the
boys, their columns of hair were twice as tall the boys'. (3)
The gossipers' faces lit up as speculations began to flow, but the
teachers'
reactions wouldn't be forgotten any time soon.
McGonagall thought sternly to herself,
‘Must not
laugh, must not laugh, must not laugh… oh hell, I give up.’ And then, for one of the rarer times in her
life, McGonagall actually burst out laughing at the sight of her
students like
that and buried her face in her hands. Even the original Marauders had
never
gotten away with anything this
outrageous before, which involved messing with the plumbing, although
it still
screamed of their style. The fact that the Gryffindors'
Head of House was laughing at them only added insult to injury.
Dumbledore didn’t feel the need to laugh out loud like his Deputy
Headmistress
was currently doing, but his eyes still twinkled with amusement as his
eyes wandered
over the entirety of the Great Hall, where Harry was absent. Neville
wasn’t in
the hall either, although the Headmaster still had a shrewd feeling
that he had
supplied some diluted chemicals from plants for precisely the right
effects. Blaise had cursed the doors while
Draco
had slithered through the plumbing as a viper and put the perfume,
bubble bath
formula and blue gunk in all the right places to time it just right. He
shook
his head, thinking, 'Wonderful show, boys. Excellent choice. Your
predecessors
beware.'
Lupin was laughing helplessly and his
successors'
work, while Snape was reveling in their
humiliation,
etching this in his memory for all time. Since it were deserving Gryffindors being pranked,
as
opposed to helpless Slytherins, he really
had no
qualms about it. Sprout made some comment about her flowers escaping
from her
greenhouse while Flitwick laughed heartily
and fell
right off his chair. Hagrid chuckled while
saying,
"You live a lot, you see a lot."
To cap it all off, the voices of Harry and Neville could be down the
hallway,
growing louder and clearer. Both of them
stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the sight in front of them,
blinking
repeatedly. Harry even took off his glasses and rubbed them on his
robes, just
to make sure he wasn’t going colorblind. “What happened to you guys?”
he asked.
Ron, starting to suspect his friend’s inherited talent for mischief,
asked
Harry, “How did both of you avoid
getting in this mess?”
”Don’t look at us,” Harry said, innocence and confusion written all
over his
face. “I was helping Neville with some
homework.” Neville could only nod,
dumbfounded by what happened.
There was scattered laughing all across the hall as McGonagall
collected
herself together and said, "Headmaster, I request that my students be
exempt from their usual classes while Madame Pomfrey
attempts to fix their problem."
Dumbledore smiled and said, "Of course, Minerva." As McGonagall
shepherded her students out of the hall, Harry winked at her as she
passed. She
gave a tiny smile as if to say, "I'll
let you off this time."
This was only going to be the beginning; Harry would make sure of that.
And as
he saw his former Housemates leaving with their tails between their
legs
(figuratively speaking), he silently thought, 'To Prongs and Padfoot, I salute you.'
Later, after breakfast, Harry went up to
Draco and Blaise
and said, “Next
time, tell us whom you’re going to
prank, hmmm?”
~*~*~*~
Due to the fact they didn't want to get caught, the Neo-Marauders
spaced out
their pranks so there would be about two or three per day.
All of them settled back to enjoy Potions with Snape,
even though Hermione was absent from it.
Just to make it up to her, though, he made sure all his notes
were in
order so she could look at them later.
Harry spent his study period doing work on Advanced Charms. It was
lunchtime
when the Gryffindors started coming back
in; the
smell had been eliminated and the hair was no longer standing on end,
but the
skin was still half-blue and the hair was still pink.
Harry did his best to be supportive and tried
to vanish as much of the blue and pink dye as he could, which in the
end
improved it somewhat.
"Harry," Draco whispered to him in the
hall
after lunch. "What next?"
"Oh, I have Tracey drawing something up to place under Ron and
Hermione’s
beds," Harry said with a wink. "You'll see."
After his final classes with the Slytherins
(who all
had shrewd suspicions it was him), Tracey came up to him with the
package full
of drawings he had made.
After flipping through them, he said with a smile, "Thank you so very
much, Tracey." Harry paid him 30 Galleons (it was worth it, in Harry's
opinion), and went up to the Owlrey to
send it with a
school owl to send it to Ginny.
Ginny was lying face down on her bed, thinking about Harry while gazing
upon
the picture of him she secretly kept under her pillow. Just then, the
school
owl flew in, dropping of the package on Ginny's bed. She thanked the
owl as it
flew off and she opened it. Thinking fast, she hid it in her trunk and
went
down for dinner.
~*~*~*~
Later that night, Ginny snuck into Ron's dormitory and slowly levitated
the
mattress while hastily sticking the pictures in at angles where they
would
show. After levitating the mattress back down, she took a small figure
about
half a foot high and stuck it where Ron's arms were, making it look
like some
parody of a teddy bear.
That accomplished, Ginny then stuck into Hermione's dormitory and left
a note
where her hands were. Ginny knew this would work; Hermione always
got up earlier than Ron did. After that, she stuck the other
images under her mattress and
another statuette under her pillow.
It was a good thing Ginny had some Pepper-Up Potions from Harry; this
way, she
could see all the action.
~*~*~*~
Around that same time, Draco was sneaking
around in
the middle of the night, setting up something for one of Mrs. Figg’s cats, which kept tailing them all too
suspiciously. It was an Electrocuting
Rat, loaded with catnip. Fortunately,
there wasn’t enough electricity to harm the cat it was intended for. After winding it up and putting it in a hole
in the wall, he transformed into a viper and slithered back to the Slytherin common room, using a trail in the wall
that he
had found somewhere.
~*~*~*~
Hermione's eyes fluttered open as she saw a note on her hands. Thinking
fast,
she read it. "To Hermione Granger; You might want to know that your
boyfriend, Ron Weasley, sleeps with very
suspicious
items under his bed that you should take a look at. Sincerely, A Friend who wishes you the Best."
Confused and suspicious, she quickly got dressed in her night robes and
quietly
made her way up to the boys' dormitory where Ron, Dean and Seamus were.
After
swiftly making her way to Ron's bed, she tore the pictures and gasped
at what she
saw.
There were a bunch of doctored masterpieces from famous works of female
nudes.
Her catalogue brain recognized some of the works as 'The Birth of
Venus,"
by Sandro Botticelli,
"The Venus of Urbino," by Titian, "Les
Demoiselles D'Avignon," by Picasso, and
not
mention a lot of stuff by the Surrealist artist Paul Delvaux,
who painted almost nothing but female nudes. And to top it all off, the
figurine in Ron's arms was that of the Venus de Milo. What really made
Hermione
furious was how every work had been doctored to make the heads of the
figures
look like Hermione's. (4)
Hermione's blood pressure soared as she contemplated ways to kill Ron.
So her
own body wasn't enough for him, was it? With a savage scream, she
attacked.
"YOU BLOODY PERVERT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, smacking
Ron across the face. He quickly awoke what between the physical and the
verbal
assaults. He quaked in fear and shuddered like an abused pet dog as
Hermione
yelled at him in a way which uncannily resembled his mother's (also
because he had
no idea why). The other two boys quickly woke up as well, and they
stared in
shock as Hermione continued to tower over her boyfriend and come up
with
creative threats (most notably the threat of castrating him in his
sleep, which
caused Ron to blush three shades of red on the spot).
Eventually, the whole tower woke up and crowded around to hear Hermione
ream
Ron out like that. They were all laughing and gossiping as McGonagall
came in
sometime later, demanding what the problem was.
Hermione seized a fistful of pictures and showed them to McGonagall,
who looked
at them with an eyebrow raised. "It would seem, Miss Granger," she
said slowly, "That this is a stupid prank."
Ron, recovering from his ordeal, took a look at them, then looked at
Hermione
and said, "Really, 'Mione, I would never do this. Heck, I can't even
recognize half of these paintings."
Just then, Ginny rushed in. “Hermione, I
just found something under your
bed…” The pictures tumbled out of her
arms. They were cut-and-paste collage
pictures like those found under Ron’s bed, except these were of male nudes from famous works of
art. The statuette was a small model of
Michelangelo’s David, except the head
resembled Ron’s.
While Ron and Hermione both looked
shocked and
clueless (not to mention blushing a little), they both came to the
conclusion
it was just some stupid prank.
McGonagall sighed. Shaking her head, she left
Prowling the halls as a tabby cat, she encountered a rat hiding in the
wall. It was somehow smothered in
catnip, and she could sense that it was a living rat, and not a
duplicate. Her feline senses were
immediately all focused
on her new prey. As it moved, she sprang
to catch it…
~*~*~*~
Harry and Ginny had their next prank underway. While going through the
halls as
a lion to check for any problems, he accidentally on purpose
encountered
Michael Corner. Corner, thinking of something mean to say, called out
to Harry,
"Aw, what a cute little kitty,
but I think we need to get you spayed!"
Harry hissed and moved on. Corner smirked, completely unaware of the
fact that
Ginny was right behind him, holding an Audiosphere
that was recording the Ravenclaw's every
word.
Harry then met with his three fellow Marauders, but before they could
all walk
into the hall, a rather frazzled-looking McGonagall intercepted them. “Come with me,” she said to them in her
strict professor tones, and reluctantly, they followed her to her
office.
As she sat down, she asked, “Which one
of you
covered the Electrocuting Rat in catnip and left it out?”
Harry, Neville and Blaise
all hand blank looks on their faces, and Draco-as-Roy
kept a good poker face. Suddenly, Harry
started to crack up when he realized what she was saying.
“Er, with all due
respect, Professor,” he asked slowly, trying to hide his grin, “Why did
you-”
“That’s not the point, Mr. Potter,” she
said
curtly. She then sighed.
“Fine, detention for all of you for tonight.”
None of them even looked the slightest
bit
bothered. “You hear that?” Blaise asked his three companions.
“Our first official detention!” The
others looked casual about it.
McGonagall had no idea that they would take it that well, so she
sternly nodded
and let them leave before going to breakfast herself, still a little
dumbfounded by that particular response; their predecessors tried to
worm their
way out of detention as much as possible. Little did she realize what
would
happen in her first class that day.
In the meantime, Ginny went over to the Ravenclaw
table and said, "Please give this to Harry, Luna."
"Of course I will, Ginny," she said in her detached voice. She really
liked and respected Ginny, who often defended her. Ginny and Luna both
had
something in common, since Luna didn't have many friends when she
started at
Hogwarts and Ginny's life had Hogwarts had started off on the wrong
foot
because of the diary incident.
Luna drifted off to the Slytherin table
and gave it
to Harry, which he eagerly thanked her for. Yes, today's
Transfiguration lesson
could be very interesting indeed. At
least this Electrocuting Rat would
serve its purpose…
~*~*~*~
In Transfiguration, Harry’s supporters and enemies seemed to polarize
across
the classroom. Taking the Audiosphere,
Harry put an
Invisibility Charm on it and made it roll under Corner's chair. Next,
he took
an Electrifying Rat that he had pilfered and wound it up (setting the
electricity level to zero, since he didn't want to hurt McGonagall). As
McGonagall was writing down notes on the board, Harry set the rat loose.
It swiftly and silently ran under McGonagall's desk, but being an Animagus herself, of course, she heard it. She
told
everyone to stop and not move. Becoming a tabby cat, she went looking
for
whatever it was which she heard.
Just as she vanished behind her own desk, Harry activated the Audiosphere. Corner's pre-recorded voice was
heard all over
the classroom: "Aw, what a cute
little kitty, but I think we need to get you spayed!"
People gasped and dropped their quills, all of them turning to look at
Corner,
who looked shocked himself. Harry and the Neo-Marauders shook with
silent
laughter. This was almost as safe as criticizing Snape's
hair right to his face. Even someone with a death wish didn't do this
very
often!
Slowly, McGonagall transformed back and walked right up to Corner, with
one very angry expression on her face. If
she weren't so busy coming up with ways to punish him, she would have
heard the
invisible Audiosphere roll back over to
Harry.
"Mr. Corner," she said, with a vein pulsing in her neck, "Thirty
points from Ravenclaw for disrespecting
your
professor. Now stop talking and get back to writing notes if you want
to pass
this year."
Corner made to protest, but McGonagall gave him a stern look over her
square
spectacles. Corner decided not to argue. The rest of the class passed
without
incident.
In between classes, Harry returned the Audiosphere
to
Luna and said, "I heard from Ginny that Percy was coming over for lunch
today. You know he likes éclairs like
Ron does? Because there's something I think Percy would want at
lunch..."
~*~*~*~
At lunch, Luna was waiting for Percy at the Gryffindor Table, waiting
to talk
to him; she even had a chair ready for him to sit on. Unbeknownst to
Percy,
however, it had a chocolate-flavored Exploding Éclair on it with an
Invisibility Charm applied to it.
Percy walked in sometime later, which made his receive some mixed
feedback from
all over the Great Hall from people who believed him to people who
didn’t (the
latter group including Harry and his friends).
Harry and Neville sat at the Slytherin
table, supposedly talking to some classmates
over lunch, but they were watching Percy about to be humiliated.
"Hello, Percival," she said dreamily as he walked up to her.
"Here, take a seat, there's something I want to ask you."
So gullibly, Percy sat himself down rather quickly. Since the fuse
didn't
properly go off, his weight ruptured the package inside.
Bloosh!
The chocolate filling went everywhere, and even spread onto the floor
and the
wall behind him, making for an unusual design. People screamed as it
got on
them, and all activity stopped as students and staff alike turned to
look at
the incident. Slowly, Percy stood up, and his entire backside was
dripping with
chocolate filling. Although no one dared say it, it looked as though
the
Gryffindor alumnus had simply gone to the bathroom without actually
going to
the bathroom, if you know what I mean. (5)
"Anyway, Percival," Luna said as though nothing out of the ordinary had
happened while using Scourging Charms on her robes, "Do you have any
bathroom problems?"
That was the finishing touch as all the students burst out laughing
nonstop, as
did half the staff. Dumbledore had tears rolling down his face from
laughing so
hard, and Lupin was wondering about the
shame that
Fred and George would feel, knowing that their own product has been
used in
such a way.
McGonagall had a grin the size of
Percy, in the meantime, had blushed to the roots of his hair from
embarrassment. He ran out of the hall, leaving a still-dripping mess
behind
him. Blaise did a cruel but accurate
imitation of
Percy in an embarrassing situation: “Nooo,
the humiliation is warping my brain…”
Neville, who had stopped laughing for a moment to sip some pumpkin
juice,
suddenly had it flying out his nostrils, which only caused everyone to
laugh
even more, even himself.
~*~*~*~
In detention, Harry took a piece of paper and some art supplies he had
borrowed
from Tracey to make something for McGonagall. She briefly watched him
from her
own desk, but didn't ask. The other
three just did their own homework, with Neville helping Draco-as-Roy
and Blaise in Herbology.
At the end, Harry said, "Good, I'm done. Actually, it's for you,
Professor
McGonagall. I’ve had the idea floating in my head for a while now. It's supposed to be an inspirational
poster." (6)
He held it up for her to see. It was vertical, and had text at the top
and
bottom and the illustration itself in the middle. The top said, "Having
a
bad day?" Then there was a crude picture of Peeves loosening a
chandelier
while a crudely-drawn, oblivious Umbridge
walked
underneath. Then the bottom said, "It unscrews the other way."
McGonagall smiled very slightly. "Good artistry. This should liven up
any
situation. Anyway, detention is over."
"Good night, Professor McGonagall," he said as he packed up and
left. The others also departed after
cracking up at the picture, not really understanding the joke at all.
~*~*~*~
The next two days were filled with various pranks on various students
as the
newest Marauders pulled out all the stops.
They pranked everyone and anyone,
and
eventually, he even had to prank his own classmates, so it wouldn’t
look
suspicious and give people any hints as to who they really were.
Lavender's make-up set had gone berserk, and for the first half of the
day, she
looked like a runaway clown from the circus.
Parvati's hair had been bewitched to act
like snakes,
and even hissed like snakes.
Dean had somehow ended up in a giant rubber ball, with faintly
transparent
black and white geometric patterns like that on a soccer ball. He went
bouncing
and rolling around all through the castle and eventually wound up
floating in
the lake, where the merfolk tossed him
back out,
where he then went bouncing into
Seamus had somehow gotten a green leprechaun's hat stuck to his head,
which
bewitched him to run through the halls while saying only one thing:
"They're
out to get me Lucky Charms!" This caused the Wizarding-
born students to be puzzled while the Muggle-borns,
having scene that cereal commercial various times, found it hilarious. (7)
Hermione had opened her wardrobe to be scared by a pop-up target, drawn
by
Tracey Davis, of a mountain troll with a club raised over its head,
saying in
the word bubble "I love you, Hermione!" Later on, she missed half of CoMC, because her beloved books had been cursed
to be
covered with wax, so they kept slipping from her grip.
Colin's camera was made to grow legs and sneak into the Gryffindor
girls'
showers and cause flashes of light as though it were taking pictures.
If the
female Gryffindors hadn't been so busy
trying to
strangle Colin, they would have noticed there was no film in it, and
thus no
pictures were actually taken.
Andrew Kirke and Jack Sloper's
Beater bats would constantly fly around and whack them senseless before
attacking everyone else.
During one incident, Ron was doing prefect patrols when he saw his own Firebolt lying on the floor. Rushing over to
pick it up, he
activated the trap. Cannons (like those of his favorite Quidditch
team) came forward and pelted him with orange paint that wouldn't come
off for
hours.
Finally, the whole school had fallen to the Tackling Toilet Seats,
which had
been set loose in the middle of the night before Friday. Ginny had also
fallen
victim to hers, but it was just to maintain a convincing act. If
everyone
hadn't been too busy trying to fight them all off, they would have
noticed that
Ginny was actually playing with hers instead of fighting it off.
Those who didn’t have faith in Harry tried to prove it was Harry and
the other
Neo- Marauders (whoever they were) who were doing it, but Harry had
covered his
tracks too well, and so no proof was ever found. Those same students
had also
tried pranking Harry back, but Peeves and
Dobby
always managed to sabotage the pranks when no one was looking.
And the whole time, Harry and his friends were laughing themselves
sick. Even then,
they needed to get their rest; they wanted to have their energy on
Friday, for
when they were done with classes, so they could do what they wanted.
~*~*~*~
Right before lunch the next day, Draco
stayed behind
and told his godfather, "Soon enough, I would like to go ahead with the
plan involving Wormtail..."
~*~*~*~
In the girls' bathroom, Pansy met up with Ginny. “So, Gin, have any
plans for
driving Percy around the bend?" she asked, making sure no one was
around.
"Yeah, but I'm running out of good ideas. And I want something good,
hoping that Percy will be too busy recuperating or something this
weekend to
try anything nasty." It was still a little strange, talking to Pansy
like
this, but it was the same way that Harry and Draco
had come to terms with each other; both sides had done their own share
of bad
things, so being reduced to the same level, why not start over again?
Besides,
since that was all before Voldemort's
return, all
their previous skirmishes were relatively insignificant, as opposed to
the
self-proclaimed Dark Lord running around and causing chaos.
"Well, you are with Harry, right?" Pansy asked. Ginny nodded. "I
know a perfect way to have your brother's temper finally bust a blood
vessel or
two..." And as the blonde Slytherin
whispered
the idea in Ginny's ear, the redhead put a hand to her mouth, blushed,
and
giggled nonstop.
~*~*~*~
Harry's Defense classes went smoothly enough, or at least at first. As
soon as
Harry's back was turned in his Slytherin-Gryffindor
class (where they had to take a test), half of the Gryffindors
(those who didn’t trust Harry) suddenly started throwing up, sweating,
and
bleeding from their noses. They made for the door, but Harry was too
quick for
them. "Colloportus!"
The door sealed itself shut, and Harry used his knowledge of Healing
Magic to
undo the effects of the Skiving Snackboxes.
"Good, you're healed, now bugger off and get back to work, you little
cretins," he said jokingly, as they all grumbled and glared at him
while
returning to their seats. The Slytherins
and Gryffindors who trusted Harry all
chuckled and laughed at
how horribly wrong their trick went. (8)
It turned out that they had planning to skip the test because they
hadn't
studied, because Harry could see they weren't doing very well in class.
Before they all left, Harry said, "You know, you just invalidated your
beliefs of only Slytherins being cheaters,
right? Not
a single Slytherin student misbehaved this
period." The Slytherins glowed with pride
while
the Gryffindors glowered. “No offense to
the Gryffindors who did behave,” he then
quickly added. After
giving them homework (50% more for the less faithful Gryffindors,
since they did so poorly), they all left his class.
He was walking outside in the slightly-warmer late March whether when
he saw
Ginny waiting for someone near Hagrid's
hut in Muggle clothes, such as jeans and a
T-shirt. Percy came up
to her, stared at the image on her shirt, and with a loud cry of horror
that
sent birds from the Forbidden Forest flying, fell to the ground,
flopping like
a fish on dry land and looking like he was having a heart attack.
Ginny transformed into a tiger and ran up to Harry. He became a lion
and
followed her into the
Ginny transformed back and pointed to the text on her shirt with a
wicked grin
on her face. With complete disbelief, Harry read the purple text: I
lost my
virginity to Harry Potter and all I got was this lousy shirt.
"Gin!" he exclaimed, looking and sounding rather scandalized.
"I can't believe you- how could you- if anyone sees..." he stammered.
"They won't," Ginny reassured him. Tapping the shirt with her wand,
the text vanished. "I'm allowed to drive them crazy too, you know."
Harry laughed nervously. Ginny yawned and stretched (which gave Harry a
brief
glimpse of her navel), and walked up to Harry, kissing him passionately.
"Well, better go," she smiled. She ran back off to Hagrid's
hut, while Harry became a phoenix and soared over
to the castle.
While flying, Harry thought to himself that he should do this more
often,
flying around the castle like this.
~*~*~*~
"Percy? Percy! Get control of yourself!"
Percy opened his eyes and got up. Ron was standing over him, looking
confused
and concerned.
The bespectacled redhead then remembered the text on Ginny’s shirt.
“What happened?” Ron asked, curious as
to whatever
could have nearly caused his somewhat-unpopular older brother to have a
sort of
heart attack.
Percy grimaced.
“Ginny was waiting to meet me.
She had a shirt on that said…” he broke off here, unable to even
say it
because he was so shocked (he was ever the conservative one). He whispered it in Ron’s ear, and the younger
Weasley brother, who reddened as a response
to the
shock.
“I sincerely doubt Harry would have had
anything
to do with this,” Ron explained. “He’s
too modest, honest and noble…”
But Ron could see in his brother’s eyes
how he was
angry. Getting up, Percy left without a
word and marched right up to the castle.
Ron was trying to figure out what
exactly Percy
was up to when it occurred to him.
“Oh no…”
~*~*~*~
Harry was just walking into the hall for dinner when Percy came
charging up to
him, looking furious. 'Uh-oh,' Harry thought to himself.
"POTTER!" Percy yelled, getting everyone's attention. "WIZARD'S
DUEL! TONIGHT! QUIDDITCH PITCH! ACCEPT?"
Pretending not to have noticed Percy's furious attitude, he casually
said,
"Of course I'll knock you on your exploding brown backside." There
was laughing while Percy stormed over the Gryffidor
table.
From the doorway, Ron shook his head;
challenging
Harry Potter to a duel could be self-flagellation, if not suicide. Ginny was also somewhat worried, except she
knew that Harry wouldn’t serious hurt Percy, as that would led to other
complications between him and the rest of her family.
Harry shook his head and asked Neville to pass him the pumpkin juice.
Neville
complied and added, "Sure, and speaking of building up strength before
a
duel, I think Percy should be careful with the salad..."
Harry turned around just in time to see brownish-gray goo
explode all over Percy and everyone close to him, which incited
laughter from
everyone else. "Mimbulus Mimbletonia,"
Neville grinned.
Harry snorted and said, "Excellent thinking, Neville. What should we do
next if he decides to be a major prat
again: cover
all his clothes in wax or freeze him in an embarrassing posture in full
view of
everyone?"
(End of Chapter 36.)
A/N: So, which one did you guys like the best?
(1) Okay, this is IMPORTANT; some of you may recognize this gambling scene as something out of one of the best stories on fanfiction(dot)net, “This Means War!” by Jeconais; HOWEVER, I find it needful to let everyone know that I wrote this scene even BEFORE I read that story. (Hey, sometimes great minds think alike, right?) NO WAY IN HELL would I plagiarize another author.
(2) Thanks to SarahtheBardess for thinking this up! If anyone wants to know the meaning behind it, just ask her for it!
Also, just to establish something now: Harry and Neville are still in their own room; they were just able to hear it too.
(3) I got this idea from Dragongirl16’s shower prank, but took the concept in the opposite direction. Thanks, Dragongirl16, for giving me the go-ahead with this!
(4) If anyone wants to see good examples of these works, just go to any general or overall art website. I’d recommend the Artchives: www(dot)artchive(dot).com.
(5) I bet AgiVega didn’t think of this when she let me borrow and tweak her prank éclairs!
(6) Hehehe,
I had this idea brewing for a long time!
(7) No offense to
any Irish readers/reviewers!